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We're Dating the Same Guy
Madden Zappa
38 episodes
3 days ago
We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.
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All content for We're Dating the Same Guy is the property of Madden Zappa and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.
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Relationships
Society & Culture
Episodes (20/38)
We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 37: Dating Burnout in 2025: How to Stay Hopeful When Modern Dating Feels Impossible

Dating in 2025 is exhausting. If you're feeling burnt out, frustrated by ghosting, or questioning whether good people even exist anymore, this episode is for you.

In this raw, filter-off solo episode, I'm taking the dating coach hat completely off and sharing my honest experience as someone actively dating in the modern landscape. With 79% of millennials and Gen Z reporting dating app burnout, you're not alone in feeling like modern dating is a mess—because it absolutely is.

I'm getting real about the challenges we're all facing: profiles that give you nothing to work with, the waiting game after matching, the normalization of ghosting (which 91% of daters consider the worst trend in modern dating) and the frustration of people saying one thing while their actions show something completely different.

But here's what matters most: even with all these frustrations, I still have amazing dates. I still meet wonderful people. And I still believe you can date from a grounded, optimistic place—without losing yourself in the chaos.


WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

  • Why modern dating feels like a parking lot after a blizzard (and it's not just you)
  • The real impact of dating apps on connection and communication
  • How to protect your peace when someone's behavior has nothing to do with you
  • Why pacing your energy in early dating changes everything
  • How to use your past dating wins to stay motivated
  • The power of knowing your "why" for dating
  • Practical ways to stay grounded without becoming jaded

"The behavior you're receiving from other people that can make dating really challenging has nothing to do with you. The moment you're able to disconnect your worth or your value from the situation, the easier it is to be like, okay, yeah, that sucked, but to also move on."

- Madden Zappa


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠


STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠


✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.


Show more...
3 days ago
34 minutes 44 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 36: You're Not Bad at Dating — Your Profile Is: Online Dating Tips that Actually Work with Coach Erika Ettin

Feeling burned out from dating apps? You're not alone—79% of users report dating app fatigue. In this episode, I sit down with Erika Ettin, founder of A Little Nudge and dating coach for 15 years, to break down exactly what makes online dating profiles stand out and how to actually convert matches into dates.

Erika shares her "Name Your Five" framework for creating profiles that spark conversation, the biggest mistakes that quietly sabotage connection, and why successful people often struggle the most with modern dating. We dive into profile photo strategies, the art of first messages, texting between dates, and when to move from app to in-person.

If you're swiping but not connecting, getting matches but not dates, or feeling like dating has become another exhausting chore, this conversation is full of practical insights that will shift how you approach online dating entirely.


WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

  • The "Name Your Five" profile framework that creates message bait
  • Photo strategy: What your first three pictures need to show
  • Why "doing the work" doesn't entitle you to find someone
  • How to text between dates without creating false intimacy
  • The green flags people overlook when chemistry isn't instant
  • Why your attitude toward dating apps determines your experience
  • When to go on a second date (hint: if you're curious for one more conversation)

"Your trip to Europe is fleeting. Your potential partner, hopefully, is for a long time. So perhaps people should spend more time on their dating profile than planning vacation. You spent 10 hours planning your trip to Europe but only five minutes on your Hinge profile. That math doesn't add up."

- Erika Ettin


CONNECT WITH ERIKA:

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, a consulting company that helps people navigate the world of online dating, from first click to first date. She is also the author of the book Love at First Site.

 

Erika studied economics at Cornell University and received her MBA from Georgetown. She started A Little Nudge in 2011 (after a seven-year career as an economist). She is responsible for many relationships, marriages, and the confidence some people simply need to “get out there.”

 

A Little Nudge has been featured in media around the country, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, NPR, CBS, and Ask Men, and she currently writes a weekly syndicated dating column.  


Erika's Instagram: @alittlenudge


GET YOUR VERY OWN THE SKIN DEEP DECK RIGHT HERE!


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠


STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠


✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Show more...
1 week ago
44 minutes 9 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 35: You're the Only Single Person at the Holiday Party (Now What?): How to Own the Holidays Single

The holidays can bring up complicated feelings when you're single—but what if you stopped treating this season like something to survive and started owning it instead? In this solo episode, Madden gets raw and honest about navigating holiday gatherings without a partner, the unexpected clarity that can come from seasonal reflection, and why your relationship status has nothing to do with how fulfilled your life actually is.

If you've ever felt the weight of being the only single person at a party, fielded awkward questions from well-meaning relatives, or caught yourself wishing for a plus-one—this episode is for you. Madden shares personal stories from recent holiday experiences and offers practical language for handling those inevitable "so, are you seeing anyone?" conversations with grace and confidence.

This isn't about pretending you're fine when you're not. It's about understanding that you can simultaneously enjoy your life AND desire partnership. Both things can be true at once. And more importantly, your confidence doesn't come from having someone by your side—it comes from choosing yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable.


WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

  • Navigating holiday gatherings as a single person
  • Finding clarity about what you want in relationships
  • Handling intrusive questions from family and friends
  • Understanding that fulfillment and desire for partnership can coexist
  • Breaking out of hibernation mode during winter
  • Building confidence through choosing yourself
  • Emotional maturity and sitting with uncomfortable feelings
  • The difference between surviving and owning the holiday season

"Your relationship status—whether you're single, you're dating, or the state of your current relationship—that is not the most important and most interesting thing about you. It never was. It never will be unless you're the one deciding that. You are so much more than whether or not you have a partner."

- Madden Zappa


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at @datedifferentlyco


Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)


✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.


Show more...
2 weeks ago
31 minutes 40 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 34: From Anxious to Secure: Stop Chasing, Overthinking & Losing Yourself in Love

Anxious attachment isn't a life sentence—it's a pattern you can heal. In this transformative episode, internationally recognized relationship coach Trevor Hanson shares his journey from working at Tesla while trapped in toxic relationships to helping thousands break free from anxious attachment patterns.

If you've ever felt like you're dating the same person repeatedly, sabotaging healthy relationships, or addicted to the highs and lows of chaotic love—this episode is your roadmap to change.


WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

  • The real difference between anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment styles

  • Why you keep attracting unavailable partners (and how to stop)

  • The TEMPO Cycle framework for identifying and breaking your patterns

  • How to build genuine safety within yourself before seeking it in others

  • Why healing while dating isn't just possible—it's powerful

  • The emotion-logic gap and why knowing better doesn't equal doing better

"There's an emotion-logic gap. There's a logical part of you that totally gets it in the front part of your brain. But then there's an emotional part of your brain that stores all your subconscious content. Too often we try to activate the front part of the brain to fix the emotional base brain. And it doesn't work. You literally aren't even turning on the right part of the brain to fix it. That's why you can learn all day long what a healthy pattern looks like and still get sucked into the same old stuff."

- Trevor Hanson


CONNECT WITH TREVOR:

Trevor is an internationally recognized coach dedicated to helping individuals and couples create secure, thriving relationships.

After overcoming his own anxious attachment, breaking his jaw, ending a toxic relationship, and leaving a corporate career at Tesla, he found his purpose in helping others find their secure self.

With a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and advanced training from some of the world’s top attachment experts, Trevor has helped thousands of clients around the globe. He’s been featured by the Gottman Institute and has spoken to audiences of over 10,000.

As the founder of The Art of Healing, he teaches his signature Secure Self Method to help people step into emotional confidence and build the kinds of relationships that last.

Trevor's Instagram: ⁠@theartofhealingbytrevor⁠

⁠Trevor's Website⁠

Free! Seminar ⁠From Anxious to Secure ⁠

Join the⁠ Secure Self Club⁠ (Go from anxious to secure in 120 days!)


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠


STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠


⭐As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over to Instagram to share the most recent episode!


Show more...
3 weeks ago
54 minutes 29 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 33: Combining Finances in Marriage: Money Talks, Financial Infidelity & Building Wealth

Should couples combine finances after marriage? Financial therapist Lindsay Konchar shares expert advice on money conversations, avoiding financial infidelity, and building wealth together.

In Part 2 of our conversation with financial therapist Lindsay Konchar, we dive deep into the money questions that come up when relationships get serious. From combining finances to navigating financial infidelity, this episode gives you practical tools for building a financial foundation that actually supports your relationship instead of stressing it out.

What You'll Learn:

  • The truth about combining finances in marriage (and why the "merge everything" advice might be wrong for you)
  • How to have money conversations without triggering defensiveness or shame
  • The biggest financial conflicts couples face and how to navigate them
  • How to maintain financial equality when one partner out-earns the other
  • What financial infidelity really looks like and how to rebuild trust
  • Essential money conversations to have before kids, mortgages, and major life decisions
  • How to escape "keeping up with the Joneses" and define what YOU actually want
  • The power of weekly money dates for thriving (not just surviving) financially

"We are not just keeping up with the Joneses anymore. We are keeping up with everyone. Social media is a huge culprit of that. For anybody that's like, I don't give a shit what other people think about me - that's a huge red flag. Every single human being on planet Earth gives a shit about what other people are thinking about them. And they should. What that is all about is having a sense of belonging. You want to belong with your friends, your chosen family. That's okay. But you need to understand how your money is reflected in that."

- Lindsey Konchar


CONNECT WITH LINDSEY:

Lindsey is your favorite financial therapist for women and couples, here to help you feel excited about money! (Yes, it's possible!) Money is more than just a math problem; there is always so much more to the equation. Merging behavioral therapy and financial education, Lindsey helps you live your dream life!

Lindsey's Instagram: ⁠@financialtherapistlindsey⁠

⁠Lindsey's Website⁠

Join Financial Self-Care's GET OUT OF DEBT course ⁠WAITLIST⁠


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠


STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY

We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠


⭐ As always, we don’t gatekeep how to date smarter.If this moved you or taught you something new, take a moment to follow, leave a review, and pass this episode along to someone who would love it too.

Show more...
1 month ago
42 minutes 31 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 32: Financial Compatibility in Dating: How Finances Impact Attraction, Compatibility, & Long-Term Love

Can money make or break your relationship? In Part 1 of this two-part series, financial therapist Lindsey Konchar reveals why financial compatibility matters just as much as emotional connection—and how to talk about money without the awkwardness.

Discover why your money habits were formed by age 10, when to bring up finances while dating (hint: earlier than you think), and how to lead with vulnerability instead of interrogation. Lindsey shares the conversation starters that actually work, explains why confidence with money is the most attractive quality you can have, and breaks down what really matters when assessing financial compatibility.

Whether you're single, casually dating, or getting serious with someone, this episode will change how you approach money conversations—and help you build stronger, more financially aligned relationships from the start.


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

- Your money habits are established by age 10 based on what you saw modeled- Financial therapy combines behavioral change with tactical money management- Confidence with your finances is more attractive than your income level- Lead money conversations with vulnerability, not interrogation- The best time to talk finances is dates 3-5, not on date 20- High earners often live paycheck-to-paycheck just like everyone else- Money dates create safe spaces for ongoing financial conversations

"When you feel cool and confident and collected in your relationship with money, when you are at ease with your money, you carry that. You stand a little taller, your shoulders relax a little bit more because you know where your money is going. And that confidence is what now you are bringing to that relationship. That's what is so attractive for people."

- Lindsey Konchar


CONNECT WITH LINDSEY:

Lindsey is your favorite financial therapist for women and couples, here to help you feel excited about money! (Yes, it's possible!) Money is more than just a math problem; there is always so much more to the equation. Merging behavioral therapy and financial education, Lindsey helps you live your dream life!

Lindsey's Instagram: @financialtherapistlindsey

Lindsey's Website

Join Financial Self-Care's GET OUT OF DEBT course WAITLIST


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY

We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at @datedifferentlyco

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)


⭐ As always, we don’t gatekeep how to date smarter.If this moved you or taught you something new, take a moment to follow, leave a review, and pass this episode along to someone who would love it too.


Show more...
1 month ago
43 minutes 18 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 31: Sacred Union & Emotional Intelligence: How to Attract Conscious Love by Becoming Your Highest Self

More than 90 percent of Gen Z report feeling frustrated with dating apps, and 79 percent of college-age people say they don't use dating apps regularly. If you're exhausted by the swipe culture and ready to date differently, this episode is for you.

Francesco Amati found his wife through Instagram—not by DMing strangers, but by creating intentional content about the love he wanted to attract. They dated long-distance between Canada and New Jersey for six months before getting married, and their relationship proves that conscious connection transcends physical proximity.

This conversation explores how emotional intelligence, inner child healing, and spiritual alignment transform your dating life from the inside out. Francesco shares practical frameworks for assessing emotional compatibility, breaking toxic patterns, and becoming the version of yourself who can hold the relationship you desire.


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How to assess emotional intelligence in early dating
  • Inner child healing techniques for secure attachment
  • Why conflict should strengthen, not threaten, connection
  • Questions that reveal true compatibility
  • The difference between unconditional love and tolerating mistreatment


"When I finally walked away from what wasn't good for me, I opened up space for what is good for me. This time, I'm not going to settle."

- Francesco Amati


CONNECT WITH FRANCESCO:

Francesco Amati is a spiritual teacher and conscious relationship mentor who helps people cultivate inner union and attract authentic partnership without dating apps. Following his spiritual awakening in 2012, Francesco has integrated lessons from marriage, divorce, and toxic relationships into a teaching practice that bridges ancient wisdom with modern dating challenges.

Through his program, The Path to Sacred Union, Francesco guides individuals to heal attachment wounds, develop emotional intelligence, and align with their highest self. His approach emphasizes that your external reality reflects your internal state—meaning the relationship you attract is the vibrational match of who you're being, not who you're performing to be.

Francesco's Instagram: @_francesco.amati_


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

Show more...
1 month ago
57 minutes 38 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 30: Detoxing Your Ex: How to Heal, Let Go, and Rebuild After Love Loss

If you've ever gone through a breakup that left you gasping for air weeks or months later—refreshing their profile, replaying every moment, wondering what went wrong—this episode is for you.

In today's conversation, host Madden sits down with Cole Zesiger, breakup and relationship coach and author of Exes and No's: The Breakup Advice You Don't Want to Hear, to dive deep into how we can truly move from heartbreak to healing. Cole has helped thousands of people rebuild after love loss, blending psychology, attachment theory, and practical tools to guide them back to peace and power.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Why This Episode is For You
  • 02:15 - Meet Cole Zessiger: From Divorce to Helping Thousands
  • 04:30 - The Two Mindsets That Keep You Stuck Post-Breakup
  • 07:45 - Mourning the Person AND the Future You Imagined
  • 10:20 - Step One: The Complete Detox From Your Ex
  • 13:40 - Cole's Credit Card Confession: The Trap of Staying Connected
  • 16:15 - Understanding How Your Brain Wires Memories of Your Ex
  • 19:30 - Step Two: Building a Life You Actually Like
  • 23:10 - The Two Ways to Be Happy After a Breakup
  • 26:45 - Why Helping Others Accelerates Your Healing
  • 30:20 - Navigating Trust, Betrayal, and Forgiveness
  • 34:50 - The Lemon Cart Analogy: Why Forgiveness is a Gift to Yourself
  • 37:15 - Attachment Styles Explained: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant & Disorganized
  • 41:00 - The Raft Metaphor: Three Ways to Heal Your Attachment Style
  • 44:30 - How to Date Without Losing Yourself in the Relationship
  • 47:20 - Finding Your Divine Center Beyond Your Partner
  • 49:10 - The Pattern That Keeps People Stuck in the Same Relationship Cycles
  • 50:35 - The Power of Correct Levels of Accountability
  • 51:20 - Final Advice: Be Curious About Your Future


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • The two most common mindsets that keep people stuck post-breakup
  • What a real detox from your ex looks like (hint: it's more than just no contact)
  • Why forgiveness isn't letting them off the hook—it's setting yourself free
  • How to understand your attachment style and stop repeating the same dating patterns
  • The "raft metaphor" for building emotional stability in relationships
  • Why helping others is actually one of the fastest ways to heal yourself
  • How to know if you're truly healing or just stuck in the same cycle

"When your present isn't happy, when there's nothing to look forward to and nothing to be happy about in the moment, your brain is just going to want to stay in the past. So we need to start building things in the moment, and that can start as small as possible—brushing your teeth or making your bed. And then you build out from there."

- Cole Zesiger


CONNECT WITH COLE:

Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach who helps people navigate heartbreak and rebuild their lives after love loss. After getting divorced at 23 and jumping into another failed relationship, Cole embarked on a journey to understand breakups, attachment theory, and what it really takes to heal.

Over the past three years, he's built a community of 750,000+ followers across TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, creating content that blends psychology, vulnerability, and practical tools. Cole is the author of Exes and No's: The Breakup Advice You Don't Want to Hear, a must-read guide for anyone ready to stop repeating heartbreak cycles.

Outside of coaching, Cole is married to his wife Jocelyn, has a one-year-old daughter, and enjoys playing guitar, listening to rock music, and riding his dirt bike and Harley.


Cole's Instagram: @coachcolezesiger

Cole's TikTok


Preorder Ex's and No's:

https://coachcolezesiger.com/exsandnos


Connect with Madden:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Important Podcast Links:

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)

Show more...
1 month ago
52 minutes 39 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 29: Dating After Trauma: Setting Boundaries & Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

What if the endless healing work you're doing is actually keeping you stuck? In this raw and transformative conversation, sexual liberation coach Sammy Schultz shares her journey from numbing sexual trauma with alcohol to becoming the strong woman she needed growing up—and how that completely changed the way she dates.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction & Welcome
  • 03:11 - Sammy's Background & Journey Begins
  • 06:22 - From Sexual Trauma to Sexual Liberation
  • 10:56 - Why YouTube Tried to Censor Her Content
  • 13:41 - Getting Stuck in Healing Mode
  • 17:31 - The Pattern of "If I Were More Healed, I'd Be Worthy"
  • 21:26 - Why Healing Work Didn't Change Sammy's Dating Life
  • 24:51 - Shifting from "I'm Broken" to "I'm Whole"
  • 28:21 - The Intention Behind Healing vs. Living
  • 31:46 - Becoming the Woman You Needed Growing Up
  • 35:31 - From Auditioning to Being the Chooser
  • 39:26 - Centering Yourself Instead of Begging the Universe
  • 43:01 - How Sexual Trauma Impacts Dating & Relationships
  • 47:36 - Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles
  • 51:21 - Recognizing What True Safety Actually Feels Like
  • 54:56 - Dating from Your Inner Mama Bear (Not Your Inner Little Girl)
  • 57:41 - How to Feel Safe Speaking What You Want
  • 1:00:31 - Worshiping the "Bitchy" Version of Yourself
  • 1:02:26 - Final Advice: Be the Center of Your Own Universe


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why years of healing work doesn't always translate to better dating experiences
  • How to shift from auditioning for love to becoming the chooser
  • Setting powerful boundaries without fear of being perceived as "too much"
  • Dating from your inner mama bear instead of your wounded inner child
  • The complete dating rulebook that changed everything


"Instead of begging an external universe to give you what only you can give you, you have to become the center of your universe. You become the universe and you give it to yourself. You stop asking for things and you just give it to yourself. Rather than going out and being like 'maybe someone will choose me,' it's 'let me see if this place, this person, is amazing enough for me.'"

- Sammy Schultz


CONNECT WITH SAMMY:

Sammy Schultz is a sexual liberation coach who helps women become the strong woman they needed when they were growing up. After spending years numbing sexual trauma with alcohol and facing a life-threatening health experience, Sammy got sober and began her healing journey—which eventually evolved into teaching women how to stop healing and start living.

Ten years ago, Sammy started a YouTube channel to share her journey of sexual healing, even after the platform threatened to delete her content. Since then, she's helped countless women transform their relationship with their bodies, their sensuality, and their worthiness in love and money. Sammy specializes in combining neuroscience and sensuality to help women break free from people-pleasing patterns, set powerful boundaries, and date from a place of wholeness rather than fixing themselves.

Her approach is bold, unapologetic, and refreshingly honest—teaching women that the "bitchy," "demanding" version of themselves isn't something to apologize for, but something to worship.

Sammy's Instagram: @sammybelove


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous

Show more...
2 months ago
1 hour 3 minutes

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 28: The Truth Behind Porn Addiction: The Silent Habit Pulling Men Away from Deeper Intimacy & Connection

What if the quiet habit shaping men's views on sex, intimacy, and connection is something almost nobody talks about in dating? In this raw, eye-opening conversation, Jeremy Lipkowitz uncovers how porn actually rewires the brain, impacts real-world intimacy, and shows up in the relationships we're trying to build. This isn't about judgment. It's about awareness, accountability, and understanding what's really happening beneath the surface.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Why We Need to Talk About Porn Addiction
  • 03:15 - Meet Jeremy Lipkowitz: From Buddhist Monk to Porn Addiction Recovery Coach
  • 06:42 - The Prevalence of Porn Use: It's Way More Common Than You Think
  • 09:18 - Why This Topic Is So Hard to Talk About: Sexual Shame & Secrecy
  • 12:35 - How Early Exposure Shapes Views on Intimacy & Sexuality
  • 16:20 - The Neuroscience of Addiction: Dopamine, Craving & Escalation
  • 22:47 - How Porn Addiction Impacts Relationships: Expectations, Performance & Trust
  • 29:34 - The Loneliness Epidemic & Shifting Gender Dynamics
  • 32:16 - Beyond Relationships: How Porn Impacts Focus, Satisfaction & Self-Worth
  • 36:05 - The Dark Ethics of the Porn Industry: Trafficking, Consent & Exploitation
  • 39:28 - Breaking Free: Community, Mindfulness & Compassionate Accountability
  • 43:12 - Final Advice: Dating Differently with Wisdom & Compassion

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How early porn exposure shapes men's expectations of sex and intimacy
  • The neuroscience of addiction: why dopamine drives compulsive behavior even when pleasure is gone
  • How porn use creates unrealistic expectations, performance anxiety, and erectile dysfunction
  • The connection between porn addiction, loneliness, and fear of rejection
  • Why secrecy and shame erode trust in relationships
  • The dark ethics of the porn industry that most users don't realize they're supporting
  • How to break free: building community, practicing mindfulness, and developing healthier coping mechanisms
  • The balance of wisdom and compassion needed to create lasting change


"Every single addiction is about escaping unpleasant emotions, running away. In order to overcome addiction at the root source—not just blocking it or being sober for a little bit, but actually overcoming it and uprooting the addiction—you have to start getting skillful with working with your emotions. You have to develop healthier coping mechanisms for when a strong emotion comes. So much of porn addiction is rooted in boredom. Guys are just bored. They don't know what to do with themselves."

- Jeremy Lipkowitz


CONNECT WITH JEREMY:

Jeremy Lipkowitz is a former Buddhist monk, meditation teacher, and ICF-certified executive coach who helps high-achieving men break free from compulsive behaviors—especially porn addiction—and build lives of integrity, discipline, and deep fulfillment. With over 13 years of meditation experience and hundreds of days spent in silent retreat, Jeremy blends ancient wisdom with cutting-edge science to guide individuals toward emotional resilience and personal freedom.

Jeremy left higher academia after confronting his own struggles with addiction, shame, and self-judgment. A brief period of monastic training in Myanmar deepened his mindfulness practice and marked the start of a lifelong commitment to personal growth and service.

As the founder of Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked Podcast, Jeremy is a leading voice in destigmatizing porn addiction and educating the public on effective, science-based recovery strategies. His work helps men overcome shame, understand the neuroscience of addiction, and create lasting transformation through mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and habit change.


Jeremy's Instagram: @jeremylipkowitz


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and question: ⁠⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠⁠

Monthly Date Giveaways: ⁠⁠Date Differently Drop


Show more...
2 months ago
44 minutes 42 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 26: How to NOT Get Swept Away in the Movie Moments: Why Your Purpose is Your Dating Anchor | Season 2 Premiere

It's so easy to get swept away in early dating when you're texting nonstop and spending all your free time together, slowly drifting from friends and hobbies . But what if dating could ADD to your life instead of becoming your whole life?

Welcome to Season 2 of We're Dating the Same Guy!

After a wild weekend in Vegas that felt like a movie scene, Madden shares how to not get lost in and swept away by your dating experiences: connecting to your purpose.

After a trip to Vegas—accidentally booking an RV, electric car anxiety, sketchy neighborhoods, desert windstorms, and an unexpected romantic encounter that could've been straight out of a film. But instead of getting swept away into fantasy and daydreaming like Madden would have in the past, she stayed grounded. Listen to find out how.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Welcome to Season 2!
  • 02:45 - The Vegas Trip Begins
  • 05:20 - RV Disaster & Electric Car Anxiety
  • 08:15 - When Dating Takes Over Your Life
  • 12:30 - The Lantern Festival Moment
  • 15:40 - Finding Your Purpose: The 3 Questions
  • 19:25 - Why Purpose is Your Anchor
  • 22:50 - The Vegas Movie Moment
  • 26:35 - Staying Grounded vs Getting Swept Away
  • 30:15 - What's New: Date Differently Diaries
  • 32:20 - The Date Differently Drop


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why your purpose is your anchor in dating
  • The 3 questions that reveal what truly lights you up
  • How Madden stayed grounded during a romantic Vegas moment

"Your purpose reminds you that your life does not pause just because someone new is entering it. Dating is meant to add to your life, but it's not meant to become your whole life."- Madden Zappa


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden Zappa is a Minneapolis based dating coach and host of "We're Dating the Same Guy," a podcast helping people break free from repeating dating patterns. Through expert conversations and real-life stories, Madden empowers listeners to date more intentionally, understand their attachment styles, and build relationships aligned with their authentic selves.


MADDEN'S INSTAGRAM: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and question: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)

Monthly Date Giveaways: Date Differently Drop


Show more...
2 months ago
34 minutes 42 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 27: The Systems of Conscious Relationships: Engineering Love, Boundaries & Intimacy

What if the key to lasting love isn't chemistry or compatibility—but conscious engineering?

In this episode, Madden sits down with relationship coach Scott Wild, whose background as a software engineer gives him a radically different lens on relationships. Scott helps us understand how to build partnerships that don't just survive—they actually thrive through intentional design.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Why this episode is for everyone—single or partnered
  • 02:15 - Meet Scott Wild: From software engineering to relationship coaching
  • 05:30 - The shift from control to trust in relationships
  • 08:45 - Learning relational skills through authentic relating
  • 12:20 - Being direct without being "bitchy"—holding boundaries without fire
  • 16:40 - Using chess strategy to improve relationship patterns
  • 19:30 - Why sustainability matters from day one of dating
  • 23:15 - The "it's fine" trap and the recipe for resentment
  • 27:45 - Doing things for yourself vs. for your partner
  • 31:20 - Conscious conversations and meta-awareness in relationships
  • 35:10 - Codependency vs. having alternative paths
  • 38:50 - What "opt-in" relationships really mean
  • 42:30 - Defining intimacy as revealing (heart, hurt, or play)
  • 46:15 - Sovereignty and the balance with intimacy
  • 48:40 - The pattern of psychologizing your partner
  • 50:15 - Final advice: Drop the impressing energy and notice where you need something


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why controlling relationships come from anxiety (and how to shift from control to trust)
  • The fine line between being direct and being "bitchy"—and how anger signals you've already crossed your boundary
  • Why "it's fine" is actually a red flag for future resentment
  • How to avoid codependency by always having an alternative path
  • What it means to build an "opt-in" relationship (and why labels can create false security)
  • The difference between intimacy and vulnerability—and how to bring the right amount of each
  • Why sovereignty (being good on your own) is the foundation of secure attachment
  • The pattern of "psychologizing" your partner—and why it's actually about control, not caring
  • How to date sustainably from the very beginning


"Intimacy is the revealing of my heart, my hurt, or my play. That's the thing that people actually love—you want to feel someone playing, you want to feel what's true for somebody. Pure intimacy is like a gift, just an offering." - Scott Wild



CONNECT WITH SCOTT:

Scott Wild is a relationship coach who helps people build strong, lasting partnerships filled with trust and connection. He has expressed as a software engineer, manager, professional athlete, facilitator, and a decade as a practitioner of ethical polyamory, giving him a diverse perspective to share. Scott has spent years guiding people through relational intelligence practices and supporting them in creating healthier, more fulfilling romantic lives. He lives in Austin, Texas with his wife and two young children.


Scott's Instagram: @scottsolowild

Free Discovery Call to improve your relationship: scottsolowild.com


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and question: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

Monthly Date Giveaways: ⁠Date Differently Drop

Show more...
2 months ago
51 minutes 50 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
Season 1 FINALE: Dating Patterns vs Love - What The Materialist Movie Teaches About Modern Relationships

In the season 1 finale of We're Dating the Same Guy, host Madden sits down with fellow podcaster Alexis to break down the movie "The Materialist" and what it reveals about modern dating patterns, attachment styles, and the choice between financial security and emotional connection.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Season 1 reflection and podcast journey
  • 05:30 - The Materialist movie discussion begins
  • 12:45 - Dating vs Love - the fundamental difference
  • 18:20 - Attachment styles and modern dating
  • 25:10 - Red flags and immediate deal-breakers
  • 32:40 - The income gap conversation
  • 45:15 - Lucy's ultimate choice and what it means
  • 52:30 - Personal dating insights and growth


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • The Materialist movie analysis with Dakota Johnson, Pedro Pascal, and Chris Evans
  • Dating multiple people ethically and what that teaches you
  • Feminine energy vs masculine energy in relationships
  • Why some people excel at dating but struggle with love
  • Red flags, green flags, and navigating modern dating apps
  • Marriage as partnership vs business transaction
  • Income gaps in relationships and how to navigate them successfully


CONNECT WITH ALEXIS:

Alexis is a fellow Minneapolis Podcaster and host of Let if Flow Podcast


Alexis's Instagram: @destinationalexis

Let it Flow Podcast


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden is a dating coach and host of "We're Dating the Same Guy" podcast, helping individuals identify and break destructive dating patterns. With expertise in attachment theory, feminine energy, and modern relationship dynamics, she creates a safe space for exploring the deeper psychology behind our romantic choices. Through vulnerable conversations and expert guests, Madden guides listeners toward more secure, authentic relationships.


Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Show more...
4 months ago
56 minutes 11 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 24: Finding God in Love: Transform Your Relationships Through Spiritual Security

Tired of feeling anxious and insecure in your relationships? In today's episode, relationship coach and spiritual guide Kevin Crenshaw reveals why your dating patterns might be rooted in a deeper spiritual search - and how cultivating a relationship with God can transform the way you love.

Kevin shares his raw journey from being a chronic people pleaser whose first three relationships ended in betrayal, to finding spiritual security that completely shifted his approach to love. We explore how anxious attachment often masks a search for the divine, why your "ideal partner" list might actually be describing God, and practical ways to build genuine spiritual connection.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction to Kevin Crenshaw and spiritual dating
  • 03:45 - Kevin's journey from people pleaser to spiritual security
  • 08:30 - The near-death experience that changed everything
  • 12:15 - Finding God after hitting rock bottom
  • 18:20 - How anxious attachment shows up in relationships
  • 24:10 - The difference between seeking completion vs communion in love
  • 29:45 - Why your "dream man list" might actually be describing God
  • 35:20 - Building a relationship with God: Prayer as conversation
  • 42:10 - Overcoming religious hurt and finding authentic faith
  • 47:30 - Three ways to start dating differently
  • 52:00 - Final thoughts on purpose and spiritual relationships


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How anxious attachment shows up as searching for God in relationships
  • The difference between horizontal change and vertical spiritual evolution
  • Why surrender, not willpower, creates lasting transformation
  • Building a real relationship with God through prayer and community
  • Healing from religious hurt while staying open to spirituality
  • Three practical shifts to start dating from a place of spiritual security

"People hurt you, not God. Build your own relationship. Look for people producing spiritual fruit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. Not just moments of it, but supernatural, consistent fruit that surprises you." - Kevin Crenshaw


CONNECT WITH KEVIN:

Kevin Crenshaw is a relationship coach, spiritual guide, and author who has spent over a decade helping people transform their love lives through healing anxious attachment and building spiritual security. After his own journey from people-pleasing codependency to authentic spiritual connection, Kevin now guides thousands in understanding how their relationship with God directly impacts their human relationships. His upcoming book "Perspectives" (releasing September 2025) is a collection of poetic reflections mapping his decade-long journey toward freedom, healing, and divine connection.

Kevin's Instagram: @the.heart.guy

Join the Waitlist for Kevin's new book Perspectives


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Show more...
4 months ago
54 minutes 35 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 23: From Avoidant to Secure: Decoding Men’s Emotional Availability

Are you tired of dating emotionally unavailable men? In this vulnerable conversation, sex and relationship therapist Joe Molinari breaks down why so many men struggle with emotional availability and what you can do about it.

Joe shares his personal journey from emotional avoidance to vulnerability, explaining how childhood conditioning creates patterns that pull men away from connection. We explore attachment styles, the dangerous appeal of "twin flame" relationships, and practical steps both men and women can take to create more secure relationships.

Whether you're trying to understand the men you're dating or working on your own emotional availability, this episode offers hope and practical tools for creating the secure love you deserve.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 03:16 - Joe's background and path to therapy
  • 04:44 - What "home" really means in relationships
  • 08:24 - How attachment styles develop over time
  • 12:38 - Why men are taught not to connect
  • 16:24 - Tangible steps to become emotionally available
  • 24:43 - Inside Joe's men's therapy group
  • 29:59 - How attachment influences sexuality
  • 38:29 - The truth about secure people in dating
  • 44:43 - Twin flames: Spiritual connection or toxic pattern?


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why traditional masculinity teaches men to avoid connection
  • How attachment styles show up in dating and sexuality
  • The difference between thinking and feeling in relationships
  • Red flags in "twin flame" dynamics that keep you stuck
  • Practical steps to become more emotionally available
  • How men's therapy groups are changing emotional patterns


"The best thing you can do is learn more to be present to yourself. Learn to connect to yourself emotionally, connect to yourself in a very present embodied way. That is a path towards finding your own security within yourself. And that's the best first step for also meeting other people who are an authentic connection for you." - Joe Molinari


CONNECT WITH JOE:

Joe Molinari is a psychotherapist and coach specializing in sex, trauma, and relationships. Whether working with individuals, couples, or groups, Joe invites his clients to pursue a path toward more presence, authenticity, and a sense of aliveness. Joe brings a deep curiosity about how we connect, overcome, and grow. His approach is collaborative, sex-positive, and full of heart (and usually a bit of humor too). He’s passionate about helping people move from shame and stuckness to connection, pleasure, and a sense of freedom. Whether it’s talking about intimacy, healing old wounds, or finding more ease in everyday life, Joe creates space for the whole messy, beautiful human experience.


Joe's Instagram: @sextherapyjoe

Joe's Website


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

Show more...
4 months ago
49 minutes 4 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 22: Dating Sober: How Alcohol-Free Dating Is Transforming Modern Relationships

Would you go on a first date without alcohol? 39% of singles now say yes—and it's changing everything about modern dating. In this raw conversation, Alex Zauner (founder of Lucille's alcohol-free experiences and 11 years sober) reveals why removing liquid courage creates deeper connections and better relationships.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Opening: The first date question that changes everything
  • 05:12 - Alex's story: From college binge drinking to 11 years sober
  • 12:45 - The breaking point: Hospital wake-up call and commitment to change
  • 18:30 - Dating sober: Navigating apps, anxiety, and authenticity
  • 25:15 - Meeting her husband while sober and what that taught her
  • 32:00 - Mixed relationships: When your partner drinks and you don't
  • 39:20 - Why Gen Z is choosing alcohol-free lifestyles
  • 45:10 - Practical sober date ideas that create real connection
  • 50:00 - Final advice: Leading with authenticity in dating


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why alcohol-free dating creates deeper, more authentic connections
  • Practical tools for managing first-date anxiety without drinking
  • Creative sober date ideas that build genuine chemistry
  • How to communicate your sober lifestyle in dating
  • Navigating mixed relationships (sober + drinking partners)
  • Why younger generations are choosing alcohol-free lifestyles
  • Building confidence and social skills through sober dating


"Sober dating is not just going to help you in that relationship—it's going to genuinely help you to build your social skills and confidence in every aspect of your life. You're going to remember all the details, the jokes, your personality is going to shine through, and their personality is going to shine through." - Alex Zauner


CONNECT WITH ALEX:

Alex's Instagram: @alexandrazauner

Lucille's Bottleshop

Lucille's Instagram: @lucillesbottleshop


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


Show more...
4 months ago
52 minutes 31 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 21: From the Pods to Real Life: David from Love Is Blind on Love, Vulnerability and Life Post Cameras

Dave from Love is Blind Minneapolis gets real about what happens when the cameras stop rolling. In this raw conversation, we dive into vulnerability in dating, trusting your intuition, and how reality TV changed his approach to relationships forever. If you've ever wondered what it's like to fall in love on national television and then learn even more about yourself in the process, this episode gives you a window into all of it.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: Reality TV obsession & Dave's controversial Love is Blind journey
  • 04:15 - What Dave wishes everyone knew about his Love is Blind experience
  • 09:30 - The bold pod question that went viral: "What's wrong with you?"
  • 14:20 - Most challenging parts of the Love is Blind experiment
  • 19:45 - Why vulnerability is easier when you can't see someone
  • 24:30 - Trusting your intuition vs. listening to family opinions
  • 29:15 - Dave's dating patterns: superficial attraction & dating in reverse
  • 34:45 - What being ready for love actually looks like now
  • 39:30 - Final advice: Know yourself to date differently


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • What really happened behind the scenes in Season 8 Love is Blind AFTER the cameras stopped recording
  • The dating backwards pattern that's keeping you single
  • Vulnerability depth in dating
  • Family opinions vs. trusting your own intuition in relationships
  • What being truly ready for love actually looks like (vs. societal pressure)

"You can't really be yourself if you don't know who you are. You shouldn't date anyone with the intention of getting married or having a long-term future if you don't fully know yourself well enough." - David Bettenburg


CONNECT WITH DAVE:

David Bettenburg is a 33-year-old Minneapolis native who appeared on Love is Blind Season 8. Originally working in medical device sales (specifically aesthetic procedures), he now works as an Account Executive for legal solutions. Dave's journey on Love is Blind became controversial due to family interference and outside gossip affecting his relationship with Lauren O'Brien. Post-show, he's focused on self-reflection, therapy, and understanding his dating patterns to build healthier relationships.


David's Instagram: @davidbettenburg


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa



Show more...
5 months ago
40 minutes 54 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 20: Dating Psychology: How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Relationships

Ever wonder why you keep dating the same type of person? Brazilian brain health coach Fabiana breaks down the neuroscience behind dating patterns and reveals how your brain creates the relationship cycles you find yourself stuck in.

EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 3:18 - Meet Fabiana: From Ipanema Beach to brain coaching
  • 8:45 - Your brain on patterns: The survival machine explained
  • 15:20 - Breaking down the amygdala hijack in relationships
  • 22:10 - The cortisol-disease connection you need to know
  • 28:30 - Reframing protective thoughts (not negative ones)
  • 35:45 - Why people behave badly (spoiler: they feel threatened)
  • 42:00 - The stories we tell ourselves about dating
  • 48:15 - Values alignment: The non-negotiable foundation
  • 55:30 - Expectations vs. reality in relationships
  • 62:45 - The 4-step communication framework for conflict


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • How your amygdala and hippocampus control your dating choices
  • Why 80% of your thoughts are protective (not negative)
  • The 4-question method to reframe toxic thought patterns
  • How to break the cycle of choosing familiar but unhealthy partners
  • Why authenticity is non-negotiable in lasting relationships
  • Communication strategies that actually work (backed by brain science)


"There is no way you will find a partner who loves you if you're not being 100% your authentic self. Because they're going to fall for what you're showing, not for who you are. If you are acting to gain someone's love, you're not gaining their love—your character is gaining their love." - Fabiana


CONNECT WITH FABIANA

Brazilian-born brain health coach and viral Instagram creator (@fashionbyfabiana, 150K+ followers) who transforms women's relationship with aging and self-acceptance. Former corporate executive turned certified neuroscience coach, Fabiana combines 30 years of business experience with brain-based coaching to help women break limiting patterns and embrace authentic living. Her content on aging gracefully has reached over 20 million views, sparking global conversations about beauty standards and self-worth.

Fabiana's Instagram: @fashionbyfabiana

Brain Health Coaching Website


STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa



Show more...
5 months ago
1 hour 3 minutes 59 seconds

We're Dating the Same Guy
EP 19: From the Guy Women Didn't Want to Date to Dating Coach: The Energetics and Strategy behind Smarter Dating

What happens when a man realizes he's the guy women don't want to date and completely transforms himself? In this raw conversation, dating and embodiment coach Tyler shares his journey from being disconnected and sabotaging intimacy to helping high-value women date differently.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction: When men realize they're the problem
  • 04:15 - Tyler's transformation story: From feminine to masculine energy
  • 09:30 - Macro vs micro perspective in dating
  • 14:20 - The three pillars: Mindset, energetics, strategy
  • 19:45 - Common limiting beliefs that keep women stuck
  • 26:15 - Masculine vs feminine energy: What it really means
  • 32:40 - Strategic dating: Red flags and verification methods
  • 38:20 - The ultimate relationship question: Would I want my child to be like them?
  • 41:35 - Reflection on personal growth over 5 years
  • 44:15 - Final advice: Changing thoughts, feelings, and actions


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • The macro vs micro approach to dating patterns
  • How to date from a regulated nervous system
  • The difference between masculine and feminine energy in dating
  • Strategic tools for identifying red flags early
  • Why "if it's meant to happen, it will" keeps you stuck
  • The three pillars: mindset, energetics, and strategy


  • "The version of you that you are today has created the life that you live right now. And so if you realize that, you also realize that by becoming more of who you are, you can change the reality that you're living right now." - Tyler

  • CONNECT WITH TYLER:
  • Tyler is a dating and embodiment coach specializing in helping high-value women over 30 create aligned relationships. After struggling with his own relationship patterns and being the kind of man women didn't want to date, Tyler transformed himself through masculine work, men's groups, and deep personal development. He now combines strategic dating methods with energetic and mindset work, helping clients break cycles and attract conscious partnerships.

  • Tyler's Instagram: @tylerdudding

  • STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN
  • Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa



    Show more...
    5 months ago
    45 minutes 43 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    EP 18: Red Flag or Yellow Flag: Are You Mislabeling Dating Behaviors or Just Self Sabotaging?

    Are you calling everything a red flag in dating? Dating coach and therapist Michelle O'Connell joins host Madden to decode the difference between red flags, yellow flags, and green flags in modern dating. Learn why your nervous system might confuse healthy partners for boring ones, how past trauma affects your ability to recognize good partners, and the subtle patterns that show up months into dating - not on date three. This episode reveals why we're quick to label behaviors as red flags when they might actually be signs of a healthy partner, plus actionable strategies for dating with curiosity instead of fear.


    EPISODE TIMELINE:

    • 00:00 - Introduction: The red flag epidemic in dating culture
    • 03:15 - Meet Michelle O'Connell: From therapist to dating coach
    • 08:42 - Defining red flags, yellow flags, and green flags
    • 12:30 - Why we overuse the term "red flag" in dating
    • 16:45 - How fear drives our flag labeling
    • 21:20 - When green flags feel like red flags: The nervous system connection
    • 28:15 - Red flags that don't show up until months later
    • 35:40 - How long should you really give someone a chance?
    • 38:25 - Avoiding projection from past dating experiences
    • 42:10 - Final advice: Dating with curiosity over validation


    IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

    • What actually constitutes a red flag versus normal human behavior
    • How our nervous system confuses calm and safety for boredom in dating
    • Why people with trauma histories might push away healthy partners
    • The sneaky patterns that don't show up until months 3-6 of dating
    • How past experiences shape our ability to "read the room" accurately
    • The difference between empowerment and being too rigid in dating standards
    • Why taking things slow is crucial for spotting long-term compatibility
    • How to avoid projecting past relationship wounds onto new partners
    • When to give someone more time versus trusting your gut to walk away


    "If you want a partner, you have to date. And when you date with a space and a mindset of curiosity and being open to all the different outcomes, you're going to have a better experience with dating. Don't date to validate your worth - date from curiosity." - Michelle


    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

    Michelle O'Connell is a licensed mental health therapist and dating coach based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. With over a decade of experience in trauma therapy, Michelle launched her dating coaching practice "Unstuck by Michelle" four years ago. She supports clients in building confidence, creating authentic dating profiles, identifying healthier partners, and developing mindful, intentional approaches to dating. Michelle brings a unique trauma-informed perspective that's both grounded and refreshingly real to the dating world.

    Michelle's Instagram: @unstuckbymichelle 

    Michelle's Website

    *NEW* Michelle's TikTok: @unstuckbymichelle


    Michelle offers monthly dating support, beginning August 6, 2025. Please visit Michelle's website to find out more!


    STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

    Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

    Show more...
    5 months ago
    44 minutes 50 seconds

    We're Dating the Same Guy
    We're Dating the Same Guy uncovers the dating patterns we all repeat—whether we realize it or not—and, more importantly, how to break them. From attachment styles and intimacy to feminine and masculine energy, red flags, self-sabotage, and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, we dive deep into what’s really driving your love life. With expert guests and real-life dating stories, these raw, eye-opening conversations will help you stop dating on autopilot. If we don’t change our patterns, we’re just dating the same guy… over and over again. It’s time to date differently.