The school’s version of sex-ed vs what you’ve been teaching is very different.
So, what now?
Send him in to learn about sex-ed from this point of view or keep him home so that your point of view remains unchallenged?
It can be a tough decision, yet it can also be simple.
Are we trying to create clones of ourselves or raise kids that are free to be exactly who they are and can come and talk to us about anything under the sun?
The latter, right?
So maybe, we can ask him how he feels about it and also weigh up the pros and cons of being part of the lesson so together you and he can make a collaborative decision.
This in itself is a great life skill.
I’m sharing a few nuggets in today’s episode (if I do say so myself) and I look forward to hearing how you get on with them.
In today’s episode we cover:
If you’d like to join us in the Evolve School where I teach the whole Evolved Family Method let me know here.
Until next episode,
x Sarah
Our job is to be there for our kids, no matter what.
And their job is to ask for help, no matter what.
And so if there is something that they need to talk about, they need to know they must ask for help.
As many times as possible, until they get it.
People being hurt by sex (this can happen for many reasons) is a difficult topic to speak about.
But having these kinds of chats with our kids is important.
For their growth and awareness.
So have a listen to this week’s episode to learn how to have this kind of talk with your kid.
Building the courage to speak openly with our kids about all kinds of topics is important for our own connection with them and ourselves.
If you need more support with this, feel free to reach out here and leave me your details. I’ll get back to you.
For now, have a listen to how we use courage to have complex conversations about difficult topics.
x Sarah
Speaking to kids in general about sensitive topics is hard.
If you have a kid on the spectrum, you may question if this is still appropriate.
And it most definitely is.
Saying more as early as you can is how you protect them and support them in their uniqueness.
I’m giving 3 recommendations in this episode of how to chat with your kid, who’s on the spectrum.
Recommended Books:
Things Tom Likes by Kate E Reynolds
Things Ellie Likes by Kate E Reynolds
What’s happening to Ellie by Kate E Reynolds
What’s happening to Tom by Kate E Reynolds
The growing up book for boys by Davida Hartman
The growing up book for girls by Davida Hartman
Sensory: Life on the spectrum by Schnumn
Divergent Mind: Thriving in a world that wasn’t designed for you by Jenara Nerenberg
If you would like to learn all the strategies inside the growth, courage and kindness pillars let me know here.
Until next episode,
Sarah
And is now fixated on the fact that people kiss each other’s private parts if they’re in a relationship.
Now this is not only awkward but it’s complex.
Where do you start with this?
What do you focus on?
What do you say?
Here’s the thing, it’s likely that you’re both shocked.
You: that she knows this information.
Her: that anybody would want to put their mouth on another’s private area.
So in this episode I'm going to show you how to help your kid who's fixated on the fact that people kiss each other's privates, if they're in a relationship.
Accept that kids talk (4:34)
What is consent (6:38)
Have a convo about sex? (8:30)
Want to learn the complete evolved family method that helps parents and other caring adults manage feelings of awkwardness while talking about quite complex details about bodies and sexuality?
Click here and I’ll send you some information.
Until next episode,
x Sarah
“Family comes first.’
‘Girls don’t answer back.’
‘Don’t be awkward.’
How about, “It’s ok not to be hugged or kissed by (insert family member’s name)?”
Girls should know that they’ve a right to set boundaries and know what that looks and feels like.
That’s what being a courageous parent will help you do.
It will help you support your little girl in setting healthy boundaries around her body.
Today’s episode highlights that it doesn't matter what age your kid is, you can speak up for them until they're old enough to speak up for themselves.
In today’s episode you’ll learn:
Knowing what to do is one thing but do you have the ability to sit with the intense emotions of others and stay centred and grounded at the same time?
If not, and you would like support, let me know here.
Until next episode,
x Sarah
Kids are constantly learning how to make choices, without hurting others.
They’re learning about consent and what that looks like for themselves and others.
They’re learning about what is enjoyable for them.
They’re discovering what brings them pleasure.
And it’s our job as parents to give them lots of chances to discover these things safely and with encouragement and joy.
Proteced from the judgment of others, in particular other adults and their secret messages.
I understand that this can bring up very complex emotions too so it’s vital to have the necessary support so we can be what our kid(s) need.
Have a listen to this episode for 3 things you can do when your 5-yr-old likes to wear his cousin’s ballerina dress.
Also, if you need that extra support remember you can sign up here for The Evolved School.
Until next week,
x Sarah
Potential responses…
Silence, because what do you say?
Tell them that’s an inappropriate question and they mustn’t ask again because what if they say something at school?
Ask other parent friends for their advice because what do you say?!
All these responses make sense.
They’re an indication of the tongue-tied parenting effect.
And so in this week’s episode I’m giving 3 pointers that will help you answer the question, in an age-appropriate way, whilst offering a way for you to look after yourself as well.
Have a broader convo about what sex is (2:54)
How to talk about pleasure in an age-appropriate way (5:34)
Giving your kid context for the consequences of sharing info (10:33)
If you feel uncomfortable, tongue-tied and unsure about having sensitive convos with your kid(s), The Evolve School is a great place for you to learn the skills and get tools and resources to support you inside a like-minded community.
Connected communication is centred on growth, courage and kindness.
If you’re Interested in joining let me know here.
x Sarah
He says he hates genitals.
His and everybody else’s. He thinks they're super weird.
Did I say too much too soon?
What can I do now to help him with these feelings?
These might be questions you find yourself asking yourself when your kid tells you they hate something about themselves after giving them much needed info about bodies and life.
We need a range of skills to feel like we’re doing a good enough job.
So what do you do when you’ve been doing the “right” things and then your kid tells you they hate parts of theirs and others bodies?
In today’s episode we’re learning how to use courage to stay focused and present in the presence of really complex, difficult and even painful emotions.
Let your kid(s) know that they get to talk about things:
If your nervous system is all over the place and you need support for yourself, consider joining our community of parents who are learning the skills, tools and techniques to take care of their own needs as well as their kid(s).
Sign up here to learn more.
x Sarah
This is a sign your baby is growing up!
Her classmates are throwing the term boyfriend/girlfriend around and now she’s asking what that is.
This might confuse you as you think about what these terms mean when referring to adults.
Which will get you thinking about what is ok for your kid to know. Right?
Because clearly, and this is ok, your kid is just catching up with this stage of development.
So let me share ways you can explain to your 8-yr-old what boyfriends/girlfriends are in a way that is inclusive, invites open communication and builds a deeper connection.
We’re pulling from the growth pillar for this one and of course, as usual, if you need more support for your own emotions and needs you are invited to leave your details here.
Wanna skip to the good parts?
Reasons we may not have already had this convo and why that’s ok (1:30)
How to be inclusive and less gendered (4:30)
Why it’s important to talk about all the different types of relationships (5:29)
Ways to share your experiences to normalise big feelings (7:38)
I’d love to hear your stories on how you got on with starting convos about sensitive topics such as explaining what boyfriends and girlfriends are drop me a DM.
x Sarah
Would you stick the words pu$$y or c0ck on the fridge as a fun learning technique?
Can you imagine your mum or aunt coming over and them seeing that?
No?
Ok, so this might not be suitable for your family and that’s ok.
I’m sharing how this CAN work for some and other ways that it could work for you, if this feels too extreme.
So let’s dive into how you can have an open convo with your kids about the slang words used for body parts so they’re informed and feel able to talk to you about anything.
Do you always have to use the correct anatomical word? (4:46)
Characteristics of an evolved communicating family (6:23)
Build a bridge and make it fun (7:36)
How can I be sure my kid won’t get confused and use these slang words in everyday life? (11:39)
As you know, we use 3 pillars to help you build your evolved communicating family. Growth, Courage & Kindness.
Growth is about being able to talk about all and any sensitive topics no matter what age your kid is at. Courage is about being able to start convos about challenging/sensitive topics.
The kindness pillar is all about emotional management aka emotional intelligence.
If you could use support with any of these pillars let me know you’d like some info by leaving your details here.
Until next week,
Sarah
Do you have the skills and abilities to sit with really complex emotions?
Complex emotions like fear, worry, embarrassment, tension, or anger.
Whether they show up in you or others?
This is what you can learn if you join my community to learn The Evolved Family Method.
Your friend, who you love, is constantly making negative and toxic comments about her body and the body of others, around your kids.
You want her to stop but need some help in what to say.
In today’s episode I’m sharing how you can discuss this with your kids and also how you can best approach your friend.
Connection is at the heart of Sitting In a Car and for the relationship you want to build with your kids and the adults in your life.
Remember to grab a pen and paper so you can get the suggested wording to use and adapt for your own convos going forward.
You can also grab the free resource I mentioned via the link in my bio. (KELI CAN YOU MAKE SURE THIS LINK IS IN THE INSTAGRAM BIO PLEASE - You can edit the bio in searchie - thanks)
If you would love more support with your emotions, talking about sensitive things and plucking up the courage to do so, then The Evolved Family Method may be for you.
Drop me a DM to have a chat or head to the link in my bio to join The Evolve School waitlist.
x Sarah
‘How do you discuss sexual desire with adolescents?
And without shame?’ This is such a great question –
and it's not just a question for parents of adolescents.
It's a question that relates to kids of all ages.
Because when our young people know what desire is and can talk about it,
it’s a sign of self-awareness.
They are learning to speak up for the things they need and want.
And pushing push back against the shame that might keep them quiet or small
and not able to speak about what they want.
We've lots to say on this wonderful and important topic.
And lots of tips for you, for when you have convos about this –
including how to chat to your teenagers,
and want more privacy, and mightn't want to chat to YOU about any of this at all!
This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x
‘What do you say when your 9-year-old daughter says she doesn’t want to have a period?’
This is such a good question -
and not just for parents of 9-year-olds who are thinking about periods,
but for all of us.
Cos this question is really about connection.
This week on Sitting in a Car, I remember when I got my first period.
Because my family didn’t talk about periods, I decided I wanted to keep my period a secret.
(You can hear how that worked out here.)
This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x
A mum asks,
‘How do you deal with awkward daddies?
Ours panics at the word vagina when our girls say it.’
This is such a super question,
because it allows us to chat about gender,
and the expectations around what certain genders get to say and do.
In this week’s episode, I talk about how to make space for male parents to grow into talking to their kids about puberty, bodies, and sex.
This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x
‘If your 8-year-old child is not asking questions,
should you initiate the conversation?
How do you know what they’re ready to learn?’
This is such a great question,
because it gets to the heart of what we think about s=e=x=.
And the answer to this question applies to children of every age.
In our video and podcast this week, there are loads of great ways to get this convo started, even if you’re both new at it.
Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x
‘How can I chat with my squeamish 8-year-old about periods?
I started a conversation with her once about periods, and she was totally squicked out.
I’d love some help.’
What a great question. I’m sure this parent isn’t alone in this.
So what do we do when we have info we need to give our kid
so that they stay safe and healthy growing up,
but which they’re too squicked out to hear?
My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method.
The Courage pillar helps us look at how we can support our child exactly as they are,
without pretending, or wishing, they were easier to talk to about sensitive stuff!
It teaches us how to start conversations, and which actual words to use.
To hear more about how to use the Courage pillar and chat with your squicky kid about periods,
watch this week's episode of SItting in a Car here.
And here’s to doing our best to stay connected to our growing kids.
x Sarah
This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x
Let’s talk about how to teach your kid about consent –
even if you’re not sure they’re old enough.
For a lot of us,
consent can feel like a super tricky area.
‘Cause consent is about sex, right?
So in order to chat with your kid about consent –
to help them know their own boundaries and needs,
while respecting the boundaries and needs of others –
they need to know about sex.
Right?
Actually, not at all!
We can start helping our kids understand about consent
from when they’re very small.
To hear more about how to teach our kids about consent
in everyday ways, no matter their age, watch this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car
x Sarah
If you’re finding that teaching consent is becoming increasingly important to you,
DM me so I can let you know how The Evolve School could help you do this important part of parenting x
This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x
Let’s talk about how to chat with your kid about puberty,
in a way that makes them feel supported
and able to come to you with any questions or worries they have as they grow up.
Here’s what A LOT of courageous but tongue-tied parents do,
when it comes to chatting about puberty.
They wait to chat with their kids about puberty,
until they begin to see the signs that their kid might be starting to go through it.
And THEN,
they have, or try to have, a conversation with their kid about it.
That makes sense, right?
But here’s the problem.
if you don’t talk about any of this stuff with your kid when they are younger and feeling relaxed in their body,
AND THEN suddenly out of the blue start talking about it with your kid while their body is already changing,
there’s going to be a *lot* of awkwardness.
But! Good news.
There are ways to prevent this.
For lots more about how to dive into the complexities of starting ongoing conversations with your kid
about puberty and so much more,
watch this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car here on Facebook.
x Sarah
Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x
“Is it ok to tell a 4-year-old they came out of the vagina?”
What an awesome question this week.
It’s important for all adults to think about this, even if your kids are older or younger.
I think the answer starts with how we can get comfortable doing the parts of parenting that feel extra difficult.
(In this weeks episode, I tell a personal story about how my anxiety stopped me being able to show up for my kids in an everyday situation.)
So what can parents and other adults who care for children say to young kids about how babies are born?
To hear more about how to chat about birth,
have a look at this week’s episode.
Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family, but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x
‘How can I have conversations about consent with young children?’
I love this question.
Because yes, it’s about consent, my favourite subject –
but consent isn’t always about sex so that makes it an easy topic to talk about with smaller kids.
You see, consent is actually about respecting yourself and others.
And we all want to raise kids who respect themselves and the people around them :)
So, YES!
We certainly can talk about consent with very young kids.
And the great thing about it, is,
childhood is FULL of ways to chat about consent.
I have a story for you this week
about something I overheard, during one of my kids’ playdates,
where a really gross, funny game was happening,
and how I intervened, to let everyone know
that nobody has to eat anything they don’t want to eat (don’t ask!).
Watch this week's episode below. It’s a good one
x Sarah
Ps. and if you’ve got pets at home I’ve got some ideas in this weeks episode that might work really well for your family.
Ps. This email is a gentle reminder about this past episode of Sitting in a Car and how it can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x