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The holidays tend to resurrect old thought patterns about family roles, expectations, memories, and emotions that don’t usually carry as much weight throughout the rest of the year. Whether we’re surrounded by people or spending the season alone, the pressure can feel overwhelming and is very personal. In recovery that pressure can be like a tea kettle ready to scream, but we have tools to face it differently. 12 Days of Christmas in Recovery is a framework using principles from my sobriety program to help us stay merry, sober, and grateful through the holidays.
These twelve tools include familiar phrases like one day at a time, letting go of expectations, and seeking to understand rather than be understood. Each one helps soften the emotional intensity of the season and protect our relationships and sobriety. The goal is waking up the next day sober, clear-headed, and with our integrity intact. That, to me, is a very Merry Christmas indeed!
Listen to this special holiday episode of the Recovery Daily Podcast: 12 Days of Christmas in Recovery: A Merry, Sober, and Grateful Christmas
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #HolidayRecovery #SoberHolidays #OneDayAtATime #EmotionalSobriety #SobrietySupport #RecoveryTools #GratefulInRecovery #AARecovery #MentalWellness
When I was newly sober and new to post-stroke life, I thought I’d never recover from either. Years later when someone praises my courage, I find it difficult to respond because it never felt like courage. It felt scary, uncomfortable, and impossible. The people I looked up to back then felt like superheroes, and I couldn’t imagine ever being seen that way. What looks like courage from the outside feels like fearful willingness on the inside.
Willingness was the first building block for me in recovery. I showed up scared, followed suggestions I didn’t understand, stayed when I wanted to run, and asked for help without confidence. That willingness opened the door to faith, and over time, faith quietly built strength. Courage, I’ve realized, is willingness that’s been practiced. Strength is consistently staying.
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I live in recovery, and whether we talk about it or not, we’re all recovering from something. I talk a lot about sobriety and stroke recovery, but at its core, my podcast is about living better while managing mental wellness and waking up curious about the day instead of dreading it.
People say the phrase, “I’ve finally arrived.” That’s always impressed me. I was never going to get where I was going with a state of mind where every achievement immediately pointed me toward the next goal. There was always another milestone ahead, another version of myself I thought I needed to become, and very little time spent actually resting in where I was. Arriving.
After my stroke changed my destination without my permission, the future I planned disappeared and so did hope. Sobriety taught me how to live one day at a time, and my stroke taught me how to let the present moment be enough. Spiritual progress is how often I consistently, constantly, and honestly practice acceptance, willingness, and trust. I don’t know where I’m going, and that matters less to me now than being grateful for where I am.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #LivingInRecovery #SpiritualProgress #OneDayAtATime #StrokeRecovery #SobrietyJourney #MentalWellness #AcceptanceAndTrust #HealingInThePresent #RecoveryCommunity
Every day feels like I’ve bought a new ticket on the roller coaster of my life. Yes, each day is a gift, and it’s another chance to learn how to manage all the invisible things happening beneath the surface. Recovery is more than stopping old behaviors or learning new ones. I’m managing the emotions, impulses, and reactions that once ran the show. Emotional hangovers can be just as miserable as physical ones, and my recovery program teaches me to pause, breathe, and respond instead of react. Speaking this stuff out loud keeps the emotional residue from stacking up and feeding my anxiety.
Repetition is powerful. Hearing the tools again and again is what infuses them into my daily life so I can apply them in new ways. Daily inventories and spot checks keep me self-aware and help me show up better. A loved one asked me yesterday if I was easier to anger when I drank, and the answer is yes. Drinking made me impulsive, while sobriety gives me choices. Tolerance, compassion, and humility are gifts of this life. The way I live now, pausing before I respond, admitting when I’m wrong, and practicing acceptance is how I carry the message and illustrate my recovery.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #SobrietyJourney #AcceptanceInRecovery #DailyInventory #AnxietySupport #SelfAwareness #RecoveryTools #HealingJourney #OneDayAtATime
Yesterday I took my daily walk down the street with Autumn to our small beach, both of us bundled in our warm coats, and even though it was freezing, windy, and heavily overcast, I said out loud, “It’s beautiful, Autumn!” It struck me that it was beautiful because that was the lens I brought with me on that walk. With three weeks of panic symptoms and heart palpitations happening even as I type this, I can see that emotional sobriety isn’t the absence of my anxiety. I feel steady inside my head even when my body is doing its own thing. Emotional sobriety is choosing what I bring to the water each day, no matter what’s going on under my skin.
I focused a lot on willfulness versus willingness today. Willfulness is fighting reality, and willingness is letting myself be guided. It’s how I accept my disability, recover from my stroke, live sober, and manage my emotions without wrestling them like a wild animal. So each day, ask yourself, “Will I be willful or willing? What lens will I bring to the water?” Some days are calm and some are cold and stormy. But when I choose willingness and connection, I’m far more likely to see the beauty.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #AcceptanceInRecovery #StrokeRecovery #AnxietySupport #WillingnessNotWillfulness #SobrietyJourney #InvisibleIllness #HealingJourney #OneDayAtATime
I’m still trying to figure out where I’m going, no longer having that next title or promotion to chase anymore. My old goals were always stacked against the outside world or next rung on the ladder. Now my goals are internal, rooted in who I’m becoming, not what I’m earning. I’ve created a career from my recovery experiences. I’m building my life by taking my peer recovery course, recording my podcast, shifting into a life where my growth is inwardly deeper.
Talking about my alcoholism, stroke, mental health, and the loneliness I carried with me continues to teach me. I couldn’t outthink my disease just as I can’t outthink my disability. I show up here to collectively gain wisdom from my painful experiences. Hope, for me, is being able to see a promising future, and I learned that by experiencing what it felt like when I didn’t have it. My podcast has fueled my hope and connection, turning my pain into purpose and being part of something bigger than myself.
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As referenced in this episode, listen to https://www.youtube.com/@NobodysSide. This show is about listening deeply, asking hard questions, and searching—together—for reasons to believe in one another again. 🇺🇸
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#serenity #innerpeace #atraumarecovery #sobrietyjourney #mentalhealthhealing #twelvesteps #mindfulnesspractice #healingfromwithin #emotionalrecovery #peacewithin
What is the difference between serenity and tranquility? I used to search for peace and quiet because it was so loud inside my head. I searched externally, occasionally stumbling upon a babbling brook or wave-blanketed shoreline. I had no understanding of internal peace. In fact, I remember the first day I felt it at age forty-three (one year into sobriety). Serenity was uncovered within me, exposed underneath the pain and fear released from my “dark place” through working the twelve steps. The frantic noise of my mind made serenity impossible to experience until I was about to quiet the pain and fear. Even-though tranquil environments were easy to find when I needed to escape, I couldn’t escape from my chaotic mind.
Today, serenity is quietly moving beneath the surface of my life. When I shut down my thinker, stop catastrophizing, and lean into faith and trust, serenity rises naturally. It begins with acceptance, choosing to stop fighting the truth. I can end the storytelling in my head and allow life to be what it is. That’s where serenity waits for me. Serenity is something I can return to by remembering it always lives inside me.
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#serenity #innerpeace #traumarecovery #sobrietyjourney #mentalhealthhealing #twelvesteps #mindfulnesspractice #healingfromwithin #emotionalrecovery #peacewithin
Today I’ve been thinking about perspective, exploring that what we leave out of our lives opens space and time to see what we previously couldn’t. Recovery progressively widens perspective. I was the thing missing from my own life for many years. It truly felt like seeing the world for the first time in some of those early days in sobriety. Before recovery, my life was overcrowded and now its simplicity allows me to act with intention.
I’ve picked up painting in stroke recovery which teaches me to look beyond the surface. I paint the sky behind the tree rather than painting the sky around the tree like I did as a kid. I notice what I can’t see and what’s been intentionally left out. Even the white space on a wall, adds to our perspective of the painting hanging on it.
I get to choose today what I carry and what I intentionally leave out of my life, like resentments, catastrophizing, and self-criticism. I’m no longer the thing missing in my own life.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #SoberLiving #StrokeRecovery #EmotionalSobriety #RecoveryJourney #IntentionalLiving #MentalHealthRecovery #MindfulLiving #LettingGoToGrow #NewPerspective
I cursed twice this week, and that’s rare for me. I remember when those feelings would trigger me to escape life when I got overwhelmed. I tried to track down the title to my old car yesterday. The paperwork never got processed correctly because of the chaos around my stroke in 2021. The task instantly became a catastrophic, impossible situation yesterday. Before I even took a simple step, I had blown it into a full-scale mental war. I was convinced it would be a DMV nightmare like the one I went through a few years ago. But the catastrophe wasn’t real, even though the fear was. After sorting out the issue with my BFF, ChattyMcChatterton (ChatGPT), the entire problem was resolved in minutes with a simple phone call.
The same thinking pattern showed up today when I was outside doing yard work. I kept fighting a wet pile of leaves with a leaf vacuum that kept clogging. Instead of stopping, I pushed myself right into frustration and another couple F-bombs. Both situations reminded me how quickly overwhelm turns small tasks into monsters when I start running from the feeling instead of the task itself. When I slow down and take the next right action, everything is simple. My old escape routes only multiplied fear. Showing up is what shrinks it. This week has been a humbling reminder that my serenity depends on facing life as it is, not as I catastrophize it to be.
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#sobrietyjourney #anxietyrecovery #emotionalgrowth #progressnotperfection #recoverydaily #overcomingfear #mindfulnesspractice #strokeSurvivorStrong #livinginserenity #nextRightAction
I’m taking a 60-hour Peer Recovery Support training course which I’m super excited about. I was nervous about whether I could handle it physically, but the instructor reassured me he could accommodate my disability so that I don’t have to look at the screen. What I didn’t anticipate is the extreme cognitive fatigue as well. I constantly over-estimate my capabilities post-stroke.
I slept 11 hours the past two nights after class. It runs all day on Mondays and Tuesdays, and a half day on Fridays. I’ve been pushing myself to my edge. I finally turned my screen brightness down to zero yesterday afternoon for a fully black screen to best to manage the eye pain, headaches, nausea, and cognitive fatigue. It’s stretching me, but it’s also energizing me. I’ve learned far more about mental health and addiction than I expected in just the first two days. It’s giving me deeper insight into how to support others more thoughtfully and compassionately.
Because the course is so demanding, I’m recording fewer podcast episodes over the next few weeks. My energy is limited, and I’m trying to respect my limitations without guilt. I even had a listener reach out to check on me since it’s been a few more days than normal without a podcast. I feel deeply connected to my podcast community, and I’m grateful for those who listen on the days I can show up.
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#strokeSurvivor #vestibulardisorder #cognitiveFatigue #peerRecoverySupport #mentalHealthJourney #addictionRecovery #emotionalSobriety #chronicIllness #healing#recoveryDailyPodcast
Humility and humiliation are tangled up for me. Practicing healthy thinking when you’re “in the wild” is complicated: “right-sizing myself” vs shrinking myself. It feels safer to live in self-inflicted unworthiness than to risk vulnerability. However, it reinforces my old mindset that pain is inevitable, and I deserve it.
Pain, shame, and humiliation are human experiences and reactions based on trauma, history, fear, expectations, and emotional vulnerability. Once we’re emotionally aware, we choose to either continue carrying those feelings or allow ourselves to heal from them.
When someone offers me a compliment, I get uncomfortable. I brush it off, joke it away, believe the person is wrong about me, and divert the conversation to focus on them. I’m practicing pausing and letting the words land without an immediate response. Believing that someone might be right about my strengths is a spiritual discipline. Accepting praise, not just hearing it, is an act of courage. Believing what others see in me feels like arrogance, but it’s healing to let that truth feel comfortable like home, sitting in it long enough to grow self-esteem.
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#emotionalrecovery #selfesteemjourney #humilitypractice #healingtrauma #selfworthgrowth #mentalhealthrecovery #alcoholismrecovery #spiritualgrowth #innerhealing #selfacceptance
Comparing myself to others without realizing it is one of my character defects. When I judge someone, it feels like I’m trying to pull the covers off them to expose some hidden truth, but really, I’m pulling the covers over myself to hide my own insecurities. My instinct to judge comes from an inferiority complex. I’m bracing myself for imagined failure. A lifetime of experiences set me up to predetermine how interactions with people will go and my mind projects my lack of self-esteem onto them. Judgment is a defense mechanism that keeps me stuck in an old unhealthy mindset.
Self-awareness interrupts my autopilot of comparison and fear. When I recognize mid-thought, “I’m judging this person right now,” everything shifts. Judgment stops being about the other person and becomes a cue to look inward and examine the fear or insecurity underneath. We all act from wounds we didn’t choose, and self-awareness helps me choose humility instead of fear and connect instead of imagine competition.
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#selfawareness #emotionalrecovery #personalgrowth #soberliving #healingjourney #mentalclarity #mindsetshift #innerwork #fearlessliving #recoverywisdom
After my stroke and medical retirement, I see life from a different perspective. One morning, I noticed half-turned fall leaves still attached to a tree, green shifting into fall colors. I’d seen them countless times before but never looked at them the way I did that day. The beauty had always been there, but life blurred my view. Sobriety brought the same shift in perspective. As fear loosens its grip and acceptance of life as it is comes in to focus, gratitude and beauty does too. This is what I know as emotional sobriety that deepens giving a new lens on life.
Watching newcomers in recovery find their footing helps me always remember when my own veil lifted. Their courage restores my gratitude and helps me stay grounded in my program. As the seasons turn, I try to notice the beauty. It’s always there waiting for me to open my eyes.
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I was afraid of everything for as long as I remember. Late in my drinking career, I woke up with a racing mind and pounding chest, terrified of the day and convinced I needed a drink to relieve the fear. My anxiety was a constant hum beneath my skin. Chardonnay was my solution that quieted the chaos. When I discovered the morning drink, it felt like a breakthrough to steady my trembling morning hands, quiet my ill stomach, and silence the panic attacks.
I was constructing my prison. Each drink that promised relief deepened my dependence, convincing me I was managing my fear while I was just feeding it. The comfort I found in alcohol was a temporary pause from my fear of living and then magnified it. My life became smaller and darker and revolved entirely around alcohol. I was silencing life itself. Facing it sober was terrifying at first but was the only way to begin living.
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Change starts with willingness to let go of what no longer serves who we’re becoming. My character defects are hidden in plain sight, showing up whenever I am disturbed, frustrated, stressed, or hurt. Each inner disturbance is a cue for change. I’ve noticed that a character defect is always quietly steering my fear, pride, envy, or self-centeredness. Step 6 is a lesson in self-awareness to recognize those defects and find the willingness to release them instead of letting them define who I am.
That willingness takes humility and practice. Pausing long enough to reflect instead of reacting opens the door for growth. Change begins in that stillness. When I back away, mentally or physically, I can better see what’s mine to own. Transformation starts with being ready to change. When I’m ready, I start noticing. When I stop trying to defend myself, I become more aware of my role in my relationships and of the person I was meant to be.
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My obsessive thinking can either defeat me or drive me. My overactive empathizer has been feeling like a burden and handicap lately. After hearing terrible news my thoughts spiral into a very dark place if I don’t make a cognizant effort to distract myself. I was encouraged today that my intensity is a superpower that I use to help others. The trouble is that it can also trap me if I don’t ground myself in the present. I must pause and redirect toward something purposeful rather than attempting to “fix” the unfixable past. If I channel that energy into creating, connecting, or helping someone else, it transforms the torment into service. It’s the same mind with the same fire lighting me up instead of consuming me.
Regret can feel like a life sentence. The hardest memories that filled me with shame are the same ones that show me how far I’ve come. My children saw both my fall and my rise, and that’s part of our shared story. I can’t change the past, but I can change what it means. I’ve stopped letting regret define me and instead, let it remind me that resilience has a beginning.
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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #MentalHealthAwareness #ObsessiveThinking #EmpathEnergy #HealingJourney #RecoveryCommunity #MindfulLiving #TransformPainToPurpose #ResilienceInRecovery
Feeling isolated has been a thread running through my life. Upon reflection in early sobriety, I believed I was choosing isolation, but I realized this morning that I had felt isolated by the world, as if life had chosen to leave me out. That early victim mindset began thinking patterns that fueled my addiction. I’ve often heard in recovery that alcohol made folks finally feel like they belonged. That wasn’t the case for me. Alcohol made me care less about not belonging.
Decades later, the more I drank, the more distant I became, until I was convinced that isolation was my rightful place in the world. It took years of recovery to understand that what I thought was protection was actually deepening my loneliness. My sense of belonging grew from within. I have a new framework for my thoughts that gives me confidence and connection through self-awareness. My reality has caught up to my dreams. Wherever I go, I belong.
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Today I went to a virtual workshop held by the Serenity House of Leesburg. It was called “Surfing the Wave: How to manage urges and strong emotions in recovery.” I focused on my emotional urges. The workshop helped me see that some of my old alcoholic thinking still lingers in subtle ways. When I hear about tragedy, I tend to sink into sadness and imagine the person’s suffering as if it were my own. I used to think that was empathy, but it’s really a form of isolation that feeds my depression. The trainer said something that stuck with me about how isolation reinforces my sadness. When I don’t talk about how I feel, I’m telling myself that what I feel is correct and doesn’t need to change. Recognizing that is the first step toward change. And nothing is going to change between my ears unless I change it.
What I learned is that emotional triggers can become training opportunities if I let them. Naming what I feel releases it instead of letting it bounce back and forth in my head like a ping pong ball. Talking, visualizing, or stepping outside gives the pain somewhere to go. I don’t need to relive someone else’s pain to honor their story. As much as I know that intellectually, emotionally I have to work at it.
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#recoveryjourney #emotionalhealing #sobrietytools #selfawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #serenityinprogress #alcoholrecovery #healingmindset #spiritualgrowth #livingawake
For most of my life, I mourned the loss of a friend who died in a motorcycle accident the year I graduated high school. I thought I was grieving, but I was stuck in the shadows of that loss for a very long time. I cried without processing anything. I didn’t truly grieve his death until I got sober at 42. As a teenager, I was already hormonally irrational; add alcohol, and it tipped me into chaos. Drinking kept me numb enough to avoid the full weight of loss, yet clear enough to sit in the misery of it. I mistook suffering for healing and believed that the more I cried, the more I was honoring his life. I refused to move on, circling the same sadness for over twenty years, mourning but never truly grieving.
A few years ago, I lost a lifelong friend I’d known since fifth grade. He died from alcoholism. For a year and a half, I couldn’t listen to music without breaking down. Eventually, I had to move the grief. I put on my running shoes, went to the local sportsplex, and ran until I was out of tears while I blasted music in my ears. That’s when I truly grieved. It was painful and almost unbearable, but it moved through me.
In sobriety, grief transforms loss into gratitude for the love I shared. I used to believe that part of me was taken with those I lost. Now I know part of them stays with me, and that can’t be taken away. The ability to grieve is a gift that I didn’t always have. Sobriety has taught me how to live through grief.
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#griefandhealing #soberliving #recoveryjourney #emotionalsobriety #healingthroughloss #sobergratitude #lifeafterloss #selfreflection #growththroughgrief #recoverydaily