Gordano!   Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now Back beat, the word was on the street That the fire in your heart is out I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my latest Sorry Not in Service podcast etc and so on...

Gordano!   Welcome you hoary old dogs to this extra special Sorry Not in Service podcast. 'Why so special?' We hear you splutter as you finish off your 4th pint of beefshake. Well, it features not one, not two, but TWO of your regular presenters PLUS the extraordinary comic stylings of our brother Richard. He really is a #ultramegadude and a mean compiler of all things.   We discuss Richard's Top 5, his advice for Simon about child rearing, and our memories of Richard's yute/yoot/yout (delete as correct). We also neatly put the PodPodCageCage feature to bed.   Some might call this the most self indulgent Sorry Not in Service ever, but they would be fools to do so because they are doofuses. You wouldn't want to be a doofus now would you?   Gordano!

Gordano!   Dear competition winner. You have been selected ENTIRELY AT RANDOM to receive a complimentary Sorry Not in Service podcast. It is both lightweight and Ab enhancing. Furthermore, for ease of use you can listen to it using your ears.   All that we ask from you in return is that you are kind about us to your friends and kin, and overlook the poor audio quality / poor audio found within. One of us was ill and the other was in a funk. See if you can work out which was which.   In many ways it was the perfect level of incompetence and disinterest in our listeners to mark our 100th podcast.   Gordano!

Gordano!   Person A: 'Fancy meeting you here, you're looking well. Have you had a nose job?'    Person A: 'I thought so.'   Person A: 'Yes, Dr Dexter is a marvel with a scalpel isn't he? Anyway, must dash, I've got a baked potato in the oven and it won't butter, cheese, tuna mayo and side salad itself now will it?'   Person A: 'Actually, just before I pop off can I give you the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast? It's Podcast 3 (see title) and is 42 minutes long. Yes you're right, that IS one minute less cumbersome than a PodCage podcast. It's got a dog, an Audio Pictionary competition, Will not being drunk and some admin in it. It really is the full ticket.'   Person A: 'What's that?'   Person A: 'You'll treasure it forever?'   Person A: 'That's right, you will.'   Person A: 'Now bugger off.'   Corpse A: *continued reverential silence*   Gordano!

Gordano!   Check you out with your internet connection. Ooooh la-di-daa, aren't you just Lord/Lady Muck with your cutting edge technology? Well Lord/Lady Muck, we are your humble servants and will bow and scrape to you and your every whim.   Speaking of which, that whim you had to download and listen to a nice fresh Sorry Not in Service podcast has been fulfilled. Here it is!    In this one, Simon has doubled his initial outlay on the home studio in an effort to improve the audio quality, with the inevitable consequences (it is worse). Will tells us about his Darty Party, we review PodCage in PodPodCageCage and we hear from the voice of reason, Tooty Baghorn.   All in all, it's 59 minutes of your life that you won't get back. Like every other minute you've ever had.   Gordano!

Gordano!   Look! It's shiny! It's new! It's a 10radio-less Sorry Not in Service podcast!   Actually, on closer inspection - while it is a 10radio-less Sorry Not in Service podcast, and it is new, maybe we're over selling it's shininess. It's a dull coloured, slightly scraggy, rough at the edges podcast with poor quality audio equipment and two flailing hosts trying to make sense of their surroundings and having an existential crisis with bells on.   But fear not! There are no bears in your bathroom and the content of the podcast is still just about palatable.   Just like the world, it will get better. Or fizzle out, just like the world.   Gordano!

Gordano!   Well butter my sandwiches if it isn't the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast*   In this one we make an announcement, discuss our beloved Queen's strong arm, botch the weather, eat some food stuffs and bugger the Varmints ('s start of their show).   It's jam packed. Much like our sandwiches.   To listen to the more bloated version of the show with all the pop music in it, go to mixcloud.com   Gordano!   * it is

Gordano!   Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.    That’s right, it’s the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast, resplendent in jewels and smelling of polos. In this one, we get historical, drunk, arrogant, challenged, visited by a generous benefactor and keen for exoneration from an infant.   If you'd like to hear the version with the pop music, go to mixcloud.com. For the secret to everlasting beetroot, go to sorrynotinservice.com   Gordano!

Gordano! We wish you would stop doing that, we wish you would stop doing that, we wish you would stop doing that, it won't bring the party alive. That's right one and all, it's YET ANOTHER placeholder podcast. The boy is wonderful but time consuming so rather than broadcast live on Friday 23rd, Simon and Will absconded from helping the family do the washing up on Christmas evening and recorded this podcast in Will's former chamber. We'll be back on the radio soon, we promise/assume. Gordano!

Gordano!   Make no bones about it, this is a podcast. So how would you even do that? Now that we're all in agreement, welcome to the Sorry Not in Service podcast and it's the return of the original lineup! That's right, Simon and Will back in the studio for the first time in two months for one last pay cheque.   In this one, we discuss the biggest things that have happened to us in the months since our last show. For Will it was a caravanning holiday and buying some jumpers, for Simon it was finding himself in a situation where the amount of credit that a financial services provider might offer him is lowered because he now has to tick the box 'do you have any dependants?' on application forms.   Much radio ensued and was then smeared all over the internet.   For the version with the pop music, go to mixcloud.com. For twenty £, go to a reverse charity event.   Gordano!

Gordano!   Fear not dear listener, we haven't named the podcast 'Send Them Back' because we've boarded the far right choo choo train The Politics of 2016 Oblivion Express. No, it's merely in reference to a comment made during this podcast about returning your first born child from whence it came, because it turns out not to be as much fun as you'd hoped.   But fear not dear listener, because Simon is yet to make his mind up on that front. His attention sapping first born has merely created an enforced absence from his true love, radio broadcasting and so this is another placeholder podcast (#2).   But fear not dear listener, for we will return for a proper show and podcast on the 9th December.   Gordano!

Gordano!   Welcome along dearest listener (you are the dearest one to us, don't let on to the others though - they are very needy people).   The responsibility enforced hiatus is half over! That's right, while Simon is still coming to terms with the fact he can no longer spend his weekends and week day nights splayed on the sofa watching Challenge TV, William is available and has stepped up to the plate and then deposited something on the plate*   Simon may be back for the next one, depending on how time consuming parenthood is. We can report that he pleasantly surprised to learn that he still has time to edit a podcast and write this introduction to it. Quick tip for other new parents, cupboards are excellent, money saving alternatives to child minders.   So make love, one and all!   Gordano!   * The plate in this metaphor is 10radio and the item deposited on it is a radio show, latterly turned into this podcast.

Gordano! Due to childbirth based circumstances there was no Sorry Not in Service broadcast on the 28th October. But because we have a keen grasp of where our priorities lie, that was not going to stop us recording a place-holder podcast (this podcast) It's not immediately clear when we'll be back to our normal schedule but just know this: you dear listener are our number one priority and nothing will get in the way of you and your need for entertainment. We'll ask you to think about that when Simon's marriage falls apart and he is estranged from his child because of you and your demands. Gordano!

Gordano! And may the Lord be your salvation. Also, here's the very first Sorry Not in Service podcast of November 2016, not only that but it's got a special guest host, not only that but it's a Carnivorrrr special! That's right, it just keeps getting better and better. You are well within your rights to be salivating as much as you are. Best get listening before you get forcibly removed from the internet computer booths at the library. To hear the version of the show with all of the Carnivorrrrr songs on it, go to mixcloud.com. To buy your physical or imaginary copy of Carnivorrrr's second album go to carnivorrrr.bandcamp.com. To receive your OBE for services to sultanas, go to carnivorrrr.bandcamp.com Gordano!

Gordano! Welcome to the podcast that The Times of London has described as ‘a seminal piece of work, a bit like the Jesus story crossed with something else that is really cool - a must listen. xxx’ Moreover, the Queen is now confirmed as a subscriber and if hearsay is to be believed, HearSay are also keen. Lead singer Clive Dugdale was recently seen falling out of a popular Folkestone nightspot whilst listening to said podcast. So it really is very good. In this one, we get our debate on again and receive e-mails sent from an iPhone! We also learn about self control, Will’s latest attempts to get fired from Sainsbury’s and have a grape thrown at a mouth. If you’d like to hear the version that has the pop music on it, go to mixcloud.com. To book you place on the ‘How to Be As Attractive as Prunella Scales’ seminar, go to sorrynotinservice.com. Gordano!

Gordano! Welcome to the all new rebranded Sorry Not in Service! From here on in we are going to be your all time favourite Missy Elliott themed podcast, providing you with all the latest news and stats regarding the hit rapstress. As a special bonus to you, here’s a stat for free: Missy Elliott is NOT Elliott Smith’s niece. Pop that in your scrap book and smoke it. A few other things to pop in your scrap book (before or after the inferno) is our brand new feature Birds or Bridges, and all the other new stuff in our super special rebranded show (e.g. the new theme tune). For your chance to win death bed redemption, go to sorrynotinservice.com Gordano!

Gordano!  A short play about the NHS: Patient: Doctor doctor! I feel like a microwave! Doctor: Oh for FFS sake! Stop wasting my time with these absurd complaints. I’m sick of it. I genuinely had someone in earlier telling me they felt like a pair of curtains. It took all my inner strength not to stab them in the eyes with this scalpel. Get out! Patient leaves through window Doctor presses intercom Doctor: Miriam, can you cancel the rest of my appointments please and get me a brandy, doc’s got one of his migraines coming. Oh, and while you’re in the secret cupboard, could you fetch me the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast please? I need to feel better about myself. Thanks Miriam. Scene. If you’d like to feel less like a washed up old bag of post-it notes and more like the good doctor above (or indeed her very attractive assistant Miriam) then you've done the right thing by downloading this podcast, to listen to the version with the pop music on then go here. To print off your very own hang gliding proficiency certificate, then go to sorrynotinservice.com. Gordano!

Gordano! 48 year old male with GSOB (good sense of Beef) would like to meet an person for fishing trips, religious awakenings, car park scuffles, bad ideas for wet weekends and maybe more/less. Also, a real deal breaker for me would be an interest in the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast. Must be keen on birthday presents for others, throwaway and potentially regrettable mentions of atrocities, mossy bottoms and misc content. If interested in meeting me, go to iTunes or sorrynotinservice.podbean.com. If after our first date you fancy seeing more of me then go to mixcloud.com. If you’re REALLY in to me, and would like to see me with my kit off, fully exposed and ready for action, go to sorrynotinservice.com. Gordano!

Gordano! Person A: Please may I have a bar of Snickers please? Person B: Certainly Person A: How much is it? Person B: 60p Person A: That seems a little steep Person B: It is what it is, if you want them cheaper then you're probably better served going to a large supermarket chain who have the buying power to bring in stock for a much cheaper rate and pass that on to the customer. Sure, it's less money but all you're really doing is lining the pockets of big business and somewhere along the way, someone will be feeling the pinch. Buy it here and you're boosting the local economy. The admittedly higher mark up in my shop will be reinvested in the community in one way or another be it the staff I employ or the local man who cleans my windows. Person A: Makes sense, I'll do my best. Trouble is, I don't have 60p. All I have is 34p and this Sorry Not in Service podcast. Person B: I'll take the podcast and you can have as many Snickers as you want. That podcast is flipping ace. It's got What's Tom Up To Tom on it from off of the smash podcast PodCage. Person A: Seems like a fair deal, I've also got the version with the pop music on it from mixcloud.com Person B: You can have my daughter as well if you give me that. Person C: Sorry, couldn't help overhearing. Why do you keep the Snickers behind the counter? Scene Gordano!

Gordano! Welcome along you jerk. You feckless idiot, you bum note, you dreadful nectarine. Look at you, you’re a disgrace and I never want to see you again. Only joking! You’re great and can I have a pint of lemonade please? Tell you what, I’ll swap you a pint of lemonade for the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast. It’s the height of summer so the hosts are in a dreadful state and wearing down the exclamation mark that sits atop the self destruct button. That said, there’s crowd pleasers such as football, pink hotels and sitting in disused boats so it’s not all bad. If you’d like to hear the version with all pop music and that, go to mixcloud.com. If you’d like to sleep with hedgehogs in a biblical sense, go to sorrynotinservice.com Gordano!