hello hello hello! more messages from spirit here! i am out of cell coverage and away from electricity, so i am sending all the good nature vibes here. so so much love to you all

part two of the last episode: really unpacking all the ways i've tried to avoid myself and taking responsibility for my life. and also diving into saturn return and where consciousness comes from

PHEW this one is unpacking some deep shit - but also it really only feels like deep shit because its old?? like, its under so many layers, we haven't had to look at this in a long time?? but also how funny that everything starts to rotate around these things we won't look at? something about burying things deep, bringing them closer to the center of gravity. to you.

there's more pressure down there. let yourself breathe. let yourself go.

in here are some words that have gotten me through to today.

Andrea Gibson (8/13/75 - 7/14/25)

WOW i forgot how hard transformation can be. was feeling like everything in my life was crumbling (because it was). found the poem, now that i am also on the other side, and it reminded me that the falling apart is also a falling together of everything you didn't even see coming. talk of suicidality, so if you are sensitive to this just be aware.

some messages from spirit that have helped me get through a very dark 6 weeks. i hope they can give you some solace while i am away at sea.

this one is a bit more reality based and less idealogical, although obviously i am still the symbol-obsessed, on-a-mission-to-understand, self. who are we outside and inside our dearest relationships? how do we show up in them? how do we move with them in times of deep change.

oh BOY this one feels like responsibility. but more in the way you're like FINALLY! let go baby, just be yourself please. were all begging for it

another trance speaking episode! some more wisdom from spirit to share! and some life updates from the road. i really liked the wisdom from spirit this time, probably a bunch of stuff they were like "abbott's gotta work on this shit" lmao

been thinking about this one for a WHILE. feels really good to finally get it out there. this one gets all into the analyzation of passion and patience and how they are actually in romance or in relation to trust and fueling your life. also getting into why i think confidence isn't really the right word, isn't the right feeling to pursue if you actually want to feel that way. (that sounds confusing i know, just listen to the episode please)

oh my GAH this is a good one. i didn't really like it at first but it felt like there was something there so i kept pushing and then who knows where the time went. talking about quitting smoking cigarettes, what brought me there, what held me up along the way, and how it all comes back to the power of choice.

a lot more giggles with the extra time as well, because life is seriously absurd and i've found it a lot easier to laugh than to cry. we just need to release the energy after all.

this one is a little different. i thought it might be interesting to y’all, i know i would be!

someone PLEASE let me know what they thought in the comments, i'm very curious

wowowow unpacking some DEEP stuff that i didn't even know i was really struggling with. mentions of suicidality, for anyone that is particularly sensitive to that, beware. discussing fundamentalism culture, and how some of the practices that aren't unique to it could be effecting us now. please, be gentle with yourself, especially in these times of change. discipline isn't being mean to yourself. the way i like to think about discipline is like being in devotion to myself, to what i want, and that feels a whole lot nicer.

podcast episodes i referenced:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6EL5fu62nCdxa37FAMdOd8?si=dKk241IyQNWURkmq2UCsXQ

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4PuZgNd1LkixhF1kBasZlg?si=ABaFJZanRTCAtqAN2tij3A

this episode gets all into letting go and transformation, but in the more physical reality sense, rather than internal. its funny that so much internal shifts had to happen before the external could follow (although isn't that always the way). its a very phone call with a friend vibe, not as much as the usual metaphysical monologue. but in effect a lot more giggles. i hope you enjoy :)

a functional note: i tried to get a fancy new program to edit the audio so i could better account for changes in volume, but then my computer was not fancy enough to keep up with it. so there are some parts that are just pretty quiet, luckily nothing too super loud.

a lot a lot of laughs in this one, relishing in the ridiculousness of existence. covering everything from disordered eating to disordered attachment styles, it might also surprise you how they are related. some technical difficulties and some intense reality changes delayed this whole episodes process, but just like university i am getting her out before the midnight deadline!

much love to yall always <3

some present life commentary, struggles in bike seats.

really getting into what it means to create your own structure, ways i have avoided it in the past.

building a foundation for a life that fulfills me more.

being honest about all the ways i've held myself back before.

and the way we all have our own way.

oh my goodness this one is fun. so many stories about navigating connection and the way it all helps us understand ourselves better. what a gorgeous feedback loop to get lost in, investing in connections that then help us invest in ourselves. we heal through connection, we can’t do it alone. so let’s do it together 🫶🏼

this episode is all about water. all the lessons we can learn from her, especially about how to move energetically. there is a small mention of self harm, just so you know.

going through, well in the middle of, an intense transformation. at the beginning of a journey the likes of which i had never attempted, i reflect on the different seasons of life and reflecting on the feelings that come back like old friends. and how you have to dive into mystery, with a heart full of trust, in order to move through it all with grace. accompanied by ambient traffic sounds of seattle and giggles about the ridiculousness of it all.

this episode starts with a piece of prose i wrote about desire. going into the different seasons of life and what they call for from each of us. processing the feeling of desire, trying to understand the focus of it, trying to have direction. understanding how to move through seasons of change.