This week, your favorite horror gremlins go on a full-blown Rutger Hauer appreciation spiral and collectively realize that Rutger Hauer might not have been acting—he might have just been like that.
We dive headfirst into The Hitcher (1986), directed by Robert Harmon, a movie that wastes absolutely zero time politely introducing itself before immediately threatening your entire family. Rutger Hauer plays John Ryder like a supernatural force powered by desert heat, bad vibes, and pure “I woke up and chose violence.” We scream about the opening minutes, the lack of motivation (KING SHIT), the daytime horror, the infamous truck scene, and how this movie somehow convinces you thatthe cops are useless, the road is evil, and hitchhiking is basically consenting to a curse.
Then we pivot into Surviving the Game (1994), directed by Ernest R. Dickerson, aka The Most Unhinged Rich White People Activity Ever Filmed. The legend that is Ice-T takes on Rutger Hauer, Gary Busey (at MAXIMUM Gary Busey), John C. McGinley, and F. Murray Abraham after they form the most deranged hunting party imaginable. We lose our minds over:
To complete the holy trinity, we bring in Hobo with a Shotgun (2011), directed by Jason Eisener, where Rutger Hauer plays a homeless vigilante like he’s a mythological figure spawned from grindhouse fumes and righteous rage. We talk about how this movie feels like a fever dream someone had after watching too much VHS-era exploitation and how Rutger Hauer somehow makes “hobo with a shotgun” feel emotionally profound.
Throughout the episode we:
This is less a review episode and more a group therapy session for people permanently altered by desert highways, human hunting games, and shotgun blasts.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
Podcast: Listen Here
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Josh: @joshblevesque
Audio: @stranjlove
In this episode, your favorite chaos-goblins sit down to talk about Prisoners (2013, directed by Denis Villeneuve)—which is technically a prestige thriller but FEELS like a horror movie—and Nightcrawler (2014, directed by Dan Gilroy), where Jake Gyllenhaal becomes a sentient camera tripod powered entirely by caffeine and questionable ethics.
🕳️ PRISONERS (2013, dir. Denis Villeneuve)
We start with Prisoners, where Hugh Jackman goes full Wolverine Dad Mode, Paul Dano gets bullied by literally everyone, including the movie itself, and Villeneuve proves he could direct a grocery store receipt, and we’d call it a masterpiece.
We then spend 40 minutes yelling:
📸 NIGHTCRAWLER (2014, dir. Dan Gilroy)
Then we sprint face-first into Nightcrawler, where Jake Gyllenhaal plays Lou Bloom like he’s half demonic raccoon, half camera salesman, who learned business ethics from YouTube crypto bros, and dedicate approximately 30 minutes debating whether he’s an alien, vampire, or just a dude powered by stale Red Bull and moral decay.
Is this movie a warning about capitalism or a how-to manual for sociopaths? Considering this film emotionally waterboards the viewer for 2-hours, we’re going with both.
🎥 Along the way we derail into:
🔥 Films sacrificed on this altar:
Plus, random shouting about
If you like Jake Gyllenhaal being weird, trauma cinema, and true crime, then buckle up, buttercup, this episode will spiritually destroy you (in a fun way).
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
Podcast: Listen Here
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Josh: @joshblevesque
Audio: @stranjlove
This week on the pod, Chris Dudley of Underoath joins us in going full horror-goblin mode while we descend into full-blown extraterrestrial delirium, tackling The Fourth Kind, Signs, and Fire in the Sky — three films that prove aliens really might exist, but also might have the collective IQ of a Roomba in a bathtub.
We kick off with The Fourth Kind (2009) — directed by Olatunde Osunsanmi, starring Milla Jovovich, a bunch of owls with boundary issues, and “archival footage” that is approximately as convincing as a Bigfoot found on Etsy. The gang debates whether the aliens were scary or if the real villain was hypnotherapy, and how the film somehow made “ancient Sumerian alien yelling” a plot device. We also discuss the Nome, Alaska lawsuits, the fake websites, and why the studio absolutely deserved to be sued by the state of Alaska for gaslighting an entire population.
Then we plunge headfirst into Signs (2002), where M. Night Shyamalan brings us aliens so technologically advanced they can cross galaxies but can’t figure out a damn doorknob. We’re talking crop circles, Pennsylvania dad vibes, Joaquin Phoenix swinging for the fences (literally), and Mel Gibson crying like it earned him a punch card at the “Prestige Actor Sadness Rewards Program.”
Finally, we arrive at the king of UFO trauma: Fire in the Sky (1993), directed by Robert Lieberman, featuring the most infamous alien encounter ever committed to film and Travis Walton, the patron saint of “I swear the aliens did it.” The hosts scream about the abduction sequence like a group therapy session for people who’ve all watched this movie too young and were never the same. The words “shitty aliens and fucking Travis” are spoken enough times to summon some kind of cosmic lawsuit.
Along the way we detour into:• Alien allergies• Crop circles as early-2000s clout chasing• Water-allergic humans (apparently real???)• Whether aliens would choose to invade Pennsylvaniaof all places• How Signs accidentally invented a new method of irrigating corn•How Scary Movie 3 permanently corrupted the DNA of Signs for all of us.• The eternal philosophical question: are owls just shitty aliens in disguise?
If you like horror podcasts that sound like three guys locked in a basement joking about being abducted mid-episode, this one is for you.
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Chris: @chrisunderoath
Audio:@stranjlove
Welcome to the podcast where we don’t review movies—we aggressively scream about them like gremlins who found a mall PA system. This week we’re spiritually summoning the ghosts of the Evil Dead series and go absolutely feral over two of the most chaotic low-budget masterpieces that were clearly made after someone said, “hey what if we did this but like with ZERO adult supervision?”
🪓Intruder (1989) — directed by Scott Spiegel, featuring Bruce Campbell, Sam Raimi, Ted Raimi, and the single most enthusiastic bandsaw in film history⚔️Thou Shalt Not Kill… Except (1985) — directed by Josh Becker, starring actual Michigan dudes playing Marines fighting a Charles Manson knockoff.
🔪We unpack the truly essential questions:
🧠We also spiral into:
🩸 Films Chaotically Analyzed:
Intruder (1989, dir. Scott Spiegel) Thou Shalt Not Kill… Except (1985, dir. Josh Becker)Also: Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness, Darkman, and like 400 other movies we just blurted out mid-sentence
If you want academically incorrect film analysis, Bruce Campbell cameos, and chaotic horror nerd energy, this episode is your new religion.CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Audio:@stranjlove
What happens when three horror nerds who think too much throw on House of Wax and Thir13en Ghosts? Absolute chaos. That’s what.
This week we tried, and failed, to traverse two of our favorite horror films from the mid-2000s, only to spiral into oblivion trying to figure out how Jared Padalecki’s face survives being ripped off (spoiler: it doesn’t), debate whether Chad Michael Murray was secretly trying to hook up with his sister (ew), and spend way too much time wondering who the hell supplied Vincent with enough wax to build an entire two-story house in the Louisiana swamp. (Home Depot? Yankee Candle? Satan?)
Then we dive face-first into Thir13en Ghosts, a movie where Tony Shalhoub basically gets tricked into living in a giant glass Rubik’s Cube of Death while Matthew Lillard screams like he just stubbed his toe for 90 minutes. We argue about which ghost is the most effective, whether the lawyer’s death by glass door is the greatest kill in horror history, and laugh over F. Murray Abraham being out-acted by a floating torso.
Along the way, we spiral into:
•The tragic marketing genius of “Come see Paris Hilton die!” shirts.
•Why horror in the 2000s was peak teenage chaos (hello Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, Final Destination 2, and Wrong Turn).
•Wax being the least sustainable building material unless you live inside a refrigerated Costco.
•A slow-motion breakdown of Kurt Russell’s mustache in Tombstone (because yes, we went there).
Basically, it’s horror movie night with zero adult supervision.
If you’re into horror hot takes, wax-based architecture criticism, and hearing three idiots laugh about Tony Shalhoub’s ghost problems, hit play now.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Audio:@stranjlove
This week, we’re taking a deep dive into the very haunted history of Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina—a small Southern town with more ghost stories per square mile than Salem, Savannah, or Charleston combined. Joined by local authors and tour guides Liz Z Pardue and Kelly Prestipino (also possibly haunted), we explore paranormal encounters, unsolved murders, witch lore, haunted cemeteries, and ghostly legends that make this town feel like a Southern-fried Stephen King theme park:•Stinky Pete: a spirit who alternates between smelling like cigars or B.O. (so basically your uncle at Thanksgiving).•Pauline: the mayor’s widow who smuggled saplings out of the Biltmore Estate in coffee cans, built the best garden in town, and is now haunting people until someone finally gives her a damn plaque.•The Willow Spring Axe Murders: a dude kills his pregnant wife and kids, hides them under a cow, and then nopes out of town like it’s a Scooby-Doo episode from hell.•Shadow people, deer with human eyes, and hitchhiking 90s mall kids who refuse your umbrella offer before disappearing into the void because that's normalWe also reminisce about the true horror of growing up in the 80s and 90s: getting handed Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark in elementary school libraries, staying up all weekend with USA slasher marathons, and learning that yes, Jaws is technically about local politics with bonus shark attacks.If you’ve ever thought, “Wow, Appalachia feels weird, but maybe it’s just the trees,” this episode proves that nope—everything’s haunted. The houses, the roads, the woods, even the damn drinking water is haunted. EXTRA GHOST CHAOS •Axe murders, witch lore & haunted history of Fuquay-Varina•Paranormal encounters with cigar-smoking ghosts & perfumed spirits•Appalachian weirdness, shadow people & why the woods suck•Parenting tips: why Monster Squad is fine for kids, but Gremlins will ruin Christmas foreverSo grab your flashlight, leave your umbrella at home (the ghosts don’t want it), and join us for haunted history, true crime, and lots of looking over our shoulder cause it’s probably haunted.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
Fuquay-Varina Ghosts, Legends & Lore: https://a.co/d/atvkmUZ
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Audio:@stranjlove
School is back in session, and this week we’re flunking out of reality with a double feature of academic anarchy: Classof 1984 (1982) and Class of 1999 (1990). Two movies, two decades apart, same message: high school is the worst.
First up is Mark L. Lester’s Class of 1984, starring Perry King, Timothy Van Patten, and a very young Michael J. Fox. It’s a gritty tale of punks, classroom chaos, and teachers who have officially had enough. We’re talking gang violence, courtroom drama, and a soundtrack by Alice Cooper that absolutely shreds.
Then we crank the absurdity dial with Class of 1999, also directed by Lester, where robot teachers go full Terminator on the student body. Featuring Pam Grier, Stacy Keach rocking a mullet-rat-tail-combo, and Malcolm McDowell as the world’s most exhausted principal. Basically, it’s RoboCop meets after-school detention.
The guy’s debate whether a punk army with switchblades is scarier than Pam Grier’s robot arm, if Michael J. Fox was already plotting Back to the Future during filming, and how Stacy Keach somehow looks both 40 and 400 years old at the same time.
🔥 Topics Include:
📼 Absurd Highlights:
Hit that subscribe button for more horror deep dives, wild movie rants, and four dudes proving that detention might actually kill you.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube: @creep-o-rama
Audio:@stranjlove
It’s a full-on cosmic horror double feature this week as we dive into Color Out of Space (2019) and The Endless (2017) — two movies where the universe is broken, time is meaningless, and Nicolas Cage might be your dad.
We kick things off with Richard Stanley’s goo-soaked nightmare Color Out of Space, where Nicolas Cage yells about alpacas, chugs space milk, and absolutely loses his marbles in a way only Nicolas Cage can. There’s a meteor in the yard, purple lightning in the well, and a disturbing lack of child supervision. Bonus points for Joely Richardson slowly fusing with her son in the kitchen blender from hell. Oh, and Tommy Chong lives in the woods recording alien vibes on cassette like a stoner Fox Mulder.
Then we head into The Endless (dir. Justin Benson & Aaron Moorhead) — a movie where time loops are everywhere, everyone’s in a cult (sorta), and reality is held together by what may or may not be a cosmic sadist in the sky. Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead star as brothers returning to their old cult campsite, only to discover that time is a circle, no one leaves the tent, and the beer is still free (so... not all bad?).
Derick tries to unpack the cult’s Netflix-worthy pitch. James compares The Entity to a hungover god watching YouTube fails. Josh wonders if the Cabin in the Woods dome tech is involved. Justin swears The Endless is a metaphor for aging millennials stuck in their hometown group chat.
Mind-Melting Topics Include:
WTF Highlights:
Subscribe for more horror deep-dives, movie chaos, and weekly reminders that cosmic horror is just your anxiety with a fog machine.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Beach House Breakdown, Vagina Dentata, & Cronenberg’s Sex Parasites – Horror Hangout from Hell
What do a Cthulhu beach vacation, vagina dentata, and horny parasitic zombies have in common? We have no idea. But it’s Josh’s birthday, so come with us as we shuffle through all this goo and try to find out.
The dudes dive headfirst into The Beach House (dir. Jeffrey A. Brown), a Lovecraft-lite flick that tries to spook you with fog, foot worms, and... astrobiology? James has ocean-walking dreams, Justin forgets the movie he’s supposed to talk about, Derick gets mad that nobody in horror knows how to wear pants during a crisis, and Josh may in fact be Tubi’s shadow CEO.
We also take a deep bite into Teeth (dir. Mitchell Lichtenstein), where John Hensley from Nip/Tuck plays the most cartoonishly incestuous dirtbag this side of Cinemax. There are dog attacks, dick rings, and a whole lot of trauma wrapped up in a “quirky” indie revenge horror. A24 remake incoming? Probably.
Then it’s over to David Cronenberg’s Shivers aka They Came from Within aka Orgy of the Blood Parasites, where 70s Canadian sex monsters spread the infection one creepy assault at a time. Oh, and apparently Cronenberg thought those guys were the heroes of the story. Yeah. Sketch.
Along the way, the crew debates whether stoned vision grants access to cosmic jellyfish goo, how many dicks need to be bitten off before justice is served, and how Lovecraftian horror and edible gummies mix like oil and haunted ocean water.
Movies discussed:The Beach House (2020) – Directed by Jeffrey A. Brown, starring Liana Liberato and Jake Weber (aka “Dawn of the Dead Ocean Dad”) Teeth (2007) – Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, starring Jess Weixler and John Hensley as Human Incest Dumpster
Shivers (1975) – Directed by David Cronenberg, starring Paul Hampton, Barbara Steele, and everything wrong with humanity
Topics include:
Don’t forget to subscribe for more low-budget horror, high-budget opinions, and four grown men yelling about sea goo, toxic boyfriends, and the importance of pants during supernatural emergencies.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Welcome to Creep-O-Rama, the horror podcast that dares to ask: What if Count Orlok was just a goth Victorian raccoon with boundary issues?
In this week's episode, we explore the damp cathedral of Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu (2024)—a movie so dark, brooding, and horny it might actually be a sentient Victorian wallpaper sample.
💀 THE MOVIE:
Directed by Robert “I Only Shoot by Candlelight” Eggers and starring Bill Skarsgård as Count “Wet Little Freak with Jazz Hands” Orlok: the baldest menace in cinematic history. This isn’t your grandma’s Nosferatu—unless your grandma’s into haunted rat men with an addiction to dramatic stair entrances.
We unpack Orlok’s whole vibe, which is somewhere between feral ferret and your ex who reads poetry at 3 AM while perched on your headboard like a weird little gargoyle.
💀 Topics We Shouldn’t Have Talked About:
•Does Orlok eat rats… or date them?
•Is it still horror if we’re 40% aroused, 60% confused?
•The term “crypt goblin” is used 9 times, none respectfully.
•Derick nearly throws hands with a mannequin.
•Josh’s mustache gains sentience and starts a side podcast.
•James compares the cinematography to “getting kissed by a haunted window.”
•Justin goes full scholar and invents the phrase “romantic mildew chic.”
🗿 Also Featuring:
•James asks the forbidden question: “Is Nosferatu… a little bit hot?”
•Justin invents “moisture-based horror criticism”
•Everyone forgets how to pronounce “German Expressionism” and makes it worse every time
•Rat-based thirst traps
•“Why does Orklok walk like that” discourse (again)
📢 Trigger Warning: This Episode Contains:
•Loud opinions
•Mustache worship
•Spiritual hauntings by garbage trucks
•Mannequin-based trauma
•At least 3 jokes about rats wearing coats
🎧 If you like horror, chaos, and four barely-functioning adults making feral observations about pale movie ghouls, this episode was made in a haunted attic just for you.
💬 Drop a comment with your favorite Orlok thirst trap moment or just scream “RAT BOY” into the void.
🔔 Like & subscribe or the Count will show up in your dreams and cry into your mouth.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Tape up your knuckles and prepare for a roundhouse kick of nostalgia as we dive into the final episode of our Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon with the most iconic double feature: Bloodsport (1988, dir. Newt Arnold) and Kickboxer (1989, dir. Mark DiSalle & David Worth).
We’re talking Frank Dux’s (Van Damme) very real Kumite exploits (spoiler: they’re not real), Bolo Yeung’s terrifying pecs, and Michel Qissi’s Tong Po licking glass like a man who’s never heard of tetanus. Was Forest Whitaker secretly the best actor in Bloodsport? Why did JCVD’s dance scene involve 13 hand claps and 4 splits? And most importantly—how many kids shattered their shins trying to kick trees after watching these movies? (Spoiler: too many.)
Between debates on Kowloon Walled City’s structural integrity (thanks, James), Frank Dux’s CIA lies, and whether Dave Bautista could ever replace Tong Po, this episode is a no-holds-barred deep dive into the films that defined a generation of action cinema—and also our childhood orthopedic bills.
Bonus Chaos:
The Kumite Math: A 60-round tournament would require millions of fighters. Frank Dux is bad at numbers.
JCVD’s OnesieSuspenders: Fashion icon or spandex prisoner?
Bolo Yeung’s Pedestrian Beatdowns: How does one teenage Bolo Yeung strike fear in the hearts of strangers?
Stick around for swimming records, ponytail combat, and the eternal question: Why did everyone in the ‘80s taste their own blood?
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Get ready for the most roundhouse-kick-to-the-face episode yet, where we dive into not one, not two, but THREE Jean-Claude Van Damme cinematic fever dreams and spiral off into pure sweaty chaos.
🎬 Double Impact (1991)
Directed by Sheldon Lettich, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme (twice), Bolo Yeung, and Geoffrey Lewis.
JCVD plays both Chad and Alex, twin brothers separated at birth and reunited only to kick the living hell out of everything in sight. We’re talking silk underwear, pink shorts, karate vs. guns, questionable sex scenes, and one of the greatest villain scars in action history.
Also: a lot of split kicks. Like, aggressively horny amounts of split kicks.
🎬 Maximum Risk (1996)
Directed by Ringo Lam, starring JCVD, Natasha Henstridge, and Jean-Hugues Anglade.
This one’s a sweaty Russian bathhouse noir mystery thing… with JCVD in a towel half the time, a lot of vaguely evil mobsters, and a random sex scene that feels like it was scored by a suspense soundtrack by mistake. Also, shoutout to sweaty Russian dude fights and bathhouse towel physic for defying the laws of science.
🎬 Double Team (1997)
Directed by Tsui Hark, starring JCVD, Dennis Rodman, and Mickey Rourke (who trained like a beast and then got kicked in a landmine-filled coliseum by a Belgian in tight pants).
Highlights include:
•JCVD side-kicking a TIGER in a MINEFIELD inside a COLOSSEUM
•Dennis Rodman delivering one-liners like a glitchy action figure
•A bomb-proof Coke machine that saves lives
•Vending machine physics that would make MythBusters cry
•A villain so jacked he should be illegal
💬 BONUS CHAOS:
•Visor meltdowns, head-height trauma, and Seth Green cosplay from Can’t Hardly Wait
•Kiefer Sutherland spearing a Christmas tree while three sheets to the wind
•“I’m like a snake—if you look into my eyes, I’ll get you in the back” — a quote that makes absolutely no sense but is likely displayed in your uncles Instagram bio.
•Deep debates about Bolo Yeung’s pectoral evolution, high-waisted shorts, and whether Vigo Mortensen’s dong ruined all future action cinema
This episode is less of a podcast and more of a JCVD-fueled fever dream wrapped in silk underwear and kicked directly into your subconscious.
So hit play, grab a drink, and get ready for the dumbest, sweatiest, most kick-ass movie breakdown you never knew you needed.
👉 LIKE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE before Dennis Rodman appears out of nowhere on a dirtbike and starts quoting things with his mouth not moving.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Welcome to part THREE of the Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon! This week, four roundhouse-loving maniacs dive into a triple feature so stacked it could only be held together with sweat and slow-motion spin kicks while it fights to resist spontaneously combusting from a denim overload and sheer gluteal power!
👊 Lionheart (1990) – Directed by Sheldon Lettich, writtenpartially by JCVD’s ego.
Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as Leon “Lionheart” Gaultier, a French Foreign Legionnaire who quits his job as a desert soldier and becomes a full-time underground fight club God in mom jeans.
This movie has it all: dudes fighting in racquetball courts, dudes fighting in slacks, dudes fighting in turtlenecks, the world’s most enthusiastic hype man, and a slow clap ending so powerful it might restore your faith in cinema.
🔊 Quote of the day: "You've got a big heart, Lionheart." (Said no fewer than 137 times)
👊 Death Warrant (1990) – Directed by Deran Sarafian, writtenby baby David S. Goyer before he sold his soul to Batman.
Van Damme plays Louis Burke, a French-Canadian cop sent undercover in a prison so corrupt it makes Shawshank look like a Marriott.
Highlights include:
•A shirtless flying kick into fire (naturally)
•JCVD roundhouse kicking someone within 60 seconds of arriving at jail
•A weird-ass conjugal visit seduction scene
•A flaming roundhouse kick so HARD that it would make Steven Seagal cry in his caftan
👊 Nowhere to Run (1993) – Directed by Robert Harmon (TheHitcher, now THIS)Starring Jean-Claude “The Sexiest Cryptid West of the Mississippi” Van Damme, Rosanna Arquette, and a baby Kieran Culkin (now an Oscar winner).
This was supposed to be a gentle drama called Pals… and instead we got "What if JCVD was a shirtless farm god with a heart of gold and ass of steel?"
Highlights:
•JCVD living in a tent with no food, just porn and vengeance
•A chase scene on a motorcycle so good it distracted us from the emotionally scarring skinny dip
•More ass shots than plot points
•And the greatest dude-fight ever put on film, complete with shotgun blasts, shirt-ripping, and strategic jumps into the line of fire for no reason
💥BONUS MADNESS:
•Philosophical debates on whether anyone is truly “enough strong to be jail”
•Conspiracy theories about JCVD’s contractually obligated butt shots
•Letterboxd lists for “Most Dude Fights,” “JCVD Gets Blinded Again,” and “Movies Where JCVD Shows His Ass (As a Treat)”
•An emotional tribute to high-waisted jeans and the men bold enough to wear them
So slap on your tightest jeans, flex those glutes, and hit play—because this episode is pure roundhouse chaos from start to finish.
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Welcome to the most chaotic cinematic therapy session this side of the apocalypse, where four degenerates shout over each other about spin kicks, bad wigs, and jacked robots who don’t know what dongs are anymore. This week we’re getting emotionally destroyed by a Jean-Claude Van Damme triple feature that roundhouse kicked us so HARD it sent us spiraling into a fever dream so intense it should come with a physician’s warning and a complimentary bottle of body oil.
💥 First up: Cyborg (1989) — Directed by Albert "I-Wrote-It-In-Four-Days" PyunStarring: Jean-Claude “Gibson Rickenbacker” Van Damme, Vincent “Warchild but Make It Fashion” KlynPlot? Who cares. Cyborg was born from the ashes of Masters of the Universe 2 and a dead Spider-Man project that’s about crucifixions and kickboxing in a Mad Max cosplay world with a villain so greasy you could fry an egg on his abs. Also, everyone is named after guitars. It's Gibson vs. Fender, literally. Who wins? Not you.
💥 Then we enter Universal Soldier (1992) — Directed by Roland “Cool Him Down or He’ll Explode” EmmerichStarring: JCVD, Dolph “I’m Always Screaming” Lundgren, Ally“Probably Regrets This” WalkerIt’s the tale of two dead Vietnam beefcake bros turned into murder-zombies with gamer headsets and malfunctioning body temp regulation who forget they had dongs. JCVD eats 47 pancakes in a diner and gets threatened by a chef over unpaid eggs. And there’s even a scene where JCVD becomes a literal car engine. NICE!
⚠️ Bonus Feature: The Universal Soldier Hotline Sweepstakes — a $1.50-per-minute scam where kids paid to MAYBE win a trip but mostly got a long-distance relationship with bankruptcy. Press 1 for disappointment. Press 2 for regret.
💥 And finally… Street Fighter (1994) — Directed by Steven E."Let’s Not Read the Game Manual" de SouzaStarring: JCVD (as the most Belgian American of all time), Raul Julia (RIP, you absolute legend), and a parade of weirdly under-beefed martial artists.There is no street fighting. There is no plot. There is only COCAINE: THE MOVIE™. Also, Blanka looks like someone painted a Subway sandwich green and gave it unresolved trauma. It's weird.
👊 ALSO IN THIS ROUNDHOUSE OF CHAOS:
•JCVD’s butt clause (it’s gotta be a thing)
•Terminator shirts with fake Arnold arms sewn into them
•"Last Temptation of JCVD" (crucifixion scene + splits = cinematic gold)
•Dolph’s piercing baby blues and why they deserve their own movie deal
•Unapologetic McDonald’s Monopoly trauma
•And a philosophical debate on whether JCVD is just awkward… or perfectly cast as a misunderstood meat robot.
🔥 This episode is a car crash made entirely out of VHS tapes, cocaine dust, and shredded tank tops. So SMASH that like button, COMMENT with your favorite JCVD ass scene, and SUBSCRIBE before Dolph Lundgren finds you and makes you do a push-up for every bad ADR line in Universal Soldier, SOLDIER!
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
The time has finally arrived to traverse the JCVD universe, and we’re starting it off with legendary mullets, exploding hockey rinks, time-traveling splits, and asking the most important question we've ever faced: Can JCVD really crack a walnut with his ass? (Spoiler: He said he could, and we believe him.)
🔥THE SPLITS FROM HELL🔥
•Sudden Death: Die Hard, But with Hockey – The forgotten JCVD action classic where terrorists take over Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, Van Damme fights a murderous hockey mascot, and somehow nobody in the crowd notices anything.
•Timecop’s Mag-Lite Guns & Space-Time Absurdity – Jean-Claude Van Damme is a time-traveling cop who fights future crime while doing splits. Also, the futuristic weapons are just handguns duct-taped to giant flashlights.
•HARD TARGET: JCVD’s Louisiana Murder Vacation – Jean-Claude Van Damme plays Cajun Batman with an unlimited supply of roundhouse kicks and rattlesnake knock-out power.
🎬 OTHER UNHINGED DISCUSSIONS INCLUDE:
•JCVD’s Walnut-Cracking Glutes – Did you know Jean-Claude Van Damme once claimed he could crack a walnut with his ass? Well, now you do. And we refuse to stop thinking about it.
•Why Timecop Is Somehow More Scientifically Accurate Than Fast & Furious
•Hockey Security Is a Myth, Prove Us Wrong
•The Science of Time Travel & Splits—What They Don’t Teach You in School
•Can John Woo legally direct a film without slow-motion doves?
SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS TO:
🎭 Jean-Claude Van Damme (Firefighter, Time Traveler, Walnut Assassin).
🎭 Lance Henriksen (Hard Target’s Sweatiest Man Alive™).
🎬 Hard Target directed by John Woo, who personally kept the dove industry alive in the 90s.
🎬 Sudden Death directed by Peter Hyams, who probably had NHL season tickets.
🎬 Timecop also directed by Peter Hyams, proving one man can handle TWO JCVD time-travel splits.
FINAL VERDICT:
By the end of this episode, you will:
✅ Fear Lance Henriksen’s forehead veins.
✅ Demand a Sudden Death 2 where JCVD fights a rogue Zamboni.
✅ Attempt the JCVD splits at home and regret it immediately.
✅ Start roundhouse kicking inanimate objects just to see if you can.
Click play NOW before Jean-Claude Van Damme jumps through time and butt-cracks a walnut right in front of you!
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Welcome to this week’s episode of the CREEP-O-RAMA podcast, the only one brave enough to tackle the HOLY TRINITY of Nicolas Cage Insanity—Face/Off, Con Air, and The Rock—and somehow still have enough brain cells left to scream about it for an hour.
🔥 WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX? 🔥
•The Bunny That Broke Us – If you don’t cry when greasy, muscle-bound Nicolas Cage hands his daughter that nasty, bloodstained stuffed bunny, then congratulations—you’re a heartless monster.
•The Sean Connery Conspiracy – The Rock is 1000% a secret James Bond sequel, and we will fight anyone who says otherwise. You mean to tell me an ex-British spy who’s been locked up since the 1960s isn’t James Bond?!
•Castor Troy’s Gold-Plated Terrorist Starter Kit™ – The moment Cage dual-wields custom gold guns while wearing a red velvet suit, you know Face/Off is going to change your brain chemistry forever.
•The Rock’s Insane Cast – This movie gives us Cage, Sean Connery, Ed Harris, and Michael Biehn and then says, “Let’s make them fight on Alcatraz with missiles.” Cinema peaked here.
•Con Air’s Cast is Stacked for No Reason – John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo, Dave Chappelle, and John Cusack in a suit so big it needs its own trailer.
OTHER CHAOTIC DISCUSSIONS INCLUDE:
•How Did Nicolas Cage Go from Skeletal in Face/Off to Alabama Ripped in Con Air in Six Months?
•Why The Rock is Just an "Escape Room with Explosions."
•Was Cameron Poe's Hair in Con Air a Sentient Being?
•How to go from slow-motion doves to high-speed boat warfare in under five minutes.
🎬 SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS TO:
🎭 Nicolas Cage (Gun-Twirling Maniac / Southern Fried with a Heart of Gold / Long-Haired Prison Hero).
🎭 John Travolta (The Most Emotional FBI Agent of All Time / Chin Enthusiast).
🎭 Sean Connery (Actually James Bond. We’re not debating this.).
🎬 Face/Off directed by John Woo, who legally must include slow-motion doves in every film.
🎬 Con Air directed by Simon West, who believes there is no problem that can’t be solved by an explosion.
🎬 The Rock directed by Michael Bay, the patron saint of unnecessary destruction.
FINAL VERDICT:
By the end of this episode, you will:
✅ Question medical science forever
✅ Consider getting dual gold-plated guns, just for the aesthetic
✅ Realize John Travolta is just as insane as Nicolas Cage
✅ Shed a single tear for The Bunny™
Click play NOW before John Woo releases another flock of slow-motion doves!
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
This week on Creep-O-Rama we were supposed to analyze the mind-melting disasterpieces known as Terminator: Genisys and Terminator: Dark Fate, but instead we spiraled into a rabbithole of missing robot genitalia, evil AI rebranding, and why Hollywood keeps rebooting this franchise, no matter how much it begs to die.
🔥 WHAT FRESH TERMINATOR CHAOS AWAITS?
•Guatemalan Arm Veins: We deep dive into why Arnold’s de-aged CGI arms in Dark Fate look like they could bench-press a small country. Were they grown in a lab? Did Skynet install an extra vascularity update in his system? Was this their way of saying “I may be obsolete, but my vascularity is eternal”?!
•The Great Robo-Dong Cover-Up: We’ve all accepted that time-traveling Terminators arrive naked. But Dark Fate chickened out on confirming if the T-800 is… fully equipped. Reason #95873 why the 80s were better.
•Terminator: The Reality Show: What happens when a bunch of rogue Terminators get stuck in a house together and have to figure out life without John Connor? (Hint: it involves interior design, tequila, and existential crises.)
•Skynet’s Identity Crisis: First it was Skynet, then Genisys, now Legion?! How many times can an AI rebrand like a failing energy drink company?
•John Connor’s Speedrun to Oblivion: The face of the franchise gets deleted in 30 seconds and we’ve clearly got some issues about it.
🚁 UNHINGED SIDE QUESTS INCLUDE:
•The Helicopter Scene That BROKE PHYSICS – Dark Fate casually expects us to believe that John Connor has a spare helicopter just lying around like he’s in Grand Theft Auto.
•Linda Hamilton’s “Karen Connor” Haircut – Is she hunting Terminators or marching into Skynet HQ demanding to speak to the manager?
•Mackenzie Davis: Protector of the Future or Machine Gun Kelly in Disguise? – We are deeply confused.
•The Most Ripped Terminator Ever: Why does the Dark Fate villain look like he’s been on a diet of protein powder and engine oil?
⭐ SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS TO:
🎭 Arnold Schwarzenegger(robot dad, interior designer, official Vascularity Spokesperson, er, I mean robot).
🎭 Linda Hamilton (The Only Woman Who Can Kill a Terminator & Sell You Essential Oils in the Same Day).
🎬 Terminator: Genisys directed by Alan Taylor, who probably lost a bet.
🎬 Terminator: Dark Fate directed by Tim Miller, who somehow made a Terminator movie about parenting, carpentry, and protein shakes.
Hit play before Legion—I mean, Skynet—I mean, Evil WiFi 666—reboots again and deletes this episode from history!
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove
Welcome toThe Creep-O-Rama Podcast, where four horror-obsessed lunatics were supposed to untangle the madness ofWes Craven’s New Nightmareand the 2010 Nightmare onElm Street Remake, but instead we spiral out and discussFreddy Krueger’s Dracula phase, questionable parenting choices, and why David Hasselhoff is basically an all-terrain vehicle.
🔥WHAT YOU’RE GETTING INTO:
•Fred Krueger: The NosferatuEdition – InNew Nightmare, Freddy trades his classic look for aDracula trench coat, a bone hand, and the energy of a guy who exclusively drinks red wine and listens to The Cure while running around a gothic castle instead of a gothic boiler room.
•Striped Sleeves or No Striped Sleeves? – We accidentally spiral into a10-minute conspiracyabout whether Freddy’s sweater was scarier before the sleeves got stripes.(Spoiler: Freddy was more unhinged when his fashion was less coordinated.)
•David Hasselhoff: The Man, The Myth, The Boat – We completely derail the episode to analyze howThe Hoff has portrayed “David Hasselhoff” in more movies than he’s played actual characters, starred in four Anaconda movies (??), andliterally transformed into a speedboat in SpongeBob. Is The Hoff the real demon here?
🎬AND THEN IT GETS WEIRD…
•Freddy is No Longer Fun—Just Gross – The remake takes all of Freddy’s charm and replaces it withpure “I need a shower” energy. We go deep into why Jackie Earle Haley’s version is nightmare fuel, but not in a good way.
•CGI Wall Horror– They recreated the classic Nightmare wall-stretching scene…but made it worse with PlayStation 2 graphics.
•Freddy’s Best Line? – “The brain stays alive for seven minutes after death… that means we have six minutes to play.” (A+ nightmare fuel.)
⭐ SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS TO:
🎭Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger, trench coat model, possible vampire lord?)
🎬New Nightmaredirected byWes Craven, who was clearly going through something.
🎬The 2010 Remakedirected bySamuel Bayer, who possibly never watched the originals.
🚗David Hasselhoff, the world’s firstland-and-sea actor.
By the end of this episode, you’llquestion reality, Freddy’s wardrobe choices, and whether Hasselhoff is secretly immortal. Click play, and let’s get weird!
CREEP-O-RAMA is:
YouTube:@creep-o-rama
Josh:@joshblevesque
Audio:@stranjlove