Get your child to listen
One of the most popular complaints amongst parents is that children don't listen 👂. In a moment of utter defeat, you’re left screaming the same demands you had requested calmly just minutes ago. The energy escalates and everyone is left frustrated and discouraged. I get it and so do most parents.
Here’s the thing though, if you want to get a handle on your child’s unresponsiveness, the first thing you need to do is figure out WHY he is NOT listening. More often than not, his lack of response is a SYMPTOM, not the actual problem.
If you don’t address this issue at its roots, you’re sure to see a simple case of “not listening” blossom into bigger behaviour issues such as tantrums, defiance, and backtalk.
I’m not saying there aren’t times when your child is just flat-out ignoring you–that happens! However, more often than not, it’s less about “not listening” and more about some underlying issue. Is it may be how you communicate with the child?
How to Get Kids to listen
1. Get on Their Level
When you need your child’s attention, make sure you get her attention–that means eye contact. When you lower yourself down and look her in the eye, you not only verify she sees and hears you, but you strengthen the communication as well.
This means you might have to step away from the laundry or put down the whisk for a minute and step into the other room. Proximity is key–you’re not talking down to her or barking orders from the other room–you’re speaking with her.
2. Shorten your Speech
Oh boy, I was as guilty of this as anyone. Parents, and especially moms, tend to turn a five-second answer into a five-minute dissertation!
There’s a saying in the sales industry, “never sell with blah-blah what you can sell with blah.” I think it makes sense in parenting too. When trying to get your kid’s attention, be as concise as possible and they won’t even have time to tune you out!
3. Say Thank You in Advance
Help your kids make an appropriate choice by taking this leap of faith. Your preemptive “Thank you for hanging up your towel after your shower,” will encourage your kids toward good behavior much more than, “I better not see your towel on the floor again!”
People, and yes, even children, will usually live up to our expectations if we manage them in a positive way. Letting them know, in advance, that you trust them to do the right thing will cultivate open communication lines and increase the likelihood the task will get completed.
4. Ensure Comprehension
A simple way to ensure your child has heard you and that she understands is to ask her to repeat back what you said.
5. Make an Observation
If you see a task that’s been left undone, don’t dive in with a big reprimand, just make an OBSERVATION: “I see a jacket on the floor,” or you can ask, “What is your plan for taking care of the trash today?”
“What is your plan for?” is one of my favorite strategies to avoid power struggles. It’s empowering because it’s assumptive on your part that they have a plan–and gives your child an opportunity to save face and quickly come up with a plan in the moment if they didn’t already have one!
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