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The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
Robyn Gobbel
339 episodes
2 days ago
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...
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Parenting
Kids & Family,
Health & Fitness,
Mental Health
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All content for The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} is the property of Robyn Gobbel and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...
Show more...
Parenting
Kids & Family,
Health & Fitness,
Mental Health
Episodes (20/339)
The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
REPLAY: Oppositional And Defiant Behavior- Part 1
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways. In this episode you’ll learn: That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection m...
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6 days ago
46 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
REPLAY: Felt Safety (Between) Part 3
Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between. In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship! In this episode, you’ll learn How availability of connection is a cue of safety or dangerHow neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)Why nervous systems are contagiousHow ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safetyHow you ...
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1 week ago
49 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
REPLAY: Felt Safety (Outside) Part 2
In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment. In this episode, you’ll learn Misconceptions about felt safetyExternal (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demandsWhat we do with this informationFree Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE Resources mention...
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1 week ago
42 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
REPLAY: Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1
Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation. FREE Downloadable Infographic all about Felt Safety! RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinfographic This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety. What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters! Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner wor...
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2 weeks ago
50 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 247: 5 Tips from our Top 5 Episodes for our 5th Birthday!
To celebrate our 5th birthday, I gathered 5 tips from our top 5 episodes. I’m revisiting important take-aways from episodes about boundaries, oppositional behavior, and how parenting kids with a vulnerable nervous system is traumatic. Each of these episodes have a free downloadable infographic! You can find them all at RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub In this episode, you’ll learn What ‘boundary’ really mean (hint: it’s not about controlling anyone else’s behavior)What kind of boundary...
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3 weeks ago
59 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 246: Helping Kids Tolerate Shame and Talk about Mistakes
Ever notice how some kids just cannot talk about hard things- especially if it’s about their own mistakes or ‘bad’ behavior? Maybe they melt down the second you bring it up… or shut down completely. Let’s unpack what’s really going on when kids refuse to talk about mistakes or anything that feels “bad.” You’ll learn why their brain might be protecting them from feelings that are just too much - and how you can gently help them build the capacity to feel bad and still be okay. In this episode...
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3 weeks ago
39 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 245: Can't Wait!!! Frustration Tolerance and Delayed Gratification
The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub ::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! rob...
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1 month ago
34 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 244: When Watchdogs are Volcanoes: Activation below the Surface
Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface? They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert. Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like. But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface. In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and co...
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1 month ago
35 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} All Behavior Makes Sense- Decoding the Neurobiology of Baffling Behavior
This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...
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1 month ago
48 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} Grief in Parenting a Child with a VNS
If you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not. The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it. As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system. In this e...
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1 month ago
41 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 243: Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode
Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection. But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control. Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t int...
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2 months ago
37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 242: Why It's Hard for Your Kid to Take Responsibility
You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!” Sound familiar? I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinkingHow Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and ...
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2 months ago
37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 241: Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience
Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instabilityHow relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices ...
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2 months ago
36 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 240: Window of Tolerance- What it Is and How to Grow It
Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent? Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance. In this episode, you’ll learn What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brainsWhy widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday ...
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2 months ago
33 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match
Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy wit...
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3 months ago
45 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 238: Happy Birthday RKBBB- and a gift for you!
Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors turned TWO! 🥳 So, we’re having a party right here on the podcast. Parties have gifts, so I’m offering three “gifts” for you- a little help around three behaviors that are still SO BAFFLING! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why regression (aka “acting like a toddler”) is actually a sign of your child’s nervous system falling down the protection mode pathway, and a few ideas of how to respondWhat’s really happening when your child is inconsistent with th...
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3 months ago
42 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It?
Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesAppl...
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3 months ago
46 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 237: Connection: A Biological Imperative (for parents)
Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big, baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for. In this episode you’ll learn: Why co-regulation isn’...
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3 months ago
47 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 236: Rewriting the Nervous System Story
Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment. This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story. We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that s...
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3 months ago
41 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 235: Parenting in Chronic Protection Mode
Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode. In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress. In this...
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4 months ago
32 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...