Do you measure yourself by what you've accomplished instead of how you actually feel?
Laura did. Chief executive of a charity, studying for a degree, doing two voluntary roles, raising her son as a single parent. When people asked how she was, she'd rattle off what she'd achieved. "Yeah, I'm great, I'm fine."
Her friends knew it was coming. She didn't.
One afternoon at 3pm, her skin started crawling. Pancreatitis. Hospital for three months. Couldn't work, couldn't trust herself to make decisions, had to move back in with her parents.
The turning point: lying in bed one night, hearing her mum and dad tend to her son because she couldn't get up. That's when she thought: I can't give everything to everybody else anymore.
This conversation is about what happens when your body forces you to stop. About the "big shitty stick of motherhood" we beat ourselves with. About rebuilding when you realise you don't know who you are without all the roles. About learning to be Laura before being anything else.
Listen if:
- You're checking emails while making breakfast for your kids
- You say "I'm fine" while listing everything you've achieved
- You feel guilty if you're not doing the best you can do all the time
- Cleaning feels like "me time" because it's the only thing you can control
- You don't know who you are without your roles
Keywords: burnout, breakdown, single parent, people pleasing, proving yourself, dyslexia, identity crisis, faith journey, vulnerability, boundaries, new mum pressure
Five lessons from Laura's story:
1. You can't give everything away to everyone else
Laura was chief executive, student, volunteer, single parent - trying to be all things to all people. There was no space left for her. That's not sustainable.
2. When you don't stop, your body will stop you
Laura ignored every warning sign until pancreatitis put her in hospital. If you don't choose to slow down, it chooses you.
3. Identity beyond roles takes rebuilding piece by piece
After her breakdown, Laura didn't know who she was without CEO, mum, student. She had to rebuild from scratch: "Is that one of my pieces? Is that me?"
4. Vulnerability isn't weakness
People called Laura an "ice queen" who never showed emotion. That compartmentalising left her isolated and burnt out. Now she 'cries at adverts' and feels stronger than ever.
5. Joy comes from presence, not proving yourself
Laura used to measure herself by achievements. Now joy is playing PlayStation with her son, reading without scrolling her phone. Being there, not performing.
Quotable moments:
"I gave birth to the big shitty stick of motherhood that you're going to beat yourself with. You need to remember to put it in the corner sometimes." - Friend's advice Laura wishes she'd listened to
"I can't give everything to everybody else anymore. I've got this little human being who needs me to be the very best version of me." - The moment lying in bed, unable to tend to Charlie
"I am Laura. Before I'm anything else, I'm Laura. Vulnerable, flawed, a little bit quirky, beautifully uncomparable." - Learning who she is beyond all the roles
"It's like somebody had got five different jigsaws and thrown the pieces all over a room. I had to go around one by one: is that one of my pieces?" - Describing the rebuilding process
About the host
Ben Hickman is the founder of Reflective Rebels, coaching overwhelmed business owners and exhausted professionals. With 14+ years running his own business (including hitting burnout in 2015), Ben gets what it's like when you're giving everything away to things that maybe aren't the important things.
To find out more visit www.reflectiverebels.co.uk
We're done pretending everything's fine. We want more than coping. We want a life that feels like ours.
56 minutes • For anyone still trying to prove they're good enough
