Our conversation stems from social media dialogue to explore emotional expressions often shaped by deeply rooted cultural traditions and an individual’s personality, which can result in patterns of Enmeshment & Control and even generational Trauma.
Oludara (Dara) Adeeyo is a Los Angeles-based mental health therapist, author, and social media content creator passionate about encouraging people, especially Black women, to face every day with self-confidence and self-love.
Oludara’s first series of books, published by Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, share specific advice and activities designed to help Black women outwardly express their inner joy: Self-Care for Black Women (2022), Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal (2022), Mind, Body, & Soul: A Self-Care Coloring Book for Black Women (2024), and Meditations for Black Women (2025).
Oludara has a private practice, Dark Berry Wellness, where she specializes in helping marginalized folks, especially Black women, manage their stressors, boost their self-confidence, and manifest their desires by releasing people-pleasing impulses.
Summary
This conversation explores the complexities of parenting styles within African immigrant households, focusing on cultural norms, emotional expression, enmeshment, and generational trauma. The discussion highlights the challenges faced by immigrant parents in navigating their cultural expectations while raising children in a different societal context. It emphasizes the importance of healthy communication, the impact of favoritism, and the need for boundariesin family dynamics. The conversation also addresses the role of community support and cultural sensitivity in therapy, advocating for self-compassion and understanding in the parenting journey.
Takeaways
A. Parenting styles in immigrant households can be influenced by cultural norms.
B. Emotional expression is often shaped by cultural traditions and individual personalities.
C. Enmeshment in families can lead to toxic dynamics and confusion about roles.
D. Cultural differences can create challenges in relationships, especially for children of immigrants.
E. Anger is often used as a means of control in parenting, which can be abusive.
F. Immigrant parents may experience anxiety that affects their parenting expectations.
G. The pressure to succeed can create mental health challenges for children in immigrant families.
H. Healthy communication strategies are essential for fostering emotional expression.
I. Favoritism in parenting can lead to low self-esteem and rivalry among siblings.
J. Respect for elders must be balanced with the child's need for self-expression.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Parenting Styles in African Households
04:20 Cultural Norms and Emotional Expression
07:30 The Impact of Enmeshment in Family Dynamics
10:11 Navigating Anger and Control in Parenting
13:23 The Immigrant Experience and Parenting Challenges
16:32 The Pressure of Expectations on Immigrant Children
19:20 Fostering Healthy Emotional Expression
22:15 Unlearning Toxic Family Dynamics
25:15 The Role of Gender in Parenting Expectations
28:20 Reflections on Modern Parenting and Gender Roles
31:57 Breaking Patriarchal Norms in Parenting
35:06 Balancing Respect for Elders and Self-Expression
37:25 Navigating Immigrant Parenting Challenges
40:37 Cultural Expectations and Open Communication
41:34 Understanding the Need for Respect in Relationships
45:05 Dismantling Generational Patterns
48:36 Cultural Critique and Personal Growth
52:28 Community Influence on Individual Boundaries
55:22 Age-Appropriate Responsibilities in Parenting
57:42 Mental Health Impacts of Adult Responsibilities
58:52 Generational Trauma and Family Dynamics
01:01:47 Radical Acceptance and Community Compassion
01:03:31 closing statement Copy of PANSA PANSA