In this podcast I share some of the intricacies of hospice care, and how, despite being given grim outcomes, that I don't consider myself a victim and still find joy on a daily basis.
In this episode, I explore how living one's life is not too different from a simple golf game. With that said, I've been terrible at my short game, much like real world golf, and have been adjusting how I manage my life even with my decline and illness.
In this "special" podcast I discuss a new and worsening series of physical issues, that are truly alarming and absolute "firsts" in my life's history. I fear my Protein C deficiency is causing these issues, but right now, there is no way to be sure.
Don't worry, I'm still dying, but wanted to get some thoughts that have been in my head for a while off my chest. In this episode I discuss the war in Ukraine - and my personal connection to it. My perspective is likely controversial, however. So please listen kindly and gently.
In this podcast I summarize a recent and troubling Care Call between hospice and family. I also give in to the idea of cremation, and select a profound resting place, wherein my knowledge of Roman history beautifully meshes with ancient and modern sentiments, Kinda spooky, really,..
In this episode, I completely go off topic and rant about a pet peeve I have with how the American government is described. It's certainly proper considering the upcoming election, and maybe some listeners will find themselves doing the same error that makes my skin curl.
Lately I have noticed further isolation, and me subconsciously withdrawing myself more and more from the world. This is a common part of the dying process, I'm told. And I don't like the consequences of such withdrawals... They put my mental peace and clarity in jeopardy. In this podcast, I struggle to find the answer to handling this unwelcome change.
It's been a rough few weeks for me, with physical issues, and also keeping the best possible hospice service for myself.
As I look at a common behavior I do to ensure I get better service, I began to wonder if it was manipulation. And, if it is, is it really so bad as society makes it? Or is a little manipulation good for all of us?
What happens when you review the Stoic, Swahili, and modern "box universe" theory for consistency? Sounds like a joke... but no. You find one similar belief with respect to the past. The same belief that has given me peace with my mortality.
But if you do have any good "a Stoic, Swahili, and theoretical physicist walk into a bar" jokes, I'm all ears!
I once said that loss itself is a human illusion. But this perspective is one that I have struggled with the most since my self reflection permeated such a notion. Thus, I revisit this topic again and try to square it with my feelings of loss.
I admit freely I am a vain person. I always have been this way, but found positive outlets to mitigate negative feelings. But my current battle has me struggling intensely with what is merely a consequence of my disease and it's completely out of my control. Here I discuss the negative consequences and my drive to mitigate vain emotions with respect to my terminal diseases. It won't be easy...
In this podcast, I discuss the unique issue of suffering a terminal illness while still managing adult responsibilities and the visitation of maligned intentions from others. While this dispiriting triad is vexing at first, I find that response useless, and completely counterproductive. There is a better way to handle so much out of my control.
I face difficult decisions and, more importantly, actions, that need to be made by me, friends and family, based on the latest discussions I have had with my hospice team. And more importantly, I don't want to be and die as a blueberry!
My struggle with my various terminal illnesses has been rather laborious and exhausting lately - removing most of the day through just pure exhaustion. All of these symptoms have worsened as of late, and strange events have seemingly interjected clear warnings of what's to come. However, as I explore these changes and events, I surprisingly find myself in a quite different outcome than what I expected...
I came to a horrific realization lately. I'm dealing with depression (can't imagine why). But what is depression exactly? Is it a hopeless, relentless abyss? Is it a means to improve oneself? Is it useful in any way whatsoever? And most of all, how can it be overcome? I look at all of these questions, among others, in this podcast, and strangely find a source of joy embedded within depression itself, if its managed the appropriate way.
I had a recent discussion with my hospice social worker, wherein the discussion provided a catalyst to me framing my views on the banal of popular culture and general decline of cognition and language skills in society. These incredibly simple (tongue in cheek) topics are pieced together within this podcast, which, incidentally, seems to be the only thing I can do in response to this blight on society.
Don't we all love unsolicited advice? No?! Obviously, I jest. Of course we don't, especially when fighting for your life. In this relatively brief podcast I discuss my interaction with such unsolicited benevolence (as the giver surely must feel that's what it is). In short, Sweet Brown said it best: Ain't nobody got time for that!
This Roman proverb haunted me a but, since it felt like I was physically yielding as my body became more and more weakened by my disease. Does this then make me not brave, but a coward? I broached this subject with my social worker in hospice, and our discussion was surprising, and gave me a different perspective on this subject.
I recently asked myself a very discomforting question within my internal dialogue. But no matter how unpleasant it is, it must be answered - at some point. Here I try to identify the catalyst of when this decision must be made, yet sadly I have no clear concrete options or their associative outcomes. Harumph!
Ever ask yourself, why do we have to get old and die anyway? Why can't we just live forever? Some species on Earth do! So why not humans?
Well, in this special armchair science episode, I explore exactly why we MUST get old and die. And the answer sure rubbed my individualistic idealism the wrong way!