“The clearest proof that man is utterly fallen is seen in the fact that they spit in Christ’s face...” –attributed to Charles Spurgeon (“Prince of Preachers”). John 9:1-7, “As [Jesus] passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him... Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the spit. Then he anointed the man’s eyes with the mud and said to him, ‘Go, wash in the pool of Siloam.’” Why the spit, Jesus? It’s humiliating. In Mark 8, he actually spit directly into a blind man’s eyes.... Leviticus 15 stipulates that when someone with an “issue” (bodily discharge) spits on someone that’s clean, the spit (that issue) communicates the uncleanness, which must feel like shame. And of course, it’s unsanitary. Fluids issued from one body to another body can cause all sorts of “issues.” Why the spit, Jesus? It’s humiliating and intimate... uncomfortably, intimate. He put the spit/mud in his eyes and didn’t heal him right away but had him walk through the city to Siloam. It must’ve felt like a walk of shame. Jesus took a similar walk. They spit on Him, and He let them. They’d strike one cheek, and He’d turn the other. They’d nail Him to a tree in a garden, and He’d pray, “Father, forgive; they don’t know...” If you saw it, you’d think: “What’s wrong with him? Has he no pride? Has he no shame? Is he not offended?” “He endured the cross, despising (disrespecting) the shame,” wrote the author of Hebrews. Shame was not our Lord’s master. Hurt? Yes! Angry? Maybe, (depending on how you define it). Offended? I don’t think He had an “ego” to offend... at least not one like ours. Why the spit, Jesus? It’s humiliating, intimate, and it reminds us of creation. John 9:7-22, “So, he went and washed and came back seeing... The neighbors were... saying, ‘Is this not the man?’... He kept saying, ‘I am’ (interesting word choice)... The Jews did not believe that he had been blind and had received his sight... the Jews had already agreed that if anyone should confess Jesus to be Christ [the anointed], he was to be put out of the synagogue.” “Synagogue” means “gathered together.” We form groups to receive glory from men and in this way shape each other in our own image. When Jesus said, “I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it,” He chose another word, “ecclesia.” It means “those called out.” Throughout Scripture, God will call people out of groups — which often feels like rejection — in order to send them back as individuals, in order that we would form a living body. A body is diversity in unity: diverse individuals bound together in a communion of sacrificial love called Life. It’s the seventh sign that is the substance. Remember? John 9:24, “So for the second time [the Pharisees] called the man who had been blind and said to him, ‘Give glory to God.’” Jesus, in the Gospel of John, says some crazy things about Glory. “The Spirit of Truth will glorify me. For he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine.” Then Jesus prays, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your son that your son may glorify you...” Then, he stood up and walked to the garden where he was betrayed with a kiss and then spit upon by Jews and Romans. We attempt to glorify ourselves by spitting on others; Jesus is glorified by being spit upon by us. How do we explain this? Are we utterly blind to the Glory of God? Yes. . . We are blind. Look at the man hanging on the tree in the garden. Isn’t He the Glory of God? Isaiah saw the whole earth filled with His glory. Ezekiel saw Him as a man of fire. John saw Him shining like the sun. And Adam couldn’t see Him although He was his “Helper.” Then, he could only see that “He was good for food, a delight to the eyes, and to be desired to make one wise.” He took the Glory of God to make himself glorious but then was utterly ashamed, for he saw that what he had done was evil, and so he hid himself in himself, which is death — death is to be utterly alone. And Adam is each of us. I am the Breath of God in a vessel that God has made, surrounded by a vessel that I think I have made, surrounded by the Glory of God — an inner man, in an outer man, in Jesus. When the outer man is stripped away, I will see Jesus face-to-face and “know” who it is that I am. But most of the time, I’m blind — blinded by “me” to the Glory of God. I am the breath of God, blinded by Me-sus (Me is Salvation) to the Glory of Jesus (Yahweh is Salvation). How do you glorify a savior? When I was a lifeguard, I was NOT glorified by letting kids drown. And the kids I did save weren’t more saved because I let other kids drown. And if some of them thought they were less saved because I did more saving, it just revealed that they thought they had saved themselves, which means that they didn’t believe that they were saved, for they didn’t even know what salvation is. John 9:34, “[The Pharisees] answered him, ‘You were born in utter sin, and would you teach us?’ And they cast him out.” I can’t tell you the number of times people have asked me, “Why do people get so angry when I suggest that Jesus might save all the kids in the pool? Peter, they even say that I don’t believe in the Savior. How can that be?” I answer, “Well, maybe their savior is Me-sus, and so of course they’re offended by Jesus. You can’t believe that you, yourself, are salvation and God is Salvation at the same moment in space and time. Maybe they’re blind, and you’re spitting in their eyes.” John 9:35, “Jesus heard that they cast him out, and having found him...” Thirty years ago, Jesus spit in my eyes. He revealed to me that I had gone into the ministry because I hated the church (“My Bride,” he called her), for what she’d done to my dad. And then, later that evening, He pinned me to the floor, and I think I saw just a bit of what Isaiah, Ezekiel, and John saw: “The whole earth... filled with his glory.” Eighteen years ago, I was defrocked by my former denomination for refusing to confess that Jesus was unable to and unwilling to save all. This was hard for some in leadership to explain to people in my church, for those people had delighted in the Word that they had heard. And so, when asked, they would say to these people, “It’s not the theology or sermons; Peter just has issues...” At my last board meeting at that church, with many observers in attendance, I begged the elders to share what my “issues” were. And so, they went around the room, one by one, sharing what they thought was wrong with me. They shared many contradictory things, and yet, all true — at least to some extent. When it was over, I went down to my office in the basement of the church, turned off the lights, curled up in a ball under my desk, and wanted to die. But after a time, I knew that Jesus was with me, under the desk, in the dark, holding me like my dad used to hold me when I was a little boy... and together we chanted, “I forgive. I forgive. I forgive her — the Bride.” John 9:35-37, “Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him he said, ‘Do you believe in the Son of [the] Man?’ He answered, ‘And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?’ Jesus said to him, ‘You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.’” “We learn humility through accepting humiliations cheerfully,” wrote Mother Teresa. “Do not let the chance pass you by.” Humility comes through humiliation and often feels like spit in the eye. But when you are humble, you can begin to see “the Son of [the] man.” Jesus is the light shining in your darkness, the Truth painfully born from your lies, the Grace revealed through your sin, the Life that rises from your death. He is billions of unique images of I Am, born out of billions of unique “I am nots.” Jesus is the Last Adam, born out of the first Adam, who is all of us — all of us who were once trapped in a prison of self but now are liberated in a symphony of ecstatic praise to God, our Father. “As in Adam all die, so in Christ will all be made alive.” The Last Adam is the Son of Man (ha adam). John 9:37, “Jesus said to him, ‘You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.’ He said, ‘Lord, I believe,’ and he worshiped [prokuneo] him.” Proskuneo (from “toward” and “dog/kiss”) literally means to fall at the feet and kiss, like a dog licks its master. This guy is slobbering all over Jesus; they are “the anointed”. . . with spit. People spit to take glory; Jesus spits to give glory. He’s the exact opposite of a glory hog; He has no ego needs, except perhaps to give you His ego, His “psyche.” Lose it, and you’ll find it in Him. You are His body. He never violates Leviticus 15. His “issues” are your issues, and your issues are His issues. I’m so grateful for spit; I swallow mine all the time. Why spit, Jesus? It’s humiliating, intimate, creative, and it’s life. John 9:39, “Jesus said, ‘For judgment I came into this world...” Jimmy Durante was once asked to be part of a show for World War II veterans. He said that he only had a minute or two to spare, but he ended up performing for half an hour. When he left the stage, they asked him, “Why did you stay so long?” He said, “You can see for yourself if you’ll only look in the front row.” In the front row were two men, each of whom had lost an arm in the war. One had lost his right arm, and the other had lost his left. Together, they were able to clap, and that’s what they were doing, loudly and with great joy. And that’s the Judgment of God, Glory of God, and the Kingdom of God that is at hand. That’s the Seventh Sign that is the Substance. Have you ever felt like God himself had just spit in your face? Stop. And say, “Thank you!”

We played “Pat-a-Cake” in church on Sunday. Then, we tried it with our eyes closed. Then, we “tried harder.” We learned three valuable lessons: 1. Blindness is not OK. 2. But yelling at blind people doesn’t help. And in fact, 3. “Trying harder,” while blind, actually makes things worse. John 9:1-5, “As [Jesus] passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed [might shine] in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.’” Why would anyone be born blind? Scripture is clear that we all suffer the sins of our ancestors, but it’s also clear that we don’t inherit guilt. “Each one shall be put to death for his own sins (Deut. 24:16).” “Little ones... have no knowledge of Good or evil” (Deut. 1:39); they haven’t yet taken the fruit from the tree. Why would anyone blame the blind? That’s easy. It makes us feel better about ourselves (for a moment). It gives us a sense of control (We think we can choose differently.) And in this way, we don’t have to feel sorrow for them (“It was their choice; ‘Free Will,’” we say.) Why would anyone choose to be blind — for sometimes we do? At the turn of the last century, many who had been born blind but received the newly perfected cataract surgery chose to return to blindness, for seeing was just too confusing. Ray Charles went blind after watching his brother drown. My wife once told me that she gave mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a man who died; she had forgotten that she’d done so and seems to have forgotten this once again. Would you blame her? If you choose to go blind, you choose to “NOT see the light.” And you choose not to see the light because you don’t see that the light is The Good. All you see is death, guilt, confusion, and injustice. And so, your strategy is to close your eyes. Your strategy is to save yourself with blindness. This is why we don’t like pictures of the bombed-out remains of the Gaza strip, aborted babies, blind men begging, or a naked man beaten and nailed to a tree.... Have you ever seen that picture? John 3:19, “This is the judgment: The light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the Light...” We don’t love the light for we have chosen darkness and perhaps because we haven’t yet seen just how good the Light (The Good) actually is. In Scripture, “the Good” (tob in Hebrew) is that which everyone most naturally and fully desires. It’s like we all see Good Friday and then shut our eyes before Easter. We know about the good... (enough to see that what we have done is bad). We know about the good, but we have NOT known the Good until we see that the Good knows us and does not condemn us... That’s how good he is! We all took His life on the tree, but when we see that He always gives His life on the tree, we see the Good and are drawn to the Good, for we were made for the Good. He is “our Helper.” Maximus the Confessor (~600 A.D.) taught that we each have a “natural will” that is naturally drawn to God, and a “deliberative will” that can stray from God but only because it is blinded to the Truth — blinded by a lie. “There is blindness far worse than mine,” wrote Helen Keller, “those who have no vision.” Those who can see and choose not to see, for they can’t see “the Good.” Sin is blindness, and to commit a sin is to act out of that blindness. The disciples failed to see “the Good” in the blind man; they had the worst form of blindness — they were blind to their own blindness. “As you did it unto the least of these...” said the Light of the World, “you did it to me.” Perhaps He isn’t telling us to try harder but asking each one of us to ask some questions: Am I blind? Was I born blind? And if so, whose fault is that? Jesus heals the blind man with spit and dirt (we’ll discuss this next week.) Then, the rest of the chapter reads like a comedy sketch. The neighbors, the Jews, the parents, the Pharisees — all are terribly confused (even frightened), all except the blind man and Jesus. John 9:35, “Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him he said, ‘Do you believe in the Son of Man?’ He answered, “And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?” Jesus said to him, “You have seen him [Everyone is blind to Jesus except the blind man— the formerly blind man!], and it is he who is speaking to you.” 38 He said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him. Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind [If you saw that you don’t see], you would have no sin; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your sin remains. If Jesus were to help these men see that they don’t see, he would’ve healed them of blindness and saved them from their sin. So . . . are you blind? Were you born blind? And if so, who’s to blame? Do you see the Light of the World? If Jesus says, “I am the Light of the world” not “a light of the world,” He is NOT only implying that He’s God but that He is the only light of the world. We swim in light, don’t we? If He says, “I am the Life,” not “a life,” He’s not only implying that He’s God, but that He’s the Life in anything that lives, including your own. If He says, “God alone is good,” He’s saying that the goodness in everything that’s anything is God, and therefore the only thing that any of us truly desire. I once had a “Damascus Road” experience; it was as if God blinded me to all that I thought I knew in the morning and opened the eyes of my heart in the evening. I “saw” (I had a vision) that He is the Good, the Beauty, the Truth, the Life, the Light in everything that’s anything, and everywhere and everywhen, He is constantly saying, “I love you.” And then it stopped... or He stopped it. But I began to see that I don’t see; I’m blind. John had a similar experience on the Mount of Transfiguration and the Island of Patmos. So did Saul of Tarsus on the Road to Damascus. He was a Pharisee of Pharisees, and God literally blinded him —he saw that he didn’t see and became the Apostle of Grace. Once, he was even transported to Eden. But you don’t have to have the same “experience.” Actually, “blessed are those who haven’t seen and yet believe.” You have seen Goodness, Beauty, Truth, Light, and Love. But you have also not seen Goodness, Beauty, Truth, Light, and Love... whenever you wanted to. You’ve seen the Light... but “shining” in the darkness. That’s when and where it shines, and we begin to fall in love with the Light. Yes, we are blind. And yes, we were born blind. On the 6th day of creation, Adam couldn’t find his Helper, who was right there with him. And so, Adam was alone, which was not good — which is evil... before “the fall.” Adam was blind to his own blindness. So, God (his Helper) put Adam to sleep and began to make a Helper fit for Adam; He began to make Himself fit for us, even Body Broken and Blood Shed. Eve is not Adam’s Helper. God is Adam’s Helper (“ezer” in Hebrew). It turns out that we are all Eve, and God in Flesh is our Helper. It turns out that we are all the Bride of Christ, and Jesus is our Husband. But we don’t wake to this reality until “not knowing what we do,” we take His life on the tree and return to discover that He’s always given His Life on the Tree. Our Husband is absolute and relentless Love; He is the Beauty, Truth, Life, and Love that surrounds us every day. He is the Light shining in your darkness. He is romancing all people unto himself. So, Yes: You are Blind. Yes: You were born blind. And whose fault is that? Jesus doesn’t blame the blind man. He doesn’t even blame the Pharisees who lead everyone to take His life on the tree. He knows what we will do, but He doesn’t blame us as if we knew what we were doing. He cries out, “Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.” They’re blind. And who’s fault is that? In Chapter 12, John will explain: “They could not believe,” for as Isaiah says, “He (God or Isaiah) has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts.” In John 12, Jesus has just stated, “When I am lifted up from the earth (speaking of His cross) I will draw all people to myself.” Then John explains that Isaiah (in 738 B.C.) saw Jesus “high and lifted up,” and he heard the angels cry, “the whole earth is filled with His glory.” Isaiah feels utterly lost, blinded, until his lips are touched with a coal from the altar, and he hears the Lord say, “Who will go for me?” Isaiah volunteers, and the Lord tells Isaiah to “blind their eyes.” He is literally to preach Israel down to a stump. Then the Lord says, “The Holy Seed is it’s stump.” We know that Isaiah preaches that a suffering servant will open the eyes of the blind and unite all flesh in himself as a symphony of praise to our Creator. The Suffering Servant is the Promised Seed and the root of the tree . . . It must be the cross, the Tree of Knowledge that becomes the Tree of Life. And it’s all God’s fault, yet God has no fault — and so in the End, we’ll see that no one is to blame. You can blame the man on the tree, but He doesn’t blame you. You can take His life, but then you’ll see that He gives His Life, and He is the Light shining in your own darkness. Helen Keller once placed her fingers on the lips and throat of a man singing “Were you there when they crucified my Lord?” As a tear ran down her cheek, she responded, “I was there!” Helen Keller was blind, and yet she knew far better than most: Christ was in her, and so she was in Christ. She has His Glory. She is His Bride. And now she knows and sees all things in the Light. If we only saw that we don’t see…we would see. And #1, we’d stop yelling at blind people, for #2, we’d have compassion on sinners, and #3 we’d preach the Gospel — not a threat, but good news: “He doesn’t condemn you; He has forgiven you.” God said to Isaiah, preach Israel down to a stump. The Cross is the Tree. The Bread and Wine are the stump that is a Seed. We place the Light of the World in our darkness and let it shine. Once you’ve truly seen Jesus, you will see all things and know that “All things have become new.”

I think I preached the Gospel to a ghost in hell (Hades). She left this world of space and time and went home to Heaven. “Welcome home, Elise,” said Jesus, to which Elise replied, “I was lost.” “Lost.” This is why Scripture forbids necromancy (seeking direction from ghosts): They’re lost. I shared the story last week, and this is a continuation of that sermon. We began this sermon with the local news story about the flying black shadow in the old church building that we used to rent — the one built upon an old Masonic cemetery. I haven’t shared that video before; it’s not the best advertisement for increasing church attendance. But we’re in a different building now, and although these things are frightening, I want us all to know that when we walk into our fears with Jesus (the Truth), He sets us free us from our fears that we might live in His joy. Perhaps the thing that we fear the most is ourselves. If I were to assume the standard theological paradigm of the American Evangelical Church in which I was educated, I would be utterly lost in explaining our experiences in that old church building — and in explaining John chapter 8. I think I would be forced to conclude that all, or at least most of us, will “die in our sins” and be endlessly tortured by God, for even those that “believe in Jesus” are “of their father, the devil” and “not of God.” And so, I would hide my own heart from God, honor Him with my lips, but become an act, an appearance, a phantasm — a “phantasma” (Greek) — or an “ob” (Hebrew), a ghost... even before my body died. Last week, we read John 8:21-47, and it raised at least three questions. #3) Who or what is not of God? (John 8:47, “You are not of God,” said Jesus to the “Jews that had believed in him.”) Who is not of God? Nothing. God creates everything that’s anything with His Word. Evil must be a “nothing” that I perceive as a something, like a shadow. #2) How could a person be “of God” and “not of God,” but of their “father, the devil”? (John 8:44) It helps to remember that “I” (spirit) have two “me’s” (selves) — a false self and a true self. “At one time, you were darkness,” writes Paul, “but now you are light in the Lord.” #1) What does it mean to “die in your sin”? (John 8:21) It must be to take the life of Christ on the tree in a garden in an attempt to make the Good your own. It’s self-righteousness; it’s glorifying yourself. And that self is the nothing that I have made into a something and now perceive to be who it is that I am. And yet, it is who it is that I am not, and a prison for who it is that I am. According to Scripture, this has already happened. Perhaps ghosts won’t die, for they won’t admit that they’re dead? And the ghost that should concern us the most is our own. This week, we also read John 8:48-59, and it raised more questions. John 8:48-59: “The Jews answered him, ‘Are we not right in saying that you are a Samaritan and have a demon?’” (I don’t think Jesus was offended, for He isn’t proud.) “'I do not seek my own glory,’” answers Jesus. “‘There is One who seeks it.’” (In John 16, we learn that Jesus is glorified by giving His glory to us!) “’There is One who seeks it and he is the Judge’” (In John 5, Jesus told us that ‘The Father judges no one but has given all judgment to the Son.’) “’Truly, truly, I say to you, if anyone keeps my word (Jesus is the Word), he will not see death into the age.’ The Jews said to Him, ‘Now we know that you have a demon!... Are you greater than our father Abraham, who died?’... Jesus answered ‘If I glorify myself, my glory is nothing... Your father Abraham (Jesus thinks that they have at least two fathers!) rejoiced that he would see my day. He saw it and was glad...’ Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I Am.’ So, they picked up stones to throw at him (I bet they were the same stones that they were going to throw at the woman caught in adultery), but Jesus was hidden and went out of the temple.” “Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.” That’s the seventh sign that is the substance. Jesus turns hearts of stone into living stones that come together and form a living temple. Perhaps Jesus “was hidden” within them like a Seed? #4) What is death and Life? Jesus talks as if everyone’s dead, and yet some won’t die??? #5) What is judgment? Jesus talks as if no one judges, but everyone is getting judged??? #6) Why is He telling us? Jesus isn’t giving us anything to do??? #7) What can I do? A little over a year after we learned about the Masons and prayed for Elise, a dark shadow reappeared in the old church building on Christmas Eve. Once again, Susan and I prayed. Before, we had bound a demonic spirit named “Secrets,” and this time many more spirits, including “Lucifer.” (I know this sounds crazy! I know we all don’t have the same experiences! You don’t have to believe me, but you can believe Scripture and the Word of God!) Along with two other members of our prayer team, we were directed to a dark room in the basement of that old church building. We took communion, for the eternal covenant supersedes all other covenants, including those which people in secret societies make in order to glorify themselves. We then prayed a long-written prayer renouncing Masonic oaths, including a declaration that “Lucifer is god.” It is supposedly taken at the 33rd degree (I don’t imagine that all orders are the same, but that’s what we did.) And of course, we called on Jesus. He appeared next to Lucifer and a host of other demonic spirits, having been bound and placed in a box. I don’t see these things, but those with me who are so gifted do see these things. At one point, my wife and our friends saw a circle of children surrounding a man holding a knife who had just sacrificed a goat and was threatening the children. Behind them stood their fathers in dark robes with their hands on their children’s shoulders. Over the span of an hour or so, I led us in prayer, and my wife and friends described what they were witnessing. Jesus appeared in the center of the circle, shrunk the box full of demons, put it in His pocket, put the goat back together, and brought it to life. The children went to Jesus, then turned, forgave their fathers, and led their fathers to Jesus. And as they did, the fathers, now stripped of the dark robes, grew young — and together with their children began to smile, laugh, and pet the goat. The dark basement turned into a party! I said, “Jesus, can they go home?” A door opened in the wall on the side of the basement. On the other side of the door were beautiful trees, hills, and sunshine. My wife laughed out loud and said, “I wish you could’ve seen it, Peter! They went through the door, and just before it closed, the goat ran after them bleating. It was so cute!” #4) What is death? Death is attempting to glorify yourself and so trapping yourself alone in yourself — your false self, the product of the lie that you must save yourself: “Me-sus.” And what is life? Life is quite literally seeking someone else’s glory; it’s losing yourself and finding yourself in Je-sus (Yahweh is salvation). Life is the party in the middle of the room and the eternal reality on the other side of the door. The souls in the basement were dead, but they experienced the death of death — the second death which is eternal life. “I know that the father’s commandment is eternal life,” said Jesus the Word (John 12:50). #5) What is the judgment? It’s not a decision that God has yet to make; it is the decision that is, in fact, God. God is Love. Eternal life is a communion of sacrificial Love. Love is the decision to glorify another. God is Love, and Jesus is the Word of Love. “I give my glory to no other,” says God in Isaiah. And yet, Isaiah hears the Seraphim say, “The whole earth is filled with the glory of God.” God is the glory that fills all things with Himself through His Word. #6) Why is Jesus telling us this stuff? Maybe so that when it happens, we’ll be grateful. . . and join the party. I seem to always think that there’s something I must do, but first I need to know that I’m something that God has done. And maybe He’s doing it right now; He does everything with His Word. It is the Word that’s “living and active.” And the Word is a Seed. The Seed is planted in you as a Breath, “The Seed of the Woman,” like an egg. And He comes to you as a Word that is heard (“sperma” in Greek). When He “finds a place in you,” the curtain rips, and the glory of God begins to fill His temple — dark becomes Light, lies become Truth, sin becomes Grace, and you/we begin to live. All because of the Word. After that day in the basement, it happened a few more times. The last time (that I’m aware of), my wife heard weeping behind a locked crawl-space door and a voice that said, “Leave me alone.” We had communion and prayed just outside that door. She saw figures cowering in the dark. Jesus appeared. My wife said, “Peter, they’re cowering in the darkness and won’t look up. He’s so bright, and they’re so ashamed.” So, as with Elise and as with the Masons in the basement, I began to tell them about Jesus. “He doesn’t condemn you. He adores you.” At one point, my wife said, “Peter, it’s so amazing — the moment they look up, they rise, go to Jesus, and then on through a door . . . But Peter, there are some that won’t look up.” After a time, Jesus said, “I’m leaving this door here for those that will still come.” Later that day, we entered that crawl space and found bulletins from 1904, confirming things that were seen in the visions. Susan heard the Lord say, “Children of the desolate, you are desolate no longer,” and we realized that we were directly under the spot where I would stand and preach each Sunday morning. I’ve often looked out, seen very few faces, and thought to myself, “No one is listening.” But then, I’ve remembered the door under the floor and preached with conviction. “The gates of hell (Hades) will not prevail against my church,” said Jesus. It doesn’t matter what people think of me or if they attend “my church,” but it does matter that on that day, people look up. Question #7) What can I do? In Christ, I can speak the Word that destroys “the work of the devil” and “makes all things new.” And so can you. It’s not a transaction, not a threat, not an argument; it is a statement of fact: “God is Salvation.” It forms a name: Jesus. Jesus destroys “Me-sus,” and sets me free to join the Party. He gives up the ghost. Question #1) What does it mean to die in your sin, “the sin of you all”? It doesn’t mean that some will be endlessly tortured by God, but it may mean that some will be trapped in themselves for a time. So, speak the Word — “Jesus” is the Ghost Buster. “The prince of darkness grim, we tremble not for him. His rage we can endure, for lo his doom is sure. One little word shall fell him.”

Nothing stresses me out quite like preaching, but I feel called to do it. It’s like Jesus said to Peter (the other one), “Feed my sheep.” I wake up in the middle of the night to this terrifying question: “How are you going to feed the sheep?” At 3a.m., I don’t think it’s Jesus that’s asking the question. I often think of role models, like my old friend Tim. He was an amazing communicator, husband, and father, but many years ago he asphyxiated himself, leaving a letter behind for his church. In it, he stated, “It is my own wretched weakness of which I am most ashamed.” I think he was haunted by that voice: “Tim, how are you — depressed and lonely — going to feed His sheep?” My old friend Bruce pastored a beautiful ministry to the homeless of Denver. Then, tragically, one evening, hung himself from the banister in his home. Jim was also a friend and part of our church. He had been a “successful” pastor until his life fell apart. Jim was then surprised by Grace, wrote about Grace, and preached Grace. But like Tim and Bruce and me, he also struggled with that voice: “How are you going to feed the sheep?” And he took his own life.... I did the funeral service for both Bruce and Jim. At the end of Jim’s service, I asked this question, “How do I know that I won’t do the very same thing?” I would imagine you’ve heard the question at 3 a.m.: “How will you feed the sheep? How will you care for those that God has given to you?” In John 6, great crowds have come to Jesus in a field by the sea. He turns to Philip and asks, “Where are we to buy bread so that these people may eat?” Philip answers, “Two hundred denarii would not be enough...” Andrew, Peter’s brother, says, “There is a little boy here who has five barley loaves and two little fish, but what are they among so many?” Jesus gives “thanks” [eucharisto in Greek. It’s where we get our word “Eucharist”]. And everyone has more than enough to eat. Jesus has The Twelve pick up the leftover fragments that “nothing would be lost.” It's the fourth sign pointing to the seventh sign: “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.” The seventh sign is a body that is also the substance. It is the New Jerusalem coming down, the Kingdom at hand: Heaven. So how do we get there? “How are we going to feed the Sheep?” Satan asks, “How are you going to feed the sheep?” Jesus asks, “How are WE going to feed the sheep?” And I think He has a twinkle in His eye as He asks it. If we read the sign, it seems to point to at least four things. 1) Give all that you’ve got. The little boy didn’t just give 10% of his five loaves and two fish; he gave all of it. But what do you give if you’ve got nothing. For at least a moment, I think my friends Tim, Bruce, and Jim felt like they had nothing to give. 2) When you’ve got nothing to give, give your “nothing.” I suspect that this is what Philip was unprepared to give. It’s often easier to share your something than your “nothing,” your strength than your weakness, your poverty than your wealth. John is pointing out that this was shared poverty. Barley bread was the bread of the poor, and the little fish [opsarion] would’ve basically been sardines. It was a child who gave his lunch, which Jesus turned into the great banquet. Have you been to a party where everyone shares their strength? My guess is that it wasn’t much of a party. Have you been to a party where everyone boasts of their weaknesses? Years ago, five of us had one toilet in one little bathroom. Just before moving into our new house with three toilets and five sinks, I remember sitting on the throne with one child on one knee and one on the other knee and the third playing at my feet, while Susan put on her makeup at the sink. Suddenly it hit me: “I’m really going to miss this place.” It was an abundance of shared poverty. An A.A. meeting is an abundance of shared poverty. A real church is an abundance of shared poverty. Years ago, I was leading a 10th grade boys discipleship group. It was going nowhere. It was dead, until Brian, the quiet kid who I thought was never listening, said, “Sometimes I think about killing myself.” He just gave it; he didn’t manipulate us with it; he just confessed it. And soon, everyone was sharing their poverty. We all came to life, as if the blood were flowing from Brian into those boys and threw them to me and all back to Brian, and we became a body... a living, happy body. It's a bit of a shock, but even though Jesus hates sin, He finds confessed sin profoundly attractive. All sin is a lack of Faith, but with Grace He creates Faith in our place of shame. He’s the Bridegroom, and we are His Bride, that is, His Body. Life itself is the abundance of shared poverty. “I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses that the power of Christ would rest on me,” wrote Paul. And he listed his weaknesses, including, “my daily anxiety for all the churches.” That’s sin; it’s a weakness. But confessed to us, it’s the strength of Christ. Every member in a body is joined at a point of weakness that becomes that body’s strength: the abundance of shared poverty. 3) Give your nothing (your poverty) to Jesus. If the little boy had just given his lunch to the crowd because he felt obligated to do so, I doubt there would have been a banquet. A mere person cannot help you, and, if you think they can, you’ll bleed them dry. But Christ in your neighbor can. In those who boast in their strength, He’s buried deep in fig leaves and fear; but for those who’ve learned to trust grace, He’s close to the surface and may have become a fountain. I remember Bruce laughing with bag ladies and winos in the park; it was a banquet of Grace. I think he spoke from decades of pain and his own poverty of spirit. But I also remember Bruce speaking to me about time management seminars that he hoped to market to successful business leaders. My impression: Bruce’s own strength could feed no one. With Bruce’s poverty, Jesus fed thousands, and He still is. His Ministry is still running: It’s called “Christ’s Body Ministries.” 4) Jesus is the abundance of shared poverty. Jesus is the 7th sign that is the substance. He is the temple built in three days. At the tree in the garden, the eschatos Adam is torn into billions of pieces, and on the third day He rises in all of us, as the Tree of Knowledge becomes the Tree of Life and we become one as He is one: The abundance of shared poverty. We will discover that unlike the other Gospels, John does not record the words of institution at the Last Supper. It’s not because he doesn’t believe that the Eucharist happened, but that he believes it’s literally happening all the time. “I am the bread,” Jesus tells us in John 6. In John 13:26 at the Last Supper, Jesus actually dips a piece of broken bread in the cup and gives it to Judas . . . who takes it. Then, satan enters Judas. And it is night. I suspect that John is saying that even if “the last and least of these, his brothers” is going to “hell,” Jesus is going there with them and in them, even as a piece of broken bread. In John 6, Jesus has all twelve pick up the broken bread that none would be “lost” (also translated “destroyed,” and “perished”). Jesus came to seek and to save the “lost.” He accomplishes that for which He was sent. When people ask about suicide, I try to say, “It won’t work. You can’t kill your ‘self’ with yourself. And, actually, it sounds like you’re already dead. Only by faith (trust) do we pass from death to life; faith is the death of death. Suicide won’t work. But how much better it would be to find someone else who feels alone and feel alone together, to find another who’s lost and so be found together, or to find another who’s sad and so be sad together? The man of sorrows might just turn it all into a banquet of joy, even here and even now. Suicide won’t work, but that doesn’t mean that Jesus won’t work. In fact, He descends into ‘hell’ and gathers every fragment that none would be lost.” At Jim’s funeral, I asked, “How do I know that one day I won’t do the same?” I answered, “I don’t. But my hope is not in what I know (knowledge); my hope is the One who knows me and will not leave me nor forsake me. He’s the Resurrection and the Life; He’s the broken fragment in the field that is me; He’s the Promised Seed in me.” Jesus did say to Peter, “Feed my sheep.” But do you remember when He said it? He said it on the shore of the Sea, after He’d been raised from the dead and Peter had been sifted like wheat by Satan. He said it when Peter knew that he had just denied his Lord three times. He said it right after Peter had been fishing naked all night long and caught nothing: “Now, Peter, feed my sheep.” He said it when Peter knew that he had nothing to give, and so Jesus gave everything through Peter. On this Rock, this Peter, he builds His church. He says it to us when we see that we took His life on the tree, which is when and where He gives his life to the world... and gives it even through us. That’s when He says, “Now (when you have “nothing” to give), give everything, give me; let’s feed my sheep.” Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. . . and you. That’s the infinite abundance of shared poverty.