Adam’s on his deathbed, Seth’s asking angels for a dab of “oil of mercy,” and somehow we end up with a medieval fan-theory where a magic tree grows out of Adam’s grave and later becomes the Cross. Yes, really. In this irreverent romp through the final chapters of the Life of Adam and Eve (aka Vita Adae et Evae / Apocalypse of Moses), we pick apart apocryphal add-ons that try way too hard to stitch Genesis to Golgotha—complete with numerology (hello, “70 plagues”), cardinal-direction symbolism, and angels doing glorified side-quests.

We dig into the “fruit of paradise” vs. the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve living in that liminal cul-de-sac outside Eden, and the two “guardian” angels who…didn’t guard. Then it’s off to the Legend of the Holy Rood: Seth plants a seed/branch from the Tree of Life in Adam’s grave; centuries later, that wood shows up everywhere—Noah’s Ark, Moses’ rod, Solomon’s Temple—and finally becomes the Cross. Subtle, it ain’t. Also: “Bethlehem is the center of the earth,” Seth’s unreadable headstones, and Adam being assembled from rivers, winds, clouds, and sunshine like a theologically confused Build-A-Bear.

If you like your Bible lore with side-eye, pop-culture riffs, and zero patience for divine PR, this one’s for you. Listen, laugh, rage—then tell a friend and come heckle with us on Discord.

👉 Listen now at sacrilegiousdiscourse.com

👉 Join our godless rebellion on Discord: discord.gg/VBnyTYV6nC

👉 Support the snark on Patreon: patreon.com/sacrilegiousdiscourse

📌 Topics Covered:

• What “fruit of paradise” actually means (no, not just that tree)
• Angels assigned to “guard” Adam and Eve…who absolutely didn’t
• “70 plagues” as ancient shorthand for “the whole pain buffet”
• The Legend of the Holy Rood: from Adam’s grave-sapling to the Cross
• Seth’s stone/clay tablets and Solomon’s “I can read this because an angel said so” lore drop
• Adam assembled from rivers, winds, clouds, and light (plus a bonus Holy Spirit soul)
• “Bethlehem is the center of the earth” (geography has left the chat)
• Four angels crowdsourcing the name “ADAM” from star initials—because why not

💬 Best Quote from the Episode:

“It was an apologist fanfic.” 

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