Malachi 3: Tithes, Threats, and That Petty Little “God’s Naughty List”

📝 Episode Summary:

We dive headfirst into Malachi 3—the Old Testament’s penultimate guilt trip—where God allegedly sends a “messenger,” talks about refiner’s fire, and then pivots straight into shaking down the peasants for tithes. Yes, the chapter that prosperity preachers love to tattoo on their wallets makes a cameo, and we drag it appropriately. We also point out the weird chapter break (why does 3 basically start in 2?) because Bible editors apparently had a “use every inch of scroll” policy.

From there, it’s all about control: bring your offerings, fall in line, and—our favorite—the regime literally keeps a list of who’s compliant so your neighbors know whether to treat you like a saint or a problem. Politics + religion = surveillance state with incense. “We’re taking down names” isn’t subtle; it’s policy. The hosts call out how “choice” under that system isn’t a choice at all—just coercion in priestly drag.

There’s banter, booze, and birthday bits (yes, really), plus a reminder that we record live on Discord Tuesdays at 10pm ET—come heckle us and you won’t miss the chaos next time.

📌 Topics Covered:

• The “messenger” hype and how Christians retrofit it (refiner’s fire meets fundraising)
• Tithing as divine tax policy—and why Malachi reads like a prosperity sermon starter pack
• Surveillance vibes: the scroll of remembrance (aka God’s naughty/nice ledger) and social control
• Chapter-break nonsense and the scroll-economy of ancient editors
• “Free will” that isn’t: obey or be crushed (by God or by the society built in his name)
• Live-show chaos: birthdays, wine, and thanking new patrons while roasting

💬 Best Quote from the Episode:

“That’s God’s whole thing, is that you have the choice to choose me or I will kill you. Those are your choices.”

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