Morning Crankers is turning up the heat — and adding a brand-new voice. In the December 17, 2025 episode, Hans officially welcomes ROXXY (Foxxy Roxxy) as a new co-host, bringing fresh energy, sharp humor, and unfiltered commentary to the Morning Crankers chaos. This episode fires on all cylinders as the crew breaks down: • The hottest-selling Christmas presents of the year — what everyone actually wants vs. what’s already sold out • National days of the week, because yes… apparently everything has a day now • The most popular Christmas movies people are streaming, rewatching, and arguing about • A bizarre real-life story out of Australia, where two men were caught smuggling pig semen from Dutch pigs, a case so absurd it may end up as a movie • General Motors investing hundreds of millions of dollars to train young workers in the skilled trades to build the next generation of vehicles — and why this move matters more than college for many Americans Fast-paced, hilarious, and unapologetically real, this episode blends news, culture, business, and pure insanity the way only Morning Crankers can. Whether you’re here for the laughs, the headlines, or to meet ROXXY’s first official episode, this one delivers. New voices. Wild stories. Real talk. This is Morning Crankers. #MorningCrankers #HansAndRoxxy #FoxxyRoxxy #NewPodcastHost #ComedyPodcast #MorningShowPodcast #Christmas2025 #TopChristmasGifts #PopularChristmasMovies #NationalDays #WeirdNews #AustraliaNews #TrueWeirdStories #PigSemenSmugglers #GlobalNewsComedy #GMNews #SkilledTrades #TradeSchool #BlueCollarJobs #AutoIndustry #CurrentEventsPodcast #PopCulturePodcast #FunnyNews #DailyPodcast #UnfilteredPodcast See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

MORNING CRANKERS – “Space Dots & Stolen Driveways” Hosted by Hans | Runtime: ~40 Minutes A blues-rock soaked, caffeine-fueled rant-fest for America’s favorite lovable grouch. The universe is officially trolling us — and Hans is here to break it all down with premium crankiness. In today’s episode, the James Webb Space Telescope reveals mysterious “little red dots” billions of light-years away… objects so bizarre that even the smartest astrophysicists are shrugging like mechanics looking at a car held together with zip ties. Black-hole stars? Galaxy imposters? Cosmic pranks? Hans dives in with scientific curiosity and emotional instability. Back on Earth — where somehow things are even dumber — people are literally stealing entire driveways. Not packages. Not tools. Entire slabs of concrete. Whole parking surfaces. Vanished. A new era of criminal innovation nobody asked for. Plus: • A ghost hunter goes searching for spirits and finds a real corpse instead • A compilation of crop circles, glowing sky faces, and Bigfoot sightings • The world’s worst lottery regret story • AI therapy apps telling users to “communicate with houseplants” • A full rant on QR codes, self-checkout chaos, and why every screen in America is gaslighting us • The NEW segment: News I Refuse to Cover (But I’m Gonna Anyway) • Another round of REAL OR FAKE? where satire and actual 2025 news battle to the death • And the Cranker of the Week — the bold, the brazen, the concrete-stealing geniuses of modern American stupidity Hans is irritated. The world is broken. The coffee is lukewarm. But the jokes are hot, the rants are premium, and the universe is giving us plenty of material. If your driveway is still attached to your house after this episode, congratulations — you’re already ahead of the curve. #MorningCrankers #HansRant #ComedyPodcast #FunnyPodcast #WeirdNews2025 #StolenDriveway #BlackHoleStars #JamesWebbTelescope #LittleRedDots #SpaceNews #AbsurdNews #AItherapistFail #BigfootSighting #GhostHunterStory #RealOrFakeSegment #QRcodeRant #SelfCheckoutProblems #ComedyShow #DailyComedy #BluesRockPodcast #CurrentEventsComedy #PodcastHumor #CaffeinatedRant #2025News #OddNews #WTFNews See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Before the all-new Morning Crankers hits in December, we’re bringing you a special compilation of fan-favorite moments from the archives. This episode brings together the best jokes, the wildest rants, the weirdest news stories, and classic Cranker chaos to hold you over as we finish retooling the show into something bigger, louder, and even funnier. With Greg taking a temporary leave of absence, we hit reset behind the scenes — rebuilding Morning Crankers piece by piece to deliver the funniest morning comedy podcast on the planet. This compilation is a warm-up lap before the sprint. A “greatest hits” appetizer before the main feast that drops the first week of December. Enjoy this blast from the past while we prepare a sharper format, brand-new segments, more energy, and more of the ridiculous, caffeinated humor you listen for. The future of Morning Crankers is already cooking — and it’s almost time to serve it. New episodes officially return the first week of December. This is your Crankers warm-up. Let’s get stupid. 🔑 Hashtagged Keywords (SEO-Driven) #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #PodcastCompilation #FunniestPodcast #ComedyReboot #PodcastRelaunch #DecemberLaunch #MorningShowComedy #BestComedyPodcasts #WildNewsStories #ComedyClips #LaughOutLoudPodcast #CrankersReturn #GregOnLeave #ComedyFans #DailyComedyFix #PodcastHighlights #CrankersCompilation See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast, Hans takes you on a bullet-train ride through the weirdest headlines the universe coughed up. Iceland now has MOSQUITOES for the first time ever, every shrimp in England apparently parties harder than Motley Crüe, Amazon is turning delivery drivers into cyborgs with Terminator glasses, and ChatGPT now works BETTER when you're mean to it (which is honestly the most human AI behavior yet). From a couple who broke into a restaurant, hooked up in front of a floral wall, THEN robbed it — to ancient 1,300-year-old poop being analyzed like it’s a limited edition vintage — to space debris literally slapping a Boeing mid-flight… this episode is absolute chaos in the best way. It’s dumb. It’s smart. It’s true. And yes — it’ll make you feel better about your own life choices. Welcome to the only comedy news show where shrimp are coked up, kidney marriages are romantic, and humanity is clearly speedrunning the apocalypse. Let’s crank. #MorningCrankers #ComedyNewsPodcast #WeirdNews #HansRants #AIComedy #CocaineShrimp #MosquitoesInIceland #AmazonCyborgs #TrueButTooStupidToBeReal #DailyComedyShow #PodcastHumor #ChaosReport #NewsButMakeItStupid #PodcastEntertainment #WTFStories See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In today’s precision-engineered episode of Morning Crankers, Hans calmly dissects a world that appears increasingly allergic to normal. Scientists have invented a magnet-driven lantern that folds, crawls, and gently kidnaps fish. Astronomers are tracking a mysterious interstellar object on a direct path toward our star — “probably a comet” in the same tone people use to say “probably not haunted.” The legendary Sandy Hook sea serpent has re-entered public conversation like folklore that refuses to clock out. Texas Tech has officially declared tortillas a security threat. One school discovered — mid-drag lesson for eight-year-olds — that policies are not a myth. D.C. says the government shutdown will end “soon,” which historically means “prepare winter rations.” And finally — a lion escaped a moving truck through the roof hatch like it subscribed to convertible culture by instinct. Delivered with surgical calm, cultural absurdity, and zero panic — this episode is proof the simulation interns are no longer supervised. If you like your news filtered through caffeine, logic, and disbelief restraint — you are home. #MorningCrankers #Hans #MagneticLantern #InterstellarObject #AlienProbe #SeaSerpent #TexasTech #TortillaBan #CulturalAbsurdity #PodcastNews #ComedyPodcast #DeadpanHumor #DailyPodcast #SmartComedy #StayCaffeinated #SimulationGlitch See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On today’s Morning Crankers Podcast, Jeremy dives headfirst into the chaotic corners of curiosity — from the rise of AI glasses and their questionable uses, to the most iconic foods in Major League Baseball, to a shocking Spanish treasure discovery off the coast of Florida! And just when you thought it couldn’t get more random, we’re hitting you with 25 hilarious nonsense questions about life that’ll make you laugh, think, and question humanity all over again. This episode is a rollercoaster of absurdity, tech talk, and tasty nostalgia — the perfect blend of humor and hot takes you’ve come to expect from Morning Crankers. Whether you’re into AI gone rogue, fried dough at a ballpark, or pirate gold in the sunshine state, there’s something for everyone in this laugh-filled, caffeine-fueled episode. ☕ Tune in, crank up, and laugh your way through another unpredictable ride with Morning Crankers. #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #AIGlasses #BaseballFood #SpanishTreasure #FunnyQuestions #LifeQuestions #WeirdNews #AIHumor #TreasureHunting #BaseballFans #TechComedy #PodcastHumor #FloridaTreasure #MLBFood #MorningShow #JeremyHanson #LaughOutLoud #ComedyTalkShow See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It’s October 10th, and the Morning Crankers crew is back to bite into the wildest headlines with a full cup of caffeine and zero filters. From the rising wave of animal attacks—including bear and shark encounters that’ll make you check your backyard twice—to funny correlations between women and modern science, this episode is packed with laughter, facts, and just the right amount of chaos. We also sink our teeth into Monster, the Netflix show everyone’s buzzing about, unwrap some sweet intrigue around Dubai’s luxury chocolate obsession, and cool things off with the latest innovation in ice batteries—because even our energy tech is getting frosty. It’s part comedy, part current events, part “what did I just hear?”—and 100% Morning Crankers. Join Hans as he serves up brain fuel, belly laughs, and bizarre facts you didn’t know you needed to start your day right. #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #WeirdNews #FunnyPodcast #AnimalAttacks #SharkAttacks #WomenInScience #NetflixMonster #DubaiChocolate #IceBatteries #NationalDays #October10th #LaughingAtTheNews #SmartComedy #CaffeinatedChaos #MorningShow #PodcastHumor #CurrentEventsComedy #CoffeeAndChaos #DailyLaughs See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Start your day with a caffeine-fueled comedy ride in this episode of Morning Crankers: Pants, Politics & Paper Bags. Hans takes you through seven jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud stories that prove the world has officially gone off the rails. From the Birmingham woman who forgot her PANTS and a Florida principal busted for a $37 Walmart heist, to a UK carjacker wielding a paper bag as his “weapon,” the stupidity is strong today. Sports fans get their share too: Jerry Jones compares a tie to “kissing your sister,” Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show announcement sparks internet chaos, and golf melts down with Bryson DeChambeau punching himself while Rory McIlroy faces squeaky rubber ducks at the Ryder Cup. Add in a Florida duo caught with 200 pounds of stolen mail, and you’ve got a 40-minute rollercoaster of pure ridiculousness. If you love morning radio chaos, dumb criminal stories, weird sports news, and caffeinated rants that mix comedy with WTF headlines, this episode is your new guilty pleasure. Grab your coffee, double-check you’re wearing pants, and let’s crank it. #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #FunnyNews #DumbCriminals #FloridaMan #NoPantsLady #PaperBagCarjacker #JerryJones #BadBunny #SuperBowlHalftime #StolenMail #GolfMeltdown #SportsComedy #PodcastComedy #CaffeinatedComedy #MorningShow #WeirdNews #StandUpStylePodcast #LaughOutLoud #CrankIt See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on Morning Crankers, we crank up the chaos and laughter with stories you couldn’t make up if you tried. From a woman who didn’t realize she was pregnant until she delivered a 7.8-pound baby (talk about a surprise gift bag) to the infamous Orgy Dome at Burning Man literally blowing away in the desert wind, the headlines are as unhinged as ever. But that’s not all—we dive into the toxic traits of today’s dating scene, explore Florida’s bizarre new plan to unleash cyborg bunnies to hunt pythons, and react to the jaw-dropping discovery of 97 cars pulled out of a Chicago river investigation. Oh, and in Denmark, a zoo has the audacity to ask people to donate their family pets… as food. Yes, you read that right. This episode is a full-on carnival of WTF moments, unfiltered commentary, and our signature comedic spin on the strange, the shocking, and the straight-up stupid. Grab your coffee (or something stronger)—you’ll need it. #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #WeirdNews #OrgyDome #BurningMan #FloridaMan #CyborgBunnies #ChicagoMystery #ZooGoneWild #SurpriseBaby #DatingToxicTraits #ComedyGold #WTFNews See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Buckle up for another chaotic ride with the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast! Today’s episode dives headfirst into the bizarre and hilarious world we live in. From radioactive wasps to a deadly rattlesnake bite, the Crankers explore just how upside down things have gotten. We cover today’s wild National Days, the mysterious disappearance of Gred from the show, and unbelievable stories like meat-eating rabbits with horns roaming Colorado. We also dig into Hillary Clinton’s shocking comments about Trump and the Nobel Peace Prize, Willie Mays’ underwear hitting the auction block, and plenty of laugh-out-loud commentary in between. If you love comedy, weird news, and unapologetic rants about a world gone mad, this is your daily dose of unfiltered fun. #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #WeirdNews #RadioactiveWasps #RattlesnakeBite #MeatEatingRabbits #NationalDays #MissingGred #HillaryClinton #TrumpNobelPrize #WillieMays #FunnyPodcast #CurrentEventsComedy #WildStories See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Strap in for another wild ride with Morning Crankers, where coffee meets chaos and current events get the roast they deserve! In today’s episode, we kick things off with a tragic yet historic story—the first man to break the sound barrier in a skydive has died in a helicopter crash. We shift gears to celebrate TJ Watt's massive payday with the Pittsburgh Steelers, then hop across the pond where Denmark is renting its air defense (yes, really). In entertainment news, we’re fired up about the return of King of the Hill—the propane empire lives on! Then it’s back to politics and policy: the U.S. is eyeing $9 billion in cuts from NPR and foreign aid budgets, and we break down what that could mean for your wallet and the world. And to top it off, we dive into a bizarre and chilling conviction in Australia’s infamous poisonous mushroom case. Expect the unexpected—offbeat headlines, real talk, and sharp wit served hot and fast. That’s the Morning Crankers promise. Hashtagged Keywords: #MorningCrankers #TJWatt #SkydivingLegend #SoundBarrier #KingOfTheHill #DenmarkDefense #ForeignAidCuts #NPRBudget #PoisonMushroomCase #AustralianCrime #ComedyPodcast #NewsWithAttitude #DailyPodcast #CrankersCrew See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fun hilarious Morning Comedy about todays insanity!!

Hilarious Tuesday edition of the funniest podcast on the planet.

Great comedy, laughs, thought all rolled into one show!!!! Morning Crankers

On this wild ride of Morning Crankers, we crank up the chaos with a mix of comedy, curiosity, and candid commentary. May 23rd brings us a stacked lineup: we kick off with today’s National Days (and yes, we try to celebrate them all wrong). Then it’s onto a headline that defies belief — a woman missing for 60 years is found alive! From Earth to orbit, we cover China’s space station discovering bacteria from outer space — what could possibly go wrong? We’ll also ruin your nap plans with the itchy truth about using someone else's pillow (spoiler: mites!). In Denmark, the retirement age gets pushed to 70 (ouch), and a disturbing story out of Texas reveals an 11-year-old calling 911 as his mother sets family pets on fire — heavy stuff, but we handle it with care and honest reactions. Finally, we lighten the load with a French town’s hilarious world record attempt: the most people dressed as Smurfs. Blue paint, mayhem, and pure Morning Crankers-style madness. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-crankers-comedy-news-outrageous-real-life-stories--6463272/support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this outrageous episode of Morning Crankers, we dive headfirst into May 19th's National Days with our signature comedic twist, and we turn up the heat with our hilarious hit song, "Hotter Than a Possum's Armpit," featuring a special cameo by Bill from Curious Cars. But that's not all! We also break down the jaw-dropping story of a millionaire who won a $100,000 lawsuit in England after being falsely accused of skipping out on a lunch bill. Ever wondered what happens when a Japanese boy's obsession with his phone leads to "Dropping Head Syndrome?" We've got the bizarre details. Plus, the Mexican Navy takes on the Brooklyn Bridge in a way you won’t believe. Join us for wild laughs, unpredictable stories, and our trademark no-holds-barred comedy. Don’t miss it! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-crankers-comedy-news-outrageous-real-life-stories--6463272/support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the first chaotic, hilarious, and wildly inappropriate episode of Dr. Cranker’s Comedy Clinic on Morning Crankers! In this outrageous skit, the infamous Dr. Cranker shares his top ten list of things you should absolutely NEVER stick in your butthole. From pineapples to live hamsters, fireworks to self-help books – Dr. Cranker’s dubious but hilarious medical advice will leave you laughing and cringing in equal measure. Tune in for comedy that’s a little bit twisted, a little bit wild, and absolutely unforgettable! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-crankers-comedy-news-outrageous-real-life-stories--6463272/support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a wild ride on today's Morning Crankers! We kick off with a hilarious performance of our brand-new song "Big Trailer Booty," bringing the laughs and the rhythm you crave. Then, we dive into some jaw-dropping stories from around the world: archaeologists uncover a 2,000-year-old weapons hoard, a swarm of mosquitoes fills an entire plane, and a United Nations Judge is convicted for owning a slave from Uganda. The madness doesn’t stop there—we cover the heart-pounding story of a missing Missouri juvenile found in Colorado and the twisted tale of a woman who poisons her significant other's lover and kids. Tune in for laughs, shockers, and unforgettable moments you won’t want to miss! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-crankers-comedy-news-outrageous-real-life-stories--6463272/support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dive into another wildly entertaining episode of Morning Crankers, where today we explore the deep blue and beyond! We kick things off with a look at the National Days you didn't know you needed to celebrate. Then, we plunge into the bizarre world of sharks, including some of the weirdest species you've never heard of and the shocking claim that influencers are causing a rise in shark attacks! But that's not all—discover how dolphins are getting high on puffer fish and why this underwater escapade is more than just fishy business. We also bust 10 common misconceptions that you've probably believed your whole life. Plus, we proudly introduce Dr. Cranker, our newest expert in wild and wacky knowledge. It's a tidal wave of fun, facts, and freakish stories you don't want to miss! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-crankers-comedy-news-outrageous-real-life-stories--6463272/support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this May 2nd episode of Morning Crankers, chaos reigns supreme—from crime-trained animals pulling off petty thefts to a man literally sneezing his guts out over breakfast (talk about a bad start to the day). We dig into the shocking #1 box office hit "Sinners", dissect why Revenge of the Sith might be getting its long-awaited revenge 20 years later, and explore the murky past of Operation Mockingbird and its ties to Stuccimedia.com. Plus, we unearth the ancient hell ant (yes, that’s a real thing), celebrate today’s National Days, and ask why no one is safe—not even your cereal. It’s weird, it’s wild, it’s wonderfully Cranked. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-crankers-comedy-news-outrageous-real-life-stories--6463272/support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.