Before we get into this, I want to name why this episode exists.
A while back, I interviewed
Molly Roden Winter about her book More. It became one of the most listened-to episodes of this show. Not because it was shocking—but because it challenged something people quietly assume they’re not allowed to question.
While I was reading the book, I kept thinking about one thing: I want to hear this from the other side.
This episode is that conversation.
This is me talking with Stewart Winter, Molly’s husband, about what it’s actually like to live inside a relationship that refuses to default to the script. Not theoretically. Not philosophically. Practically.
We talk about intensity. About choosing a partner who doesn’t make you comfortable—but makes you honest. About the difference between expanding a relationship and escaping one. And about how people use concepts like “open-mindedness” to avoid reckoning with their own limits.
This isn’t an episode about monogamy versus non-monogamy.
It’s about what happens when you stop outsourcing your choices to culture—and start owning the consequences of the life you build.
Listen carefully. Because the real question underneath all of this isn’t what kind of relationship do you want.
It’s whether you’re willing to tolerate the version of yourself that your relationship requires.
A couple of months ago, I interviewed New York Times bestselling author, Molly Roden Winter. Her book, “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage” documents her journey as a Brooklyn Mom who ventures into the world of polyamory, as she opens her marriage.
My interview with her sparked such a buzz from listeners — more than any other episode of WNTT. It’s linked below if you haven’t listened.
I just re-read her book while I was on a vacation and I have to tell you, about every 50 pages I found myself taken aback by how well her husband Stewart navigated their experience. He was repeatedly in situations where there were five wrong ways of responding to things, and in my opinion, he consistently landed on the right one.
Was he lucky? Or has he actually been taught relationship skills?
Those were the answers I wanted, so I invited him to join me.
Stewart Winter did not disappoint.
CREDITS
This episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.
Link to Molly’s book: More: A Memoir of Open Marriage
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Before we get into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to reintroduce one of the most important conversations I’ve ever had on this show.
This episode — Rethinking Monogamy — is the most downloaded episode of We Need to Talk.
I recorded this early in the life of the podcast, and it still holds up because it doesn’t argue for or against monogamy. It looks closely at why so many people struggle inside the relationship model they’re told is the only legitimate option.
Whether or not monogamy is right for you isn’t the point.
The point is understanding why so many people stay in relationships that look right, but don’t actually feel right — and what it costs when we never question that gap.
If this is your first time hearing it, you’re about to listen to a thoughtful, grounded conversation that’s just as relevant now as it was then.
And if you’ve listened before, it’s worth hearing again with fresh ears.
In the west, monogamy is our default relationship model. But, to be clear, monogamy is a social construct. It is not inherent to our biology.
That’s an important fact to keep in mind throughout today’s conversation with New York Times Best Selling author, Molly Roden Winter, whose recent book “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage,” documents her journey through non-monogamy.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why humans adopted monogamy as our dominant relationship construct (the answer is grim).
The surprising response she got from her therapist about opening up her marriage.
Her advice on how to initiate a conversation with your partner about non-monogamy, should you be inclined.
Xxoo
Darcy
REFERENCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm
Kim, J. H., Tam, W. S., & Muennig, P. (2017). Sociodemographic Correlates of Sexlessness Among American Adults and Associations with Self-Reported Happiness Levels: Evidence from the U.S. General Social Survey. Archives of sexual behavior, 46(8), 2403–2415. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0968-7
Lei, L., & South, S. J. (2021). Explaining the decline in young adult sexual activity in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(1), 280-295.
Solomon NG, Ophir AG. Editorial: What's Love Got to Do With It: The Evolution of Monogamy. Front Ecol Evol. 2020 Apr;8:110. doi: 10.3389/fevo.2020.00110. Epub 2020 Apr 28. PMID: 32782899; PMCID: PMC7416880.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/
More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden Winter
Substack: mollyrodenwinter.com
CREDITS
This episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.
In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most misunderstood dynamics in modern relationships: Certainty.
Most people think relationship breakdown happens because emotions run too hot or arguments get too big. But what actually corrodes connection over time is something quieter and far more dangerous — the belief that your perspective is the objective truth.
When we treat our interpretation as fact, disagreement stops being information and starts feeling like a threat. Curiosity shuts down. Defensiveness takes over. And instead of two people trying to understand each other, you end up with two people trying to win.
I walk through why the mind clings to certainty even when it costs us intimacy, how rigid thinking turns everyday moments into power struggles, and what it actually looks like to move from being “right” to being connected. This isn’t about abandoning your reality — it’s about learning how to hold it without weaponizing it against the people you care about most.
What you’ll walk away with:
How certainty masquerades as emotional safety — and why it quietly undermines trust and closeness.
The difference between having a perspective and defending it at all costs, especially during conflict.
Practical ways to loosen rigid thinking so conversations become collaborative instead of combative.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same arguments, unheard by your partner, or convinced that the problem is simply that they “don’t get it,” this episode will challenge you — and give you a more effective way forward.
Follow and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more evidence-based tools to build stronger, more resilient relationships.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Have you ever looked at your relationship history and thought, “How am I here again?”Different person, different story, yet somehow the emotional blueprint feels eerily familiar.
In this episode, I walk you through what’s actually driving those repetitive relationship dynamics — not the behaviors you consciously notice, but the unconscious patterns that get activated long before you realize what’s happening. These patterns come from early learning, attachment, and the roles you were shaped to play in relationships. And unless you bring them into awareness, they continue choosing for you.
Think of this as a systems upgrade. I want you to understand the internal rules you’ve been following without knowing it — the ones that dictate who you’re drawn to, what feels “chemically right,” and why certain dysfunctions feel familiar. Once you can name your pattern, you can interrupt it and finally write a new script.
We’ll also talk about what healthy connection feels like when you stop outsourcing your self-worth to old wiring and what shifts internally when you stop mistaking intensity for intimacy.
What You’ll Learn
Why certain dynamics feel magnetic even when they’re unhealthy.
How your unconscious patterning influences who you pursue and who you stay with.
What it takes to break the cycle and choose differently, not just date differently.
If you’re tired of the same story with different characters, this episode will help you understand the mechanics of your pattern and show you what it takes to break it for good.
If you found this episode helpful, be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling so you never miss a new conversation.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Today we’re pulling back the curtain on a cultural shift that’s been quietly reshaping how we function in relationships, work, and daily life. Somewhere along the way, the language of therapy stopped being a tool for healing — and became a script for avoidance.
Suddenly everything is “toxic.” Every tough conversation is a “boundary violation.” And any feeling — no matter how fleeting — is treated as absolute truth.
But here’s the reality: Feelings are signals, not facts. And when we mistake one for the other, we lose our capacity to tolerate discomfort, repair ruptures, and stay connected when things get hard.
In this episode, I’m joined by RaQuel Hopkins — whose work on emotional resilience and discomfort tolerance is both grounded and refreshingly honest. Together, we break down how therapy-speak has gone off the rails and what it actually looks like to build psychological strength in a culture that rewards fragility.
You’ll walk away with:
A clearer understanding of why “therapy language” exploded culturally — and why so much of it is being misused.
The difference between true boundaries and avoidant behavior disguised as self-care.
Practical tools for strengthening emotional resilience so you can stay regulated and present, even when things get uncomfortable.
If you’re tired of oversimplified wellness advice, if you want relationships that can handle real conflict, or if you’re ready for a more honest conversation about feelings, facts, and personal responsibility, this episode is for you.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
RaQuel Hopkins
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
This week, a lot of us are heading into family time, which can be beautiful, but it can also bring up old patterns, old roles, old emotions. And while the holidays are not the time to sit someone down for a difficult conversation, they are the time when those conversations start to weigh on us.
So before we dive in, I want you to think of today's episode as grounding, as clarity, not as a call to action. This is about understanding your own emotional patterns, recognizing what gets activated around the people who raised you, and getting honest with yourself about what you need without feeling like you have to fix anything this week.
So as you listen, take what helps you feel steadier and leave the rest. There's no homework today, no confrontation plan, no conversation you should be having at Thanksgiving, just insight, just support. Let's get into it.
Ever find yourself replaying a conversation in your head—over and over—only to avoid it altogether? Maybe you want to tell a friend they hurt your feelings. Or ask for a raise. Or bring up that thing your partner said that’s still bothering you.
We all do it. But why? Why do we avoid conversations that could actually improve our relationships—and our lives?
Most of us dodge these talks because we fear conflict or don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. But avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the discomfort go away. It causes it to fester.
Today, I’m joined by someone who knows this terrain professionally and personally—my wife, Steph Sterling, LCSW. She also happens to be the most talented couples therapist I know.
In this episode, we unpack:
How to tell if you’re avoiding a conversation out of fear or just waiting for the right time.
The biggest mistakes people make when they finally speak up.
How to navigate tough talks in a way that brings you closer together instead of pulling you apart (step-by-step).
Plus… Steph shares some stories about our own struggles that just might surprise you.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
Forbes Article: Are Your Employees Avoiding Difficult Conversations?
https://www.instagram.com/steph_sterling_lcsw/
https://alternativescounseling.com/meet-the-owners/steph/
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani.
In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most disorienting experiences in relationships: The disconnect between being loved and feeling loved. It’s a gap that can quietly erode security and connection — not because something is “wrong” with you, but because your internal wiring, attachment history, and relational expectations shape how love lands in your system.
I’m breaking down why some relationships look healthy from the outside yet feel emotionally thin on the inside… and what to do when your partner is doing “all the right things” but the experience still doesn’t register in your nervous system. This isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding your emotional blueprint so you can build relationships that feel nourishing, not just functional.
We’ll talk about the subtle cues your body looks for when determining whether connection is real, how old attachment patterns can override present-day reality, and why your partner’s efforts sometimes don’t translate into the felt sense of being cherished. And most importantly: What it actually takes to close that gap.
You’ll walk away with:
A clearer understanding of why “love received” doesn’t always equal “love perceived.
Tools to identify what your nervous system needs to register safety and closeness, even when your partner is showing up consistently.
A roadmap for bridging the emotional gap, so your relationships feel more reciprocal, attuned, and deeply connected.
If this landed for you, go hit follow. It takes a second and it keeps these conversations coming.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Emotional flexibility is one of the most underrated skills we have — and one of the most powerful indicators of resilience. In this episode, I’m breaking down what it actually means to be emotionally flexible, how it shows up in your day-to-day life, and why it becomes the make-or-break factor when life blindsides you.
Whether you’re navigating a breakup, a professional detour, or a season of uncertainty, emotional flexibility determines whether you adapt, shut down, or spiral. And the good news? It’s a skill you can build at any age.
Today, I’ll walk you through the behaviors that signal strong emotional flexibility, the patterns that tell me you’re struggling with it, and the practices that strengthen your ability to pivot without losing your center. This work isn’t about “staying positive” — it’s about staying grounded.
What You’ll Learn
How emotional flexibility influences the way you respond when life shifts suddenly.
The common signs that you’re resisting reality instead of adapting to it.
Practical strategies to build emotional flexibility so you can bounce back faster.
Before you go, make sure you’re following and subscribed. It helps the show grow, and it means you’ll never miss an episode. Talk to you next week.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
I never thought I’d say this — especially as someone who spent years shaping the online dating landscape — but here we are. Today, we’re asking a radical question that’s starting to feel less radical and more necessary: Are dating apps actually getting in the way of connection?
If you’ve ever felt exhausted by endless swipes, ghost-town DMs, or conversations that die faster than they start, you are not alone. In fact, even the most emotionally intelligent and intentional daters are hitting a wall. The problem isn’t the match — it’s what happens (or doesn’t) after it.
I’m joined again by my friend, happiness expert and dating coach, Robert Mack, and together we’re unpacking why so many smart, capable, emotionally available people are burning out in a landscape that was supposed to help us meet someone — not numb us, distract us, or make us feel disposable.
This episode isn’t about bashing dating apps — it’s about telling the truth, exploring what’s shifted culturally and psychologically, and deciding whether stepping away from the algorithm might be the most powerful dating move you make this year.
We’re rethinking the system, your mindset, your habits — and what it actually takes to build meaningful romantic connection in a world addicted to swiping.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What’s changed in online dating culture — and why it’s impacting even the most intentional daters.
How choice overload and digital burnout are sabotaging real-world romance.
The mindset shift required to date with discernment, confidence, and actual joy again
If you're feeling depleted, disillusioned, or curious about what dating could look like without apps running the show, this episode is your permission slip to rethink everything.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
We all know that changing a habit is hard — especially one that’s been socially accepted for generations. Alcohol is woven into how we celebrate, relax, and connect. But what if technology could help us drink more consciously, instead of forcing us into an all-or-nothing mindset?
In this episode, I sit down with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, an app that helps people make more mindful choices about alcohol — without the shame, judgment, or labels that so often come with it. We talk about how data, psychology, and behavioral design are revolutionizing the way we think about drinking.
This isn’t a conversation about quitting. It’s a conversation about awareness — and how a little insight can lead to massive transformation.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
Why traditional narratives about drinking (“you’re fine or you’re an addict”) don’t reflect most people’s reality.
How tech tools like Sunnyside use behavioral psychology and habit tracking to create lasting change.
The small, science-backed shifts that can help you drink more mindfully — starting tonight.
If this episode resonates with you, follow or subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling. It’s free, it takes a second, and it helps keep powerful conversations like this coming your way.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36641592/
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
We’ve all gotten pretty good at spotting red flags — emotional unavailability, inconsistent texting, the subtle (or not-so-subtle) signs that someone’s not ready for real intimacy. But what about the other side of the spectrum? The green flags — the behaviors that quietly signal emotional maturity and long-term potential.
In this episode, I’m flipping the script. I’ll walk you through the 5 green flags that predict lasting love — the therapist’s cheat sheet to recognizing when someone is actually relationship material. And here’s the twist: Most of these green flags are learnable skills. That means you can cultivate them in yourself as much as you can look for them in others.
Whether you’re single and dating or in a relationship and wanting to deepen your connection, this episode will help you recognize the traits that actually sustain love over time — not just spark it.
Here’s What You’ll Learn
Why emotional regulation is the ultimate green flag — and how it predicts how safe you’ll feel in a relationship.
How repair attempts after conflict reveal long-term potential (hint: it’s not about avoiding fights).
The small, often-missed signs of empathy, accountability, and curiosity — the real markers of relational health.
If you’ve ever wondered what actually separates relationships that last from those that don’t, this is the episode for you. Because the truth is, chemistry might get you in the door — but green flags are what keep you there.
Xxoo Darcy
PS: If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could use a little hope about what healthy love really looks like.
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Full episode here → Apple/ Spotify/ You Tube
In today’s world, sharing an opinion can feel like stepping onto a battlefield. We fear being judged, misunderstood, or canceled—so we stay silent. Or worse, we speak at each other instead of with each other. But real connection isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about showing up with curiosity, intention, and presence—even when it’s uncomfortable.
In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by legendary therapists and relationship experts Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, creators of Imago Therapy and authors of the new book How to Talk With Anyone About Anything. We unpack the deeper purpose of conversation, how to reconnect during moments of conflict, and why our differences might actually be the gateway to deeper intimacy.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why differences don’t mean you’re incompatible—and how they can lead to greater intimacy.
The #1 most effective tool to stay grounded and present in uncomfortable conversations.
The one thing that must be present in every relationship if you want it to be healthy.
PLUS: I bring Harville one of my most triggering real-life scenarios—and ask him to walk me through it. And he does not disappoint.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES
https://amzn.to/43QQvuC
Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician's Guide
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani.
Online dating shouldn’t feel like a full-time job. But for most people, it does — endless swiping, ghosting, and wondering why no one seems to click. The truth? You’re not doing it wrong. You’ve just never been told how the system actually works.
In this episode, I’m breaking down the unwritten rules of dating apps — from the psychology behind a high-performing profile to the hidden algorithms that influence who you see (and who sees you). I’m joined by my friend Robert Mack, the dating coach from Famously Single, and together we’re pulling back the curtain on everything the apps don’t tell you.
We talk about how to make your profile irresistible without feeling like you’re selling yourself, how to start conversations that lead somewhere, and how to spot emotional availability long before you meet IRL.
Because dating apps aren’t the enemy — confusion is. Once you understand how to play the game, it stops feeling like rejection and starts feeling like opportunity.
Here’s What You’ll Learn:
The psychology behind profile photos and bios that attract high-quality matches.
How to use app algorithms and timing to dramatically increase your visibility.
What emotionally intelligent dating looks like — and how to recognize connection early on.
Whether you’re just dipping your toes back in or you’ve been swiping for years, this episode will give you a mindset reset — and a strategy that actually works.
Xxoo Darcy
PS: If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend who’s ready to date smarter (and maybe meet the one). And don’t forget to follow or subscribe to We Need to Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling so you never miss an episode that helps you love better and live better.
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
When it comes to addiction, most of us have been taught that success means total abstinence and failure means relapse. But that rigid framework leaves a lot of people behind. Harm reduction offers a different approach—one rooted in compassion, science, and meeting people where they are.
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sheila Vakharia, Deputy Director of Research and Academic Engagement at the Drug Policy Alliance, to talk about what harm reduction looks like in practice. From syringe exchange programs to overdose prevention sites, Sheila shares how these strategies are transforming the way we understand recovery, public health, and even our relationships with loved ones who struggle.
This is not just a conversation about policy—it’s about empathy, dignity, and the power of expanding our definition of healing.Here’s what you’ll take away from this episode:
Why the abstinence-only model of addiction treatment doesn’t work for everyone—and how harm reduction offers a more inclusive alternative.
Practical strategies that reduce risk, prevent overdoses, and create safer pathways to recovery.
How embracing harm reduction can help us show up with more compassion and effectiveness for the people we love.
Xxoo Darcy
PS: If you found this episode eye-opening, make sure you hit subscribe so you never miss a conversation that could change the way you think about relationships, recovery, and resilience. And if you love the show, leaving a review helps others discover We Need to Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling.
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10615-016-0584-3
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/16066359.2021.1900129
https://www.momaps1.org/en/programs/558-love-rules
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Watch this episode here on YouTube.
Most of us step into dating and relationships hoping for the best, but hope isn’t a strategy. Reading people—really reading them—is a skill. It’s about spotting truth in the details, hearing what’s not being said, and learning how to navigate tension without blowing things up.
In this episode, I sit down with Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference. Chris has spent decades facing high-stakes situations where the wrong move could cost lives—and he’s here to show us how those same skills can transform the way we approach love, dating, and long-term relationships.
From decoding early red flags to negotiating the toughest conversations with your partner, Chris breaks down how to use empathy as leverage and communication as strategy. Whether you’re just swiping for a first date or you’ve been in a relationship for years, these tools will sharpen your instincts and strengthen your connection.
Here’s what you’ll walk away with:
How to decode trust signals in the early stages of dating so you don’t confuse charm with character.
The art of tactical empathy—how to use listening as your most powerful tool when emotions run high.
Negotiation strategies for love that help you handle conflict, set boundaries, and deepen connection without turning every disagreement into a battle.
This conversation isn’t just about dating smarter—it’s about communicating like your relationship depends on it. Because in many ways, it does.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
www.blackswanltd.com/womens-symposium-2025
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Watch this episode here on YouTube.
Every so often, I get requests from my male listeners to dedicate an episode to their questions—and today is that day. I’m joined by my friend, Robert Mack, for a very special Ask Me Anything: Men’s Edition.
This is your front-row seat to an unfiltered, honest conversation about what men really want to know when it comes to love, dating, women, and relationships. Nothing was off the table. From decoding mixed signals, to handling rejection, to the mental health struggles men often keep silent about—we covered it all.
Robert brings his brilliant perspective as my first-ever male co-host, and together we tackle the questions that so many men have, but rarely get to ask out loud.
If you’ve ever wished someone would just say the quiet part out loud about dating and relationships, this episode is for you.
Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, this AMA gives you actionable insights that can change the way you think about love and connection.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
Why do women sometimes pull away after great sex?
Oxford research on emotional connection
Is online dating even worth it for men over 40?
Attachment patterns shape emotional responses
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
If you’ve ever felt like therapy isn’t moving the needle—like you’re talking, reflecting, and gaining insight, but your life still looks the same—this episode is for you. Traditional talk therapy can be powerful, but sometimes insight alone isn’t enough to shift patterns that have been running your life for years.
That’s where DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) comes in. Unlike traditional therapy, DBT is structured, skills-based, and laser-focused on behavior change. My guest, Dr. Shireen Rizvi, is one of the foremost experts in the country. She trained under Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT, and went on to establish one of the nation’s leading DBT clinics at Rutgers University. Together, we break down what DBT really is, who it helps, and why it may be exactly what you’ve been searching for when therapy feels stuck.
Here’s What You’ll Learn:
Why talking about your issues isn’t always enough to create lasting change.
The core skills DBT teaches—and how they can transform your relationships and emotional wellbeing.
How to know if DBT might be the right next step for you.
And don’t miss the end of the episode—where I drop the insight you didn’t know you needed. Call it emotional homework or a truth bomb—it’s the piece you’ll still be thinking about tomorrow.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
www.shireenrizvi.com
Real Skills for Real Life: A DBT Guide to Navigating Stress, Emotions, and Relationships http://guilford.com/books/Real-Skills-for-Real-Life/Rizvi-Finkelstein/9781462555574?srsltid=AfmBOopthmYGfm60RnC2ed__8sY7x1l1EuSp3YfZgLe9mths7SgBb_i5
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Watch this episode here on YouTube.
One of the hottest topics in mental health is attachment theory, which is a psychological framework that posits that the way we bond to our primary caregivers creates a template for how we’ll move through relationships as adults. It goes like this:
We learn how to love and how to get our needs met through the care we received from our primary caregivers. The extent to which they fulfilled our needs informs how we will then express our needs as adults and how we’ll respond to the needs of those closest to us, particularly, our partners.
When it comes to living experts in the field of attachment theory, there is no one more respected than today’s guest.
Dr. Diane Poole Heller is an international expert and pioneer in attachment theory.
She is the author of The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Relationships — a book that I make most of my clients read at some point during our work.
Dr. Heller is the Creator of DARe: a training and certification program for therapists that teaches them how to apply attachment theory into their clinical work, and she joins me to shed light on how we can all move towards developing a secure attachment style, regardless of the attachment style we emerged from childhood with.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The 4 different attachment styles and how each develops in childhood.
How our attachment style influences the way we behave in our adult relationships.
Practical tools for healing attachment wounds and moving towards a secure attachment style.
How partners with different attachment styles can reduce conflict and misunderstandings.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
Attachment Theory Quiz
The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Relationships
Diane Poole Heller, PHD
The Verdict Is In By: Alan Sroufe and Daniel Siegel
https://drdansiegel.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/1271-the-verdict-is-in-1.pdf
CREDITS
This episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.
Dating with standards is essential—it’s how we protect ourselves from repeating old mistakes and from settling for less than we deserve. But what happens when those standards start to feel less like safety rails and more like walls keeping people out?
In this episode, I sit down with Ashtyn to explore the fine line between boundaries that serve you and expectations that may be unintentionally working against you. Together, we look at how fear, loneliness, and past heartbreak can all sneak into our standards—disguising themselves as “non-negotiables.”
Because the truth is: Having standards isn’t the problem. The challenge is making sure they’re rooted in self-respect, not self-protection at all costs.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
How to tell the difference between healthy boundaries and hidden barriers.
The subtle ways loneliness can trick you into lowering—or raising—your standards.
A framework for evaluating whether your “dealbreakers” are serving you or sabotaging you.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your standards are keeping you safe—or keeping you single—this episode will give you the clarity you need.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.
Most of us think inpatient psychiatric care is only for emergencies—when someone’s in immediate danger to themselves or others. But there’s a whole other side to it that rarely gets airtime: Choosing inpatient treatment before things hit rock bottom.
In this episode, I talk with Dr. Andrew Gerber, President and Medical Director of Silver Hill Hospital, about what elective, voluntary inpatient care looks like when it’s designed for people who want help—not because they’re forced into it, but because they’re ready for change.
We get into the reality of what happens when therapy, medication, and every coping strategy in your toolbox still aren’t enough—and how a structured, immersive setting can offer the breakthrough you’ve been searching for.
Here’s What You’ll Learn:
If you’ve ever wondered where to turn when you’re not in crisis yet—but you can feel yourself unraveling—this conversation might just change the way you think about getting help.
Xxoo Darcy
REFERENCES/RESOURCES
www.alternativescounseling.com
CREDITS
“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.