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Jane Austen Stories is the new show from the Noiser podcast network, narrated by Dame Julie Andrews.

Season One begins with Julie reading an all-time classic of English literature, Pride and Prejudice, in its original masterful form.

Join us twice a week as we walk grand estates, take tea with well-dressed gentlewomen, and enter ballrooms to dance with the great and good of the county. But in this tranquil corner of England, not everything is quite as it appears... Can our heroine Elizabeth navigate a world of secrets and simmering passions? Can the Bennet family avoid scandal and destitution? And is the mysterious Mr Darcy as dastardly as he seems?

Hit follow to get new episodes of Jane Austen Stories every Tuesday and Friday.

For ad-free listening and early access to two new episodes each week, join Noiser+. Click the subscription banner at the top of the feed to get started, or head to noiser.com/subscriptions 

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Hello my sweet dreamy pet. You’ve never imagined an alien abduction could be like this.

This story begins with a slow, gentle takeover of your mind, slowing down time, warping your reality as my soft voice and whispers throb inside you, blurring out everything but pleasure.

My name is Princess Yari, or in Vel'Shae… Lun’naari. Vel'Shae, also known as Spiral Tongue, is the pleasure language I created for my world, Thal'Vora. You don't have to understand my words to understand the way they make you feel.

So relax… Lo’shai… el’thae… good boy. Let me take over. Let me kiss the corners of your mind, until you forget everything but me. You belong to me now..

ASMR, Hypnotic Pleasure, Alien Domination, Mind Control, Edging, Orgasm Denial, Spiral Worship, Sacred Submission, Alien Princess, Pleasure Language, Sensual Domination, Erotic Storytelling, Voice Fetish, Futanarya, Thal'Vora, Vel’Shae Language, Hung Girl Games, Soft Control, Sensual Mindbreak, orgasm control, Whispers, Mind walking,

This audio contains explicit erotic themes. Listener discretion advised.

When Gloria took a waitressing job at a diner outside of Phoenix, she didn't realize she was now an employee of Midnight Burger, a time-traveling, dimension-spanning diner. Every day Midnight Burger appears somewhere new in the cosmos along with it's staff: a galactic drifter, a rogue theoretical physicist, a sentient old-timey radio, and some guy named Caspar. No one knows who built Midnight Burger or how it works, but when it appears there's always someone around who could really use a cup of coffee. "When the waves of the universe crash unrelentingly, when the stars seem indifferent to your plight, suddenly there is a diner." We open at 6.