In this episode of The Observatory Podcast, hosts Scott and LaRae Wright sit down with Bobby Ahlander for an expansive and deeply human conversation about suffering, healing, and what it means to truly come home to yourself. Bobby shares his journey growing up in a rigid religious environment marked by instability and fear, living much of his adult life on “autopilot,” and eventually reaching a breaking point that included leaving the Church, divorce, job loss, and a prolonged season of depression with suicidal ideation.
Through therapy, psychiatry, EMDR, Buddhist study, and eventually plant medicine, Bobby describes the slow and nonlinear rebuilding of his inner world. He introduces a personal “numbers” framework that helped him track emotional states — from survival, to “fine,” to happiness, joy, bliss, and ultimately a state he later names cosmic union. At the heart of this conversation is the embodied realization that arrived not through force or fixing, but through surrender: peace feels good.
Timestamps [01:10] Introducing Bobby Ahlander and the theme “peace feels good”
[04:05] Childhood in a conservative religious home marked by instability
[08:45] Learning invisibility, safety, and survival as a child
[14:55] Living adulthood on “autopilot” and inherited identity scripts
[20:15] Becoming a bishop and the weight of enforcing institutional rules
[25:35] LGBTQ+ policy conflict and values colliding with authority
[31:50] Leaving the Church, divorce, and relocation all at once
[36:40] Wiping the slate clean and questioning every belief
[41:05] First acts of autonomy and reclaiming personal choice
[46:00] Discovering Buddhism and non-dual thinking
[51:40] First psilocybin experience and expanded awareness
[58:45] COVID, job loss, unhealthy relationship, and emotional collapse
[01:05:40] Suicidal ideation and surviving for his children
[01:12:30] Therapy, medication, and the “numbers” emotional scale
[01:20:10] Ayahuasca: opening a door that never closes
[01:27:30] Integration, healing, and learning to live at “fine”
[01:33:40] Oregon coast turning point and happiness returning
[01:38:10] Discovering joy, bliss, and something beyond the scale
[01:41:00] Embodied peace, “peace feels good,” and what comes next
[01:41:58] Closing message and listener invitation
Notable Quotes- “You have just opened a door that can never close again.” — Scott Webb (quoted by Bobby Ahlander) [00:36:08]
- “I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to be alive.” — Bobby Ahlander [00:31:58]
- “The whole choice to awake puts you on a path.” — Scott Wright [01:13:33]
- “So we honor you for being there and being able to express that.” — LaRae Wright [01:29:42]
- “The cost of the new is the old.” — Scott Wright [01:32:36]
- “Turbulence is just a reminder you’re flying.” — Bobby Ahlander [01:34:42]
- “You will continue to suffer until you’ve learned the lesson that the suffering is trying to teach you.” — Bobby Ahlander [01:38:18]
- “This is peace.” — Bobby Ahlander [01:23:57]
- “Peace feels good.” — Bobby Ahlander [01:25:01]
Relevant LinksBobby's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyahlander/
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