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The Ascertainers
The Ascertainers
141 episodes
6 days ago
Send us a text This one was recorded before Christmas, so any current events won't be covered--which helps the episode. Also, this is the second episode of the night, so if you detect a slight slurring, there's no need to adjust your settings... Stevie Ray Vaughn and Christopher Cross Connection Dog days of winterLatitude vs longitude lesson (who says this episode isn't cool)S.A.D. talkHat tip to So I Married an Axe MurdererWho's ready for the Newt's Apple Valley--Ascertainers Bowl...
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Send us a text This one was recorded before Christmas, so any current events won't be covered--which helps the episode. Also, this is the second episode of the night, so if you detect a slight slurring, there's no need to adjust your settings... Stevie Ray Vaughn and Christopher Cross Connection Dog days of winterLatitude vs longitude lesson (who says this episode isn't cool)S.A.D. talkHat tip to So I Married an Axe MurdererWho's ready for the Newt's Apple Valley--Ascertainers Bowl...
Show more...
Music Commentary
Comedy,
Music,
Society & Culture
Episodes (20/141)
The Ascertainers
Episode 141: Happy New Year
Send us a text This one was recorded before Christmas, so any current events won't be covered--which helps the episode. Also, this is the second episode of the night, so if you detect a slight slurring, there's no need to adjust your settings... Stevie Ray Vaughn and Christopher Cross Connection Dog days of winterLatitude vs longitude lesson (who says this episode isn't cool)S.A.D. talkHat tip to So I Married an Axe MurdererWho's ready for the Newt's Apple Valley--Ascertainers Bowl...
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6 days ago
37 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 140: Glandman
Send us a text Somehow, we've made 140 of these--very hard to believe. The over/under number from Vegas was 3.5, so we have technically overachieved. With that said, this episode covers a lot of ground and while potentially entertaining, won't make you a better person. Brown Sugar--just how?Newt's-- you go there and eat good foodMom updatesFrom genius to idiot to back to geniusTough week in the newsRob ReinerJake Paul distractionAwardsThe retirement party gang didn't come throughS...
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1 week ago
35 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 139: It's Not Comma Sutra?
Send us a text Big news on this one is that Mark's been granted clearance to once again enjoy his favorite beverage--Coors Light (potential sponsor?). Fun little episode with a nice cause to consider linked at the end of this write up. Shoutout Feegeebandmn for the funky theme musicShoutout Jenson Creative for the spiffy T ShirtsShoutout to Newt's Apple Valley for being the best (and only) sponsor ever!!Mark gets carnivorous (well chicken anyway)It's all about editing these days Bi...
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2 weeks ago
37 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 138: It's Christmas Time Again
Send us a text Well, just like that, it's Winter in Minnesota. We are joined on this one by the lovely and talented (and tolerant), Kris--Jim's wife. Sea MonkeysMissionarySongs of the Week:The Spirit of Christmas--Ray CharlesO Holy Night--Carrie UnderwoodPetri DishMile High ClubPassing the Curling torchChristmas MemoriesBaby it's Cold OutsideDean MartinBill MaherConanSocks and StockingsKris's Adult Christmas CardHot WheelsNewt's--Burgers, Fries and a Milkshake too!#Newt'sAppleValley #Th...
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3 weeks ago
42 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 137--Thanksgiving Recap
Send us a text Recorded a matinee following Thanksgiving. Mark is still on the wagon, and Jim is just getting started, so this one is a bit more coherent than most. Ever pooped on a plane?Thanksgiving recapShoutout to our Selena!Football halftime showsPost Malone, Jack White and EminemSides/leftoversDutch oven variationsThat Gomer Pyle sure can singLawrence WelkSongs of the Week:Lawyers, Guns and Money--Warren ZevonLike a Rolling Stone--as performed by SpiritRIP Jimmy CliffMark o...
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1 month ago
38 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 136: One Hit Wonders
Send us a text Today we look at one hit wonders, who prove that to be a known band takes more than one song. No kidding. Buried on the One Hit Wonder discussion: Salute to Service--Thanks Mark, and who was more useless between Oates, Richard Carpenter and The Captain? More links will be added shortly. Candy Corn factsHalloween disappointmentsA fist of GatoradeCurrent events and historyZedSongs of the WeekThe Escape Club--Wild Wild WestStealers Wheel--Stuck in the Midd...
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1 month ago
39 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 135: Markus Interruptus
Send us a text We are just getting back to this following our hiatus, and either Jim was way too amped up or Mark sabotaged Jim in editing to make it sound like he was interrupting--a lot. You be the judge. I scream you screamShoutout Alex and Paul for our theme musicGleemerThank you for your service, MarkBack to ice cream noveltiesFarewell Pat and SueThe lost art of imaginationMystery TheaterRetsynWatermelonRobert Redford RevisitedJane Goodall--overratedWas Madonna hot?Charlie DanielsY...
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1 month ago
36 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 134: Not Dead Yet
Send us a text Hey everybody--did you miss us? We had to take a couple of weeks off because Joe Rogan's representation suggested that our ratings were becoming problematic. We rode it out and are glad you came back! The streak is brokenMark has something to sayShoutout the wonderful Dianne!Gateway meatHow to get a Dr Sponge bath confessionsPuddySong of the WeekThe Question--Moody BluesBlack Diamond--The Replacements (cover)RIP Ace FrehleyDry for rest of the year for one of us...
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1 month ago
36 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 133: Back to It
Send us a text Back from 3 weeks off and it only kind of shows. Jim is sorry for the excessive use of the F word. Stick and stones, people... Bucket trapNewt's--Exciting new menu item: Milkshakes!Shoutout Lance from ThinkDrinkDisneySong of the Week:VanHalen--Ain't Talkin' 'Bout LoveGovernment Mule and Friends--Soul ShineRIP Local Newsman Stan TurnerDeviled HamCoach pantsChief ExportHands and Feet and other popular phrasesMark's multi-screen experience#Newt's #ThinkDrinkDisne...
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3 months ago
36 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 132: Blast From the Past
Send us a text Due to scheduling conflicts (we're both very popular), we had to reach into the pantry and pull an episode off the shelf. This one can be described as old and sorta loose. Grow up. We spend as much time trying to conceal the date of the recording as anything else. Mark singsNewt's gets their beer's worth on this oneClassic Civil Defense WarningRadio Game--have you missed it?2nd AlbumsBetter Cars singer?Mark's visit to churchBest last name everAscertainers Dopp...
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3 months ago
34 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 131: Extra Innings With our Mystery Guest
Send us a text They say size doesn't matter (well Mark does, anyway), but this one flowed so well, that we ran long. No extra charge. This is the second episode of the recording session with our Mystery Guest. Wide ranging topics and some deep insights that our regular listeners (both of you) might not be used to. Slacks/Trousers/PantsMalcolm in the MiddleHow guys communicateNicknamesPowered by Newt'sWhat Mark sawTeachers used to mean businessOur first phone guestSchool lunc...
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3 months ago
1 hour 4 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 130: Mystery Guest
Send us a text Nobody is completely clear as to why today's guest is anonymous. Maybe he's famous or something. Jim's famous wife joins as well. Dick & JaneThe big anatomy book (the book is big, the anatomy is regular size)Bruce JennerousYour Digital OasisThe Body HumanGolf recap"Have you ever filmed yourself swinging?"Are the Packers for real?QB confidenceGumbaccoFreshen up gumMr Unlimited vs Dandy DonDIY BloodsportSchool-age McGuyverCome on, Buford!Songs of the Week:Brothers...
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3 months ago
44 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 129: With Apologies to Singapore
Send us a text I'd describe this one as bouncy and light. A couple of decent laughs to be had. Thanks for listening! The Optimistic Alligator TamerVacation Boxing in BangkokPoint of PrideMickey's Diner > or < Waffle HouseMN State FairAirplane was a cover?David Lee Roth is at it againSongs of the Week:Pink Floyd--Learning to FlyOutlaws--Green Grass and High TidesTalk show host primerESPN Anchor nostalgiaGroup photosLeonard SkinnerGuiness Book of World RecordsNewt's--saving th...
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3 months ago
36 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 128: The Best and the Worst
Send us a text Took a couple of weeks off and the break might have paid off. You decide... Eric from JL BeersCracker BarrelShoutout guests Jack and JakeNewt's--How to eat for $2.13MN State FairThe miracle of birthSongs of the WeekWillie Wisely--ParadorBlind Melon--DriveWhat Jim thinks the road must be likeThe rest of the Police hate StingKeith Moon--overrated?Benny HillPhyllis DillerSteve Steven's footwearThe Prince Solo#NewtsAppleValleyMN TheAscertainers@gmail.com Willie Wisely & t...
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4 months ago
38 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 127: Jack and Jake Part 2
Send us a text We bring the adult neighbor kids back for a second round. We tackle some of life's most pressing questions. The power of enunciationGuest Newt's spotBoo hoo Billy JoelWe're Pontiac famousAn inch can be a lotThe Most Famous Person You've Ever MetBill Murray winsSongs of the WeekBilly Idol--Eyes Without a FaceRiley Green--Jesus SavesBilly Idol--Mony MonyWe skipped Mark--oopsWho Would You Like to Meet?How Would You Prove That You Were From the Future?What's the Bigges...
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4 months ago
43 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 126: Jack and Jake--OG Neighbor Kids
Send us a text We are joined by Jack and Jake. I list Jack first because it was supposed to be just Jack, but Jake pulled a big brother move. Entertaining episode! The GodfatherThe GuitarGolf (This episode brought to you by the letter G)OG Neighbor kids meet the new cropAt this point in the episode Mark has said about seven wordsThird Kid tribulationsDicklomat (copyright pending)Mr BasketballSongs of the Week:The Chain--Fleetwood MacCream--Prince & the New Power GenerationTire...
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4 months ago
39 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 125: Who is/was Terry Reid?
Send us a text I think this one could crack our top 87 episodes of all time. It's that good. For real, it's worth a listen! Joe Namath and hosiery Who else misses Johnny Carson?RIP Loni AndersonPlastic SurgeryMark's thingErrors and OmissionsWho wants ham?Grateful Dead foolerySong of the WeekRIP Terry Reid#Newt'sAppleValley TheAscertainers@gmail.com Chef reacts to TikTok monstrosity - ‪@chefreactions‬ - YouTube Tenement - Garden Of Secrecy (Official Audio) Terry Reid May Fly T...
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4 months ago
37 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 124: Phrase Origins
Send us a text We've hit the big time as we now advertise in the Tomahawk Club Newsletter (Mark's private Pontiac owners club). I think it's an exclusive. Wonder what Joe Rogan thinks of THAT! Par 3 golfNewt's awesome new burgerErrors & OmissionsOzzy's cool outfitSong of the weekJim: Wings--Band on the RunMark: Fleetwood Mac--Got to MoveIs R Kelly becoming our new Meatloaf?Taj MahalCommon Phrase OriginsMovie Reviews:Happy Gilmore 2FriendshipOld Playboy's TheAs...
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5 months ago
39 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 123: Ozzy
Send us a text Reunited after two weeks off from recording, and it feels so good. Sure, we took a little time away and the world loses the Prince of Darkness, but you know what they say--you gotta break a few eggs. Rough week for Iconic personalitiesRIP Ozzy--Thanks for the great tunesSongs of the week--OzzyFlying High AgainSee You on the Other SideShout out Lil' Sis, JillWe're not mad at Pat....Sorry SueThe swearing needs to stopSongs of the Week Black SabbathWar PigsSweet LeafMossball...
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5 months ago
39 minutes

The Ascertainers
Episode 122: Comedy Movies Part 2
Send us a text Pulled this episode off the shelf due to summer schedules. Originally recorded after Part 1 on March 14. Swear Alert--Jim drops more F-bombs than usual (he's working on it). It's probably a function of him overserving himself... Audio is a little janky at first but gets better. What day do you listen?Newt's shoutout OG KaylaPlaydoughFrom the Grave--The Radio Game!REMComedy Movies--Part 2Marx Brothers--Mark's thoughts on the harp#NewtsAppleValley #Fubar T...
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5 months ago
40 minutes

The Ascertainers
Send us a text This one was recorded before Christmas, so any current events won't be covered--which helps the episode. Also, this is the second episode of the night, so if you detect a slight slurring, there's no need to adjust your settings... Stevie Ray Vaughn and Christopher Cross Connection Dog days of winterLatitude vs longitude lesson (who says this episode isn't cool)S.A.D. talkHat tip to So I Married an Axe MurdererWho's ready for the Newt's Apple Valley--Ascertainers Bowl...