In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from beauty trends and personal experiences with Botox to the significance of vision boards and journaling. They share their thoughts on the importance of handwritten letters and personal connections, before diving into a shocking kidnapping case that raises questions about parental abduction. The conversation also touches on the influence of cults and concludes with reflections on popular TV shows and their impact on personal lives.
In this episode of 'This Is Why We Can't Have a Podcast,' Jen and Ashten discuss the joys and challenges of Christmas traditions, the importance of friendship, and the dynamics of their relationships. They share personal stories, explore unique holiday customs from around the world, and reflect on the significance of maintaining connections with loved ones. The conversation is filled with humor, warmth, and candid moments, offering listeners a relatable and entertaining experience.
🎙️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast — Episode Drop 🎙️
In this episode, Jen & Ashten spiral immediately and never recover. We start with a very serious adult problem: why windshield wipers only have “too slow,” “panic mode,” and “I guess we’re hydroplaning.” From there, we dream about luxury cars we absolutely do not need, complain about the audacity of car payments, and announce that in a perfect world we are both wildly rich and mildly unhinged.
Then things escalate.
Ashten presents Aubrey’s Boyfriend Manifesto (applications currently closed, background checks implied), while also delivering a passionate TED Talk about why Gone with the Wind is required viewing and how Jen has somehow survived adulthood without seeing basically any classic movie ever made. We take a ChatGPT quiz to determine which Gone with the Wind characters we are, and honestly… the results were personal.
Just when you think we might calm down, we pivot to TikTok algorithms wrecking our emotions, why social media knows us better than our therapists, and how that’s probably not healthy. We also discuss nail salon days at home, where Jen may or may not have purchased every nail product known to man and may or may not actually follow through. Jury’s out.
Other important truths revealed:
• There is no correct windshield wiper speed
• Jen should not have access to money. Anywhere.
• Emma is prepared for every possible apocalypse
• Our kids have better music taste than us
• Car manufacturers owe us answers
• Freedom is the dream
• This episode explains… everything
If you’ve ever cried over an algorithm, judged windshield wipers, loved an old movie too much, or watched your best friend online shop with zero supervision — this episode is for you.
✨ Quotes you’ll hear:
“In a perfect world, I’m a millionaire.”
“Gone with the Wind should be a staple at your house.”
“Social media has made me an emotional mess.”
“Jen shouldn’t have an account. Money. Anywhere.”
“This is why we can’t…”
🎧 Available wherever you listen to podcasts
📲 Listen responsibly (or don’t)
In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from the excitement of new kittens to nostalgic millennial music and the emotional connections tied to favorite Christmas movies. They share personal stories about family traditions, holiday preparations, and the sometimes scary realities of the holiday season. The conversation flows into deeper reflections on music's role in processing emotions and memories, particularly around the holidays.
Welcome back to the podcast where logic comes to die and chaos pays rent.
This week, Ashten admits that crime scene photos have ruined her life because now she feels morally obligated to keep her house spotless in case she’s murdered and doesn’t want to be humiliated post-mortem by dusty blinds and a rogue Chick-Fil-A cup.
Then we deep-dive into the existential true-crime crisis of:
When someone gets found “not guilty”… does law enforcement just go, “Welp, mystery solved, lunch?”
Like HELLO?? Casey Anthony? OJ?
Are the real killers just out there living their best lives?? Is there a follow-up department or nah???
Next up, we pivot aggressively — like whiplash aggressively — into aging gracefully, because apparently Demi Moore has a blood pact with the universe and has decided not to age past 37. Teach us your witchcraft, queen.
We also scream about how everyone needs to be watching Landman, how acts of service may actually be a love language AND a cry for help, and how grief and happiness can exist like chaotic roommates who share a Netflix account.
And naturally, woven through all of this is:
✨ Our unfiltered chaos
✨ Random emotional whiplash
✨ Insults said with love
✨ And the kind of best-friend derailments that make you question our mental stability
Basically… it’s us. But worse. In the best way.
A snowball of chaos hosted by Jen & the perpetually over-caffeinated Ashten
Hold on to your Santa hats, because this episode has everything no one asked for but desperately needed:
• ❄️ The weather is colder than Ashten’s heart before coffee
• 🐈 Jen’s cat pulled a “surprise! I’m knocked up!” plot twist
• 🚗 Road rage confessions that will have the DMV reconsidering our licenses
• 🔧 Car maintenance? Never heard of her.
• 🤼♂️ A deep dive into why 80s wrestling was basically soap operas with muscles
• 🎄 Christmas plans full of hope… and thinly veiled panic
• 💋 Age gaps in relationships — because society still loves a double standard
• 😂 Enough personal anecdotes to make you feel incredibly normal
We deliver vibes, chaos, and questionable life advice — all wrapped in tinsel and regret.
If you came for structure… honestly why are you here? But if you’re here for laughs, oversharing, and Jen saying “I hope you do well” like a passive-aggressive Victorian ghost… welcome home.
Hold on to your hats because today we are all over the map! Our video is blurry and we're barely on the rails but we are here ready to entertain!
In this episode, the hosts engage in light-hearted banter about football, share amusing anecdotes about a cat attack, and delve into the emotional rollercoaster of planning a surprise birthday party. They reflect on personal milestones, discuss the significance of December for engagements and breakups, and explore the complexities of family dynamics in relationships. The conversation wraps up with a humorous take on social media communication challenges.
Don't expect much from us today - we are in full self-care mode! Get your face masks and lavender ready and laugh along with our ridiculousness!
In this lively conversation, the hosts discuss the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday and personal milestones, including a significant birthday and a wedding in the family. They reflect on life transitions, the challenges of caregiving, and the importance of choosing the right partner in marriage. The conversation also touches on Thanksgiving traditions and food preferences, leading to a humorous rant about customer service experiences at Sonic. Throughout, the themes of gratitude, connection, and the complexities of family dynamics are prevalent.
00:00 Thanksgiving and Birthdays: A Time for Reflection
05:47 Caregiving: The Unsung Heroes
12:49 Thanksgiving Traditions and Food Preferences
19:23 Customer Service Rants: Sonic Experience
29:22 Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
The conversation revolves around the humorous and light-hearted discussion of what names future grandchildren might call their grandmother, with a focus on the implications of age and identity in familial roles.
Takeaways
The choice of grandma names can reflect generational attitudes.
Humor plays a significant role in family discussions.
Names can carry cultural and personal significance.
The idea of being a 'young' grandmother is subjective.
Family dynamics often influence naming conventions.
Conversations about names can lead to deeper reflections on identity.
The importance of maintaining a youthful spirit in family roles.
Names can evoke strong emotional responses.
Family discussions can be both serious and playful.
The topic of grandma names can spark creativity and laughter.
Welcome back to another episode where Jen and Ashten try to have structured adult conversation and instead derail into twelve topics, three emotional spirals, and one government scandal. 🎙️💥
We start with time management and somehow end up discussing:
• AI judging us like it pays our bills.
• Music therapy aka crying in the car like the main character.
• The CIA spending MILLIONS trying to turn HOUSE CATS into SECRET AGENTS (someone approved that???).
• TikTok rabbit holes that begin with crockpot recipes and end with underground Costco bunkers.
• Parenting in 2025 where we are basically the office managers of tiny unhinged roommates.
And THEN we ask the question that no one prepared for but everyone needs answered:
Why is there no “WIDOW” box on paperwork???
Like, I didn’t forget.
I didn’t misplace him like a library book.
Stop making me choose between single and married. Make the widow box, cowards. 🪦🖊️
Also, we drag stick figure family car decals because why are we broadcasting household headcounts? Absolutely not.
If you’re tired, confused, highly caffeinated, and emotionally held together by podcast humor and iced coffee—you belong here. 🤝
Grab your headphones, your emotional support snack, and your unresolved emotions.
It’s time. 🎧💅
This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast
Welcome back to another episode of unhinged bestie logic, where one of us is thriving in No Spend November (it’s Jen, shockingly ) and the other one is currently explaining why a Stanley cup in a new color is an emotional need, not a purchase (hi, it’s Ashten 🥲).
In this episode we cover:
💸 No Spend November — where it came from, who started it, and why we should probably sue them.
💄 Full Glam Every Day Women:
You know those women who wake up, contour, blend, bake, and sparkle before 9am?
Yeah… we need to know HOW, WHY, and are they okay???
🦃 The Presidential Turkey Pardon:
Jen: “Oh yeah, they pardoned the turkey.”
Ashten: “I’m sorry, the WHAT?”
We go deep. It’s emotional. It’s poultry.
😍 Presidential Crushes:
Because everyone has one. Don’t lie.
And yes, ours says a lot about our attachment styles.
Don’t worry — we unpack that too.
🔮 Superstition Showdown:
Do you knock on wood?
Avoid stepping on cracks?
Refuse to put your purse on the floor?
Prepare to find out which one of us is a fun quirky star
and which one may need to sage the entire house immediately.
It’s chaos. It’s laughter. It’s learning (barely).
Come listen and question our life choices with us.
🎧 Grab your earbuds. This one is chef’s-kiss ridiculous.
We swore this was going to be a soft, cozy, pumpkin-spice-flavored episode.
You know… gentle vibes, a light breeze, maybe a candle lit, maybe us pretending we meditate.
Yeah. No.
We immediately spiraled.
We start with November birthdays and somehow convince ourselves they are the main characters of the zodiac (they are… but like, relax). Then we slide straight into holiday traditions — the ones we lovingly keep doing even though everyone in the room is one green bean casserole away from starting a family feud.
And then, of course, the seasonal emotional rollercoaster begins.
The temperature drops and suddenly we’re crying at commercials, reorganizing closets at 2am, wearing chunky sweaters like we’re in a Gilmore Girls reboot, and calling every small task “self-care” because we are trying our best, okay?
If you’re currently:
• emotionally preparing for Thanksgiving chaos,
• mood-swinging with the weather,
• or simply existing at what we call “Mid-Level Bare Minimum,”
then pull up a chair, grab your blanket, and join us.
This is your safe space.
Your emotional support podcast.
Your permission to be both sentimental and completely unhinged.
Welcome home, babes.
We’re in this November spiral together.
This week, we’re knee-deep in Halloween nostalgia, debating the Great Trunk-or-Treat Crisis of Modern Parenting™, and asking the important questions… like why are we all dressing our toddlers as pumpkins when we KNOW they’re feral raccoons at heart?
We’re talking:
• The glory days of running wild in the dark with a pillowcase full of sugar
• Why Trunk-or-Treat feels like Halloween with training wheels
• The costumes our parents should’ve gone to jail for letting us wear
• And yes… we let ChatGPT choose our group costume (hint: Sanderson Sisters chaotic energy was FOUND.)
Nostalgia. Humor. A tiny existential crisis about whether we’re making “core memories” or just buying $38 costumes our kids refuse to wear.
You know. Seasonal content.
🕯️ If Halloween makes you emotional about childhood and also slightly judge-y about modern parenting… this one’s for you. 🕯️
Ever tried being nice to someone you can’t stand? Yeah—same. In this episode, we’re diving head-first into:
💬 Why fake niceness should be a crime
🧠 How to stay real without losing your sanity
👻 Superstitions that still make us knock on wood
🎶 The songs that hit different when you’re grieving
🪩 Adult friendships, social overstimulation, and themed costumes we probably took too far
We’re talking authenticity, awkward small talk, and all the emotional chaos that makes being a grown-up feel like a group project nobody wanted to lead.
Hot take: You don’t have to like everyone—just don’t be a weirdo about it.
Bonus bits: Urban legends, Halloween energy, and hints about our next guest 👀
This week, your favorite chaotic duo dives head-first into beauty hauls and horse rescues—because nothing says “self-care” like new mascara and mild trauma. 🐴💄
Between family chaos, Halloween hysteria, and one very sketchy Candy Man story, Ashten and Jen somehow end up debating anxiety, aliens, and alternate universes (because of course they do). 👽✨
If you’ve ever bought a beauty product to fix your life, Googled “are we alone,” or accidentally started a rodeo in your driveway, this episode is for you.
Tune in for laughter, chaos, and the comforting reminder that no matter how weird life gets… there’s always another universe where you handled it better. 💅🌌
#Podcast #Halloween #BeautyFails #Anxiety #Aliens #FamilyChaos #UrbanLegends
It’s spooky season and your favorite hot mess express is back—armed with Halloween facts no one asked for, deep dives into nostalgic TV comfort shows, and an unhinged discussion about The Great Emu War (yes, Australia literally went to war with birds… and lost). 🦤
Jen’s on a self-care soapbox about “the healing power of naps,” Ashten’s spiraling over missing-person documentaries, and somehow they still find time to debate whether made-for-TV movies shaped our childhoods or just traumatized us.
It’s chaos, comfort, and cultural commentary all rolled into one pumpkin-spiced fever dream.
Tune in if you love Halloween, nostalgia, urban legends, and two besties who should not be allowed unsupervised with a microphone.
In this episode, the hosts explore various themes ranging from horror movies and their unsettling histories to personal anecdotes about social interactions in Walmart. They discuss the evolution of communication, particularly the use of old sayings in modern contexts, and reflect on the impact of iconic actress Diane Keaton on their lives. The conversation also touches on personal growth and the importance of self-reflection, culminating in a light-hearted conclusion about the challenges of navigating social dynamics.
It’s equal parts creepy, cozy, and cathartic in this week’s episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast. 🕷️💀 From Halloween spider superstitions (are they ghosts or just bad roommates?) to the chaos of No-Spend November and the emotional landmines of anniversaries and memories — Ashten and Jen tackle it all with their signature mix of humor, honesty, and unfiltered bestie banter.
Along the way, a seemingly innocent burning questions game spirals into heartfelt confessions about love, loss, and what it really means to keep going when grief sneaks up in unexpected ways. Whether you’re here for the spooky facts, the sentimental chaos, or just the comfort of two friends laughing through life’s messiest moments — this one’s for you.