Does your marriage feel hopeless right now? Before you make any permanent decisions, you need to know if you are fighting your spouse or if you are both fighting depression.
⚠️ This is Part 2 of our Deep Dive on Depression. In Part 1, Dr. Scott Hastings explained the medical side (brain chemistry, meds, and diagnosis).
Watch Part 1 Here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5PZyTeOqWd5E7YU1gTuQAh?si=ff2f5e06ec8342c5
In this episode of Marriage iQ, Dr. Heidi Hastings shifts the focus from the brain to the relationship. We break down the specific ways depression distorts your view of your partner, the "Three Lies" it tells you, and why your struggles feel permanent even when they aren't.
If you or your spouse are navigating this darkness, this video will give you the research-backed tools to separate the illness from the marriage and find a path back to connection.
Research & Links:
✨Seligman, M. E. P., & Garber, J. (1980). Human helplessness: Theory and applications.
✨Academic Press. Roepke, A.M. and Seligman, M.E., 2016.Depression and prospection.
✨British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(1), pp.23-48.
About Marriage IQ: We are Dr. Heidi Hastings (Marriage & Sex Researcher) and Dr. Scott Hastings (Medical Doctor). We combine medical expertise with relationship research to help you intelligently transform your marriage. Whether you need a tune-up or a total overhaul, we share the "secret sauce" of a scintillating relationship through real-life experience and science.
Link to the video Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman - Animation : https://youtu.be/2hHNq45rEnU
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Stop blaming yourself for being "lazy." If you physically cannot get off the couch, no amount of willpower or New Year's Resolutions will fix it—because the problem isn't in your mind. It’s in your biology.
In this video, Dr. Scott Hastings explains the difference between "burnout" and actual clinical depression. We break down the invisible physical markers—from inflammation to serotonin depletion—that hijack your motivation and leave you feeling exhausted. If you have been white-knuckling your way through the holidays and feel like you’ve hit a wall, this medical breakdown is the permission slip you need to stop pushing and start healing.
RESEARCH & REFERENCES
✨Hasin, D. S., et al. (2018). Epidemiology of adult DSM-5 major depressive disorder and its clinical correlates. JAMA Psychiatry.
✨The Inflammation Theory: Cytokines and their impact on mood regulation.
✨Neurotransmitters 101: The role of Serotonin, Dopamine, and Norepinephrine.
✨S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder): The impact of light deprivation on the hypothalamus.
ABOUT MARRIAGE IQ: Could your marriage use a tune-up or an overhaul? We are Dr. Heidi Hastings (PhD, Researcher) and Dr. Scott Hastings (physician). We combine medical science with relationship psychology to help smart couples build scintillating marriages. No fluff—just the hardware and software of love.
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In this reposted episode of Marriage IQ, we pause for the holiday season and reflect on the importance of slowing down, being intentional, and prioritizing family time—before stepping into a deeply meaningful conversation about trust and healing in marriage.
We’re joined by Geoff Steurer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in helping couples rebuild trust after sexual betrayal. With clarity and compassion, Geoff unpacks what it truly takes to move from crisis toward connection, offering hope for couples navigating deep hurt.
You’ll hear powerful insights around:
✨ The four cornerstones of a healthy marriage: identity, intentionality, insight, and intimacy
✨ Why trust is foundational—and how betrayal disrupts more than just the relationship
✨ What not to do after betrayal, and why timing and response matter
✨ How trust is rebuilt through accountability, consistency, and open communication
✨ Practical wisdom drawn from Jeff’s clinical experience with real couples
Geoff also shares resources from his own work, including his podcast From Crisis to Connection and his online recovery program Courageous Together, designed to support couples walking the difficult but hopeful road of restoration.
🌐You can find Geoff Steurer and learn more about his work at : geoffsteurer.com
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We’re bringing back one of our earlier Marriage IQ episodes—because emotional triggers in marriage haven’t gone away, and this conversation is just as relevant and needed today as ever.
Have you ever wondered why a simple comment from your spouse can suddenly spark a strong emotional reaction? Or why conversations sometimes derail before you even realize what’s happening? In this episode, we explore what’s really going on beneath the surface—inside your brain—and how understanding it can transform the way you communicate in marriage.
Using a powerful blend of brain science and practical relationship wisdom, we unpack how two key parts of the brain shape marital conflict and connection: the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex.
In this episode, we cover:
🧠 The Brain Behind Emotional Triggers in Marriage
• How the limbic system drives instinctual “fight, flight, or freeze” reactions• Why emotional “storms” happen when this system is overstimulated• The role of the prefrontal cortex in rational thinking, emotional regulation, and perspective-taking• How strengthening this balance leads to healthier, more resilient communication
This is a repost of one of our previous episodes, and whether you’re listening for the first time or revisiting it with fresh insight, it’s a powerful reminder that better communication begins with understanding how your brain works.
🎧 Tune in to learn how taming emotional triggers can lead to deeper understanding, stronger connection, and a healthier marriage—one conversation at a time.
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We’re bringing back one of our earlier Marriage IQ episodes—because the patterns that drive conflict in marriage haven’t changed, and this conversation is just as relevant today as ever.
Ever wonder why the same arguments keep resurfacing in your relationship? Or why small misunderstandings can suddenly spiral into major conflict? In this episode, we explore a powerful (and often invisible) force at work in every marriage: cognitive biases—the unconscious mental shortcuts that shape how we see, interpret, and react to our spouse.
We kick things off with a raw, real-life moment from our own marriage—an airport miscommunication that quickly turned into unexpected tension—and use it as a springboard to unpack how easily bias can hijack connection.
In this episode, we cover:
🧠 The 6 Hidden Biases That Shape Marriage
Implicit Bias: The default assumptions you bring into love
Perceptual Bias: How your personal “marriage glasses” distort reality
Self-Serving Bias: Why we’re quick to excuse ourselves and criticize our spouse
Attribution Bias: Assuming negative intent instead of extending grace
Confirmation Bias: How we subconsciously look for proof that we’re right
Expectation Bias: The “Disney effect” of unrealistic relationship ideals
We also bust common myths—like the idea that happy couples are immune to bias or that these patterns can’t be changed. Spoiler: they can.
This is a repost of one of our previous episodes, and whether you’re hearing it for the first time or revisiting it with fresh ears, it’s a powerful reminder that a healthier marriage often starts with clearer thinking.
🎧 Tune in and start seeing your relationship through smarter, more compassionate eyes—because when you change the way you think, you change the way you love.
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We’re bringing back one of our earlier Marriage IQ episodes—because the conversation around expectations in marriage is just as relevant today as ever.
In this episode, we unpack how unspoken and unrealistic expectations quietly shape marital satisfaction. Using pop-culture contrasts like Enchanted vs. Shrek, we explore how fantasy versions of love collide with real-life marriage. Along the way, we share personal stories (including a memorable Christmas gift mishap) and break down what research actually says about expectations and long-term happiness.
In this episode, we cover:
✅ Fairy Tales vs. Reality: What movies get wrong about marriage—and how that hurts real couples.
✅ The Expectation Trap: How unmet expectations create resentment, even when love is present.
✅ What Research Reveals: Insights from Eli Finkel and Dr. Jim McNulty on high vs. low expectations and marital outcomes.
✅ Where Expectations Hurt Most: Household roles, sex, in-laws, and parenting.
✅ Practical Tools: How to communicate expectations clearly and realistically—without blame or shutdown.
This is a repost of one of our previous episodes, and if you’ve never heard it—or need the reminder—it’s a powerful reset for how you think about marriage.
If you want a stronger, more fulfilling relationship, it starts with honest self-reflection and open conversations. Tune in and let’s rethink expectations—together.
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Busy. Tired. Running on fumes.
Sound familiar?
In Part 2 of our conversation with Dr. Greg Smalley (VP of Marriage at Focus on the Family), we talk about what really happens to marriages when life gets overwhelming—and why “we’ll fix it later” rarely works.
Greg shares a devastating personal story about his daughter’s marriage ending on her third anniversary, and how that moment reshaped the way he thinks about commitment, humility, and what actually sustains a marriage over time.
In this episode, we explore:
✨How busyness and exhaustion slowly disconnect couples
✨Why two empty people can’t build a healthy marriage
✨Why identity is always shifting—and why curiosity matters more than certainty
✨How caring for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential
✨Why small daily moments matter more than big getaways
✨A simple 10-minute High/Low check-in that keeps couples emotionally connected
If you’ve ever thought, “I didn’t sign up for this,” or feel like your marriage is surviving on leftovers, this conversation will meet you right where you are—with honesty, hope, and practical tools.
🎧 Listen in and learn how to stay connected—even in the busiest seasons of life.
🌐You can find Dr. Greg Smalley and learn more about their work at https://www.focusonthefamily.com/
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You’re not bad at communication—you’re just missing a few critical skills.
In this episode of Marriage IQ, we’re joined by Dr. Greg Smalley (Focus on the Family) for a powerful conversation about why couples keep miscommunicating—and how small shifts in how you speak and listen can radically change your marriage.
From misunderstood questions and defensive responses to old conversations that keep resurfacing, we explore why saying “we’ve already talked about this” rarely works—and what to say instead.
You’ll learn :
✨Why communication breaks down even in loving marriages
✨How defensiveness blocks listening and fuels conflict
✨The role of curiosity in better conversations
✨How to repair communication after hurtful words
✨What emotionally mature couples say when things get tense
If you’re stuck in the same arguments, feel unheard, or don’t know how to talk without it escalating, this episode gives you language, clarity, and hope.
🌐You can find Dr. Greg Smalley and learn more about their work at https://www.focusonthefamily.com/
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Nicole Kidman had all four of our Marriage IQ Cornerstones… so why did the marriage still fall apart?
In this surprising episode, Heidi and Scott unpack what really sustains a relationship—from identity and intentionality to integrity and authenticity—using Nicole & Keith’s story as a springboard (with zero judgment… only compassion).
We talk “astroturfing” vs. real intimacy, why compromise isn’t the goal (collaboration is!), the dangers of parallel lives, and how even strong marriages can lose their roots.
If you want a scintillating, real, deeply connected marriage—not just one that looks good from a distance—this episode is for you.
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In Part 2 with Rick and Clancy Denton—hosts of The Loud Quiet—we dive into the beautiful, hilarious, and sometimes overwhelming realities of empty-nest life. From learning to coach (not control) your adult kids, to resisting the Mama-Bear rescue mission, to navigating the emotional squeeze of the sandwich generation, this episode is packed with relatable moments and marriage-strengthening wisdom.
You’ll hear stories about:
✨ Letting your kids feel their own emotions (even when yours flare up)
✨ Setting marriage-protecting boundaries
✨ The myth vs. reality of empty-nest freedom
✨ Grief, guilt, caregiving—and how couples stay connected through it all
✨ Why insight may be your new best friend in the empty nestWhether you’re approaching the empty nest, living in it, or feeling squeezed between parents and kids, this conversation will help you rethink how to thrive together in a brand-new season.
🌐You can find Rick And Clancy Denton and learn more about their work at : https://www.theloudquiet.com/
𝔽𝔹 The Loud Quiet community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet
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What happens when the kids leave and it’s just the two of you again? Rick and Clancy Denton decided not to survive the empty nest years—but to thrive in them. In this funny, real, and refreshingly honest episode, they share how rediscovering each other brought new laughter, adventure, and connection into their marriage. Whether you’re nearing empty-nest life or already in it, this episode will help you see this season as your most exciting yet.
🌐You can find Rick And Clancy Denton and learn more about their work at : https://www.theloudquiet.com/
𝔽𝔹 The Loud Quiet community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/theloudquiet
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In Part 2 of our “How Not to Kill Your Spouse During the Holidays” series, we dive into the messy, funny, and surprisingly hopeful truth about December chaos. From marital meltdowns to mismatched traditions (IHOP Christmas Eve, anyone?), we unpack why the holidays make communication so hard—and how couples can actually thrive instead of barely surviving.
Inside this episode:
✨ Why failure is the secret ingredient to marital growth
✨ How to use a Couples Council to avoid holiday blowups
✨ FANOS, DEAR MAN, and other communication tools that actually work
✨ Stress-management strategies (mindful walks, bubble baths, and escaping perfectionism)
✨ The power—and hilarity—of traditions, even the accidental ones
✨ Why service, connection, and meaning matter more than perfect parties or perfect gifts
If the holidays make you anxious, emotional, hungry, overwhelmed, nostalgic, short-tempered, or all of the above, this episode is your cozy reminder that you’re not broken—you’re human. And you’re not alone.
Laugh with us. Learn with us. And maybe… build your own December Protocol. 😉
Listen now and make this holiday season more intentional, more connected, and maybe even… scintillating.
🔔Tune in to find out who won our $100 Date Night Giveaway! The winners are announced in this episode.
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Does the most wonderful time of the year make you want to tie your spouse to a chair? You aren't alone. We love Christmas, but we don’t love the stress, the fatigue, and the arguments that come with it.
In Part 1 of this holiday survival series, we’re opening up our personal "December Protocol"—the strategy we developed after one too many holiday meltdowns (and one infamous leaf blower incident).
Join us as we discuss:
💡 The "December Protocol": Why you need a game plan taped to your planner before the 1st of the month.
💡Expectations vs. Reality: Why Scott’s stocking was empty and why Heidi is buying her own gifts.
💡Boundaries: Saying "no" to the 14th school concert to say "yes" to your sanity.
💡The "3-Gift Rule": How we simplified our shopping using the Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh method.
💡Prioritizing Us: Why research says desire should be high in December, but exhaustion kills the mood.
From "Jerusalem Dinners" at Circle K to managing family comparison, tune in to learn how to keep your marriage off the naughty list this year.
(Stay tuned for Part 2 on Friday where we cover Communication, Stress Management, and Traditions!)
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We are back with an unscripted episode fresh off a trip to Mexico City. After surviving a brush with a tree during a hot air balloon ride, we sat down with a young woman who had given up on the idea of marriage. It got us thinking about the modern trend of avoiding commitment and why, despite the "rough landings," we believe marriage is still worth fighting for.
In this episode, we cover:
✅The Balloon Metaphor: Why marriage requires risk to get the best perspective.
✅The "Witness" Theory: Reacting to a profound quote from the movie Shall We Dance? about the true purpose of partnership.
✅Raw & Real: We pull back the curtain on a difficult conversation we had this very evening about hiding our feelings to "protect" each other (and why that actually leads to roommate syndrome).
✅Enduring Love: A touching lesson from Scott’s parents on what love looks like in the final chapters of life.
Join us for the nitty-gritty of marriage—rough landings and all.
Mentioned in this episode:
Bucket list adventures: Email hello@marriageiq.com for the link!
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Welcome back to Marriage IQ! We’re making a borehole through boring and striking out stale marriages.
In this episode, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings explore the incredible power of committed love, using the jaw-dropping $38 billion divorce of Jeff Bezos as a stunning case study. Scott argues that even amidst immense wealth, virtually every man eventually longs for one woman, one wedding ring, and one life. If a CEO is willing to risk everything to pursue love, how much more should you invest in your marriage?
That investment begins with individual discipline. This episode’s core lesson focuses on The Golden Hour—How Individual Discipline Saves Your Marriage. We take you step-by-step through much of Dr. Scott Hastings’ rigorous 28-point Golden Hour routine—from 6:00 AM wake-ups and meditation to self-affirmations and goal reviews.
In this episode, learn:
✅The profound psychological research proving why marriage remains the ultimate, non-negotiable goal for most men.
✅How to use the Golden Hour system to create immediate, non-negotiable daily goals (“light switches”) and long-term identity affirmations (“dimmers”).
✅The scientific findings behind why setting realistic expectations is the only way affirmations lead to sustained psychological well-being.
✅A review of our four cornerstones (Identity, Intentionality, Insight, Intimacy) and the foundation of Integrity that makes every marriage scintillating.
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In this laugh-out-loud —and think-a-little — conversation, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings sit down again with Dr. Gina Barreca, a world-class intellect who studies humor the way most of us need to use it: to survive life, love, and other people.
From bathroom bonding to marriage banter gone wrong, Gina unpacks why laughter is essential in relationships—and how to know when a joke stops being funny and starts being harmful. Discover why women tell stories (not jokes), what makes men and women laugh differently, and how humor can transform tension into connection.
Because in marriage, if you can’t laugh at yourselves… you might just become the punchline.
Topics include:
💬Healthy vs. harmful humor in marriage
💬Gender differences in communication and laughter
💬The healing power of shared laughter
💬How to bring humor back when things get heavy
So grab your 500-pound purse, your favorite spouse, and join us for an episode that proves comedy really is a survival skill for love.
✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:
We are sponsoring a big DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (use it for dinner, a concert—your call).
🔔Enter by subscribing to our Weekly Marriage Tips at MarriageIQ.com
Entries close November 18, 2025
🔥Winners announced November 28, 2025
Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe, too. And if this episode inspires a great date, tag us and share a pic—we’ll feature our favorites!
🌐You can find Dr. Gina Barreca and learn more about her work at : ginabarreca.com
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Why do words—and laughter—matter so much in marriage?
In this lively and heartfelt episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings welcome Dr. Gina Barreca—professor, bestselling author, humorist, and truth-teller on women, culture, and relationships. Known for blending sharp wit with deep insight, Dr. Barreca opens up about her Brooklyn roots, how comedy became her survival skill, and why humor is one of the most honest languages of love.
Together, they dive into:
💬 The power of precise communication—and why naming your feelings can be the first step to healing.
💬 How humor helps couples survive pain, stress, and everyday mistakes (including expensive travel mishaps!).
💬 What feminism really means in marriage—and why mutual respect, not rivalry, defines equality.
💬 How shared laughter can build intimacy and authenticity in even the toughest seasons.
From childhood resilience to relationship wisdom, this conversation is as funny as it is profound—a reminder that love, like humor, is all about telling the truth with heart.
🎧 Listen in for a candid, laughter-filled exploration of how being real, precise, and playful can transform the way we love.
🌐You can find Dr. Gina Barreca and learn more about her work at : ginabarreca.com
✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:
We are sponsoring a big DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (use it for dinner, a concert—your call).
🔔Enter by subscribing to our Weekly Marriage Tips at MarriageIQ.com
Entries close November 18, 2025
🔥Winners announced November 28, 2025
Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe, too. And if this episode inspires a great date, tag us and share a pic—we’ll feature our favorites!
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We pick up where last week left off—moving from technoference to the bigger beast: social media. From doomscrolling and old-flame DMs to jealousy, comparison, and online “tribes,” Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings unpack how our digital lives spill into our marriages—for better and for worse.
You’ll hear what divorce attorneys are seeing in real life, why phubbing (phone-snubbing your partner) cuts deeper than it seems, and what the research says about how scrolling shapes satisfaction, anxiety, and trust.But this episode isn’t anti-tech—it’s pro-intentionality. We share smart ways to keep connection stronger than your feed: couple boundaries, shared accounts, algorithm detox, and a new “Tech Check 2.0” to help you and your spouse turn screens into tools for intimacy, not obstacles to it.
✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:
We are sponsoring a big DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (use it for dinner, a concert—your call).
🔔Enter by subscribing to our Weekly Marriage Tips at MarriageIQ.com
Entries close November 18, 2025
🔥Winners announced November 28, 2025
Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe, too. And if this episode inspires a great date, tag us and share a pic—we’ll feature our favorites!
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A true confession kicks this episode off: we accidentally lost half our date night to our phones. That slip becomes today’s lesson on technoference (little device interruptions) and phubbing (phone-snubbing your partner)—and why even “just a second” can quietly lower connection, satisfaction, and trust.
We break down the brain science (hello, dopamine loop), the common bias that makes your scrolling feel harmless but theirs feel hurtful, and simple fixes that work: no-phone zones, joint (not parallel) screen time, playful repair, and our 10-Minute Tech Check you can try tonight. Plus, a few tech-for-good ideas (card decks, sweet midday texts, shared playlists) to boost intimacy.
Part 2 drops Friday: social media’s impact on you—and your marriage. Follow, share with a friend, and leave a review to help other couples find Marriage IQ.
✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:
We are sponsoring a big DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (use it for dinner, a concert—your call).
🔔Enter by subscribing to our Weekly Marriage Tips at MarriageIQ.com
Entries close November 18, 2025
🔥Winners announced November 28, 2025
Already subscribed? You’re in the drawing. Double your odds—have your spouse subscribe, too. And if this episode inspires a great date, tag us and share a pic—we’ll feature our favorites!
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What happens when your best intentions collide with your partner’s expectations?
In this real, unscripted Marriage IQ episode, Drs. Scott and Heidi Hastings unpack how miscommunication and emotional reactivity can derail even the best marriage moments—from heartfelt conversations to romantic retreats.They share a recent story of how cloudy weather, unspoken needs, and one vulnerable moment turned into conflict—and how they repaired it with empathy, humor, and new “rainy-day rules” for their relationship.
👉 Listen in for practical tools to turn misunderstandings into deeper connection—and to learn how to speak and listen with emotional intelligence.
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