Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.
Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.
As the year comes to a close, this episode offers a grounded reflection on what actually creates change — beyond resolutions or waiting to feel ready.
This is an invitation to reflect on agency, integrity, and the quiet choices that shape your life over time.
In this episode, we explore why rejection feels so big — not just in dating and relationships, but across friendships, family, work, and creative life. We look at the evolutionary and attachment roots of rejection sensitivity, and how it creates a confirmation bias that makes neutral situations feel personal.
I talk about how the fear of rejection leads us to shrink, stay silent, or hold back from opportunities, creating a self-fulfilling cycle of loneliness and limitation.
We also talk about what rejection resilience looks like in practice: separating facts from stories, reality-checking assumptions, taking small risks, and building an internal sense of worth that can withstand a “no.”
This is a gentle, grounded invitation to stop rejecting yourself first — and to live more fully, even when rejection is a possibility.
In this episode, we explore the deeper patterns that make emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar — even when you want something different.
Rather than framing this as a personal flaw or something you’re “doing wrong,” this conversation explores the deeper emotional and relational patterns that make certain dynamics feel familiar, magnetic, or even safe on a nervous-system level.
I walk through five core reasons this dynamic tends to repeat:
This episode offers a compassionate look at why these patterns form — and what it takes to move toward relationships that feel mutual, steady, and emotionally safe.
In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar patterns keep looping, and no amount of “trying” seems to make a difference.
We talk about the inner environment required for real change, and why self-compassion isn’t the opposite of accountability — it’s the foundation of it.
You’ll hear about:
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00:00 Introduction 04:13 Why Self-Judgment is So Common06:32 Understanding and Validating Anxiety08:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Growth11:58 Isn't Self-Compassion Self-Indulgent?
Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth, and in a loving partnership. My hope in sharing is that you can see we aren't all that different, and that you feel encouraged to continue on the courageous path of healing.
🖤 If you'd like to explore my Black Friday sale — the biggest I've ever run — click here.
In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend James “Fish” Gill for a listener Q&A all about conflict, communication, and staying connected through hard moments.
We explore some big questions, including:
Fish and I unpack the relational dynamics underneath these questions and offer compassionate, practical guidance for moving through it with more clarity, honesty, and connection.
If you’re wanting to deepen your communication, repair more effectively, and understand yourself and your partner in moments of tension, this conversation will be a supportive place to land.
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In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 month old son.
We explore the transition to parenting, how our attachment styles have shaped the experience, and what helps us stay aligned as a couple. The conversation also covers our initial feelings about wanting kids, the surprises and challenges along the way, and the practices that keep us connected and supportive of each other.
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So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing.
If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for safety, validation, and a sense of self. When we’ve never had a steady internal anchor, other people become our compass.
But that comes at a cost. We lose touch with our own truth — our values, our preferences, our intuition — and live our lives by borrowed standards. And the more we outsource our worth, the more fragile it becomes.
In this episode, we explore how to shift from being other-referenced to self-referenced:
Ultimately, caring less about what others think isn’t about indifference — it’s about self-trust. When you truly respect and stand by yourself, other people’s opinions carry less weight. You stop needing to convince anyone of your worth, because you already know it.
One of the most common questions after a break-up is: when will I be ready to start dating again? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast rule, no magic timeline, and no moment where you’ll suddenly feel 100% confident and never wobble again. Readiness isn’t about the calendar — it’s about how you’re feeling, the work you’ve done, and the mindset you're bringing with you.
In this episode, I’ll share:
If you’ve been wondering whether to dip your toes back in the dating pool, this episode will help you manage your expectations, recognise where you’re at, and approach the process in a way that feels grounded and intentional.
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When a relationship ends, it’s natural to crave closure. We want answers, explanations, or one last conversation that will tie everything up neatly and help us move on. But the reality is, closure rarely comes from someone else — it’s something we have to create for ourselves.
In this episode, I share some hard but freeing truths about closure:
If you’ve been waiting for that message, that explanation, or that final conversation to make things better, this episode will help you see closure differently — and take back your power to move forward.
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So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynamic between us, shines a light on our pain points and shows us where our work might be. But this can raise a difficult question: if we’re still being triggered or activated within that very relationship, is healing actually possible?
In this episode, I explore the nuance of this dilemma. We’ll cover:
Relationships will always bring moments of discomfort — that’s the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. But there’s an important distinction between the kind of challenge that supports healing, and the kind that prevents it. This episode will help you reflect on where your relationship sits, and what you need in order to move forward in your healing journey.
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When you’re anxiously attached, it’s easy to fixate on red flags and warning signs — scanning for danger in the early stages of dating. But if you’re always looking for what’s wrong, you might miss the important signs that you’re with someone who’s actually safe, caring, and aligned with you.
In this episode, we shift the focus to green flags — the encouraging behaviours and feelings that can help you recognise when a connection has potential. You’ll learn why these signs matter, how they can soothe an anxious system, and how to pay attention to the way you feel in someone’s presence.
We’ll explore:
If you’re ready to reframe your approach to dating and start recognising when something is right for you, this episode will help you spot the cues that matter most.
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Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evidence a partner is being unfaithful, the possibility alone can trigger deep anxiety, hypervigilance, and constant worry.
In this episode, we explore why anxiously attached people often fear cheating so much, even in the absence of proof. We’ll look at the core wounds and nervous system patterns that fuel this fear, the role of past relationship and childhood experiences, and how certain dynamics—especially with avoidant partners—can make these fears even more intense.
We’ll also unpack the ways fear of cheating can show up in a relationship, the problems with trying to “prevent” it through control or monitoring, and practical steps to move towards a more secure, trusting dynamic.
If this is something you’ve struggled with, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and give you tools to respond in a way that’s calmer, clearer, and more grounded.
You’ll learn:
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If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it.
In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment style. Attachment patterns are relational, which means they tend to lie dormant when we’re on our own. But as soon as we have something (or someone) at stake, we feel more vulnerable. The more we care, the more our protective strategies kick in — sometimes in big, overwhelming ways.
This episode is a reassuring reminder that there’s nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way — it’s simply your nervous system doing its job in trying to keep you safe when things start to feel risky.
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Understanding your nervous system is one of the most powerful tools you have for creating secure, connected relationships. But too often we approach it as a one-size-fits-all formula, rather than honouring the unique way our individual nervous systems work.
In this episode, I’m joined by parenting expert and author Alyssa Blask Campbell to explore how tuning into your nervous system can make you a better partner and parent. Alyssa shares insights from her work on emotional development in children and explains why knowing your own system is just as important for the adults in the room.
We talk about:
If you’ve ever felt like the standard advice on regulation doesn’t quite work for you, this conversation will give you permission to explore what does — so you can build stronger, more attuned relationships at home and beyond.
Connect with Alyssa
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When a relationship ends without warning, it’s common to feel blindsided, confused, and deeply hurt. This is often labelled the “avoidant discard” — but while that term might feel validating in the moment, it can also keep you stuck in a disempowering story.
In this episode, we’ll talk about how to process a sudden ending in a way that honours your pain without leaving you tethered to it. We’ll explore:
This isn’t about minimising what you’ve been through. It’s about finding a more grounded, self-responsible way to engage with what happened — so you can process it fully, integrate the lessons, and step into your next chapter with clarity and self-respect.
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Ever look back at your dating history and realise you’ve basically been in the same relationship over and over again — just with different people? Maybe you thought you’d learned the lessons, yet somehow the same dynamics keep playing out.
In this episode, we’re unpacking why these patterns form, why they feel so hard to break, and how you can start shifting them. We’ll explore how your early experiences shape an unconscious “blueprint” for love, how your nervous system pulls you toward what feels familiar (even when it’s not healthy), and the beliefs that keep certain dynamics on repeat.
I’ll walk you through a process for spotting your own relational through-lines, interrupting the cycle, and expanding your capacity for the kind of steady, reciprocal love you deserve.
Whether you’re in the thick of another “same story, different person” relationship or reflecting on past patterns, this episode will give you clarity, compassion, and practical steps to move toward something different.
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If you struggle with a harsh inner critic — whether it shows up as perfectionism, relentless self-judgment, or shame about the past — this episode is for you. We’re unpacking the roots of that punitive inner voice, how it tries to keep us safe, and the real cost it can have on our self-worth, our nervous system, and our ability to grow. We’ll also explore what it looks like to relate to ourselves differently: to meet our inner critic with compassion rather than fear, and to begin the process of forgiving ourselves for the things we wish we’d done differently.
In this episode, we’ll cover:
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We don’t often talk about how attachment dynamics play out in friendships — but if you’ve ever felt anxious, hurt, or overly invested in a friend who seemed to be pulling away, you’ll know just how triggering these relationships can be.
While attachment theory was originally developed to explain the infant-caregiver bond and later applied to romantic relationships, many of the same fears, patterns, and protective strategies show up in our platonic relationships too — especially when they carry emotional significance.
In this episode, we’re exploring how different attachment styles can impact the way we relate to our friends, why friendship ruptures can feel just as painful (if not more so) than romantic ones, and how to navigate these dynamics with more clarity, compassion, and self-respect.
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If you’re someone with anxious attachment patterns, the ending of a relationship can bring up some of your deepest wounds: feelings of abandonment, not being enough, being too much, or fears that you’ll never find love again.
In today’s episode, I’m offering a more grounded, intentional path through heartbreak — one that doesn’t rely on ruminating, obsessing, or waiting for closure from someone else. We’re talking about how to actually heal from a breakup, rather than just surviving it.
I’ll walk you through:
Whether your breakup was recent or something you still carry with you, my hope is that this episode supports you in finding your way back to yourself — with clarity, compassion, and courage.
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