🎙️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast — Episode Drop 🎙️
In this episode, Jen & Ashten spiral immediately and never recover. We start with a very serious adult problem: why windshield wipers only have “too slow,” “panic mode,” and “I guess we’re hydroplaning.” From there, we dream about luxury cars we absolutely do not need, complain about the audacity of car payments, and announce that in a perfect world we are both wildly rich and mildly unhinged.
Then things escalate.
Ashten presents Aubrey’s Boyfriend Manifesto (applications currently closed, background checks implied), while also delivering a passionate TED Talk about why Gone with the Wind is required viewing and how Jen has somehow survived adulthood without seeing basically any classic movie ever made. We take a ChatGPT quiz to determine which Gone with the Wind characters we are, and honestly… the results were personal.
Just when you think we might calm down, we pivot to TikTok algorithms wrecking our emotions, why social media knows us better than our therapists, and how that’s probably not healthy. We also discuss nail salon days at home, where Jen may or may not have purchased every nail product known to man and may or may not actually follow through. Jury’s out.
Other important truths revealed:
• There is no correct windshield wiper speed
• Jen should not have access to money. Anywhere.
• Emma is prepared for every possible apocalypse
• Our kids have better music taste than us
• Car manufacturers owe us answers
• Freedom is the dream
• This episode explains… everything
If you’ve ever cried over an algorithm, judged windshield wipers, loved an old movie too much, or watched your best friend online shop with zero supervision — this episode is for you.
✨ Quotes you’ll hear:
“In a perfect world, I’m a millionaire.”
“Gone with the Wind should be a staple at your house.”
“Social media has made me an emotional mess.”
“Jen shouldn’t have an account. Money. Anywhere.”
“This is why we can’t…”
🎧 Available wherever you listen to podcasts
📲 Listen responsibly (or don’t)