CONTENT WARNING: This episode includes brief references to marital abuse and potentially dangerous situations. Listener discretion is encouraged. Please seek support if any of this resonates with you or someone you love.
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Why do so many smart, capable, life-experienced adults feel unsure making basic decisions without checking with a pastor first — and what does the Bible actually say about that?
In this episode of Unhinged: Separating Faith from Fiction, Michele Kus and Martin Trench name and explore a rarely acknowledged reality in modern church culture: the ways church systems can unintentionally infantilize adults by discouraging independent thought, personal conviction, and spiritual maturity.
Together, they unpack how well-meaning leadership can slide into spiritual micromanagement, creating dependence rather than formation. The conversation touches on learned helplessness, pastoral overreach, and why reliance on permission often gets mistaken for devotion.
Grounded in Scripture, Michele and Martin point listeners back to Romans 14 and Colossians 2, which emphasize personal conscience, freedom from manmade rules, and a mature faith rooted in Christ rather than external control.
They explore questions such as:
Does the New Testament actually support pastors managing people’s personal decisions?
What role does community play versus pastoral counseling?
What does it look like to grow into spiritual adulthood — a faith marked by maturity, agency, discernment, and trust in God rather than pastoral approval or permission?
This episode includes thoughtful, compassionate discussion around marriage, pastoral counseling, and the real-world dangers of oversimplified spiritual advice in complex situations.
This is not an anti-church or anti-pastor episode! It’s a pro-maturity, pro-freedom, pro-formation invitation.
If you’re ready for a faith that equips you rather than manages you, this episode is for you.
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Chapters:
00:00 Welcome to Unhinged: Separating Faith from Fiction!
02:13 Why Are Adults Treated Like Children in Church?
07:18 Spiritual Micromanagement & Learned Helplessness
15:48 Pastoral Counseling vs. Spiritual Community (“One Another”)
20:07 Marriage, Abuse, Divorce, & Honoring Human Agency
23:58 The Third Stage of Spiritual Growth: Adulthood
27:42 The Purpose of Church: Equip, Inform, Inspire
29:02 Final Thoughts, Resources, & Next Steps
30:45 Bloopers & Outtakes!
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