In this episode, Chelsi is joined by Lacey Keller Smith, a wildland fire wife and cofounder of Fired Up, a nonprofit supporting wildland fire families. Together, they talk about what home life really looks like in a federal wildland fire family and how those realities compare and intersect with CAL FIRE and structure fire life.
Lacey breaks down the federal wildland schedule in a way most people have never heard, including 5/8s, fire season extensions, six day weeks, and 14 day assignments that often turn into 16 to 18 days with travel. She explains why the hardest part is not always the dramatic moments, but the long stretches of daily grind where dad comes home late, kids stay up just to see him, and the family runs on fumes for weeks at a time.
Chelsi adds the CAL FIRE perspective, including the reality of split schedules, how different assignments create completely different home experiences, and why agencies struggle to support families when the job itself is unpredictable by design. Together, they dig into the “station family” gap in wildland, how inconsistent support depends on leadership, and why spouses often do not have the built-in community that firefighters have on their crews.
Lacey also shares what Fired Up is building, including a family handbook designed to fill the resource gap that currently leaves spouses and parents without guidance, from practical needs like washing wildland gear safely to the emotional reality of supporting kids when a parent is gone. This conversation is honest, deeply validating, and focused on what helps, including building local and online support, being more vocal, and giving spouses permission to acknowledge that the fire service touches the whole family.
Visit fireduppartners.org for more info.
Takeaways:
Kewywords: wildland firefighting, fire families, community support, mental health, family dynamics, advocacy, firefighter schedules, isolation, family life
00:00 Introduction to Wildland Fire Families
02:09 The Mission of Fired Up Nonprofit
04:13 The Loneliness of Fire Families
05:57 Understanding the Wildland Fire Schedule
08:17 The Challenges of Family Time
10:15 Balancing Family and Responsibilities
12:31 The Need for Systemic Change
14:14 The Importance of Community Support
16:26 Navigating Personal Crises
18:28 The Disconnect with Leadership
20:13 The Need for Family Inclusion
22:24 The Complexity of Fire Family Experiences
24:27 The Future of Wildland Firefighting
26:13 Conclusion and Call to Action
31:19 The Importance of Community in Fire Families
32:11 Navigating Tragedy and Support Systems
32:50 Understanding the Spouse's Experience
36:17 Communication and Identity in Fire Families
39:33 Managing Family Dynamics and Expectations
40:41 Technology and Family Relationships
41:15 Building Community and Connection
Firefighters are often told to leave the job at work. But what if the job is not something you can just turn off?
In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Scott Hewlett of Multiple Calls Podcast to talk about the expectations placed on firefighters and their families, and why the idea of switching work off at home does not reflect the reality of first responder life. Scott shares why being a firefighter is not just a job but an extension of who someone already is, and how asking them to shut that part down at home can quietly erode connection and authenticity.
They discuss how work and home life inevitably affect each other, the resentment that builds from unspoken expectations, and the damage caused by keeping score instead of building agreements. The conversation explores emotional regulation, capacity, and why both partners need permission to be tired, overwhelmed, and human without judgment.
Scott also speaks openly about mental health in the fire service and the pressure men feel to be better firefighters, partners, and parents.
This episode is for firefighter families who are tired of pretending work and home exist in separate worlds and who want to build a relationship rooted in honesty, compassion, and being on the same team.
Learn more about Scott:
website: https://www.multiplecalls.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/multiplecallspodcast/
email: multiplecalls@gmail.com
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Expectations at Work and Home
00:56 The Unique Mindset of First Responders
04:46 Understanding the Impact of Work on Home Life
08:41 Communication and Unmet Expectations
12:48 The Importance of Emotional Expression
17:47 Managing Mental Health as a First Responder
20:53 Creating a Safe Space in Relationships
22:55 Emotional Release and Trust in Relationships
25:07 Changing Perspectives on Mental Health
27:01 Navigating Gender Roles in Modern Parenting
29:50 The Reality of Work-Life Balance
33:12 Finding Fulfillment in Family Life
35:56 Collaborative Solutions for Family Dynamics
In this conversation, Chelsi and Samantha discuss the complexities of being in a dual first responder relationship, particularly focusing on the challenges of balancing work and family life. They explore the emotional toll of the job, the importance of communication, and the need for mental health support.
Samantha shares her experiences as a paramedic and fire wife, detailing the struggles of managing schedules, raising children with special needs, and the impact of mental health on their family dynamics. They also touch on the evolving culture within the first responder community and the significance of finding support and understanding from peers.
Chapters:
00:00 – Intro: Dual First Responders at Home
What it means to be a first responder married to a first responder.
03:00 – How the Job Shapes Family Life
Schedules, stress, and entering first responder life together.
07:45 – When There Is No Off-Duty Parent
Managing a household when both parents are on shift.
12:30 – The Invisible Mental Load
The work no one sees but someone always carries.
17:15 – Mandatory Overtime and Unpredictability
How mandos disrupt routines and parenting.
22:00 – Becoming the Default Parent
Why one partner often absorbs more at home by necessity.
26:40 – Parenting During Fire Season
How fire season changes everything.
31:20 – Neurodivergent Parenting
Supporting kids with additional needs in a high-stress home.
36:10 – Marriage Under Pressure
Communication, exhaustion, and staying connected.
40:45 – Acceptance vs Resentment
Living with the reality of the job.
45:30 – What Actually Helps
Support systems, boundaries, and realistic expectations.
49:30 – Final Takeaways
What dual first responder families should know.
Grief shows up in first responder families in more ways than we often realize.
In this episode, Chelsi talks with licensed marriage and family therapist Destiny Morris about grief, trauma, and mental health through the lens of fire and first responder life. They discuss how unprocessed grief builds over time, how trauma from the job impacts both partners, and why emotional overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout are common in first responder families. Destiny also explains EMDR therapy in approachable terms and shares practical tools for nervous system regulation and emotional support.
This conversation offers compassion, clarity, and reassurance for anyone navigating the unseen emotional weight that fire life brings home.
Course for Female First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/female-first-responder-course
Course for Partners of First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/fire-season-survival-partners-1
More about Destiny:
instagram: https://www.instagram.com/on_being_resilient/
website: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/
Chapters:
Fire family life stretches every system in the home. In this conversation, Chelsi sits down with Fair Play facilitator and family coach Lori Sugarman-Li to talk about what it really takes to keep a household running when a first responder is gone for days at a time.
Lori explains how the Fair Play method helps families name the invisible labor that often falls on the partner at home and create real equity by shifting from “helping” to full task ownership. She shares how laying all one hundred Fair Play cards on the table can be a wake up call for couples, revealing the depth of the unseen work that keeps a family functioning. Together, Chelsi and Lori explore how first responder families can use this system to rebalance the load, reduce resentment, and build a stronger sense of partnership even across long stretches apart.
They talk honestly about managing the daily grind while carrying the emotional weight of worry, how to divide tasks when one partner works 48s, 72s, or multi week deployments, and why remote responsibilities like scheduling appointments, renewing prescriptions, or managing school logistics can be owned by the firefighter even when they are out on the line. Chelsi shares examples from her own home, including meal planning, reintegration after shift, and the quiet calibration that happens when both partners check in about their capacity before reconnecting as a family.
This episode also explores what happens when kids gain agency in the home, how handing off tasks builds confidence and academic success, and why lowering the bar during fire season is not failure but survival. Lori and Chelsi remind listeners that family wellness begins with clear values, open conversations, and the freedom to build a home that reflects who you are, not who you think you should be.
This is a practical and emotional guide for every fire family that has ever tried to keep the wheels turning while one partner is away serving the public. It is a reminder that you can evolve your systems at any point and that real partnership is built through language, boundaries, and shared ownership of the life you are creating together.
Connect with Laurie
website: http://www.ourhomeourpride.com
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ourhomeourpride
Buy Laurie's Children's Book: https://ourhomeourpride.com/my-childrens-book
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lori-sugarman-li-50592911/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Fair Play in Relationships
03:00 Understanding the Fair Play Method
05:49 Task Ownership and Family Dynamics
09:04 The Importance of Emotional Labor
11:45 Empowering Children Through Agency
14:51 Creating a Supportive Family Environment
17:58 Balancing Responsibilities in First Responder Families
21:03 Communicating Needs and Family Values
23:31 The Delicate Dance of Marriage
24:37 Lowering Standards for Family Well-being
27:40 Understanding Core Values in Family Dynamics
30:16 Evolving Family Roles and Expectations
35:19 Empowering Children Through Responsibility
38:50 The Importance of Communication and Change
Fire season is supposed to be in the summer, but in 2025 it showed up in January. ..
In this episode, Chelsi talks with fire wife and corporate finance professional Jenna Partlow about what really happens at home when everything catches fire at once.
Jenna shares how her husband was sent to the Palisades and Eaton Fires for more than two weeks, right over their son’s birthday and their anniversary, while she was recovering from pneumonia and trying to manage work, parenting, and nonstop questions from people who do not understand fire life. She talks about the emotional math of being the one everyone contacts for updates, the pressure to reassure people when she has no information herself, and the shock of having a wildfire close enough that her kids could see the flames from their dinner table.
Chelsi and Jenna dig into the invisible labor of fire families, the expectations placed on firewives to make everything look effortless, and the guilt that shows up when you want a break as soon as he walks through the door. They talk about letting go of timelines, adjusting expectations, and why real community matters when the days stretch into weeks and nothing is certain.
This episode is for every fire spouse who has ever carried the weight of the house, the kids, the schedule, the emotions, and the unknowns and still tried to make the birthday special while ash falls from the sky. It is a reminder that being strong does not mean being silent. It means not doing this life alone.
find Jenna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennacpartlow/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Fire Wife Life
02:53 Balancing Work and Family
05:54 Navigating Expectations in Fire Life
08:46 Community Support and Resilience
11:49 Coping with Fire Season Challenges
14:42 The Role of Communication in Relationships
17:50 Media Representation of Fire Families
20:46 Personal Growth and Self-Care
23:38 Advice for New Fire Spouses
In this episode, Chelsi talks with Amy Motroni, author of Genius Mom Hacks and mom of four, about how to create systems that make motherhood feel lighter and homes run smoother.
Amy shares her story of going from overwhelmed and exhausted to organized and at peace by focusing on routines that actually work in real life, not perfection or Pinterest standards. She explains simple habits that reduce stress, how to involve kids in daily tasks, and why progress matters more than perfection.
Together, they talk about mom guilt, teamwork in the home, and the difference between surviving and actually enjoying your family. This conversation is full of practical ideas and gentle reminders that you cannot do everything, but you can build a rhythm that works for you.
Follow Amy
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geniusmomhacks/
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Amy Matroni and Her Journey
02:55 The Overwhelming Reality of Motherhood
05:44 The Power of Effective Routines
08:24 Morning Routines: Setting the Tone for the Day
10:53 Evening Routines: Ending the Day Right
13:43 Involving Kids in Household Routines
16:20 Creating a Teamwork Environment at Home
19:03 The Importance of Presence in Parenting
21:16 Changing the Narrative of Motherhood
22:25 Where to Find Amy Matroni and Her Resources
28:05 Outro.mp4
In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Rachael Choate, a life coach, mom of three, and LA County fire wife, to talk about the moments we don’t usually say out loud. The mom rage. The messy reintegration. The mental load of fire family life.
Rachael opens up about what it’s like raising three young kids while her husband works 24-hour shifts, how they’ve learned to communicate through exhaustion, and why the chaos when he comes home can feel harder than when he’s gone. Together, they explore the stories we tell ourselves about what our spouses are thinking, the guilt that follows when we lose our cool, and the small shifts that make a big difference in connection and patience.
This conversation is honest, comforting, and a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re just tired, and you’re doing better than you think.
Follow Rachael: https://www.instagram.com/rachaelchoate_/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mom Rage and Family Life
05:20 Navigating the Firefighter's Academy and Early Marriage
11:07 Reintegration Challenges and Communication Strategies
19:25 Understanding Emotional Needs and Decompression
20:21 Navigating Life as a Fire Wife
21:36 The Importance of Vulnerability in Community
22:33 Understanding Murphy's Law and Mom Guilt
23:31 The Challenges of Planning in a Firefighter Family
24:53 Normalizing the Chaos of Family Dynamics
28:00 Addressing Mom Rage and Emotional Overload
31:18 Finding Grace in Parenting Challenges
35:36 Resources for Fire Wives and Moms
In this episode, Wren from Emergency Momagement shares her story of growing up in a law enforcement family, marrying into the fire service, and becoming a mom in the middle of it all. Together, Chelsi and Wren talk about what life in the fire service really looks like—from the rough start of fire academy days to the realities of raising kids while their spouses are gone for long shifts or wildland assignments.
They unpack the differences between police and fire culture, the importance of building a strong support system, and how therapy, communication, and community can hold a marriage together when the job takes so much. Through honest stories and plenty of humor, they talk about postpartum struggles, resilience, and what it means to keep showing up even when the sirens never seem to stop.
Learn more about Emergency Momagement:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emergencymomagement/
Website: https://www.emergencymomagement.com/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to First Responder Life
01:15 Growing Up as a First Responder Kid
03:27 Marrying into the Fire Service
05:32 Differences Between Law Enforcement and Fire Service
10:04 Navigating Fire Academy Life
15:03 Adjusting to Life After Fire Academy
19:50 The Challenges of Parenting in Fire Life
24:36 Building a Support System
29:14 The Importance of Community
34:21 Facing the Challenges of Retirement
38:05 Tools for Managing Fire Family Life
44:18 The Journey to Parenthood
48:33 Postpartum Challenges and Support
53:34 Maintaining Relationships in Fire Life
01:01:01 Navigating Family Dynamics During Crisis
01:03:48 Communication Breakdowns and Therapy
01:06:06 Children's Perspectives on Firefighting
01:07:53 Career Choices and Family Legacy
01:09:06 The Impact of Parenting on Future Generations
01:10:11 Comparing Firefighting and Military Family Dynamics
01:11:21 Understanding Post-Deployment Family Integration
01:14:29 The Challenges of Parenting in the Fire Service
01:23:50 Emergency Management and Community Preparedness
01:27:16 The Journey of Emergency Momagement
In this conversation, Chelsi and Dr. Christy DeLeon discuss the unique challenges faced by fire wives, including the dynamics of intimacy, communication, and parenting. They explore the importance of emotional trust in relationships and the need for open conversations about mental health. Dr. DeLeon introduces The Ignited Community, a supportive network for fire wives, aimed at providing resources and fostering connections among those navigating similar experiences.
Follow Dr. Kristy DeLeon and Learn More About The Ignited Community: https://www.instagram.com/theignitedcommunity/
Chapters
00:00 The Journey of a Fire Wife
07:53 Navigating Parenthood and Relationships
14:46 The Role of a Therapist in Relationships
17:46 Understanding Intimacy Issues in Fire Relationships
19:02 Understanding Trust and Emotional Connection
20:39 Bridging the Gap in Relationships
23:09 The Importance of Sacrifice in Marriage
24:19 Communication and Understanding Needs
26:26 Navigating Life After Shifts
29:07 Preventing Crisis in Relationships
30:03 Introducing the Ignited Community
35:20 Addressing Trauma Exposure in Relationships
38:10 Encouragement for Seeking Help
In this conversation, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish discusses her new book, 'You, Your Husband and His Mother,' focusing on the dynamics of mother-in-law relationships, the importance of setting boundaries, and effective communication in marriage. She emphasizes the need for couples to work together to navigate family expectations, especially during holidays, and the significance of empowering children to set their own boundaries. The discussion also highlights the role of shared rituals in strengthening relationships and the importance of agency in family dynamics.
More about Dr. Tracy:
Website: https://drtracyd.com/
Instgram: https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd/
Book: You, Your Husband, and His Mother
Podcast: Dear Dr. Tracy
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to the Book and Author
02:08 The Dynamics of Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships
04:19 Navigating Communication During Stressful Situations
06:02 Understanding Family Dynamics and Patterns
10:07 Setting Boundaries with In-Laws
12:11 The Importance of Open Communication in Relationships
17:52 Empowering Children to Set Boundaries
21:14 The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Relationships
25:58 Finding Connection Amidst Parenting Challenges
27:16 The Importance of Connection in Relationships
29:11 Creating Rituals for Togetherness
32:23 Navigating Challenges as a Team
35:44 Building a Strong Foundation for Resilience
40:40 Modeling Healthy Relationships for Children
43:43 Taking Agency in Family Dynamics
45:13 Celebrating Holidays as a First Responder Family
In this conversation, Chelsi and Jeff Banman explore the complexities of family life for those in service careers, particularly firefighters. Jeff shares his journey from a career as a first responder in the CIA and firefighting to a wellness advocate, emphasizing the importance of understanding capacity versus capability in both personal and professional realms.
They discuss the challenges of transitioning from work to home life, the significance of presence in relationships, and the necessity of communication about emotional capacity. The conversation also touches on parenting dynamics, the impact of service careers on family relationships, and the need for community support.
Learn More about Jeff Banman:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindofbanman/
Website: https://mindofbanman.com/
Book: https://amzn.to/3WiJ6PT
Key Takeaways:
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Jeff Bandman's Journey
03:04 Transitioning to Wellness and Recovery
06:00 Understanding Human Behavior in High-Stress Professions
08:51 The Challenge of Capacity vs. Capability
11:43 Navigating Family Dynamics in Fire Service
14:44 The Importance of Communication in Relationships
17:50 The Role of Presence in Family Life
20:36 The Impact of Career on Personal Identity
23:23 Finding Balance Between Work and Family
26:24 The Complexity of Retirement and Transitioning
29:17 Final Thoughts on Family and Service Life
37:09 Balancing Work and Home Life
38:38 Communicating Capacity in Relationships
40:29 Setting Boundaries and Managing Expectations
43:17 The Importance of Family Dynamics
46:34 Navigating the Fire Service Family Life
49:23 Taking Responsibility for Relationships
50:49 Building Resilience and Capacity
56:39 Learning from Experience and Growth
58:45 The Role of a Father in Family Dynamics
In this conversation, Chelsi and Spencer discuss the life of first responders, focusing on mental health, community support, and the challenges faced in the field. Spencer shares his journey of starting the Mando Medic Instagram page to provide mental health education for first responders, stemming from his own experiences with PTSD and a suicide attempt. They explore the impact of social media on mental health, the importance of compassion in society, and the need for community connections among first responders. The discussion emphasizes the significance of maintaining mental health, building supportive communities, and addressing the stigma surrounding mental health issues in the first responder community.
Learn more about Spencer and Mando Medic: https://www.instagram.com/themandomedic/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mando Medic and Mental Health Awareness
02:55 The Journey of Starting an Instagram Page
06:03 Navigating Social Media and Mental Health
09:07 The Impact of Current Events on Mental Health
11:51 The State of First Responders' Mental Health
14:29 The Future of EMS Careers and Mental Health
17:34 Advice for Maintaining Mental Health in EMS
20:28 The Importance of Compassion in Society
36:55 The Stabbing Incident and Societal Desensitization
38:56 Mental Health in First Responders
41:49 Community and Connection in First Responder Culture
46:40 Rebuilding Community and Support Systems
50:31 Personal Stories and the Importance of Acknowledgment
55:18 The Role of Technology in Community Building
In this episode, Chelsi interviews Francesca from the First Responder Family Collective. They discuss the challenges and rewards of being a family member of a first responder, focusing on the emotional and logistical aspects of managing family life while supporting a partner in the fire service. Francesca shares her experiences and insights, including the creation of her book, Sharing My First Responder, which aims to help children understand and cope with the unique lifestyle of having a first responder parent.
Learn More about Francesca and the First Responder Family Collective
Website: https://www.firstresponderfamilycollective.com/
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/firstresponderfamilycollective/
Chapters
In this conversation, Chelsi and Shannon Mead of Stack of Stones discuss the unique challenges faced by firefighters and their families, particularly during fire season. They explore practical strategies for managing stress, the importance of communication in relationships, and the need for self-care. Shannon shares insights from her experience as a therapist and coach, emphasizing the significance of understanding emotions and building supportive systems within relationships. The discussion also highlights the value of agreements and expectations in maintaining a healthy partnership, as well as the upcoming course designed to help individuals and couples navigate these challenges effectively.
Learn More about Shannon and Stack of Stones
Website: https://www.stackofstones.com/
Instgram: https://www.instagram.com/_stackofstones_/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Shannon Mead and Her Work
03:01 Understanding the Challenges of Firefighter Schedules
05:52 Navigating Emotions During Fire Season
08:55 The Importance of Communication in Relationships
11:51 Practical Strategies for Managing Stress
14:47 Finding Balance in Parenting and Relationships
17:46 The Role of Fun in Relationships
20:33 The Impact of Expectations on Relationships
23:39 Preparing for the Dark Days
26:35 The Importance of Self-Care and Support
29:24 Understanding Firefighter Schedules and Policies
32:25 Building a Supportive Relationship
35:21 The Value of Agreements in Relationships
38:27 The Course and Its Benefits
41:11 Final Thoughts and Resources