In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most misunderstood dynamics in modern relationships: Certainty.
Most people think relationship breakdown happens because emotions run too hot or arguments get too big. But what actually corrodes connection over time is something quieter and far more dangerous — the belief that your perspective is the objective truth.
When we treat our interpretation as fact, disagreement stops being information and starts feeling like a threat. Curiosity shuts down. Defensiveness takes over. And instead of two people trying to understand each other, you end up with two people trying to win.
I walk through why the mind clings to certainty even when it costs us intimacy, how rigid thinking turns everyday moments into power struggles, and what it actually looks like to move from being “right” to being connected. This isn’t about abandoning your reality — it’s about learning how to hold it without weaponizing it against the people you care about most.
What you’ll walk away with:
How certainty masquerades as emotional safety — and why it quietly undermines trust and closeness.
The difference between having a perspective and defending it at all costs, especially during conflict.
Practical ways to loosen rigid thinking so conversations become collaborative instead of combative.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same arguments, unheard by your partner, or convinced that the problem is simply that they “don’t get it,” this episode will challenge you — and give you a more effective way forward.
Follow and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more evidence-based tools to build stronger, more resilient relationships.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.