Ending one chapter and beginning another is so scary, but honestly I just feel so lucky to have gotten to experience it at all.
This audio diary was recorded back in late October right in the middle of midterm season. After the initial shock of moving to a different country, I'm grappling with feeling different from the people around me in ways I attempt (but maybe don't succeed) to articulate in this episode.
In this episode I review Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson which is a story filled with secrets upon secrets, showcasing that most times, even the people closest to us can feel as unrecognizable as strangers.
This episode is a brutally honest audio diary with reflections on my first few weeks living abroad in Scotland. There have been beautiful sights to see and tears cried on random benches. But overall, I'm so excited to see where life takes me.
video version: https://youtu.be/t-1V9e83KXE
It took me six months to come to terms with the fact that I was being sexually harassed. It's something that can be ambiguous to the point where victim blaming becomes commonplace and the perpetrator can never truly face consequences that satisfy anyone. It left me with a bitter taste in my mouth that I'm still processing to this day and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly recover from it or if it will be a trauma I carry with me forever.
TW: descriptions of harassment
In this episode I talk about the nuances of heart break and the impact it can have on your daily life. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should be sad that it's over but glad that it happened or if I should be sad that it happened but glad that it's over.
Even when life feels bleak there's always more out there for you to experience. Life has a lot left in store for you. And even if you don't understand when or how you'll get there, I know that you'll understand in the end.
In this episode, I'm reviewing Lightlark by Alex Aster and having a great time doing it. I missed reading fantasy books lately and this book definitely did not disappoint. It made me spiral emotionally and maybe even reginited my trust issues but it was so worth it.
I got my heartbroken and I don't know what to do about it. But I'm figuring it out I think, very clumsily, but forward progress is better than no progress at all.
In this episode I'm taken on a rollercoaster of happy, sad, angry emotions as I review Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid. In this book chock full of racial undertones and complicated relationships, I find myself empathizing with the experiences of another lost and confused young black woman.
In this episode, I read my own writing and reminisce on why it is that I write in the first place.
link to anthology: https://girlswritenow.org/2023anthology/
I got rejected and it sucks. It doesn't suck as much as I thought it would, but regardless, it still sucks.
link to gradcafe: https://www.thegradcafe.com/
To end off Black History Month with a bang I read Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan and each time I read a book by a Black author I find myself more enthralled by the ways they articulate concepts that I've grappled with for my entire life. Sometimes I've been grappling with them without even being conscious of it. I love seeing myself represented in stories but I love seeing my life represented in stories even more.
Grad school results are coming out soon and it's all I can think about. Will I get rejected and cry on the floor for the next 10 business days? Can I even fantasize about getting acceptance without inevitably getting my heart shattered? Either way there's only two outcomes: rejection or acceptance. And only time will tell.
I made some resolutions sure that the new year would be the perfect time to fulfill them, but it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Anyways, all I can do is keep trying everyday until I get it right.
youtube video: https://youtu.be/bFfKJkBOcis
Sometimes I feel like I let my hair define who I am as a Black woman or even just as a person too much. To the point where it impacts my mental health. Hair depression sucks and I wish it didn't control my perception of beauty as much as it does.
I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut these days. In this episode, I talk about the after effects that confrontation has on me because if it's one thing I've learned from confronting people it's that the hardest part of confrontation is not always the act itself.
Are Black women the only women who don't have pretty privilege? From FKA Twigs and Suki Waterhouse comparisons to Meghan Markle's struggles in the Royal Family it feels like none of us can catch a break!!!! And I'm just tired.
Suki Waterson Articles: Vanity Fair & Into The Gloss
I used to hate showing emotions. It felt embarrassing, disgusting, and repulsive. But my real problem with emotions was that it felt too revealing. In this episode, I talk about my journey of allowing myself to be more vulnerable in life and all the ups and downs that come with it.
Who doesn't love reading a short and sweet romcom in autumn? I for one am utterly obsessed with this genre so this week, I reviewed Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman. A mix of endearing, relatable, and romancey moments, this book stole my heart and I would gladly let it do it again.