I was 5 years old, holding a kitchen knife, doing math. If I kill him first, does the pain stop? My mother was in the hospital—skull cracked open, recovering. Bill Miller was wanted for arson, attempted murder and sexual assault. He was living with us. So I calculated. Cold. Precise. The way a kindergartener shouldn't be capable of calculating. I didn't do it. But the fact that I could tells you everything about what was coming. 72% of boys who experience this don't make it to 25....
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I was 5 years old, holding a kitchen knife, doing math. If I kill him first, does the pain stop? My mother was in the hospital—skull cracked open, recovering. Bill Miller was wanted for arson, attempted murder and sexual assault. He was living with us. So I calculated. Cold. Precise. The way a kindergartener shouldn't be capable of calculating. I didn't do it. But the fact that I could tells you everything about what was coming. 72% of boys who experience this don't make it to 25....
1962. Before my mother could enter America, she had to prove she wasn't a lesbian. This is how the American Dream started. Episode 1 live now. My mother survived being born a scandal, immigration to America, and married a black man in 1962. She didn't stay dead. This is Sylvia. The Blonde Warrior. The woman who taught me that survival isn't about being unbreakable—it's about breaking and still getting up. Everything that comes after—the chaos, the violence, my 1 in 8.3 billion odds—starts w...
My father called my mother "good white pussy." He tried to burn our house down with my pregnant mother inside. This was Tuesday afternoon in my family. When violence is your inheritance and chaos is your curriculum, you learn that normal is a lie people tell themselves. You learn to read a room in seconds. You learn which kind of silence means someone's about to die. This episode is about the family traditions no one puts in scrapbooks. The ones that teach you survival before you learn to...
I was 5 years old, holding a kitchen knife, doing math. If I kill him first, does the pain stop? My mother was in the hospital—skull cracked open, recovering. Bill Miller was wanted for arson, attempted murder and sexual assault. He was living with us. So I calculated. Cold. Precise. The way a kindergartener shouldn't be capable of calculating. I didn't do it. But the fact that I could tells you everything about what was coming. 72% of boys who experience this don't make it to 25....
I asked an AI to calculate my statistical probability of surviving my life. It said: 1 in 8.3 billion. Essentially impossible. Childhood sexual abuse. At 5, I attempted to murder my mother's rapist. AIDS epidemic San Francisco. Severe alcoholism. Alcohol. Meth. Coke. Sex. Brother murdered. Strangled twice. 28 deaths witnessed by age 30. I shouldn't be here. But I am. And I've seen some shit. This 19-episode memoir podcast is about more than survival. It's about what happened when I pres...
I was 5 years old, holding a kitchen knife, doing math. If I kill him first, does the pain stop? My mother was in the hospital—skull cracked open, recovering. Bill Miller was wanted for arson, attempted murder and sexual assault. He was living with us. So I calculated. Cold. Precise. The way a kindergartener shouldn't be capable of calculating. I didn't do it. But the fact that I could tells you everything about what was coming. 72% of boys who experience this don't make it to 25....
