The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

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The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Robyn Gobbel

341 episodes

1 day ago

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast: Previous podcast episode ht...

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In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast: Previous podcast episode ht...

Show more...

Health & Fitness,

Episodes (20/341)

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Boundaries that Create Success: Boundaries with Connection Part 2 of 3

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast: Previous podcast episode ht...

1 day ago

47 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3: Boundaries You can Control

Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What boundaries really areHow they are different than punishment and rulesExamples of boundariesWhat to do when y...

3 days ago

46 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Titrating Connection- Oppositional Series Part 4

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...

6 days ago

50 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: When Connection isn't Safe- Oppositional Series Part 3

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources me...

1 week ago

40 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Strategies for Oppositional Behavior- Part 2

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationshipHow to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperationStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner wor...

1 week ago

48 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Oppositional And Defiant Behavior- Part 1

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways. In this episode you’ll learn: That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection m...

2 weeks ago

46 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Felt Safety (Between) Part 3

Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between. In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship! In this episode, you’ll learn How availability of connection is a cue of safety or dangerHow neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)Why nervous systems are contagiousHow ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safetyHow you ...

2 weeks ago

49 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Felt Safety (Outside) Part 2

In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment. In this episode, you’ll learn Misconceptions about felt safetyExternal (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demandsWhat we do with this informationFree Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE Resources mention...

3 weeks ago

42 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1

Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation. FREE Downloadable Infographic all about Felt Safety! RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinfographic This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety. What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters! Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner wor...

3 weeks ago

50 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 247: 5 Tips from our Top 5 Episodes for our 5th Birthday!

To celebrate our 5th birthday, I gathered 5 tips from our top 5 episodes. I’m revisiting important take-aways from episodes about boundaries, oppositional behavior, and how parenting kids with a vulnerable nervous system is traumatic. Each of these episodes have a free downloadable infographic! You can find them all at RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub In this episode, you’ll learn What ‘boundary’ really mean (hint: it’s not about controlling anyone else’s behavior)What kind of boundary...

1 month ago

59 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 246: Helping Kids Tolerate Shame and Talk about Mistakes

Ever notice how some kids just cannot talk about hard things- especially if it’s about their own mistakes or ‘bad’ behavior? Maybe they melt down the second you bring it up… or shut down completely. Let’s unpack what’s really going on when kids refuse to talk about mistakes or anything that feels “bad.” You’ll learn why their brain might be protecting them from feelings that are just too much - and how you can gently help them build the capacity to feel bad and still be okay. In this episode...

1 month ago

39 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 245: Can't Wait!!! Frustration Tolerance and Delayed Gratification

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub ::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! rob...

1 month ago

34 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 244: When Watchdogs are Volcanoes: Activation below the Surface

Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface? They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert. Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like. But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface. In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and co...

1 month ago

35 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

{REPLAY} All Behavior Makes Sense- Decoding the Neurobiology of Baffling Behavior

This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...

1 month ago

48 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

{REPLAY} Grief in Parenting a Child with a VNS

If you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not. The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it. As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system. In this e...

2 months ago

41 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 243: Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode

Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection. But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control. Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t int...

2 months ago

37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 242: Why It's Hard for Your Kid to Take Responsibility

You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!” Sound familiar? I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinkingHow Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and ...

2 months ago

37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 241: Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience

Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instabilityHow relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices ...

2 months ago

36 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 240: Window of Tolerance- What it Is and How to Grow It

Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent? Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance. In this episode, you’ll learn What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brainsWhy widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday ...

3 months ago

33 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match

Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy wit...

3 months ago

45 minutes