In this episode of Sex, God, & Chaos, Ben and Roane open up about the realities of chaos, betrayal, addiction, and the long road toward healing. After reflecting on near-death experiences, friendship, and gratitude, they unpack three phases of recovery—from the disorienting early days of emotional upheaval to the deeper work of dependence, community, and spiritual transformation. Roane introduces Dallas Willard’s VIM framework (Vision, Intention, Means) to illustrate how people begin the journey toward wholeness, while Ben challenges listeners to recognize why so many get stuck in the early phase and never move forward. Together they describe what a truly healthy, integrated person looks like—someone who lives with peace, awareness, humility, and relational depth. Whether you’re facing betrayal trauma, walking through addiction recovery, or simply seeking emotional and spiritual maturity, this conversation offers clarity, hope, and a practical path toward bringing order to the chaos.

In this honest and practical conversation, Ben and Roane unpack one of the most misused and misunderstood words in Christian recovery: grace. What does grace actually look like after betrayal? Why can’t it be rushed, demanded, or faked? And how does real relational grace — not spiritual bypass — actually help rebuild a marriage in crisis? They explore shame, ownership, community, the order of grace, and why healing requires connection—not platitudes.

In this powerful conversation, Ben and Roane unpack the difference between meaning and significance—why knowing what something means isn’t the same as understanding why it matters. From the “performance trap” and approval addiction to the quiet war with shame, the guys explore how misplaced significance keeps us stuck—and how Christ reframes our worth completely. With stories from recovery, practical emotional tools, and a raw look at how God gives meaning to our pain, this episode is a masterclass in honest faith and healing. 🎧 Topics include: • The danger of chasing approval • How shame hijacks identity • Finding significance beyond performance • Emotional regulation and mindfulness in recovery • Why God calls you significant—no matter your past If you’ve ever felt unseen, unworthy, or stuck in performance mode, this episode is for you. #FaithRecovery #ChristianPodcast #MensHealing #SpiritualGrowth #EmotionalHealth #OvercomingShame #TrueSignificance #FaithAndMentalHealth #AddictionRecovery #AuthenticFaith #GraceOverGuilt #HealingJourney #PurposeDrivenLife #ChristianMen #TransparencyInFaith #FaithBasedRecovery #MeaningAndSignificance #InnerHealing #JesusCenteredRecovery #VulnerabilityWins

This episode dives into the complex dynamics of intimacy and personal growth within relationships, addressing the challenges of a sexless marriage and the impact of sexual addiction. We explore how feelings of rejection, loneliness, and communication breakdowns can affect partnerships, offering insights and strategies for healing and reconnection.

In this episode, Roane and Ben sit down for an honest update on Ben’s recent health challenges. Ben shares the journey from his 1997 cancer diagnosis to the long-term effects he’s facing today, including the discovery that most of his pancreas has shut down and the upcoming surgery to address it. They discuss how faith, community, and emotional awareness are shaping the way he navigates this season, and why honesty in the midst of hardship matters. It’s a candid conversation about fear, trust, control, and living with purpose when the future is uncertain.

Ben and Roane discuss the concept of "spiritual bypass," a phenomenon where individuals use religious or spiritual language to avoid dealing with their emotional pain. They highlight how this practice is prevalent in faith communities and can be harmful, leading to a lack of accountability and genuine growth. Examples include phrases like "God's gonna use this" and "When God closes a door, he opens a window." They emphasize the importance of addressing trauma, emotional sobriety, and the need for empathy and real love. The conversation aims to challenge the spiritual bypass culture and promote genuine spiritual growth and transformation.

Roane discusses the pervasive issue of pornography addiction with Ted Shimer, founder of the Freedom Fight. Ted highlights the significant impact of high-speed internet and smartphones on adolescent brains, leading to deeper and broader addictions. A Barna study reveals that 78% of practicing Christians aged 18-70 watch porn, with 90% of younger Christians affected. Ted emphasizes the need for discipleship and equipping rather than just recovery, using biblical principles and brain science to address the roots of addiction. They discuss the importance of emotional awareness, identity in Christ, and community support for lasting freedom.

Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter host the "Sex God and Chaos" podcast, discussing addiction and recovery. They are joined by Troy Haas, a guest speaker at a men's coaching weekend at Ebenezer Place. Troy shares his journey with addiction to sex, food, and substances, and how his life transformed after meeting Jesus in prison. He emphasizes the importance of community and vulnerability in overcoming addiction, using the story of Jesus and Lazarus to illustrate how relationships can help remove "grave clothes" and achieve true freedom. Troy also discusses his work with Hope Quest, an organization that helps men and their families find freedom from addiction.

Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the complexities of relapse in addiction recovery, emphasizing the importance of clear communication between partners. They differentiate between a slip and a relapse. Roane shares his 35-year recovery journey, highlighting the need for awareness, connection, and gratitude. They stress the significance of seeking professional help and maintaining accountability through men's groups. The conversation underscores the necessity of mutual understanding and shared definitions of relapse to navigate the recovery process effectively.

In this episode, Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss Carl Lehenbauer's book "Fire and Song," which explores the Song of Solomon's deeper meanings and its relevance to modern marriages. Carl shares his journey of teaching the Song of Solomon, which led him to write a novel that integrates its themes into practical advice for marital intimacy. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the Hebrew poetry and the book's role in addressing societal issues around marriage and sexuality. The conversation highlights the need for grace, deep emotional connection, and physical intimacy in marriages, supported by a strong relationship with God.

Roane and Eva Hunter host Joey and Elizabeth Maxon to discuss their journey through recovery from sex and porn addiction. Joey, a former PGA Tour golfer, shares his struggle with addiction. Elizabeth recounts the emotional turmoil of learning about Joey's addiction and their subsequent recovery process. They emphasize the importance of faith, community, and open communication in their healing. Joey and Elizabeth have since founded Restoried, a nonprofit focused on helping couples and men in recovery

In this episode, Roane and Ben discuss the importance of finding purpose and meaning beyond sobriety in recovery from sexual addiction. They emphasize the need for a deeper understanding of one's life and relationships, advocating for personal growth and intentionality. Roane shares his transformative experience with a Christian counselor and the divine calling he felt. They critique the quick-fix approaches often seen in the church and stress the importance of long-term, inward work. Ben highlights the necessity of engaging with stories of those who have successfully navigated their recovery journeys. They both agree that true purpose and contentment are found in simple, meaningful actions and relationships, such as being a faithful spouse or parent.

In this episode, Roane and Ben discuss emotional dysregulation, emphasizing its importance in recovery and life. They explain that emotional dysregulation means not being able to manage emotions under stress, often learned from childhood experiences. Men, in particular, struggle with emotional awareness, often turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like pornography. They highlight the need for awareness, understanding core emotions (mad, sad, glad, afraid), and developing healthy coping skills. The conversation also touches on the challenges of emotional communication in relationships, advocating for mutual curiosity and community support to navigate emotional triggers and behaviors.

In this episode, Roane and Ben dive deep into the moment many encounter—the realization that they've "hit the wall." This wall represents the accumulation of unhealthy coping mechanisms and unmet desires, often rooted in a lack of guidance around relationships and sexuality. The conversation explores what to do when life makes you aware of the damage, whether through personal reflection or external confrontation. Ben and Roane discuss the fork in the road that follows this painful awareness: staying stuck in destructive patterns or choosing the difficult but rewarding path of growth. They share personal insights and hard truths about the cost of ignoring these moments—financially, emotionally, and relationally. The episode also touches on the unfolding nature of awareness, how it brings clarity and truth, and why choosing growth can lead to a fuller, more honest life. This candid and transformative conversation is for those who find themselves at a crossroads, seeking guidance and hope in the face of life's hard truths.

Tray Lovvorn discusses his complex journey. Tray's ministry, Undone, Redone, faced challenges when his second marriage to Melody ended in divorce after their reconciliation. Despite his efforts to reconcile and maintain transparency, his ex-wife accused him of infidelity and manipulation, leading to the collapse of their marriage and ministry. Tray underwent a polygraph and psychological evaluation, which cleared him of all wrongdoing. Nearly four years later, he now plans to remarry and continue his work in men's ministry, emphasizing the importance of doing personal work and maintaining integrity. In this conversation, Tray reflects on his journey of recovery, emphasizing the importance of masculine identity and community. He also addresses the broader societal issues of masculinity and femininity, advocating for equality and the importance of men finding their true identity.

Ben, Roe, & Roane discuss the complexities of therapy, focusing on the importance of confronting and handling offensive feedback. They emphasize that growth requires resistance and that therapists should balance honesty with sensitivity. Men, in particular, struggle with receiving honest feedback, often shutting down or reacting defensively. The conversation highlights the need for therapists to create a safe space where clients can be challenged without feeling threatened. They also touch on cultural norms around discomfort and death, suggesting that embracing discomfort is essential for personal growth. They stress the value of community and time in processing and integrating difficult truths.

In this episode, Ben, Roane, and Roe discuss the complexities of engaging in therapeutic work, particularly in the context of addiction and relationship issues. They highlight the challenges faced by individuals and couples seeking therapy, including unrealistic expectations and the misconception that therapy can quickly resolve deep-seated issues. They emphasize the importance of consistent effort, support groups, and attunement in the therapeutic process. The conversation also touches on the role of social media in shaping perceptions and the necessity of addressing underlying emotional and attachment issues rather than just surface problems.

In this episode, we dive deep into the intricate relationship between fear and shame, exploring how these two emotions are intertwined and how they shape our lives. Roane, Eva, and Ben discuss how fear often lurks beneath shame, influencing everything from our actions to the masks we wear to gain acceptance. They share personal stories of wrestling with fear—from childhood anxieties to adulthood insecurities—revealing the powerful ways fear holds us back from being truly known. As we unpack the societal pressures to present perfection, especially in conservative environments, you'll discover how this pressure not only rewards surface-level success but also feeds feelings of unworthiness. Tune in as we explore the role of fear in our personal journeys, and learn why identifying and confronting it is key to living authentically.

In this episode Roane, Eva, and Ben the importance of awareness and change in overcoming relationship challenges, emphasizing the need for both individuals in the couple to engage in their own healing work. They highlight the complexities of trauma and betrayal, and the importance of vulnerability, reassurance, and authentic communication in building and maintaining intimacy. They also emphasize the role of trust in relationships and the need for a surgical, effective solution to address immediate feelings of guilt and shame. By sharing their experiences, they emphasize the importance of regulating emotions and healing the brain to overcome the challenges of what they call "intimacy disorder".

Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the challenges of making lasting changes in our lives, including deeply ingrained behaviors and thought patterns. They explore the role of generational and conditioned patterns, the brain's limbic system, and developmental stages in avoidance behavior. They also discuss the importance of recognizing and overcoming shame and false beliefs in personal transformation, highlighting the difficulty of this process due to the unconscious nature of these beliefs. Both emphasize the importance of authentic community and personal disclosure in counseling, as well as the need to defrost the hippocampus to process and heal from trauma.