I care more that you receive a hug, than if your bills are paid. I care about what’s in your HEART: and that you access that deep well spring of awareness, the subtle guidance you’ve been blessed with (already) from within— nurture that, will ya????

Love,

Winslow

Yes but what is the point (“Basel”

This episode is a stream of consciousness attempt to process (what I think, is) the most difficult fact of our reality: loss; impermanence

This is my first time feeling able to speak in about a week, and I’m not at all saying I am ready, or this is “good,” it is just honest (for me).

I lost my best friend. And already I’m afraid of people going “best friend???” And disagreeing. But that’s really not your place. I get to be honest and say that FOR ME: nobody knew me, or loved me, like Dillon Matthew Bauer did. And that is so selfish, so horrifyingly toxic to admit (and to type).

The truth is: he loved me in a way that truly set me free. He is the ONLY person I ever met, who actually did value my happiness. It wasn’t about him, he just wanted everyone AROUND HIM to feel joy.

We used to talk about intelligence. He would say things like, “Tay I’m not smart like you” and I would say, “humor is intelligence— the way you find the gap, the way you shift the mood— the way you always lighten any room you enter, your ability to MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, you bring joy—

And that is an (unparalleled) mental and emotional INTELLIGENCE, I’m sorry that this world didn’t see you or appreciate you for who you are, the light you carried and the gifts you bore.

You are sacred. And I will see you again.

Thank you for being a pure light in an otherwise crowded and shrouded world, and I’m so sorry I didn’t do more to protect and defend you. I backed off, when I knew it my heart I needed to lean in. I thought about how OTHERS might feel, and forgot: that you are (were) my best friend.

You were always the best friend to me, and I let you down. And I don’t think you would even agree with me, if you were here, and THAT: proves my point.

Dillon only ever wanted others to be happy, the way he smiled and laughed wasn’t because he lacked depth (as I thought, when I was really young) it was because he was so deeply aligned with that: he knew the greatest gift (laughter)

He healed hearts, he brought joy, and I’m ashamed to know I don’t feel like I ever reciprocated THAT JOY back to him—

What if? What if the way he loved everybody he ever met— what if even one person loved him back, that same exact way?

Is that enough to save someone?

I hate that 🎶 “Good Vibration” (Trevor Hall) is in my head now, because you showed me that song.

That song is you, Dill.

I will always love you—

Yesssssss it’s ‘bout that time (!!)

We’re refining, now. And we’re talking about it.

I love you mom. Imma try to “stop embarrassing yourself” that’s what she said lmfao

Love,

Winslow

Yeah?? Keith hear me out, we all have been liable to talk some shit (appropriately or not) but honest to GOD I got ur back on this one (now that I think it through, lmao seriously the deets are insane— it’ll require patience (I am: all over the place—

But on the topic of: this bitch needs to focus

Yes— I always notice IT IS MORE DIFFICULT (!!) when I’m hungry, and maybe if one of ur bitch ass managers (HEAR ME: NOT TO BE CONFUSED W YOU, OR THE SORT OF MAN YOU OR YOUR FATHER OR YOUR BROTHERS: ARE) (!!) didn’t fire me I’d be eating right (aaaand enjoying vinyl every weekend lolol it’s fine, we’re fine—

Pls hug Jerrica for me 💞❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥💖💘

if you're both compassionate and intelligent, you are not trying to make anyone else's life more difficult. You're just not. In fact, I think you're harnessing that great interior, that psyche, that potential, and all you can think about is how to improve life, right?

I can admit that I pass the buck, I kick the can down the road, and I know: it feels WAY better to just: own it

embrace it (the fight, the very pure and real FIGHT it is to be alive) and maybe just say ✨ THANK YOU ✨ to anyone you meet along the way. Assumptions are easy, pretending to know: is easy. Do you have the strength (the discipline) to sit with each moment, to honor your place in the scheme, and then own it.” (quoting the polish ambassadors now, SHINE BRIGHT 🥳👾🎶🎤

Love,

Winslow

I’m ur entertainment now 😈👾🥳

This a little (ok a lot) on the topic of love, grief, connection— and disconnection

All sacred.

Love,

WINSLOW

Hi,

thank you for being here.

From this episode: I can feel what's happening in America, which is a nation that defends my right to protect both my work and myself. OK so how are we letting these corporations come in and create very genuinely harmful frequencies?

(love wins).

Rolling over in his graaave rn ❤️‍🩹✌️🪦🕊️

(Know your history).

They cut 1/2 an hour (or: my phone didn’t have space to store the last 1/2 hour of my last recording— yet it let me ramble for another 2 hours today— whatever APPPLLEEE

Sorry guys— if you’re noticing a lack of organization I’ll agree (!!) it’s just that— some days I wanna save this channel for JUST my dad’s book, just a place to air that. And a lot more often I think: I need to talk, and toxic as y’all may take it: I hope it HELPS— I hope my vulnerability, my willingness to look the fool, inspires you to be less scared about what you’re really feeling— to know sometimes emotions get trapped in joints, our hips or our shoulders. Moving, working with the tension, noticing what it is and how it changes (if you have the strength to improve how you feel, etc) I think these are all (really) good things (practices).

Love,

WINSLOW

When people first started bullying me about (thinking I am: what the modern/new definition is/ or can be, of a:) “cracker.” Yeah— I’ll explicate the term. But first I’ll say: Linc mailed me A BUNCH (like, literally every KIND) of crackers. S’cute 🥲 when he wants to be— Lauren we gotta talk what happened w y’all fr bc he’s a demon now. Anyway though hi: cracker is a term (if a self-reference, like if a person chooses to identify and claims this term— ok: people who call themSELVES “cracker”) are just: from here. Literally. They actually use the same words you do (like “hush puppy”) they also (always, dude it’s unavoidable) a grandmother reaching for a “switch.” On god: when ladybug’s grandmother did that shit I knew we locked in— not to say we stayed locked in (?) thanks “Bubba.” ANYWAY: nowadays people mean: white, or: police. But a person saying I’m a cracker is a person saying we grew up here, my daddy and my grand daddy and everyone before that: we’ve always worked THIS LAND. Which involves: animals. Now if you’ve ever done anything difficult, like tending to animals, you KNOW there are moments where a whip is necessary, so they cracked whips to HERD ANIMALS, to train their horses, etc. It’s not a reference to owning slaves. There are not sweet old southern grandmothers on their porches sipping sweet tea saying “I’m a cracker” with the intended message being: we had slaves. They’re saying: we shuck oysters, we play ring toss. We rough house. We get in the mud, we love the mud actually. But yeah not everybody does. “Hush puppy,” though— don’t sleep on that. You got people abusing a term not knowing the REAL crackers? Honest to god are just like you. Freedom oriented, raw mf’s.

Oh: and my recent INCARCERATION 😅😇

Which I’m not actually sure if I ^ describe clearly here.. best part: as I’m being released, the final guard to literally open the door and LET ME GO is handing me paperwork/ able to see my name and goes “Winslow— like love Winslow??” I was SHOCKED he goes keep going I said keep proving that LOVE WINS? He laughed, nodded — let me GO— talk abouuuttaaa “W”

Love,

WINSLOW

Might* be the medicine this planet really needs. Also did it leave from the Netherlands? Don’t quote me on that** everything else though: feel free.

Love,

WINSLOW

Ok: synching**

Exploring (the) frequency, once again.

THANK YOU.

Love, Winslow

PS: GBY 😇🥰😌

“So that is not where the problem is at—

The problem, rather, exists in: knowing what FORM the FIDELITY in love will TAKE, so that ONE may become WITNESS to something that has a UNIVERSAL VALUE.”

-Badiou

Paraphrased and grammafied (punctuated, capitalized, what have you// you name it) by YA GAL,

Taylor

MICHELLE

(Love,)

Win. Slow.

Terrifying, but true (right?????)

(That were the adults now, kinda cool though bc just like adults before us said “we want this; we’re doing this—

It’s technically (and fully, wholly) OUR turn now

((IMHO))

Love,

WINSlow

Listen: idk, I really don’t but I THANK YOU, sincerely— for your patience and interest.

Love, WINSlow