When Your Body Takes Over: Understanding the Somatic Response After Discovery In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore what happens inside the body in the shocking moments and months following D-Day. Drawing from clinical research, somatic therapy, and lived experience, they explain why betrayed partners often feel rage, panic, numbness, dissociation, or complete shutdown—and why these reactions are normal, protective, and deeply physiological. MaryAnn and Dr. Skinner unpack the autonomic nervous system’s three instinctive responses—fight, flight, and freeze—and reframe them not as signs of “going crazy,” but as the body’s attempt to survive an emotional threat. They discuss how trauma is stored in the body, how healing occurs in waves, and how practices like titration, grounding, movement, and body awareness help gently release stored trauma. Listeners learn why behaviors that feel “out of character” (such as yelling, swearing, shutting down, or being unable to focus) are common after betrayal, and how anger often acts as a protective protest covering the deeper layers of grief and fear underneath. With compassion and clarity, the hosts offer tools for regulating overwhelming emotions, honoring the body’s pace, and finding glimmers of safety during chaos. They encourage listeners to use supportive relationships, healthy outlets, creativity, and somatic practices to slowly widen their window of tolerance and reconnect with their internal world. This episode is an essential guide for anyone trying to make sense of their body’s reactions after betrayal—and a reminder that healing requires patience, softness, and learning to listen inward. Resources Mentioned & Recommended Books & Theoretical Frameworks Deb Dana – Anchored and The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy(Understanding the autonomic nervous system, glimmers, and pathways to safety.) Dr. Stephen Porges – The Polyvagal Theory(Foundational neuroscience behind fight/flight/freeze responses.) Dr. Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score(How trauma is stored and released through the body.) Peter Levine – Waking the Tiger and Somatic Experiencing principles(Titration, pendulation, and body-based trauma healing.) Somatic Practices & Tools Tadasana (Mountain Pose) – A grounding posture used to regulate and reset the nervous system. Superman/Wonder Woman Pose – Posture-based confidence-building and nervous system shifting (Amy Cuddy research). Body scanning – Increasing awareness of where trauma, tension, or emotional energy is stored. Bilateral stimulation activities – Walking, swimming, chopping wood, or rhythmic creative movement. Related Human Intimacy Content Human Intimacy Podcast Episode #95 – Expanded discussion on somatic healing after trauma. Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal Online Course(In-depth assessments, body-based practices, reflective exercises, and guided healing modules.) Additional Supports Journaling prompts for emotional expression Safe support systems: friends, therapists, groups Creative outlets: cooking, music, art, writing Gentle physical practices: walking, yoga, swimming  

  Gaslighting No More: Reclaiming Your Reality After Betrayal Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal Episode Summary In this pivotal episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis take listeners into one of the most damaging elements of betrayal trauma: gaslighting. While the term is often used casually in modern culture, Kevin and MaryAnn break it down clinically and relationally, helping listeners understand how gaslighting reshapes a person’s reality and intensifies post-traumatic stress symptoms. MaryAnn explains the origins of the term and how betrayed partners often experience it as “crazy-making.” When someone senses something is off, but their partner denies, minimizes, or dismisses the concern, the betrayed partner begins to question not only their spouse—but themselves. Dr. Skinner shares the research behind his gaslighting scale and reveals a critical finding: gaslighting is the strongest predictor of PTSD symptoms among betrayed partners, even more influential than adverse childhood experiences. Together they describe how denial, blame, minimizing, hiding, and lying distort a betrayed partner’s internal compass. Gaslighting becomes a form of psychological abuse, causing confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of trust in one’s own instincts. This erosion of personal reality leaves many partners unsure of what is true and what to believe. The episode also highlights the path forward—what Gaslighting No More truly means. Dr. Skinner outlines the transformational role of a formal therapeutic disclosure, impact letter, and emotional restitution letter. These structured interventions help restore truth, rebuild safety, and begin repairing the relational damage caused by deception. MaryAnn emphasizes the importance of trained therapists, thoughtful pacing, and emotional support as couples engage in this process. Listeners are reminded: your reality matters, and reclaiming it is essential to healing. Whether within the relationship or individually, addressing gaslighting is foundational to restoring trust, clarity, and emotional stability. References & Resources Key Research & Clinical Foundations Skinner, K. — Internal research on gaslighting, deception, and PTSD correlations. Kefer, S. (2018). Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Betrayal. Carnes, S. — ITAP foundational work on sex addiction and partner trauma. Vaughn, P. (1989). The Monogamy Myth. Research on the healing effects of discussing betrayal details. CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. Books & Concepts Mentioned Dr. Kevin Skinner – Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal Dr. Kevin Skinner – Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal Chapter 13: Gaslighting No More Psychological abuse dynamics Denial, blame, and deception patterns Therapeutic Disclosure Model (FTD) PTSD symptoms associated with betrayal trauma Professional and Supportive Resources IITAP.com — Directory of Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) and Certified Partner Trauma Therapists (CPTT) HumanIntimacy.com/Rise — Free betrayal trauma assessment including gaslighting and PTSD indicators Human Intimacy educational groups, intensives, and therapeutic programs led by Dr. Skinner

When Betrayal Reshapes How You See Yourself Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal Episode Summary In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most painful and often hidden impacts of betrayal: how it reshapes the way you see yourself. After discovering sexual betrayal, many individuals experience a surge of negative self-beliefs — I’m not enough… something must be wrong with me… I should have known… I’m unlovable. Dr. Skinner describes this internal narrative as a “virus” that embeds itself in a person’s belief system, making it difficult to see oneself accurately or compassionately. MaryAnn explains how, developmentally, our brains are wired to seek approval, interpret social cues, and continually scan for safety. When betrayal shatters the foundation of a relationship, these systems go into overdrive, amplifying old insecurities, childhood patterns, and even generational messages about worth. Together, Kevin and MaryAnn highlight that while these negative cognitions feel overpowering, they are understandable responses to trauma — not reflections of your true value. Listeners are reminded of a crucial truth: your worth has never changed. Negative self-talk may be loud, but it is not accurate. Healing involves challenging distorted beliefs, surrounding yourself with trustworthy voices, and engaging in therapeutic tools that help reframe your internal narrative. The hosts discuss powerful interventions such as attachment-focused EMDR, cognitive reframing, and guided support from safe attachment figures. This episode offers clarity, validation, and hope for anyone struggling to reclaim their sense of identity after betrayal. Resources Books & Foundational Concepts Brené Brown – Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection (shame, worthiness, identity) Mark Wolynn – It Didn’t Start With You (generational trauma and inherited beliefs) Dr. Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score (trauma stored in the body) Francine Shapiro – EMDR framework and negative cognitions model Tools & Therapeutic Modalities Attachment-Focused EMDR Cognitive reframing and restructuring Identifying core negative beliefs (“I’m not enough,” “I’m unlovable”) Inner narrative awareness: If I could hear your thoughts 24/7… Using secure attachment figures (past or present) for grounding Human Intimacy Programs Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayalhttps://www.humanintimacy.com/rise Human Intimacy Podcast episodes related to identity, shame, and worth Reclaim and trauma-focused intensives with Dr. Kevin Skinner

  Understanding and Responding to Triggers After Betrayal Episode Summary In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most common and confusing experiences after betrayal trauma: triggers. Drawing from clinical research, lived experience, and decades of therapeutic practice, they break down why triggers occur, how the body responds, and what partners can do to navigate them with greater clarity and self-compassion. Triggers often appear suddenly—at church, in a grocery store, during a conversation, while watching TV, or even in sleep. Dr. Skinner shares research showing that 80% of betrayed partners experience significant triggers across multiple settings due to heightened fear responses and hypervigilance. MaryAnn describes how the body becomes acutely attuned to cues of danger, often detecting subtle signals before the conscious mind can make sense of them. Listeners are guided through the internal experience of a trigger—tight chest, racing heart, sudden emotion—and learn how to identify, name, and regulate these physiological reactions. The episode introduces two powerful tools: “Name It to Tame It” (Dan Siegel) – Using language to bring the prefrontal cortex back online. The COAL Method – Curiosity, Openness/Observation, Acceptance, Loving-Kindness – to slow down reactions and respond intentionally. The hosts also discuss the difference between seeking external reassurance versus developing internal grounding strategies, the role of self-trust, and how to use tools like conscious breathing (including the “Yamaha breath”) to regulate the autonomic nervous system. This episode provides validation, practical tools, and hope—reminding listeners that triggers are not signs of weakness, but expressions of the body’s innate protective system. With understanding, support, and practice, betrayed partners can move from reacting in fear to responding with awareness, agency, and self-compassion. References Briere, J., & Scott, C. (2015). Principles of trauma therapy: A guide to symptoms, evaluation, and treatment (2nd ed.). SAGE Publications. Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead.Gotham Books. Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books. Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton. Scott, S. B., & Briere, J. (2006). “Exposure to interpersonal trauma and risk for posttraumatic stress disorder.” Clinical Psychology Review, 26(6), 615–625. Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician's guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking. Skinner, K. (2017). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. Growth Publishing.   — Additional Resources: Rise: Hope and Healing Course    

Uncovering the Hidden Wound: Understanding Shame After Sexual Betrayal Summary: In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaelis, LCSW, bring attention to an often overlooked wound—the betrayed partner’s shame. They unpack how shame takes root after discovery, transforming natural questions like “Why did this happen?” into painful self-blame—“I must not be enough.” Drawing from research showing that more than 70–80% of betrayed partners feel unlovable or stupid after betrayal, Dr. Skinner and Marianne explain how shame becomes internalized, influencing thoughts, relationships, and even the body’s physiology. Using insights from Brené Brown and Treating Chronic Shame, they reveal that shame is relational—it thrives in silence, secrecy, and judgment, and begins to heal through connection, voice, and support. The hosts explore practical ways to interrupt the “shame virus,” including naming shame’s physical signals, separating your worth from your partner’s choices, and finding safe, trained support to share your story. They remind listeners that shame cannot survive empathy and that every individual—regardless of betrayal, history, or mistakes—is born with infinite worth that cannot be lost. Listeners are invited to reflect, connect, and take the first step toward reclaiming their true identity beyond the betrayal story. Resources Available Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal CourseA guided 12-session journey offering tools to understand trauma, process emotions, and rebuild identity after betrayal.👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/hope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal Human Intimacy Online Educational Support GroupJoin Dr. Skinner and Marianne Michaelis in an upcoming online group offering teaching, Q&A, and community support. Learn how to apply these concepts in real time with others walking the same path. Additional Resources Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner’s book exploring the trauma response and pathways to healing. The Other Side of Infidelity — Dr. Skinner’s TEDx Talk explaining betrayal trauma and its impact. Treating Chronic Shame by Patricia DeYoung — referenced in this episode for understanding shame’s relational nature. Articles, podcasts, and free tools available at HumanIntimacy.com

Keeping Your Boat Afloat: Self-Care That Stabilizes After Betrayal (PIERS Framework) Summary: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaelis reframe self-care as the essential stabilizer after discovery—not bubble baths, but daily practices that calm the nervous system and restore capacity. Using the PIERS framework(Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Relational, Spiritual), they show how gentle movement (not overexertion) can switch off fight-or-flight, how learning gives language and edges to a blurry trauma story, and how naming and expressing emotions releases their grip. They highlight the power of connection—groups and one trusted person—to accelerate healing, and they broaden “spiritual” to include values, nature, and quiet reflection that settles the body and clears the mind. With habit-stacking tips (like listening to an audiobook while walking) and cautions against overwhelming already-taxed systems, the episode invites listeners to take one small, doable step today: choose a PIERS practice you can repeat tomorrow. The message is simple and compassionate—you are worth taking care of, and consistent self-care is how your boat stays afloat through the storm. Resources Available Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal CourseA structured 12-session program with videos, assignments, and group support for betrayed partners.👉 https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/hope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal Human Intimacy Online CommunityJoin our upcoming educational support group with Dr. Skinner and Marianne Michaelis—weekly sessions, Q&As, and guided learning designed to provide tools and community for ongoing recovery. Additional Resources Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal – Dr. Kevin Skinner’s book exploring the science and path of recovery. The Other Side of Infidelity – Dr. Skinner’s TEDx Talk introducing the trauma model of sexual betrayal. Free articles, podcasts, and exercises available at HumanIntimacy.com  

You’re Not Going Crazy: Understanding Your Body’s Response to Betrayal through the Polyvagal Lens Episode Summary In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore why betrayed partners often feel like they’re “going crazy” in the aftermath of discovery. Drawing on Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, they explain how your body’s automatic survival responses—fight, flight, or freeze—are not signs of instability but biological protections designed to keep you safe. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn walk listeners through the physiological impact of betrayal trauma, describing how the nervous system reacts when safety is shattered. They discuss common physical symptoms such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and panic, explaining how these are natural outcomes of a body in distress. MaryAnn introduces practical grounding tools—like mindful breathing and body awareness—to help listeners reconnect with themselves, while Dr. Skinner emphasizes that healing begins by understanding and respecting the body’s instinct to protect. Together, they outline how to recognize where you are on the Polyvagal Ladder—whether in a state of ventral vagal calm, sympathetic arousal, or dorsal shutdown—and how to use gentle practices to move toward safety, regulation, and connection. This episode offers clarity and compassion for anyone feeling overwhelmed after betrayal, reminding listeners that you are not broken—you’re human, and your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do. 📚 Resources & References Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press. Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark. Human Intimacy — Course: Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal – A 12-week guided program designed for betrayed partners to understand trauma, rebuild safety, and begin recovery. Worksheet: Mapping Your Polyvagal Responses – Included in the course to help you identify your nervous-system states and create personalized strategies for regulation.

Understanding PTSD Symptoms After Sexual Betrayal In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Marianne Michaels dive deep into why sexual betrayal is best understood through the lens of trauma and PTSD. They discuss the history of partner responses—moving away from the outdated “co-addict” model—and explain how research since the mid-2000s has validated that betrayed partners often experience symptoms identical to PTSD. Together, they explore the five PTSD criteria as they relate to betrayal: Criteria B: Reliving it through triggers, flashbacks, and nightmares. Criteria C: Avoidance of people, places, or even one’s own emotions. Criteria D: Negative mood and cognitions, including shame, self-blame, and feeling “not enough.” Criteria E: Hyperarousal and hypervigilance, including sleep issues and self-harm risk. Criteria A: Threats to life, including risks of STDs, sexual violence, or unsafe relationship dynamics. This episode emphasizes that betrayed partners are not crazy—their reactions are normal trauma responses. By identifying symptoms through proper assessments, betrayed partners can validate their experiences and take steps toward healing. 📚 Resources Mentioned Assessment: Trauma Inventory for Betrayed Partners (free access) Skinner, K. (2018). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. Stephens, B., & Rennie, R. (2006). Early research linking betrayal trauma with PTSD symptoms. American Psychiatric Association. (2013). DSM-5: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (for PTSD criteria). Additional Recommended Reading & Support Becker, M. (2019). Compassion for Couples: Building the Skills of Loving Connection. Mays, M. (2023). The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst. Keffer, S. (2018). Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal. HumanIntimacy.com — courses, resources, and upcoming retreats.

Shattered Trust: The Day Everything Changed 🌱 Episode Summary In this opening episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis speak directly to those standing in the aftermath of discovery day—the moment life suddenly changes because of sexual betrayal. They share clinical expertise, personal stories, and research insights from thousands of betrayed partners to validate the shock, confusion, and pain that follow betrayal. Using powerful metaphors like “being hit by a truck,” they help listeners name the trauma and understand why the experience feels so overwhelming. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn also outline how betrayal trauma mirrors the symptoms of PTSD, including intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, avoidance, mood changes, and a deep sense of shattered safety. To bring grounding and relief amidst racing thoughts and overwhelming emotions, they introduce the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding tool, a simple yet powerful exercise that uses the five senses to calm the nervous system. Above all, this episode offers a message of hope: though life may feel broken beyond repair, healing is possible step by step, breath by breath. You are not alone, and there is a pathway forward. 📚 Resources Mentioned Assessment: Betrayal Trauma Symptom Assessment – measure your current experiences and begin tracking your healing journey. Book: Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner – research-based guidance for understanding and healing betrayal trauma. Grounding Exercise: The 5-4-3-2-1 Tool (identify 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste). 12-Step Insight: “A day at a time, a step at a time, a breath at a time.” – a reminder for pacing yourself in the healing process. Support: Visit humanintimacy.com/reclaim for resources, courses, and ongoing support for betrayed partners.