In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by dating and relationship coach Emily Dini for a deeply honest conversation about why anxious attachment bonds so quickly and how to slow down without shutting your heart or abandoning yourself.
If you’ve ever thought
“I barely know them, but I already feel attached,”
this episode is for you.
We explore what’s actually happening beneath the surface when attachment moves fast inside your nervous system, your body, and the younger parts of you that learned long ago that connection had to be secured quickly to survive.
We talk about the subtle ways fast attachment shows up over empathizing, avoiding hard conversations, proving and convincing energy, and the vetting mistakes that can quietly make you a magnet for emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or narcissistic partners. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your system learned to prioritize closeness over safety.
You’ll hear why slowing down can feel threatening, almost like the connection will disappear if you don’t move fast, and why intensity so often gets mistaken for intimacy when attachment wounds are active.
Most importantly, we talk about what pacing attachment actually looks like when you don’t want to shut down, pull away, or play games. How to stay emotionally open while staying connected to yourself and how to tolerate the discomfort of going slower without losing the bond.
This is a conversation for the part of you that wants real, secure love but is tired of analyzing your patterns and still ending up in the same emotional loops.
If you’ve ever told yourself “I always attach too fast, something must be wrong with me,” I want you to listen closely. There is nothing broken about you. There is a body asking for safety and a heart learning it doesn’t have to rush to be chosen.
Slow doesn’t mean disconnected.
Boundaries don’t mean closed.
And secure love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself to keep it.
In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Anna Holtzman, a visibility coach who works with sensitive creatives and entrepreneurs navigating the fear of being seen.
Together, we explore what fear of visibility actually is — and why it’s not just a mindset issue, confidence problem, or resistance to self-expression, but a nervous system response rooted in safety, belonging, and past emotional exposure.
We talk about how fear of visibility shows up not only in work and creative expression, but also in friendships, relationships, and everyday moments where you want to speak your truth — and feel your body pull back instead.
Not because you’re incapable or blocked, but because part of you learned that being seen once came with real consequences.
This conversation goes beyond “just show up anyway” advice and into what it actually takes to feel safe being visible without forcing yourself, overriding your body, or abandoning who you are.
We discuss:
What fear of visibility feels like in the body and nervous system
How visibility can feel dangerous rather than exciting
The difference between self-expression and identity-based visibility
How early experiences of shame, exposure, or loss of belonging shape fear of being seen
Why the nervous system can interpret visibility as a threat
How fear of visibility shows up in subtle, unrecognized ways
How Jewish identity and today’s polarized climate can add another layer to visibility fears
What “safe visibility” actually looks like in practice
Small, body-safe ways to practice being seen
What empowered visibility looks like when it’s led by a regulated nervous system
If fear of visibility feels especially loud right now — whether in your work, relationships, or voice — this episode offers a compassionate, nervous-system–informed lens to help you understand what’s happening without pathologizing yourself.
Because visibility isn’t about pushing harder.
It’s about helping your body feel safe enough to be seen. 💛
Check out Anna's Free workshop on healing the fear of being seen here: www.annaholtzman.com/beseen
Connect with Anna on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/
Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
In this episode, I sit down with anxious attachment coach Chris Rackliffe for an illuminating conversation about why so many of us with anxious attachment feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. We dig into the early wounds and nervous system imprints that shape our adult attraction patterns, how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy, and what it really takes to break the cycle of choosing inconsistency over security. Chris & I brought both clinical depth and grounded warmth to this discussion, offering practical tools and compassionate insight for anyone ready to rewrite their relational blueprint and move toward partners who can truly show up.
We dive deep on:
Why We’re Drawn to Emotional Unavailability: unpacking how childhood wounds, early attachment patterns, and nervous system wiring make inconsistency feel like chemistry.
Breaking Attraction Cycles: exploring how familiar emotional chaos can hijack your sense of safety and how to interrupt the urge to chase partners who can’t truly show up.
The Roots of Anxious Attachment: understanding the pre-verbal imprints that shape self-worth, relational expectations, and what your body reads as “secure.”
Self-Abandonment and Emotional Needs: identifying the subtle ways anxious attachers silence themselves, shrink their needs, or over-function to maintain connection.
Rewriting Your Internal Blueprint: learning how self-trust, emotional honesty, and nervous system regulation help you choose stability over unpredictability.
Co-Regulation as a Path to Healing: exploring how safe people, therapists, and grounded partners can help your system recalibrate and experience true emotional availability.
Feeling Safe in Your Own Body: using somatic awareness and regulation tools to differentiate between real red flags and the discomfort of healthy intimacy.
Normalizing Uncertainty in Early Dating: recognizing that doubt, activation, and hypervigilance are common for anxious attachers — and learning how to navigate them skillfully.
Embracing Secure Connection: replacing old attraction patterns with partners who offer consistency, emotional presence, and genuine availability.
If you’re wanting more support on how to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners, check out my masterclass - how to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable men here - stan.store/healwithval/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-ora8z2gu
Keywords: anxious attachment, emotional unavailability, relationship healing, self-worth, communication skills, nervous system, vulnerability, co-regulation, emotional safety, inner child healing
If you’ve ever felt “here but not here,” numb, foggy, disconnected, or like your body quietly checks out the moment life gets overwhelming… this episode is going to land deeply.
Today on The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Jaimie Marich — one of the leading experts in expressive and somatic trauma healing — to explore a survival response almost no one talks about, yet so many people live inside of: dissociation.
We break down why dissociation isn’t a flaw, a weakness, or a character issue — it’s your nervous system’s brilliant strategy for surviving what once felt unmanageable.
And when you finally understand it, everything starts to make sense.
Inside this conversation, we explore:
✨ Why the nervous system chooses dissociation instead of panic, anxiety, or fight-or-flight
✨ The biggest myths about dissociation, especially in high-functioning or overachieving people
✨ Moments in Dr. Marich’s life where dissociation showed up as protection
✨ How expressive + somatic work can reach places talk therapy can’t
✨ Why dissociation can make relationships feel confusing — like you’re present, but not fully “in” your body
✨ What happens when you try to force yourself to be grounded (and why it often backfires)
✨ The feeling of “losing myself” or “going away” — and what’s really happening underneath
✨ How Dr. Marich gently brings clients back when they float away, without pushing or overwhelming the system
✨ What every survivor needs to hear about dissociation being a sign of resilience
✨ How to support the nervous system when someone begins thawing, feeling, or “coming online” again
✨ A simple practice you can do right now if you’re dissociating as you listen
This episode is a compassionate reminder that you are not broken, your body adapted.
And there is a path home.
Check out Dr. Jamie Marich's here: https://jamiemarich.com/
Purchase Dr. Jamie Marich's book - Dissociation Made Simple here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710427/dissociation-made-simple-by-jamie-marich/
If you’re craving support in gently coming back into your body, healing your anxious attachment style, or understanding why your nervous system protects you the way it does, I’m accepting a small number of 1:1 clients for deep somatic and attachment work. Inside our work together, your body learns safety. Your patterns shift. Your relationships become deeper and more fulfilling and your life expands. If you’d like to explore whether we’re a good fit, you can apply by booking a discovery call here: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
When Receiving Feels Unsafe: Healing the Overgiver’s Nervous System
In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie dives into one of the most misunderstood trauma-responses she sees in anxious attachment:
why receiving — support, love, money, care, ease — can feel unsafe, even when you deeply want it.
Valerie is joined by Marina Triner, The Compassionate Somatic Coach, for a raw, nervous-system–centered conversation about the overgiver’s dilemma:
you’re excellent at caring for others… yet the moment someone tries to care for you, your body tenses, shuts down, or goes into vigilance.
Together, they explore:
✨ Why receiving triggers danger signals in an overactivated nervous system
✨ The early relational patterns that wire in “I’m the giver — that’s how I stay safe”
✨ The somatic roots of guilt, shame, and hyper-independence
✨ How women learn to feel responsible for everyone else’s emotional world
✨ Sneaky ways overgivers sabotage support, love, and abundance
✨ Why “being poured into” can feel overwhelming or undeserved
✨ The deeper fear beneath the thought: If I let someone give to me, they’ll see how much I need… and they’ll leave.
Marina also shares deeply personal stories from her own healing — moments when someone tried to support her and her first instinct was to reject it — and what those reactions revealed about her nervous system.
You’ll learn:
💛 How to uncouple receiving from threat
💛 How to build capacity for support in real time — in the body, not the mindset
💛 How to step into feminine receptivity without feeling weak, needy, or dependent
💛 What it actually looks like to retrain your body to tolerate — and eventually welcome — love, money, help, and care
If you’ve ever said:
“I’m so good at giving… but receiving makes me anxious,”
this episode will feel like coming home to yourself.
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Connect with Marina on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/marina.y.t/
Listen to Marina's Podcast "Deep Within Podcast" here: https://marinayt.com/podcast
In this solo episode, I’m diving deep into the caretaker wound — the pattern that keeps so many anxiously attached women stuck in relationships where they’re over-giving, over-functioning, and slipping into their masculine without even realizing it.
If you’re tired of attracting men who don’t take initiative…
If you’re exhausted from always being the one who holds the emotional weight…
If you catch yourself chasing, proving, fixing, or nurturing in hopes that he’ll finally show up…
This episode is going to land in your body.
We break down:
✨ Why the caretaker identity feels safer than being truly seen
✨ How “being needed” becomes an attachment strategy
✨ Why you subconsciously choose men who don’t lead
✨ How caretaking keeps you in your masculine, and why it repels secure masculine energy
✨ The false sense of vulnerability that comes from over-giving
✨ Why receiving feels terrifying — and why your younger parts panic when you try
✨ The deeper nervous system imprint that says: “If he needs me, he can’t leave me”
✨ How this pattern gets created in childhood and reinforced in adulthood
✨ The somatic signs you’re slipping into caretaker mode
✨ How to stop chasing and start receiving in a way your system can actually tolerate
✨ What it feels like to finally put the caretaker down and be met by someone emotionally available
This episode is your gentle, powerful reminder that caretaking is not love — it’s survival.
And you deserve a relationship where you don’t have to earn connection, perform for it, or carry the whole thing on your back.
It’s time to feel safe being seen.
It’s time to let yourself be chosen.
It’s time to come home to the part of you that no longer needs to be needed to feel worthy.
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
The holidays are marketed as “the happiest time of the year”… but for so many people, they’re the most emotionally overwhelming.
In this episode, I’m joined by Danielle Zilg, MFT-in-training and host of The Feeling & Healing Podcast, for a deep, compassionate conversation about navigating anxiety, depression, grief, and family triggers during the holiday season.
Together, we explore:
✨ Why the holidays often activate dread instead of joy—and what your nervous system is actually responding to.
✨ How family gatherings trigger old attachment wounds, emotional regression, and childhood roles you thought you’d outgrown.
✨ A moment in Danielle’s life when her own holiday anxiety hit a breaking point—and what it revealed about what she truly needed.
✨ Real stories of people shifting from shutdown or panic to grounded safety with somatic tools.
✨ How to navigate dysfunctional parents, toxic family patterns, and resurfacing shame during holiday events.
✨ What to do if you’re walking into a gathering already activated (step-by-step somatic support you can use immediately).
✨ How to cope with the pain of seeing happy couples when you’re healing from a recent breakup or abusive relationship.
✨ What Danielle wants anyone struggling with anxiety, depression, or grief this holiday season to know—and the message she wishes she heard years ago.
This is a gentle, validating, nervous-system–informed episode for anyone who feels heavy, triggered, or emotionally exhausted this time of year.
If the holidays don’t feel merry to you… you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
Connect with Danielle on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/danielle.z.mft/
Check out Danielle's Website here: https://www.daniellezmft.com/
Check out last week's episode I recorded with Danielle: The Hidden Roots Of Anxious Attachment: Adoption, Preverbal Wounds, & Somatic Healing: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3z0WfkQAeTgTjoI45R36X9?si=5OFn6DrlRHqQQr7K3Js5DA
Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Do you want to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners and change your dating life forever?! Then my free masterclass - Break Your Attraction to Emotionally Unavailable Partners will be perfect for you! Here's the link to tune into it:stan.store/healwithval/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-ora8z2gu
In this deeply grounding episode, I sit down with marriage and family therapist-in-training Danielle Zilg to explore the hidden somatic roots of anxious attachment — the ones that begin long before your first relationship, and in Danielle’s case, long before she ever had words.
We dive into the preverbal and adoption wounds that shaped her earliest sense of safety, belonging, and self, and how those imprints created an anxious attachment style that didn’t make sense logically… but made perfect sense through the lens of her nervous system.
Together, we unpack:
What happens inside an anxiously attached body when someone pulls away
How culture and environment decide whether your body lives in survival mode
Why preverbal trauma + adoption can wire “I’m not enough” into the nervous system
Inner child wounds that shape your relationship triggers today
Why affirmations don’t work when your body is the one holding the fear
How talk therapy can unintentionally retraumatize people with anxious attachment/CPTSD
Why “feel it to heal it” isn’t enough — and what actually helps emotions process
Adult self-anchoring and how to create internal safety from the inside out
My own experience using Brainspotting to release ancestral trauma from my body
This conversation is for anyone who has ever wondered:
“Why does my body panic, spiral, or shut down even when nothing is ‘wrong’?”
“Why do I feel rejected so quickly?”
“Why can’t I think my way out of this pattern?”
You’re not broken — you’re carrying imprints from a time before you had language.
And those imprints can be healed.
This episode will help you understand your attachment triggers on a body level, reconnect with the younger parts of you who never got the safety they needed, and begin rewriting the nervous system patterns that have kept you in survival mode.
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Connect with Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielle.z.mft/
In this week's episode, Valerie sits down with the incredible Dr. David Grand — the creator of Brainspotting — to talk about something that’s changed both my life and my clients’ lives: healing anxiety and attachment patterns through the body using brainspotting.
If you’ve ever felt like, “I understand my trauma, but nothing changes,” this conversation will show you why your brain and body might just need a different doorway to healing. We’re going deep into how Brainspotting helps release what talk therapy can’t and how it can truly rewire the anxious brain.
In this episode, we explore:
✨ Why insight alone doesn’t calm the nervous system — and what actually does
✨ Why emotional safety sometimes feels boring or foreign for people who grew up in chaos — and how Brainspotting begins to rewire that
✨ Whether Brainspotting alone is enough, or if pairing it with inner child healing is key to healing anxious attachment
✨ For the person who’s tried everything — therapy, journaling, affirmations — and still feels broken or ashamed, what the true missing link to transformation is
✨ Why we often judge ourselves for being triggered, instead of realizing the body is simply trying to finish an old story
✨ What to expect when starting Brainspotting — including the sensations, emotions, and shifts that can unfold afterward
If you’ve been searching for a deeper, faster way to heal your anxiety, attachment wounds, or trauma — one that goes beyond mindset work and reaches the body itself — this conversation will change how you see healing forever.
Learn more about Dr. David Grand here: https://brainspotting.com/about-brainspotting/david-grand-phd/
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/?hl=en
Jealousy is one of the most triggering emotions in relationships — and one of the most misunderstood.
In this episode, trauma-informed somatic marriage coach Becky Aste joins Valerie to unpack what’s really happening beneath jealousy — and why it’s not something to get rid of, but something to listen to.
Together, they explore:
✨ What happens to trust and connection when jealousy goes unaddressed
✨ Why telling yourself “don’t be jealous” never works
✨ How jealousy impacts your sense of safety and self-worth
✨ The first somatic steps to take when jealousy rises in your body
✨ How to talk about jealousy in a way that deepens connection instead of creating conflict
If you’ve ever felt hijacked by jealousy or blamed yourself for feeling “too much,” this conversation will help you understand the nervous system roots & how to turn jealousy into an opportunity for healing and intimacy. 🦋
Other podcast episodes that were recorded with Becky on this podcast:
Heal your abandonment wound, improve your relationship, and overcome your fear of death with Becky Aste: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73saII22wTvNAwhR7BSoKZ?si=pPPpjbD6SIucgeLcqozZ7w
From Frozen to Flee: Healing the Freeze response in your relationships with Becky Aste: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7rBXXGG2c7oiTYinh2rsgP?si=IgJmyjJoQ1CkHNcjXgSNLg
Me as a guest on Becky's Podcast: Decoding your marriage through attachment theory: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0BkmnrgrmqJVbnxXrobfLA?si=-bfKiMFcTXi6fJbODa4pDQ
Connect with Becky on Instagram Here: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/
Welcome back to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast 💫
This week, we’re diving into a topic that even the most “healed” and high-achieving among us still struggle with — self-doubt.
That quiet but powerful voice that whispers, “Who am I to do this?”
That moment before you take a leap where your chest tightens, your heart races, and your mind floods with every reason you might fail.
And even after all the therapy, healing, and inner-child work — self-doubt can still find its way in.
Joining me is Raquel DaRowe, an incredible Rapid Transformational Therapist (RTT) and subconscious-mind expert who helps people break free from the limiting beliefs that keep them stuck in fear and self-sabotage. Raquel blends deep subconscious reprogramming with emotional healing to help clients quiet the inner critic and rebuild unshakable self-trust.
In this episode, we explore:
✨ Where self-doubt really comes from (hint: it’s not laziness or lack of confidence)
✨ Why we often fear our own potential more than failure
✨ The difference between anxiety and fear — and how to tell which one is driving you
✨ How to move from “I’m not enough” to embodied self-trust
And we get real about questions like:
💭 What did self-doubt used to sound like in your head?
💭 Why does self-doubt hit hardest after we start to step into something bigger — instead of before?
💭 What’s the difference between anxiety and fear?
💭 Can you remember a moment when self-doubt almost won — when that inner voice told you you weren’t enough, but you chose to move anyway?
💭 What do you wish people understood about how exhausting it is to constantly feel like you’re not “ready” or “qualified”?
💭 What helped you start believing in yourself when your mind had no evidence yet — when you had to borrow faith before results?
💭 How can someone begin to build self-trust again if they’ve broken it with themselves over and over?
💭 And if you could whisper one sentence to every listener trapped in self-doubt right now — what would you want them to hear?
If you’ve ever achieved something big but still felt like it wasn’t enough, this episode will help you understand why — and how to rewrite that story from the inside out.
Tune in, take a deep breath, and let’s explore the psychology of self-doubt together. 💛
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Connect with Raquel on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inner.sanctuary.guide/
Check out Raquel's website: https://raqueldarowe.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaffmTL-k31cloODMhqW_eQF0oS2MdvQ7RKvvObdrLfHDSMdoC01bZCSCkb-zw_aem_lbqVR-fZX-c_C6SUXFm68w
What happens when the same control and independence that make you powerful in the world start to quietly sabotage your relationships?
In this week’s episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin sits down with Shilpa Cacho — a love coach and mentor who helps women shift out of control and back into connection, so they can inspire their partners to rise instead of shut down.
Together, they unpack:
✨ How being in control everywhere else can leak into your relationships
✨ The subtle ways women emasculate their partners without realizing it
✨ And how to shift these patterns so you feel safe to let go — and your partner feels trusted, respected, and deeply connected to you again.
We explore powerful questions like:
💭 A lot of women pride themselves on being independent, organized, and in control — but how can that “control” energy actually spill into relationships in ways that hurt intimacy?
💭 What are some of the subtle ways women emasculate their partners — even when they think they’re just being “helpful” or “taking initiative”?
💭 Why do so many women today unconsciously take on the “masculine role” in relationships, and what toll does that take on connection?
💭 Can you share a story from your coaching practice — or even your own life — where a woman thought she was “doing the right thing” by taking control, but it actually created distance in her relationship?
💭 For women, what’s the hidden cost of always being the one “in control”? How does it drain them emotionally, mentally, or even physically?
💭 For the woman listening who’s realizing, “Wow, I might be doing this without even knowing,” what are the first tiny shifts she can make today?
💭 And what conversations can women have with their partners to invite them into leadership — without it turning into blame or criticism?
If you’ve ever found yourself correcting, managing, or “helping” your partner — this conversation will help you understand what’s really driving those impulses, and how to reconnect to your feminine energy without losing your power.
👉 Tune in now to learn how to stop leading from control… and start leading with trust.
Connect with Shilpa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shilpacacho/
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
The Science of Heartbreak: Why It Hurts Like Physical Pain (and How to Heal)
Why does heartbreak feel like physical pain—almost like withdrawal? In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with hypnotherapist Deron Singh to break down what’s happening in your brain, body, and subconscious when love ends—and how to find your way back to safety.
In this conversation, we answer:
Why heartbreak feels like physical pain and withdrawal
What’s happening in the subconscious mind that makes heartbreak feel addictive and so hard to let go of
How heartbreak can lock you into cycles of anxiety, insomnia, and even panic attacks
Why so many people feel like they “lost a part of themselves” after losing someone they love
What we’d say to someone who feels hopeless—like this heartbreak will define them forever
Drawing from Deron’s own experience of deep heartbreak: What’s the first gentle step forward if you’re scared to face your pain?
How hypnosis helps calm the nervous system so you can finally feel safe again
If you’re in the thick of it, this episode is your reminder: you’re not broken—you’re healing. Press play to learn practical, nervous-system–based steps to move from panic to peace, release the addictive pull, and start feeling like yourself again.
Connect with Deron on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deron_singh/
Connect with Deron on his youtube channel: @deron_singh
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
What if the very things you call “too much” or “broken” are actually your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe?
In this powerful conversation with trauma expert Tim Fletcher, we dive deep into the truth about complex trauma (CPTSD) — how it physically reshapes the brain, impacts identity, and wires us to chase love that feels unsafe. Together we unpack:
✨ Why a delayed text or a change in tone can feel overwhelming when you have CPTSD ✨ Big T vs. little T trauma and how both leave lasting imprints ✨ Why people with anxious attachment are drawn to emotionally unavailable partners (and why healthy love feels “boring”) ✨ How trauma bonds mirror addiction and keep us stuck in cycles of chaos ✨ The role of co-regulation and how to relearn self-soothing + safety ✨ Healing core wounds and tools for managing triggers and emotions ✨ What life looks like if you never do the healing work — and the freedom that comes when you do
If you’ve ever wondered why love feels like walking on eggshells, why secure partners trigger the “ick,” or how trauma keeps shaping your choices long after the past is over — this episode will give you the answers (and the hope) you’ve been searching for.
Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
If you’ve ever found yourself anxiously waiting for a text back, replaying conversations in your head, or needing constant reassurance from your partner just to feel okay, you’re not alone. This is the reality of anxious attachment — but here’s the truth: reassurance alone will never heal it.
What actually heals anxious attachment is emotional safety.
In this powerful episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by author and coach Chris Rackliffe to uncover why emotional safety is the foundation of secure love — and why chasing words, promises, or validation will never be enough if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe.
Chris shares his own story of realizing he wasn’t emotionally safe in a relationship, what shifted when he finally found that sense of safety, and the turning point where he discovered that the body — not just the mind — holds the key to healing.
We dive into:
✨ What it actually means to lack emotional safety in a relationship (and the subtle signs you may be missing)
✨ How anxious attachment shows up in self-talk, self-criticism, and the painful belief that you’re “broken”
✨ What emotional safety looks and feels like in a healthy, secure partnership
✨ Why consistency and simple routines help retrain the nervous system to trust again
✨ The one practice you can try this week to start building safety in your body and relationships
This conversation is an invitation to stop chasing reassurance and start creating real, lasting safety — in your body, in your nervous system, and in love.
If you’re ready to break free from anxious attachment, this episode will show you the missing piece you’ve been searching for.
Connect with Chris here: https://www.instagram.com/crackliffe/
Buy Chris's book; Need No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment: https://amzn.to/4n6fWyQ
Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Why does being alone feel so unbearable, even when you know you’ll be okay? Why do breakups or abandonment trigger such intense spirals that it feels impossible to calm down?
In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, we dive into the hidden roots of anxious attachment: preverbal trauma — those earliest wounds formed before we even had language. These deep imprints can wire your nervous system to panic when you’re alone, pull you back into trauma bonds, and make you feel like you’ll never be able to fully regulate without someone else.
Together, we explore:
✨ How preverbal trauma connects to the fear of being alone and trauma bonds
✨ Why “I can’t live without them” panic is really your preverbal wound resurfacing
✨ What it actually takes to access preverbal trauma (and how you’ll know you’re there)
✨ Why healing this root wound can finally make you feel safe in your own body
✨ The signs that preverbal trauma is starting to heal — and the hope for those who feel broken or “unfixable”
If you’ve done years of healing work but still feel stuck, terrified of being alone, or caught in cycles of settling for less in love, this conversation will give you clarity, hope, and a path forward.
Check out Stephen's Website here: https://www.austinattach.com/
Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Welcome back to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast! I’m your host, Valerie Rubin, and today we’re diving into a fear that keeps so many of us stuck: “What if I get this wrong?”
You know the spiral — your chest tightens, your brain won’t shut off, and you second-guess every move because one wrong choice feels like it could ruin everything. Whether it’s love, career, or everyday decisions, self-doubt can feel paralyzing.
My guest today, Danielle Bongiorno — speaker and author of Take the Leap — knows this fear intimately. But more importantly, she knows how to move through it.
Together, we unpack:
✨ Why the fear of being wrong has such a chokehold on us
✨ What happens in our minds and bodies when we’re taught not to trust ourselves
✨ Danielle’s most vulnerable leaps — and the turning points where she chose trust over fear
✨ The hidden cost of living in indecision and hesitation
✨ Practical tools you can use right now to build unshakable self-trust
If you’ve ever found yourself frozen in limbo, spiraling in “what if I get this wrong?”, this conversation will give you the permission — and the tools — to take the leap anyway.
Connect with Val on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Connect with Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedaniellebongiorno/
Love Under Pressure: Dating While Building an Empire with Alexander Johnson
What happens when the pursuit of building an empire collides with the desire for love? Can entrepreneurs truly have both — without sacrificing one for the other?
In this episode, I’m joined by Alexander Johnson, founder of Mixt Solutions, host of the Entrepreneur, Among Other Things podcast, and a man who’s generated over $200 million in online sales. Alexander knows firsthand the pressure that comes with ambition, and together we dive into the realities of dating, intimacy, and relationships when you’re building something massive.
We explore:
Why so many entrepreneurs treat love like a distraction or “side hustle”
The hidden fears behind putting relationships on hold until after “making it”
How high performers can unintentionally turn intimacy into another KPI
The emotional toll of leading in business but lacking support at home
Shifts, practices, and reframes that help entrepreneurs build love alongside their empire
This conversation is raw, vulnerable, and empowering — a reminder that love isn’t optional fuel, it’s foundational fuel. Whether you’re scaling your business or just dreaming bigger for your life, you’ll walk away with hope, clarity, and practical ways to stop postponing love and start letting it amplify your success.
Connect with Alexander on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexandervjohnson/
Check out the podcast I was on for Alexander's show: https://youtu.be/vuDdiY8bghA?si=B6vNXxW_FAgUqmqC
Check out Alexander's Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/06QZEpviUSca6cJxEJ9IF2?si=7ff9c3e0265143c6
Have you ever felt like you’re always on guard in relationships — scanning every tone shift, bracing for abandonment, or waiting for the other shoe to drop? That’s hypervigilance: the body’s survival response that makes love feel unsafe, even when nothing is wrong.
In this episode, I’m joined by Kieran Pollitt, Transformational Alchemist, for a deep conversation on what hypervigilance really feels like in the body and how to begin rewiring your nervous system so safety, not danger, becomes your baseline.
Together, we explore:
✨ The lived experience of hypervigilance — why your body feels like it’s “buzzing” with threat
✨ How childhood survival strategies (like monitoring every mood shift) follow us into adult love
✨ The hidden ways hypervigilance seeps into work, friendships, and even being alone
✨ Practices that help the nervous system learn to rest, regulate, and receive love
✨ What a supportive partner can actually do (and what to avoid)
✨ The most important truth to hold onto if you’ve ever felt “too much” because of your hypervigilance
If you’ve struggled with anxious attachment, panic when a partner pulls away, or exhaustion from always being “on,” this episode will remind you: hypervigilance is not who you are — it’s what happened to your nervous system. And healing is possible. 🕊️
Connect with Kieran here: https://www.instagram.com/kieranpollitt_/
Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
Do you ever catch yourself asking, “Are we okay?”—not once, but over and over—even when nothing is actually wrong? Maybe you’ve gotten reassurance, only to feel that anxious knot creep back hours later. If so, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.
In this episode, I sit down with Thais Sky to unpack the cycle of reassurance-seeking in anxious attachment and the worthiness wound that hides underneath it. Together, we explore why external reassurance never seems to stick, how your nervous system learned to scan for signs of love and safety, and what it actually takes to feel secure without constant confirmation.
We dive into:
👉 Why anxious attachment makes “Are we okay?” feel so urgent
👉 The link between reassurance-seeking and the fear of being too much or not enough
👉 Why reassurance brings temporary relief but not lasting safety
👉 How the nervous system fuels this endless scanning for love
👉 Practical tools to build self-reassurance that feels just as calming as external reassurance
If you’ve ever felt like you’ll always need reassurance to feel loved, this episode will give you both compassion and hope—and maybe even the permission to believe you’re already enough.
Connect with Thais on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamthaissky/
Connect with Val on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/