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The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
Robyn Gobbel
328 episodes
1 week ago
This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...
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Parenting
Kids & Family,
Health & Fitness,
Mental Health
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All content for The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} is the property of Robyn Gobbel and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...
Show more...
Parenting
Kids & Family,
Health & Fitness,
Mental Health
Episodes (20/328)
The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} All Behavior Makes Sense- Decoding the Neurobiology of Baffling Behavior
This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...
Show more...
1 week ago
48 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} Grief in Parenting a Child with a VNS
If you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not. The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it. As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system. In this e...
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2 weeks ago
41 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 243: Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode
Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection. But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control. Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t int...
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3 weeks ago
37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 242: Why It's Hard for Your Kid to Take Responsibility
You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!” Sound familiar? I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinkingHow Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and ...
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1 month ago
37 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 241: Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience
Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instabilityHow relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices ...
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1 month ago
36 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 240: Window of Tolerance- What it Is and How to Grow It
Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent? Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance. In this episode, you’ll learn What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brainsWhy widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday ...
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1 month ago
33 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match
Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy wit...
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1 month ago
45 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 238: Happy Birthday RKBBB- and a gift for you!
Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors turned TWO! 🥳 So, we’re having a party right here on the podcast. Parties have gifts, so I’m offering three “gifts” for you- a little help around three behaviors that are still SO BAFFLING! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why regression (aka “acting like a toddler”) is actually a sign of your child’s nervous system falling down the protection mode pathway, and a few ideas of how to respondWhat’s really happening when your child is inconsistent with th...
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1 month ago
42 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It?
Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesAppl...
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2 months ago
46 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 237: Connection: A Biological Imperative (for parents)
Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big, baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for. In this episode you’ll learn: Why co-regulation isn’...
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2 months ago
47 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 236: Rewriting the Nervous System Story
Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment. This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story. We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that s...
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2 months ago
41 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 235: Parenting in Chronic Protection Mode
Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode. In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress. In this...
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2 months ago
32 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 234: Polyvagal Theory, Hope, Dysregulation, and Repair
What if dysregulation isn’t the problem? I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me. In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge. But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a...
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3 months ago
30 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 233: Polyvagal Theory as a Path to Hope: Regulation, Repair, and Connection with guest Deb Dana
Polyvagal theory isn’t just a theory- it’s a way of living that can transform how we show up for our kids, ourselves, and everyone around us. I’m SOOOO excited to introduce you to Deb Dana! Together, we explore how understanding our nervous systems brings hope, deepens connection, and makes repair possible even in the messiest moments. In this episode you’ll learn: Why polyvagal theory is truly a theory of hope and how it can reframe your parenting challenges.How to increase cues of safety an...
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3 months ago
56 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 232: Swearing- What it Means and How to Respond
When kids swear, it often feels jarring, disrespectful, or even threatening. But swearing isn’t about defiance or being a bad kid- it’s a clue about the state of your child’s nervous system. Swearing might mean your child is overwhelmed, dysregulated, or struggling to find their real voice. Of course, understanding the behavior isn’t excusing the behavior. BUT! When we understand where the behavior is coming from, we get much better and more effective ideas about how to address it. In ...
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3 months ago
49 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 231: EMDR with Kids with Attachment Trauma with Deb Wesselmann
I’m so excited to introduce you to someone who has deeply influenced my work- Deb Wesselmann! Deb is a pioneer in integrating EMDR therapy with family therapy for children with early attachment trauma. In this episode, we chat about how Deb (and her colleagues) developed her attachment-focused EMDR model, why slow bilateral stimulation is so effective for complex trauma, and what it really means to create a secure holding environment for both kids and their parents. We also talk about the imp...
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3 months ago
57 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 230: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t about being overly sensitive. It’s about a nervous system that experiences rejection as danger. In this episode, I explore RSD through the lens of relational neuroscience, attachment, memory, and regulation. Whether you see this in yourself or your child, this episode will help you understand why rejection feels so big, and what actually helps. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why RSD reactions are so intense and how they’re rooted in memory and nervo...
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4 months ago
39 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 229: NeuroRelational Healing with Guest Sara Sherman
Healing comes in all forms, including on farms, with horses, and of course, in relationship. My guest this week, Sara Sherman, is a graduate of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Professional Immersion Program and the founder of Dandelion NeuroRelational Family Services in Minnesota. Sara and I have a delightful chat about what it means to bring relational healing to kids and families and how we can (and must!) think outside the box. Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/neur...
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4 months ago
55 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
{REPLAY} The Privilege of Parenting This Way (with safety)
{Replay of Episode 169 from March 2024} Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. In this episode, you’ll learn The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)The privilege of safety for folks with histories of traumaThe privilege of safety...
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4 months ago
40 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
EP 228: Supporting Kids who Live Part Time in a Home without Regulation, Connection, or Felt Safety with guest Sybil Cummin
What do you do when your child lives part-time in a home where regulation, connection, and felt safety aren't present? In this episode, I talk with Sybil Cummin, a therapist specializing in working with families navigating coercive control. Sybil shares practical guidance for showing up as a steady, safe presence for your child, even when the other parent’s home feels unpredictable or unsafe. In this episode, you’ll learn: What coercive control is and how it impacts both children and the pare...
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4 months ago
58 minutes

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...