How to Stop Beating Yourself Up on Your Cancer Journey | Self-Compassion & ForgivenessStop beating yourself up. When you're navigating cancer, it's easy to become your own harshest critic. That voice that says you're not doing enough, that you messed up, that you should have done better gets so much louder. In this episode of The Cancer Journey Podcast, we explore why we're so hard on ourselves and how to show yourself the compassion you'd give anyone you love.You're not broken. You're whole, right now, in this moment. We talk about why we're conditioned to problem-solve our emotions like a math equation (spoiler: it doesn't work), how your emotions are messengers that won't go away until you listen, and the forgiveness practice you can do before bed tonight. When you show yourself compassion, judgment disappears. And nobody knows what you need the way you do.Whether you're a cancer patient, survivor, thriver, caregiver, or coach, this conversation about self-forgiveness and emotional healing will help you stop punishing yourself and start being your own best ally.🎙️ Hosted by Shariann & Alicia TomTimestamps: 0:00 - Intro & PESH Check-In 3:15 - Why We Beat Ourselves Up 8:42 - The Conditioning to Problem-Solve 15:20 - Your Emotions Are Messengers 22:10 - How to Forgive Yourself 28:45 - Showing Yourself Compassion 35:30 - Takeaways & Closing PESHConnect with us: Website: https://thecancerjourney.com Instagram: @thecancerjourney Facebook: The Cancer Journey InstituteAbout The Cancer Journey: We help cancer survivors, thrivers, and caregivers transform the traditional "battle" mindset into a journey approach through coaching, community, and authentic conversations about the emotional and spiritual aspects of navigating cancer.#CancerJourney #SelfCompassion #CancerSupport #EmotionalHealing #Forgiveness #CancerSurvivor #MentalHealth

Permission to Be Sad During a Cancer JourneySadness feels like it should be simple to talk about, but it's not. In this Cancer Journey Podcast episode, we explore why it's so hard to actually let yourself be sad, what happens in your body when you suppress it, and why crying feels so out of control.We talk about the physical sensations of sadness, why it feels inconvenient or like a deactivator that stops all forward momentum, and what you lose when you push emotions down (hint: it's not just the hard feelings that get muted). This conversation gets into loneliness during the holidays, grief that doesn't have a clear space, and why people reach for tissues to "fix" someone else's tears instead of just letting them cry.Maybe you're an ugly crier. Maybe you need a movie or specific song to give yourself permission to cry. Maybe sadness feels like it will derail your entire day if you let it in. This episode creates space for all of it.CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction & Pesh Check-In 03:12 The Physical Sensation of Sadness 08:45 Sadness as a Deactivator 12:30 Permission and Inconvenient Emotions 18:20 Loneliness and Loss During the Holidays 24:15 Why Crying Feels Out of Control 29:40 Sharing Sadness vs. Suppressing It 35:10 Letting Others Have Their Process 40:25 Final Reflections & TakeawaysFollow The Cancer Journey: Website: https://thecancerjourney.com Instagram: @thecancerjourneyThe Cancer Journey Institute supports people through cancer with coaching programs that shift the perspective from battle to journey. Learn more about our Cancer Journey Coach Certification and Fundamentals Program at thecancerjourney.comKeywords: cancer journey, cancer podcast, emotions during cancer, grief and cancer, sadness, permission to feel, cancer support, caregiver support, holiday grief, emotional health, cancer coaching#cancerjourney #cancerpodcast #grief #emotionalhealth #cancersupport

Cancer and Loneliness: Finding Connection When You Feel Most AloneLoneliness during cancer isn't about being physically alone - it's about feeling separated even when surrounded by support. In this episode, we explore the profound difference between aloneness and loneliness, and why the cancer journey can feel so isolating even with loved ones by your side.We discuss the unseen parts of cancer that amplify loneliness: the physical sensations only you experience, the emotional exhaustion that's invisible to others, the mind stories you carry alone. We talk about why our culture struggles with difficult emotions and how that pushes us further into isolation. And we share practical tools for moving from loneliness toward connection - including a powerful 10-minute exercise to help you understand your own patterns.In this episode:• The critical difference between being alone and feeling lonely• Why cancer creates unique forms of isolation even with support• How dismissing our emotions builds resentment and deepens loneliness• The loneliness-to-connection practice: exploring what these feelings mean specifically for you• Why giving emotions space to exist (without fixing them) is transformative• How loneliness often signals disconnection from ourselvesThis conversation offers both permission to feel what you're feeling and practical pathways toward genuine connection. Because all emotions - including loneliness - are messengers worth our attention.Resources: Website: https://thecancerjourney.com Instagram: @thecancerjourney Facebook: The Cancer Journey Institute

What does it mean to gift yourself joy during a cancer journey, especially when the holidays arrive and energy is limited?In this episode, we explore how joy is still completely possible even when cancer is in the mix. We talk about giving yourself permission to experience joy without guilt, finding what brings you joy without efforting or spending money you don't have, and navigating the holidays when you can't show up the way you used to.We get into the difference between form and function, why understanding what an experience gives you matters more than what it looks like, and how to create meaningful memories and connections that honor your current reality. Plus some creative ideas for gifts that come from the heart instead of the mall.This conversation is raw, honest, and full of possibilities for patients, survivors, thrivers, and caregivers who want joy to be real, not forced.In This Episode:• What it means to gift yourself joy and permission• Why joy and love are connected• Navigating holiday expectations during a cancer journey• The exhaustion of "have to" versus the freedom of "want to"• Form versus function: finding what experiences give you• Creative gift ideas that don't require shopping or spending• Making meaningful memories when energy is limited• How to honor relationships without draining yourself• The role of Cancer Journey Coaches in helping you discover what you want• Why connection matters more than perfectionConnect with The Cancer Journey:Website: www.thecancerjourney.comInstagram: @thecancerjourney Topics: cancer and joy, holidays during cancer, cancer journey, gifting yourself permission, self-love during cancer, cancer caregiver support, finding joy with limited energy, meaningful gifts, cancer coaching, holiday stress, cancer support, form versus function, creating memories during cancer

In this episode, we discuss why cancer is so hard. The immediate fear of death that comes with diagnosis. The exhaustion of holding everything together. The emotions that need somewhere safe to land. We explore the pressure to be positive, the confusion of trying to make sense of something senseless, and why having a coach who can hold space for all of it matters so deeply.In this conversation, we talk about:- The immediate emotional impact of a cancer diagnosis- Why "just be positive" doesn't work (and what does)- The unique challenges of navigating a journey no one can fully prepare you for- How Cancer Journey Coaches create safe containers for authentic emotions- The difference between therapy and coaching in cancer support- Why you don't have to do this aloneAbout The Cancer Journey Institute:We help people navigate cancer as a journey of transformation rather than just a battle to survive. Through our Cancer Journey Coach Certification program, one-on-one coaching, and community support, we create spaces where all emotions are welcome and authenticity is honored.Learn more about us: www.thecancerjourney.comFree coaching session: https://thecancerjourney.com/gift-sessionCancer Journey Coach Certification: https://thecancerjourney.com/the-certification-programConnect with us:Instagram: @thecancerjourneyFacebook: The Cancer Journey InstituteWebsite: www.thecancerjourney.comRemember: You are more powerful than you realize. 🧡Keywords: cancer support, cancer coaching, emotional support cancer, cancer diagnosis, cancer caregiver support, authenticity in cancer, mental health cancer journey, cancer emotions, life after cancer diagnosis, holistic cancer support, cancer journey transformation

How do you show up for yourself when you're not feeling your best? In this episode, we get vulnerable and record while we're both actually sick to talk about what it means to keep going when you're depleted.During a cancer journey, you often feel sick, tired, or completely disconnected from your body. And the easiest thing to do is isolate and push everything away. But sometimes what you need most is to show up anyway, exactly as you are.Key topics we cover:• Why we chose to record while sick and what that taught us• The self-blame spiral that happens when you get sick• Why your filter disappears when you're depleted• The pressure to be "presentable" or "on" when socializing• How to find the middle ground between pushing through and total isolation• Why complaining is actually part of processing• The safety of having a Cancer Journey Coach to vent to without repercussions• Why being sick doesn't mean you're less than normal• How to show up authentically instead of performing• Different ways to stay connected when you're not feeling 100%• Why you don't have to isolate just because you're sickWe share personal stories about showing up to treatment with and without makeup, the relief of recognizing not every thought has to be intelligent, and why connection matters even when you're feeling your worst.This conversation explores the expectation to be your "best self" and why that's not realistic or necessary when you're going through something hard. Being sick during cancer is already happening in your body. You don't need societal pressure telling you to either push through or completely disappear.You're still a full person when you're sick. You still get to want connection, wear something that makes you feel good, go to events in sweatpants, or FaceTime a friend while you each watch your own thing.The key is showing up as much as you can without being hard on yourself. Being authentic. Finding what nourishes you, even when you're depleted.Remember: you're more powerful than you realize.Connect with The Cancer Journey: Website: www.thecancerjourney.comTopics: showing up when sick, cancer fatigue, authenticity during illness, self-blame and illness, cancer journey support, isolation during cancer, being sick during cancer, cancer coaching, vulnerability, real talk about cancer

Language of Cancer: Why the Words You Use Matter for Your HealingThe language we use during cancer affects our healing and sense of self profoundly. In this episode, we explore the power of words during a cancer journey, from battle language to toxic positivity to the things we say to ourselves when no one else is listening.Cancer comes with its own vocabulary. Medical terminology we're forced to learn, cultural phrases like "fight the battle," and the constant pressure to "stay positive." But these words don't always serve us. Sometimes they create separation, resentment, or war within ourselves.Key topics we cover:• Why "battle" language feels violent and creates a win-or-lose mentality• The difference between toxic positivity, positivity, and hope• How hiding behind "I'm fine" creates separation and resentment• The power of words we say to ourselves, especially during low moments• Why "I am stupid" versus "I feel stupid" matters more than you think• How brain fog and chemo brain affect self-perception and value• The importance of having a safe space to say the worst things out loud• Why Cancer Journey Coaches create containers for complete honesty• How the words we consume at our lowest become part of our identity• The impact of being conscious about word choice throughout the dayWe share personal stories about feeling alone during stem cell transplant recovery, catching ourselves in negative self-talk, and the physical response our bodies have to words like "gentle" and "kind." We discuss how cultural cancer language (ribbons, survivors, warriors) can create pressure rather than support.This conversation explores the three types of words that matter: the words we use with others, the words we consume from media and people around us, and the words we say to ourselves internally. All three shape our cancer experience profoundly.When you're at a low point during cancer, you need someone who understands that you need an extremely safe space to release whatever is vibrating in the back of your head. Not advice. Not someone telling you what you should say or feel. Just space to let it out and discover what's actually true underneath.Your body is listening to everything you say.Remember: you're more powerful than you realize.Connect with The Cancer Journey: Website: www.thecancerjourney.comTopics: cancer language, battle language, toxic positivity, words matter, cancer journey, self-talk during cancer, hope vs positivity, cancer coaching, emotional support, healing language, cancer experience, brain fog, chemo brain

Cancer and Relationships: How Connections Change During Your Journey

How do relationships change during a cancer journey, and what do you really need from the people in your life? In this episode, we explore the complex dynamics that shift when cancer becomes part of your story.

Cancer changes you, which means it changes every relationship. From your doctors to your family, from your partner to your friends, each connection transforms in different ways. We discuss what happens when you become the center of attention, why that can feel both validating and vulnerable, and how to navigate the messiness of needing support while also wanting to protect the people you love.Connect with The Cancer Journey: Website: https://thecancerjourney.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecancerjourney/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Mycancercoach/Key topics we cover:• How cancer shifts your relationship with yourself and with the diagnosis itself• Why some people you expected to show up disappear, and how to handle that• The vulnerability of becoming the center of attention during active treatment• Why no one person can be everything you need (and why that's okay)• How to recognize what different people in your life are actually good at providing• The exhaustion of trying to protect everyone while going through treatment yourself• Why asking for specific support is so hard but so necessary• How to handle the fear of being "too much" or talking about cancer too often• The power of having a Cancer Journey Coach as your clean, judgment-free container• Why clarity about your needs transforms every relationship for the better

We share personal stories about learning that partners can't always provide emotional support the way we need, why girlfriends might need breaks from heavy conversations, and how Cancer Journey Coaches create space for unlimited processing without the weight of managing the relationship itself.

This conversation is for anyone navigating cancer as a patient, survivor, thriver, or caregiver. It's for anyone who has felt torn between needing support and not wanting to burden others, or anyone searching for clarity about what they actually need from the relationships in their life.

Cancer Journey Coaches provide trained, tool-equipped support that helps you process emotions, work through confusion, and gain clarity without worrying about taking up too much space or time. It's the safe container where you can be completely yourself.

Remember: you're more powerful than you realize.Topics: cancer relationships, cancer support, relationship changes during cancer, cancer journey, asking for help, vulnerability in cancer, cancer caregivers, emotional support, cancer coaching, setting boundaries during cancer, communication during illness

Chapters: 

00:00 Introduction and PESH Check-in

03:45 How Relationships Change During Cancer

09:20 Becoming the Center of Attention

15:30 The Desire to Protect Loved Ones

22:15 No One Person Can Be Everything

28:40 Recognizing What Different People Offer

34:50 The Vulnerability of Asking for Support

41:20 Why Cancer Journey Coaches Create Clean Containers

48:35 Finding Clarity in Your Relationships

55:10 Final Takeaways and Closing PESH

What are allies on your cancer journey, and how can you find support in unexpected places? In this episode, we explore the concept of allies as more than just people who show up for you.We dive into why traditional support systems sometimes fall short during cancer, and how expanding your definition of "ally" can open up entirely new possibilities for feeling held, resourced, and nourished. From nature walks to warm soup, from movement to music, from gratitude to simply being willing to try something new, allies can show up in countless forms.Key topics we cover:• What allies really are (people, places, things, and actions)• Why some people disappear during your cancer journey and how to navigate that• The concept of attachment and what healthy support actually looks like• Why you are your own best ally• How to recognize what truly nourishes your soul• The importance of being open and willing to receive support in new forms• Why trying something new (even if it doesn't work) is valuable• The fluid nature of allies and why that's actually freeingWe share personal stories, including an experience with wooden trolls in a garden and how nature became a powerful source of healing. We also discuss the practical side of building your list of allies so that when you're feeling low or slipping into the pit, you have concrete ways to shift your energy and find your way back to yourself.This conversation is for anyone navigating cancer as a patient, survivor, thriver, or caregiver. It's for anyone who has felt alone even when people are around, or who is searching for more ways to feel supported on this journey.Remember: you're more powerful than you realize.Connect with The Cancer Journey: www.thecancerjourney.comTopics: cancer support, cancer allies, cancer journey, emotional support during cancer, finding support, cancer caregivers, holistic cancer support, cancer empowerment, self-advocacy, cancer communityChapters: 00:00 Introduction and PESH Check-in 02:15 Defining Allies Beyond Just People 08:30 When Expected Support Disappears 15:45 Attachment and Healthy Support 22:10 You Are Your Own Best Ally 28:35 Examples of Unexpected Allies 35:20 The Process of Discovering Your Allies 42:15 Flexibility and Grace in Finding Support 48:30 Final Takeaways and Closing PESH

Resentment hides in the shadows and builds from things you tell yourself are too small to mention, until it eclipses the love in relationships that matter most. In this final episode of our Hard Emotion Series, we explore why resentment is so common on a cancer journey and how to address the "pinch" before it becomes unbearable.#CancerJourney #Resentment #PatientAdvocacyWHAT WE EXPLORE IN THIS EPISODE:Resentment is that knot in your stomach that starts as a ping—something small like dishes left on the sink or a dismissive tone from your doctor. Each time you swallow the feeling and tell yourself it's not worth mentioning, you add another layer. Before you know it, you're bitter, avoiding appointments, or considering walking away from relationships that actually matter.On a cancer journey, resentment shows up constantly. You're expected to be grateful for everything anyone gives you, even when it's not what you need. You don't want to "stir the pot" with your medical team. You silence yourself because "it's not worth making it a big deal." But that's gaslighting yourself: if an emotion came up, it matters.We discuss why passive aggression is often resentment trying to find its voice, how power dynamics in medical relationships make this worse, and practical ways to notice when something "pinches" so you can address it before resentment builds. The key insight: if a relationship can't stand up to you having your voice, was it worth having?This conversation offers guidance for cancer patients navigating difficult medical relationships, caregivers feeling unheard, and anyone learning to advocate for themselves without passive aggression or silent suffering.

In part three of our Hard Emotion Series, we explore Disappointment—the heart-dropping-into-your-stomach feeling that makes you want to blame yourself, fix it immediately, or avoid feeling it altogether.This episode offers compassionate guidance for anyone navigating the inevitable disappointments of a cancer journey while maintaining hope and finding new paths forward.Join our community at: thecancerjourney.com#CancerJourney #Disappointment #HeartEmotionSeries #Hope #EmotionalHealth #CancerSupport #ProcessingEmotions #Grief #Resilience #CancerCoaching #Healing #Authenticity #CancerCommunity #CancerAwareness #CancerSurvivor

In part two of our Hard Emotion Series, we dive into the emotions most people are afraid to name honestly: Anger and Rage. These aren't just frustration or being upset, they're powerful energies that carry immense judgment in our culture, making them the emotions we suppress most.We explore the crucial difference between anger (when a boundary gets crossed) and rage (when boundaries get crossed repeatedly until you feel invisible). They discuss why we avoid these emotions, how that avoidance actually makes things worse, and the clean versus dirty ways to release this energy.For anyone on a cancer journey, boundaries get violated constantly—by your body, the medical system, well-meaning loved ones. This episode offers a compassionate framework for acknowledging and working with these taboo emotions instead of suppressing them until they explode.Join our community: www.thecancerjourney.com#CancerJourney #Anger #Rage #HeartEmotionSeries #EmotionalHealth #Boundaries #CancerSupport #ProcessingEmotions #SelfCompassion #CancerCoaching #MentalHealth #EmotionalIntelligence #Authenticity #CancerCommunity #Healing

Some emotions are often labeled "taboo" but are essential parts of being human, especially on a cancer journey, and we're digging into them with our Hard Emotions Series.

We're starting with Fear because it's the emotion we hear about most from anyone navigating cancer. Not just fear of dying, but fear of what happens to loved ones, fear of losing control, fear of judgment, and the cascade of fears that can feel overwhelming.

#CancerJourney #Fear #HardEmotionSeries #CancerSupport #EmotionalHealing #CancerCoaching #Vulnerability #Bravery #ProcessingFear #CancerCommunity #MentalHealth #Courage #Authenticity #CancerSurvivors #Caregivers

Take a behind-the-scenes look at our recent Earth & Essence event at Filoli Gardens, where we brought together people at all stages of their cancer journeys for an afternoon of nature, reflection, and community.In this episode, Shariann and Alicia share insights from watching participants explore the manicured gardens and the imperfect forest trail with trolls, and how both paths offered exactly what different people needed. They explore why solo reflection time in nature before community sharing created space for authentic connections and unexpected collaborations.From roses that smell like lychee to trolls asking "What do I hear when I get quiet?" this conversation reveals how structured, safe spaces can help people reconnect with themselves amid the chaos of cancer treatment and caregiving.#CancerJourney #NatureHealing #CommunitySupport #CancerSupport #Reflection #Mindfulness #FiloliGardens #CancerSurvivors #Caregivers #Healing #Authenticity #SelfCare

We get real about the pressure to "stay positive" during cancer treatment and offer a different approach, one that makes space for ALL your emotions while still moving toward healing and hope.This conversation is for anyone tired of forced positivity, anyone feeling stuck in difficult emotions, or anyone ready to discover the power they have to shift their healing journey through perspective.Website: thecancerjourney.comFollow us for more content on transforming your cancer journey.Remember: You're so much more powerful than you realize🧡#CancerJourney #PerspectiveHealing #CancerSupport #EmotionalHealing #Hope #CancerCoaching

What's the difference between what you want and what you need? And why does that distinction become so crucial when you're navigating a cancer journey?In this heartfelt episode, Shariann and Alicia explore how cancer puts you center stage in your own life, forcing you to ask yourself what you actually want—not just what you need to survive, but what would make this life feel worth living.From Ryan Gosling's powerful scene in The Notebook to the vulnerability of sharing their own wants out loud, this conversation dives deep into why we often live in survival mode and how the space that cancer creates can become a sacred invitation to dream again.Asking for what you want isn't selfis it's essential. This episode is for anyone who's ever struggled to voice what they truly desire, especially those whose lives have been touched by cancer.Join our community: Website: www.thecancerjourney.com#CancerJourney #WantVsNeed #PersonalGrowth #CancerSupport #Authenticity #SelfAdvocacy #Vulnerability #CancerCoaching #LifePurpose #SelfCare #Mindfulness #CancerSurvivors #Caregivers #LifeTransformation #Desires #Dreams #CancerCommunity

Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.This episode is about the blame we carry, the shame that festers, and that voice in our head that sounds like a prosecutor building a case against us.If you've ever whispered "What did I do wrong?" or "How is this my fault?" after a cancer diagnosis (or really, after anything difficult in life), this conversation is for you.Healing isn't linear, and neither is learning to be gentle with yourself.Take what serves you. Leave what doesn't. And remember, you get to choose what you carry.Connect with us: www.thecancerjourney.com

Drawing from Shariann's incredible 20+ year journey through five different cancer diagnoses, we talk about how cancer forces all of us to slow down in a world that's absolutely obsessed with speed, and why that forced pause might be exactly what our souls have been craving.Here's what we really get into: Why cancer is like hitting a detour sign with no GPS to guide you, and how that's where Cancer Journey coaches come in to help you navigate. We talk about the huge difference between thinking this is just a temporary detour versus recognizing it as a complete life recalibration. Shariann shares some beautiful insights about how the forced slowdown of treatment can actually become sacred time for self-discovery, and we dig into why our society judges "sitting around" so harshly and how you can reclaim the incredible power of stillness.

This episode isn't about treating yourself better when you're alone. It's about what happens when self-care and relationships intersect. When caring for yourself feels like it might hurt someone else. When you have to choose between your well-being and someone else's comfort.We talk about the moment you realize you've been absorbing emotions that were never yours to carry. What it means to love yourself with the same intentionality as you love others. Why boundaries aren't about keeping people out but about showing up authentically within your relationships.Join our community: www.thecancerjourney.com

We're having an honest conversation about one of the hardest but most important topics on the cancer journey—asking for help. We're exploring why this feels so difficult when it's actually one of the strongest things you can do, how to shift from "help" (which can feel victim-like) to "collaboration" and "support" (which feels empowering), and the beautiful truth that when you ask for support, you're not just receiving, you're giving others the gift of feeling needed and valued.Remember: You were never meant to carry it all alone, and asking for help actually strengthens relationships and creates something beautiful that none of us could achieve solo.Join the CJI Family at www.thecancerjourney.com#CancerJourney #AskingForHelp #CancerSupport #Connection #Collaboration #PersonalEmpowerment #CancerCoaching #SupportSystem #CommunitySupport #Relationships #Podcast