If you've ever found yourself clinging to thoughts like "my husband should be recovering faster" or "I know the right way he should be doing this" – congratulations, you've discovered your brain's favorite hobby: being right. Your brain would rather win an argument in your head than have an intimate marriage. It would rather prove you're correct about your doom-and-gloom predictions than let you heal and grow. And the worst part? You don't even realize you're doing it because your brain is so convinced it IS right about everything.
In this episode, Katie reveals why your brain's obsession with being right is causing most of your suffering and keeping you stuck in the exact patterns you desperately want to break. You'll discover the sneaky ways your brain proves itself right (even when it makes you miserable), why being willing to be wrong is the most powerful thing you can do for your healing, and the simple phrase that instantly gives you leverage over your thoughts. When you stop believing everything your brain tells you and start observing it instead, you'll finally break free from the resentment, frustration, and pain that's been running your life.
Free training signup:
https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you're spiraling because you don't know if your husband is telling the truth, constantly checking his phone for reassurance, or playing out worst-case divorce scenarios in your mind – your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Your nervous system has zero tolerance for uncertainty. The problem isn't that you need more information or your husband to be more trustworthy. The problem is your brain can't handle not knowing.
In this episode, Katie breaks down why your brain will always choose certainty over truth (even when that "certainty" is a disaster you made up), and gives you two powerful practices to increase your capacity for uncertainty. You'll discover why phone checking only gives you seconds of relief before the anxiety returns, how to actually feel uncertainty in your body instead of escaping it, and the simple question that grounds you when your brain predicts disaster. When you learn to find safety in uncertainty, you'll finally trust the one person you can control – yourself.
Free resource "The First Step to Heal from Porn Betrayal": https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/firststep
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've ever wondered what recovery looks like from your husband's perspective – the real, unfiltered version without the shame or defensiveness – this episode is going to give you that rare glimpse. Matt Davis (Katie's husband) takes over the podcast this week to share three things that have transformed his recovery over the past seven years. You'll hear about the moment in 2018 when everything shifted, why Katie managing his recovery actually kept him stuck, and the uncomfortable truth about honesty that most men never learn.
Matt gets vulnerable about the thoughts driving his actions, why doing all the "right things" wasn't enough, and how Katie's decision to step back and focus on her own healing was the catalyst for his breakthrough. Whether your husband is actively working on recovery or still making excuses, this episode will show you why letting go of managing his journey is the most powerful thing you can do – for both of you. Plus, Matt shares the "long leash" concept that will completely change how you think about trust and mistakes in marriage.
Take the first step in your healing (for free!): https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/firststep
If you're stuck trying to rebuild trust because you're waiting for your husband to prove he's trustworthy, go six months without relapsing, or apologize the "right way" – you're trapped in outcome-based trust. Your brain thinks you can't feel safe until you know for certain what's going to happen. But here's the truth: you'll never have that certainty in any relationship, and holding onto it is blocking you from the peace, connection, and forgiveness you actually want.
In this episode, Katie breaks down her three steps to rebuilding trust even if your husband is still acting out. You'll discover why the worst part of betrayal isn't what your husband does but how you talk to yourself afterwards, why trusting yourself is the missing piece everyone overlooks, and how to surrender outcome-based trust without blindly trusting someone who's hurt you. When you learn these three steps, you'll stop gripping so tightly to control and finally become the wife you want to be.
Free class - December 4th at 12:30pm ET / 10:30am MT - Learn my 3 proven steps to heal from betrayal:
https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you're exhausted from checking his phone, desperately trying to get him into therapy, or needing his validation just to feel okay – you're trapped in what's destroying your peace. You think you need your husband to stop relapsing so you can feel safe, or apologize perfectly so you can move forward. But every time you attach your worth or safety to something outside your control, you guarantee your own suffering.
In this episode, Katie breaks down outcome-based attachment versus the deeper meaning attachments underneath, why "supporting" your husband is actually control in disguise, and the powerful phrase that changes everything. When you learn high commitment with low attachment, you'll stop the desperate, needy energy and start creating peace and freedom – regardless of what your husband does.
Free class - December 4th at 12:30pm ET / 10:30 am MT - Learn my 3 proven steps to heal from betrayal: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you're constantly checking his phone, jumping straight to couples therapy, or believing that if you just pray hard enough everything will magically get better – you might be slapping a band-aid over a gaping wound. Your brain loves these quick fixes because they feel productive and give you the illusion of control. But here's what nobody's telling you: these band-aids are actually making your wound deeper, and you don't even realize you're bleeding out underneath.
In this episode, Katie breaks down the most common band-aids she sees women using to "heal" from betrayal – from avoiding all triggers to obsessively supporting your husband's recovery. You'll discover why your brain is so convinced these temporary solutions are working, the real cost of these band-aids, and why spiritual bypassing won't save you. When you learn to recognize which solutions are just covering the wound versus actually healing it, you'll finally stop exhausting yourself with quick fixes and start doing the deep work that creates lasting transformation.
Membership enrollment is open November 20-22 only: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/coaching-waitlist
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've been spinning in the same painful patterns for months or years – constantly checking his phone, waiting for him to change, telling yourself you'll heal "when the time is right" – there's actually a specific reason you're stuck. And it's probably not what you think. Maybe you've convinced yourself that once your husband gets his act together, you'll finally feel better. Or maybe you're saying affirmations and doing all the "right" things but still breaking down when he wants to be intimate. The truth is, there are six sneaky patterns keeping women trapped in betrayal – and at least one of them is running your life right now.
In this encore episode, Katie breaks down the most common reasons women stay stuck in betrayal trauma and exposes the hidden beliefs sabotaging your healing. You'll discover why trying to "fix" your husband is actually just a distraction from your real work, the uncomfortable truth about why you might not be ready to heal yet (and why that's okay), and the powerful shift that happens when you stop waiting and take the driver's seat of your own life. When you can identify which pattern is keeping you stuck, you'll finally know exactly what needs to change – and you'll have the clarity to decide if you're ready to do something about it.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've been telling yourself that anger is bad, that resentment needs to be fixed, or that you shouldn't still be feeling hurt about the betrayal – you're trapped in a lie that's making your healing so much harder than it needs to be. Maybe you've been conditioned to believe that "good wives" feel compassionate and forgiving, while emotions like rage or bitterness mean something's wrong with you. You're exhausting yourself trying to push away the "negative" emotions and force yourself to feel "positive" ones instead. But what if the problem isn't the emotions themselves – it's your belief that some emotions are dangerous and need to be avoided?
In this episode, Katie reveals why there's no such thing as good or bad emotions, and how your resistance to uncomfortable feelings is actually creating more suffering than the feelings themselves. You'll discover why trying to protect your husband and kids from negative emotions is sabotaging their growth, how the 50-50 principle will revolutionize your entire life, and the powerful mindset shift that will help you stop being afraid of your own emotions. When you learn to feel the full spectrum of human emotions without judgment, you'll finally stop checking his phone, holding back your trust, and breaking down every time he wants to be intimate – because you'll know that no emotion is more powerful than you.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've been carrying the same painful story about yourself since your husband's betrayal was discovered – "I'm not enough," "I'm broken," "this is my fault" – it's time to realize that story isn't serving you anymore. Maybe you've been replaying the narrative that you're a victim of his choices, or that his porn use means something terrible about your worth as a wife. But what if the story you're telling yourself about your betrayal isn't actually true?
In this episode, Katie shows you how to identify the disempowering stories running your life and gives you the tools to rewrite them from a place of truth and power. You'll discover why your brain clings to victim narratives (even when they hurt), how to separate what actually happened from the meaning you've assigned to it, and the exact process for creating a new story that serves your healing instead of keeping you stuck. When you learn to rewrite your story, you stop being a character things happen to and become the author of your own transformation.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've ever caught yourself thinking "I can handle the porn, I just can't handle the lying" or threatened your husband with "if you lie one more time, I'm done with this marriage" – you're missing a crucial piece of the puzzle. Maybe the betrayal itself feels manageable, but the constant lies and deception are what's really eating you alive. You tell yourself that if he could just be honest about his struggles, you could work through this together. But what if the lying isn't a separate character flaw you need to fix?
In this episode, Katie reveals the uncomfortable truth about why porn and lying are actually part of the exact same problem, and why trying to logic your husband into honesty will never work. You'll discover the real reason behind the lies (hint: it's not because he doesn't love you), why your ultimatums about truth-telling are setting both of you up for failure, and the mindset shift that changes everything. When you understand what's really driving both behaviors, you'll stop fighting two different battles and finally know how to respond in a way that actually creates lasting change.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
Maybe you've convinced yourself you can figure this out on your own. You've been listening to podcasts, reading books, and telling yourself that once your husband gets his act together, you'll feel better. But here's the uncomfortable truth: your brain is keeping you stuck in a cycle you don't even realize you're in. Just like Katie thought she was riding perfectly until her trainer pointed out her hands were half an inch off, you might think you're healing – but you don't know what you don't know. And without someone who's been exactly where you are showing you the way, you'll keep riding in circles thinking you're making progress.
In this episode, Katie shares her journey back to horseback riding lessons and the humbling realization that she needed a trainer to see what she couldn't see herself. She breaks down why your brain is giving you every excuse in the book to avoid getting help (spoiler: it's trying to keep you "safe" in your familiar pain), and why support from someone outside your marriage is absolutely critical for your healing. You'll discover why connecting with other women who understand betrayal is the most transformational part of healing, and get a practical challenge to take one step this week toward getting the support you desperately need.
If you've ever believed that porn is really about sex, or that getting married will solve a porn problem, or that your young kids definitely haven't been exposed yet – you're not alone. These myths are everywhere in Christian circles, passed down through church lessons and well-meaning advice. But after eight years of working with hundreds of couples navigating porn addiction and betrayal, Katie and her husband Matt have heard it all. And in this episode, Katie is calling out the myths that are creating more shame, keeping people stuck, and preventing real healing.
Katie breaks down the most damaging misconceptions about porn use – from the belief that it makes someone a "bad person" to the idea that it can be fixed overnight with one good confession. You'll discover why porn isn't actually about sex at all (it's about emotional regulation), why assuming your kids haven't seen it is dangerous, and the uncomfortable truth about how common this struggle really is in your church and social circles. This episode isn't about pointing fingers or shaming anyone – it's about giving you the education and compassion you need to actually help someone you love who's struggling, or to find hope if you're the one dealing with this.
Free guide to taking the first step in healing:https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/firststep
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've ever caught yourself thinking "once I heal from this betrayal, I'll never feel triggered again" or "once my husband stops looking at porn, everything will be perfect" – I'm about to burst your bubble a little bit. Maybe you look at coaches or mentors who are further ahead and imagine they have everything figured out, that they never check their husband's phone anymore, never struggle with their body or self-worth. Part of you really wants to believe that's true because it gives you hope that one day you'll arrive at some magical destination where you don't hurt anymore.
In this episode, I'm getting vulnerable about what I still struggle with after almost 10 years of marriage and years of healing work. But here's the twist: I'm not sharing this to discourage you. The point isn't reaching some fantasy outcome where you never feel negative emotions again. The point is expanding your "home zone" so those emotions don't dysregulate you anymore. When you understand this one concept, you'll stop waiting to arrive and start becoming – which is where all your power actually lives.
Free resource "The First Step to Heal from Porn Betrayal": https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/firststep
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've ever caught yourself blaming your husband for the pain and triggers you're experiencing, or waiting for him to change so you could finally feel better, this episode is going to challenge everything you think you know about healing from betrayal. Maybe you don't even realize you're doing it, but there's a sneaky pattern playing out that's keeping you completely stuck – and it has nothing to do with your husband's behavior.
In this episode, Katie exposes the victim-villain-savior cycle that's secretly running your life and sabotaging your healing. You'll discover why making your husband both the villain AND the savior is keeping you powerless, how you might be unintentionally cementing him into a victim role, and the uncomfortable truth about where your real power actually comes from. When you understand this pattern and learn to step out of it, you'll stop waiting for someone else to rescue you and finally become the hero of your own story.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If your husband is struggling with porn use, you're probably trying everything you can to "support" him through it. You're checking in daily, sending him articles, managing his recovery plan, and getting frustrated when he doesn't follow your advice. But what if everything you think is "supporting" him is actually making it harder for your husband to quit? What if your well-intentioned help is keeping him stuck in a victim mentality instead of empowering him to change?
In this encore episode, Katie reveals why most women's attempts to support their husbands actually backfire – and it's not because you don't love him enough. She'll show you the sneaky way your brain convinces you that controlling his recovery will help YOU feel better, why being his savior robs him of the growth he needs, and the one thing that will actually support his healing (hint: it has nothing to do with managing his behavior). When you learn to truly support your husband, you'll stop feeling like his mother and start building the intimate, trusting marriage you actually want.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you're confused, frustrated, or resentful because your boundaries "aren't working" – constantly getting upset when your husband "crosses" them or feeling defeated because people won't respect what you've asked for – it's probably because you've been doing boundaries completely wrong. Maybe you've been taught that boundaries are rules for other people to follow, or that you need to "hold your husband accountable" when he doesn't comply. The truth is, the way most people are being taught about boundaries is disempowering, not useful, and will make your life harder.
In this episode, Katie breaks down exactly what boundaries are NOT (spoiler: they're not about controlling other people), what they actually ARE (hint: they're 100% about YOU), and why no one can actually "cross" your boundaries except yourself. You'll discover the two essential parts every healthy boundary must have, why boundaries should always come from love, and how to finally create boundaries that actually protect your peace instead of leaving you feeling powerless. When you understand what boundaries are really for, you'll stop waiting for other people to make you feel safe and start taking your power back.
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you've ever wondered why you feel completely stuck in the same painful patterns after betrayal – constantly checking his phone, avoiding difficult conversations, or telling yourself you're "fine" when you're absolutely not – there's actually a scientific reason. It's not that you're broken or doing something wrong. It's just the way your primitive brain was designed to keep you "safe." And once you see this hidden system running your life, everything is going to change.
In this episode, Katie breaks down the three sneaky ways your brain is keeping you trapped in betrayal (hint: it's the exact same system driving your husband's porn use). You'll discover why your brain thinks scrolling social media at 2 AM is "helping" you, why setting boundaries feels impossible even though you know you need them, and the shocking truth about why that bubble bath self-care isn't actually healing you. When you understand your motivational triad, you'll finally have leverage over the primitive part of your brain that's been sabotaging your healing – and you'll know exactly how to step out of these cycles for good.
Free video "The Real Reason Your Husband Watches Porn": https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/therealreasonyourhusbandwatchespornaccess
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you're constantly spinning through the same painful emotions after betrayal - anger, resentment, blame - feeling like you're stuck in an endless cycle that never gets better, this episode will change everything for you. Katie shares a hilarious (and slightly embarrassing) story about an Andes mint binge gone wrong that perfectly illustrates the difference between clean pain and dirty pain. You'll discover why that anger and blame actually feels good in the moment but keeps you trapped, and learn to identify the deeper emotions underneath that will actually set you free.
Katie breaks down exactly how to recognize when you're indulging in "dirty pain" (those surface-level emotions that feel productive but keep you stuck) versus getting to the "clean pain" underneath (the sadness, grief, and hurt that actually heal you when processed). When you learn to feel your emotions without all the stories and meaning your brain attaches to them, you'll stop being afraid of your husband's next relapse. You'll finally have the tools to handle anything that comes your way with confidence and peace, because you'll trust yourself completely.
Get your spot for my FREE training:
https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
If you've ever felt like your emotions were completely running you instead of you running them, you're not alone. Maybe you've snapped at your kids over something tiny, thrown something in a moment of rage, or found yourself sobbing in your car wondering what's wrong with you. In this episode, I'm sharing one of my most embarrassing stories – the day I completely lost it and smashed my phone into pieces – and everything I learned about why our emotions feel so out of control when we're dealing with betrayal.
The truth is, when you're carrying unprocessed emotions and trauma, your "bucket" gets fuller and fuller until it eventually spills over in ways that don't align with who you want to be. I'm breaking down the red flags that show your nervous system is dysregulated, why avoiding your emotions actually makes them stronger, and the exact process I teach my clients to empty their emotional buckets in healthy, effective ways. You'll learn the difference between temporary relief (like checking his phone) and actual healing, plus what it looks like to show up as the woman, wife, and mom you truly want to be.
Coaching membership waitlist (opening August 28th - only 20 spots!): https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/coaching-waitlist
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com
If you're holding onto thoughts like "my husband doesn't love me" or "I'm not enough" so tightly that they're all you can see, you're being blinded by your own mind. Maybe these thoughts feel so true and so real that you can't imagine thinking any other way. You wake up with them, go to bed with them, and they color every interaction you have with your husband. What if I told you that these thoughts – even though they feel absolutely true – might not be facts at all?
In this episode, I'm sharing my personal experience with intrusive thoughts that feel 100% real (spoiler: they involve a breastfeeding condition), and how this relates to the thoughts that are keeping you stuck in betrayal. I'll teach you the difference between thoughts that are rocks right in front of your face versus thoughts you can mold like putty, plus the three powerful questions that will help you determine if your most painful thoughts are actually true or just your dysregulated nervous system screaming for attention. You'll also learn why looking at your thoughts (like looking at a jump while horseback riding) will make you crash right into them.
Coaching membership waitlist (opening August 28th - only 20 spots!): https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/coaching-waitlist
Free training signup: https://thechristianbetrayalcoach.com/training-signup
Email for questions: katie@thechristianbetrayalcoach.com