Have you ever said, “Be quiet,” or “Stop crying,” and meant well — but noticed it shut things down rather than opened them up?In this solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker (behaviour specialist, trainer, author, and speaker) explores how everyday language used in care, education, and family life can either build trust or break it. Aimed at caregivers, educators, and parents, this thought-provoking episode shows how subtle shifts in language can transform your connection with the people you support — from young children to adults. This isn’t about being “soft.” It’s about being smart with your words. Learn how to move from control to connection, from correction to collaboration. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK The Able to Care podcast is proudly supported by Carers Card UK, the UK’s leading recognition and rewards platform for carers. With Carers Card UK, you’ll get: A trusted ID card for emergency reassurance Discounts on gyms, shops, holidays, glasses, and more Access to a Wellbeing Hub, Carers Circle tool, and supportive app community 🎁 All of this for less than the cost of a box of chocolates.👉 Claim your exclusive offer &  Order your card today 📚 Resources Mentioned: Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 💡 Three Key Messages: The way we phrase things shapes behaviour and safety.Language can either escalate or regulate, build bridges or burn them. Small changes in words lead to big changes in connection.Replacing “stop crying” with “I’m here for you” invites trust and emotional safety. Words don’t just describe reality — they create it.From praising effort to setting boundaries with kindness, your language teaches people how safe they are and how capable they can become. ⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 – Introduction: Why the words we use matter 00:43 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:50 – Connection vs control: The impact of phrases like “Stop crying” 02:14 – How language reflects mindset and changes how others see themselves 03:12 – Language as emotional regulation and safety cue 04:44 – Trauma-informed language: Validating vs dismissing distress 05:49 – Replacing correction with collaboration 06:36 – Building a growth mindset with words 07:53 – Avoiding minimisation: Why “it’s not that hard” can harm 08:28 – Reframing “mess” and “behaviour” in play and exploration 09:38 – The principle of positive phrasing: Say what you want to see 10:19 – The TARGET model: How to reflect and shift language patterns 11:14 – Final thought: Every word is a seed — plant safety, not fear 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode: You’ll gain practical, everyday language swaps that calm instead of escalate You’ll reflect on your own communication habits and how they shape behaviour You’ll understand how trust and safety are built one phrase at a time You’ll be better equipped to help children or adults feel seen, heard and respected If you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or support worker, this episode will leave you thinking differently about what you say — and why it matters. 📲 Stay Connected: 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In this episode of the Able to Care podcast, behaviour specialist Andy Baker is joined by Kathryn Lovewell, founder of Kind Mind Academy, award-winning speaker, and best-selling author of The Little Book of Self-Compassion, The Voices in My Head, and Every Teacher Matters. Together, they explore how self-compassion isn’t soft—it’s essential. Drawing on Kathryn’s experience working across schools, prisons, foster care, and families, they unpack the power of mindful self-compassion in daily life, especially for those in support roles. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or carer feeling stretched thin, this conversation offers something rare: permission to be kind to yourself—and practical steps to start today. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK We’re proudly supported by Carers Card UK, the UK's leading carers recognition and discount scheme. For just a few pounds a year, carers get: Trusted ID card for peace of mind Discounts on gyms, clothing, glasses, and days out Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and community app 🎁 Get your exclusive Able to Care discount now:👉 carerscarduk.co.uk/promo-code/abletocare 🔗 Resources Mentioned: Free community: The Booster Way Community Kathryn on LinkedIn: Kathryn Lovewell Instagram: @theboosterway Kathryn’s books: The Voices in My Head The Little Book of Self-Compassion Every Teacher Matters Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge Podcast hub: able-training.co.uk/podcast 💡 Three Key Messages: Self-compassion isn't self-indulgent—it's essential.For carers and educators, kindness to ourselves fuels how well we care for others. We pass on our inner dialogue.Children and young people absorb how we speak to ourselves as much as how we speak to them. Start small, stay consistent.Rewiring our inner voice takes time, but small acts of self-kindness each day create lasting change. ⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 – Intro: The power of how we speak to ourselves 01:42 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 02:00 – Meet Kathryn Lovewell and her journey into self-compassion 05:00 – Understanding the inner critic and “Crusher” vs “Booster” 10:30 – Why self-compassion is so hard but so necessary 15:20 – How changing our inner voice transforms relationships 20:00 – Recognising signs of emotional depletion and burnout 28:00 – A guided Self-Compassion Break exercise 35:00 – The Booster Way: Building emotional language in families 42:00 – Creating a culture of compassion in schools and homes 47:00 – Modeling healthy self-talk for children 52:00 – Practical ways to calm and regulate during tough moments 56:00 – Busting the myth: Self-care isn’t selfish 59:00 – Final message: No one needs to suffer alone 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode: You’ll learn practical tools for calming the inner critic You’ll hear powerful real-life stories from education and parenting You’ll walk away with a new language to share compassion with your children and yourself You’ll discover why modeling emotional wellbeing is the most effective teaching tool of all This is an episode for anyone who’s ever said, “I just don’t have time for self-care.” You do—and Kathryn Lovewell shows you how to make it count. 📲 Stay Connected: The Able Hub: www.ablehub.uk  Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 📱 Follow Us: 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In today’s solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker shines a light on one of the most overlooked behavioural patterns in care and education: submissive behaviour. When someone is compliant, quiet, or “no trouble at all,” we often assume they’re fine. But beneath the surface, they may be masking distress, emotionally shutting down, or building up stress that will eventually erupt elsewhere. This episode is essential listening for teachers, parents, and caregivers who want to truly understand the people they support—not just by what they do, but what they hide. Andy explores the cost of emotional suppression, the danger of unseen stress, and how to spot when “quiet” is actually a cry for help. If you support someone who’s “easy,” “shy,” or never says no—this episode could change everything. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK We’re proudly supported by Carers Card UK – the UK’s No.1 carers discount and ID service. For less than the price of a box of chocolates a year, you get: A trusted carer ID card Discounts on gyms, glasses, days out, clothing, and tech Access to a wellbeing hub and carers’ community app 🎁 Claim your Able to Care exclusive offer:👉 carerscarduk.co.uk/promocode/abletocare 🔗 Resources Mentioned: Andy Baker’s Book – Targeting the Positive www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 💡 Three Key Messages: Quietness is not always calm—sometimes it’s a trauma response.People may mask distress by appearing agreeable, passive, or withdrawn. It’s not comfort—it’s survival. Submissive behaviour is costly—physically and emotionally.When emotions are repressed long-term, it can lead to chronic anxiety, burnout, and even trauma. Psychological safety allows people to show their true selves.Whether at home, school, or in care, we must create environments where people feel safe to say “no” and express emotion without fear of judgment. ⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 – Introduction: The myth of the “quiet, good one” 02:05 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 03:00 – Why compliant behaviour often masks distress 05:00 – What is masking, and why does it drain emotional energy? 06:00 – The physiology of freeze and submit 07:00 – The Coke bottle analogy: When pressure builds up 08:00 – Why meltdowns happen at home, not school 10:00 – How quietness can be a trauma response 11:00 – How disassociation shows up in care and education settings 12:00 – Spotting the signs: the cost of never saying “no” 14:00 – Why we must reframe “no” as a healthy boundary 15:00 – Masking exhaustion and emotional burnout 16:00 – A story of hidden pain in a school toilet 17:00 – Practical signs to look out for 18:00 – Supporting safe expression and psychological safety 20:00 – What schools and services can do better 22:00 – Self-erasure vs. authentic self-expression 24:00 – The final message: Notice, name, and nurture the quiet ones 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode: If you’ve ever worked with or raised someone who “never causes trouble,” this episode might completely shift your perspective. You’ll learn: Why submissive behaviour can be more dangerous than defiance How stress builds when there’s no outlet for emotion What to watch out for in “easy” children or quiet clients How to build safe, trusting environments where true feelings can be expressed This is a must-listen for teachers, parents, support workers, foster carers, and social care staff who want to offer truly person-centred care and connection—not just good behaviour on the surface. 📲 Connect with Able Training: 🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast📘 Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive: With Behaviours That Challenge💳 Carers Card UK Offer: carerscarduk.co.uk/promo-code/abletocare 📱 Follow Able Training: Instagram – @abletraining Facebook – Able Training LinkedIn – Andy Baker YouTube – Able Training

In this powerful and insightful episode, Andy Baker, behaviour specialist, author, and trainer, is joined by John Gray — the legendary author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, one of the most influential relationship books of all time. Together, they unpack how gender, stress, hormones, and communication interact in modern relationships — especially for people who care for others every day. From understanding emotional needs and managing burnout to learning how men and women can better support one another, this episode offers life-changing insights for caregivers, teachers, and parents who want healthier relationships, stronger self-care, and deeper human connection. John shares tools from his upcoming book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus – For Women Only: Be Happy With or Without a Man, exploring how finding balance, appreciation, and authenticity can transform both romantic and caregiving relationships. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK The Able to Care podcast is proudly sponsored by Carers Card UK — the UK’s number one card for carers. 🎁 For less than the price of a box of chocolates a year, you’ll get: A carer ID card with emergency info Discounts on groceries, gyms, days out, clothing & glasses Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle app & online support 👉  Order your card today 🔗 Resources Mentioned: 🌐 John Gray’s Official Website – MarsVenus.com 📘 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus – Amazon UK 📕 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: For Women Only – Be Happy With or Without a Man (New Release) 🎥 John Gray on YouTube 📱 Facebook: Mars.Venus.John.Gray 📸 Instagram: @johngraymarsvenus_official 🧘 Transcendental Meditation Foundation 📗 Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 💡 Three Key Messages: Men and women process stress differently — and that’s okay.Men thrive when solving problems; women thrive when feeling heard and supported. Recognising this difference builds connection, not conflict. Caregivers often give too much — without receiving enough.Dr. Gray explains how over-giving, especially for women, depletes emotional energy and hormones. Learning to receive love, rest, and help is vital self-care. Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s hormonal balance.Whether through meditation, social bonding, or quiet time, learning what restores your energy helps you care for others without burning out. ⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 00:46 – Meet Dr. John Gray – author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus 02:00 – Why his work still resonates decades later 03:30 – Understanding gender differences in communication 05:00 – How hormones influence emotions and stress responses 09:00 – The importance of polarity and attraction in relationships 12:00 – Caregivers, codependency, and burnout 15:00 – How women can balance giving and receiving energy 20:00 – The power of asking for help effectively 25:00 – Self-care for caregivers: “You time,” “We time,” and “Me time” 31:00 – Meditation and journaling for emotional regulation 38:00 – Why men need challenge and women need connection 45:00 – How to truly listen — and when not to offer solutions 53:00 – The secret to being happy with or without a partner 58:00 – Finding purpose, spirituality, and meaning in service 01:00:00 – Dr. Gray’s parting message: “When you’re unhappy, you’re often looking in the wrong direction.” 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode: If you’re a parent, teacher, or carer, you’ve probably found yourself exhausted from giving to everyone else.This episode helps you: Understand why relationships feel harder when you’re under stress Reframe communication through empathy, hormones, and mindset Recognise when you’re giving too much — and how to restore balance Apply timeless Mars & Venus principles to modern caregiving and family life Dr. Gray’s advice bridges psychology, biology, and compassion, offering

Can AI make care and education more person-centred—or are we at risk of losing the human heart of support?

How understanding and reframing anxiety can help you take back control — for yourself and those you support.

This episode explores Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and how understanding autonomy can transform the way we support behaviour.

From stammering in silence to leading AI innovation—Sabina’s story will move you.

We teach more with our tone, facial expressions, and reactions than with any lesson plan. In this powerful solo episode, Andy Baker explores the concept of the hidden curriculum—the silent lessons we teach every day through our behaviour, body language, and boundaries. Whether you're a parent, teacher, carer or support worker, you're constantly delivering messages—about safety, empathy, trust, and identity—without even realising it. So what are people really learning from you? This episode will help you become more intentional about your presence and model the values you want to pass on. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UKThe UK’s number one carers discount card, designed to reward and support unpaid carers. 🎁 Use promo code ABLETOCARE to unlock: Discounts on gyms, clothes, days out & more A professional ID card with emergency info Access to a wellbeing hub and carers’ app All for less than a box of chocolates a year.👉 Get yours here 🔗 Resources Mentioned: The Able Hub: www.ablehub.uk – Free 14-day trial for carers and educators Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 💡 Three Key Messages: Behaviour is curriculum.Every sigh, smile, or boundary teaches something. Children and adults alike copy what they see, not what they’re told. Emotional safety is taught through presence.Calm body language, empathy, and clear boundaries teach regulation, identity, and self-worth. Reflecting on our own hidden lessons is essential.Understanding what we unintentionally learned—and may still be teaching—helps break cycles and shape better futures. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 – What is the hidden curriculum? 00:27 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:47 – We teach with more than our words 02:36 – How stress, tone & facial expressions model behaviour 04:50 – Mirror neurons, empathy, and emotional contagion 06:30 – Auditing your tone and actions 07:54 – Subtle shaming: schools, police, and healthcare narratives 09:02 – Stigma, ageism, and unconscious bias 09:16 – Naming the learning out loud 09:38 – “Do you want a hug, help, or to be heard?” 10:30 – Aligning boundaries with compassion 11:07 – Emotional literacy and modelling empathy 11:59 – What hidden curriculum are we passing on as a team? 12:46 – Final thoughts: What are YOU teaching without knowing? 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? This episode is essential listening for anyone who works with or supports others—especially parents, teachers, carers, and leaders. You’ll walk away with: A deeper awareness of the emotional messages you send daily Practical tools to model calm, empathy, and safety Insight into how to reflect and adjust the unspoken lessons you teach Whether you’re raising children or leading teams, the hidden curriculum you deliver shapes lives. 📲 Stay Connected: 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In this must-listen guide for families, carers, and professionals, Able to Care host Andy Baker is joined by Meghan Earle, Able Training’s passionate and experienced lead dementia trainer. Together, they unpack some of the most important—but often misunderstood—questions about dementia: What actually is dementia? What are the early signs (beyond memory loss)? How do we communicate and engage meaningfully as dementia progresses? What systems and mindsets need to change to truly support people living with dementia? With stories from training rooms and care homes across the UK, Meghan shares expert insights and real-life tips to empower carers with confidence, clarity, and compassion. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK – The UK’s #1 discount card for unpaid carers. 🎁 Order your card to get: An official ID card with emergency info Discounts on groceries, days out, clothing, gyms & more Access to the Carers Circle wellbeing tool and app 🛒 Claim your discount now 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources Mentioned: Dementia Forward – Support & Helpline Alzheimer’s Society – Types of Dementia Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge Able Training Dementia Courses 💡 Three Key Messages: “It’s not just memory loss.”Dementia affects different parts of the brain—vision, language, personality, perception—and every person’s journey is unique. “Distress is not a symptom—it’s a signal.”Aggression, withdrawal, and agitation often stem from unmet needs or environmental overwhelm—not the dementia itself. “Connection matters more than correction.”Responding with empathy, not facts, is key. Join people in their world, honour their emotions, and meet them where they are. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 – Welcome & Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:10 – Meet Meghan Earle: Lead dementia trainer & lived experience 02:00 – What is dementia (really)? 03:30 – Why “just dementia” is never enough: the importance of diagnosis 05:00 – The problem with Google, misinformation & medical labels 06:45 – Understanding how dementia affects different parts of the brain 08:00 – Early signs of dementia beyond memory loss 10:00 – The emotional experience of diagnosis & stigma 12:45 – You are not alone: support systems that help 15:00 – Why meaningful engagement matters & what it looks like 20:00 – Behaviour, communication & the power of asking “why?” 25:00 – Mistakes carers make (and how to fix them) 30:00 – The “I want to go home” moment—what to say instead 36:00 – Escalation, distress & why prevention beats reaction 42:00 – Why care home environments need rethinking 47:00 – Dementia training: what makes it work? 52:00 – Don’t give up—there’s always something else to try 55:00 – Final thoughts: empathy, intention & learning together 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? This episode is essential for anyone supporting a loved one—or working with people—living with dementia. You’ll leave with a clearer understanding, greater confidence, and real-world strategies for: ✅ Communicating calmly and meaningfully✅ Spotting distress and responding with care✅ Accessing support before crisis hits✅ Shifting from correction to connection Whether you’re a carer, support worker, nurse, or family member—this is your practical and emotional guide to dementia care done right. 📲 Stay Connected: 🎧 Listen to more episodes: Able to Care Podcast 📘 Read Targeting the Positive – Andy Baker: Buy on Amazon 💳 Claim your Carers Card Discount: carerscarduk.co.uk/promo-code/abletocare 📱 Follow Andy & Able Training: 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

Are consequences the only way to manage behaviour? In this thought-provoking solo episode, behaviour specialist and trainer Andy Baker challenges one of the most commonly accepted ideas in parenting, education, and care: that consequences are the best way to teach behaviour. From the science of brain regulation to trauma-informed practice and real-world stories, Andy shares six powerful, research-backed strategies that are not only more effective—but also kinder. Whether you're a parent, teacher, support worker or carer, this episode will shift your mindset and give you tools to build connection instead of control. 💙 Sponsored by: Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.Carers Card UK offers: ID card with emergency info access Exclusive discounts on gyms, days out, electrical goods, and more Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and mobile app All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year. 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources Mentioned: Polyvagal Theory – Explained by NICABM Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 💡 Three Key Messages: Punishment isn't teaching—it’s suppression.True behaviour change comes from teaching, not controlling. Consequences alone rarely build long-term learning or emotional resilience. Connection is the most powerful behaviour tool we have.Co-regulation, empathy, storytelling and reflection help build the skills needed to manage behaviour from the inside out. Investing time upfront saves time later.It may feel quicker to impose a consequence, but when we use modelling and skill-building instead, we reduce repeat incidents. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 – Consequences aren’t the only tool 00:25 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:46 – Why we default to punishment: evolution, culture, behaviourism 03:46 – How punishment creates a cycle of low self-esteem 04:50 – The brain under stress: why consequences fail when dysregulated 05:37 – Shame, deflection, and emotional safety 06:00 – The 6 teaching tools that work better than consequences: Modelling Practice & rehearsal Co-regulation Reflection & repair Storytelling & metaphor Natural/logical consequences 13:52 – What about accountability? 15:23 – Is this all too “soft”? Or is it strategic? 16:22 – Weekly challenge: replace one consequence with a teaching tool 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? This episode flips the script on how we teach behaviour—whether you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or support worker. You’ll walk away with practical, compassionate alternatives to traditional discipline, rooted in psychology, neuroscience and real-life application. If you’ve ever asked:➡️ “What else can I do when consequences don’t work?”➡️ “How can I improve behaviour without shouting or punishment?”➡️ “How do I teach better choices in the moment?” —then this episode is a must-listen. 📲 Stay Connected: 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In this powerful episode, Andy Baker is joined by Lee Crouch, a father, advocate, and author of Lee’s Journey, who opens up about his experience of losing his children to the care system—and the long, painful road to reunification. Lee discusses the trauma of forced separation, the flaws within social care systems, and how hope, consistency, and accountability helped rebuild his family. With raw honesty and incredible humility, Lee speaks directly to parents, foster carers, and professionals—offering a unique insight into what real change and co-parenting can look like, even after unimaginable loss. 💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.Carers Card UK offers: ID card with emergency info access Exclusive discounts on gyms, days out, electrical goods, and more Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and mobile app All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year. 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources Mentioned: Carers Card UK Lee’s Journey – Book (soon available) (Lee will update us when published) Dementia UK: Admiral Nurses Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 💡 Three Key Messages: You Can’t Co-Parent Without Trust—Even in the Care SystemLee highlights how positive relationships between parents and foster carers are possible and powerful—with transparency, humility, and shared purpose. Accountability and Hope Can CoexistLee doesn’t shy away from the mistakes that led to his children’s removal. But he shows that ownership, emotional growth, and persistence can lead to reunification. The System Must Change Its LensParents are not case files. Children are not tick boxes. Lee calls for earlier support, post-removal care for parents, and system accountability when placements fail. ⏱️ Episode Chapters: 00:00 – Intro & Carers Card UK sponsor 01:47 – Meet Lee: Author, father, and advocate 04:00 – The day everything changed: courtroom heartbreak 08:00 – Fighting the system & fighting for change 14:00 – Emotional transformation and vulnerability in men 20:00 – Sky, Leighton, Summer & Caden: the children’s individual journeys 28:00 – Co-parenting with foster carers vs. instability in placements 35:00 – Caden’s trauma: when the system fails a child 44:00 – Post-removal support (or lack of it) 52:00 – The fight for parental advocacy 58:00 – Reunification: where the children are now 01:04:00 – Final message to parents: Don’t give up hope 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? This is more than a podcast—it’s a call to action. Whether you’re a parent, social worker, foster carer, policymaker, or professional, Lee’s story offers a rare and deeply moving look at what real change, compassion, and collaboration can achieve. You’ll leave this episode feeling challenged, heartbroken, and hopeful all at once. 📲 Stay Connected 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

Most of us think behaviour management is about stopping the outburst—but the truth is, what happens afterwards matters even more. In this solo episode, Andy Baker unpacks the power of repair after conflict and why it’s the most overlooked stage in care, education, and family life. Learn how repair builds trust, strengthens relationships, and prevents repeated incidents—whether you’re a parent, teacher, or carer. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UKThe Able to Care podcast is proudly sponsored by Carers Card UK.Carers Card UK provides carers with: 💳 A recognised ID card 🌐 A wellbeing hub & Carers Circle tool 🎁 Discounts on essentials like gym memberships, clothing, glasses, days out & more All for less than the cost of a box of chocolates per year. Order yours today at Carers Card UK. 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Dan Siegel’s Name it to Tame it principle Bowlby’s Attachment Theory Andy Baker’s relational response flow (Connect → Resolve/Correct → Record/Reflect) 🧠 Three Key Messages Repair is not optional – Behaviour isn’t truly resolved until trust is rebuilt afterwards. Brains learn in recovery, not in crisis – Reflection works only once calm has returned. Repair strengthens relationships – Consistent repair fosters safety, resilience, and long-term positive outcomes. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – Why repair is the missing piece in behaviour management 02:00 – Understanding recovery vs. crisis learning 04:15 – The neuroscience of memory and the recency effect 06:00 – Repair, attachment theory, and building resilience 08:30 – Practical frameworks: feelings before facts & reflection models 11:00 – Real-world example: A parent choosing repair over confrontation 13:00 – The PERFORM framework for debrief and moving on 15:30 – Objections answered: “We don’t have time for repair” 17:30 – Final reflection: Trust is built in recovery, not calm 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?If you’ve ever wondered why the same behaviours keep happening, this episode will shift your perspective. You’ll walk away with practical tools for: Rebuilding trust after conflict Supporting children, adults, or older people more effectively Saving time and energy by preventing repeat incidentsThis is essential listening for anyone in care, education, or parenting who wants stronger relationships and better outcomes. 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, host Andy Baker is joined by Mary Merheim, elderly nutrition consultant and author of Navigating Nutrition in Later Life. Mary shares practical insights into why appetite often declines with age, the hidden risks of malnutrition in older people, and the simple, everyday strategies carers can use to help loved ones eat well. From small snack hacks to re-thinking mealtime as a social connection, this conversation is full of advice for parents, carers, and professionals who want to ensure dignity, independence, and better health through food. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UKCarers Card UK provides support, recognition and rewards for carers across the country. From discounts on gym memberships, clothing and days out, to access to wellbeing tools and a supportive community, it’s all available for less than the price of a box of chocolates a year. 👉 Get your Carers Card today: Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Mary’s Website: marymerheim.co.uk Grand Bars (nutritious cake snacks): grandbarsnacks.com Mary’s Book: Navigating Nutrition in Later Life – available on Amazon Follow Mary on TikTok for short tips: @MaryMerheim 🧠 Three Key Messages Every mouthful matters – older adults still need nutrient-dense food, not just calories. Social eating boosts appetite – shared meals encourage connection and prevent loneliness. Small changes go far – whole milk, eggs, oats, and fortified snacks can transform daily nutrition. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor: Carers Card UK01:41 – Why nutrition in later life matters06:00 – Why appetite often declines with age12:00 – Signs of poor nutrition in older adults20:00 – Food, mood, and the link to mental health30:00 – Small changes that make a big difference40:00 – Practical snack and meal ideas50:00 – Real stories of nutrition improving lives55:00 – Gadgets, adjustments, and independence01:00:00 – Supporting people with dysphagia01:02:00 – Where to find Mary Merheim & Grand Bars 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?If you’ve ever worried about a loved one losing weight, refusing meals, or becoming frailer with age, this episode is essential listening. Mary provides evidence-based advice and compassionate guidance for carers and families navigating the tricky reality of appetite loss, malnutrition, and dignity in later life. You’ll walk away with practical tips you can use straight away – from making small swaps in the kitchen to transforming mealtimes into moments of joy and connection. 🔗 Connect with Us📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

Lying is one of the behaviours that gets under our skin the most. Whether it’s a child saying “I didn’t do it”, a teen spinning a story, or an adult covering up a mistake, our instinct is often to jump straight to moral judgment. But what if lying isn’t about dishonesty at all? What if it’s about survival, safety, control, and self-esteem? In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker explores the psychology of lying—why it’s a universal behaviour across ages and cultures, what research reveals about punishment versus empathy, and how parents, teachers, and carers can respond in ways that build trust and honesty instead of shame. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UKCaring, whether paid or unpaid, deserves recognition. Carers Card UK is the nation’s leading carers card, giving you: An ID card with emergency info access A growing discount network (gyms, days out, clothing, glasses & more) A Wellbeing Hub, Carers Circle tool, and app-based communityAll for less than the cost of a box of chocolates per year.👉 Order yours today  Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Carers Card UK – sponsor of the Able to Care Podcast Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker’s book with the TARGET model for de-escalation and behaviour support (available worldwide) Research on lying in child development: Talwar & Lee (2008) – Developmental milestone of lying and theory of mind 🧠 Three Key Messages Lying is normal, not immoral – From monkeys using false calls to five-year-olds testing theory of mind, lying is an adaptive survival strategy. Punishment breeds better liars – Harsh sanctions don’t reduce lying; they teach children to get better at deception to protect themselves. Curiosity beats judgment – Instead of “they lied to me,” ask: What need is this lie protecting? Empathy builds honesty, while shame destroys trust. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – Why lying triggers moral judgment 00:25 – 💙 Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:45 – Lying across species and cultures 03:14 – Why all children lie (developmental milestone) 05:10 – Punishment vs empathy: Malaysian study insights 07:45 – Why people lie for control, safety, and esteem 09:22 – Dementia, FASD, and “filling the gaps” 10:22 – Storytelling, self-worth, and “identity lying” 11:35 – Reframing lies: survival, not deceit 13:00 – Avoiding the “parenting trap” when teaching truth 15:17 – Why harsh responses fuel deception 16:27 – Repairing trust instead of shaming 17:57 – Natural consequences and safe environments 18:45 – Final reflection: when honesty feels safe, truth grows 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?If you’ve ever felt frustrated by lying—whether in the classroom, at home, or in care—this episode will change how you see it. Andy Baker blends research, psychology, and lived experience to show how lying can be reframed as a protective behaviour and how empathy, not punishment, is the key to building lasting trust. 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

When dementia takes away memories, what happens to identity—especially if the world never truly recognised it in the first place? In this powerful episode of the Able to Care Podcast, host Andy Baker speaks with Neil Cutler, advocate, presenter, and trustee at Dementia Forward. Drawing on his personal journey of caring for his late husband who lived with dementia, Neil shares candid insights into how dementia uniquely impacts older LGBT people. From navigating prejudice in care settings to the fight for inclusive dementia training, this is an unmissable conversation about love, loss, dignity, and the urgent need for change in health and social care. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.Carers Card UK offers: ID card with emergency info access Exclusive discounts on gyms, days out, electrical goods, and more Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and mobile app All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year. 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Dementia Forward – Neil’s organisation supporting people living with dementia across communities. Carers Card UK – sponsor of the Able to Care Podcast. Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 🧠 Three Key Messages Identity matters in dementia care – recognising and respecting who someone is can be as important as supporting what they can do. Language shapes inclusion – words like “placement” or “contact” can feel clinical; replacing them with “home” and “family time” fosters dignity. Training is essential – mandatory LGBT dementia awareness training can transform care home culture and ensure no one is forgotten. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – Introduction: Dementia, memory, and identity 02:00 – Neil’s story: Love, care, and losing his husband to dementia 10:00 – How dementia impacts LGBT identity in care homes 16:00 – Person-centred care vs. identity never recognised 21:00 – Why inclusive training matters 25:00 – Activities, community, and belonging in care homes 34:00 – Family, friends, and chosen support networks 38:00 – Turning grief into purpose: Neil’s advocacy and training work 46:00 – Hopes for the future of inclusive dementia care 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode goes beyond dementia—it’s about dignity, belonging, and creating care systems that truly see people for who they are. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, carer, or health professional, Neil’s story will inspire you to think differently about inclusion, compassion, and how we respond to the most vulnerable in our communities. 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk

In this solo episode, Andy Baker unpacks why calling someone a “good kid” or a “bad kid” (or colleague, or parent) is a trap. You’ll learn how confirmation bias, the fundamental attribution error, and the halo/horn effect quietly shape our judgments—then get practical, trauma-informed ways to move from moral labels to needs-based, descriptive language. Perfect for parents, teachers, and carers who want better relationships, calmer behaviour, and fairer decisions. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts.Carers Card UK offers: ID card with emergency info access Exclusive discounts on gyms, days out, electrical goods, and more Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and mobile app All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year. 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Confirmation Bias (explainer) — how we only see what we expect: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias Fundamental Attribution Error — why we blame their character but excuse our context: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error Halo/Horn Effect — first impressions that distort everything after: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect Targeting the Positive by Andy Baker (the TARGET model & de-escalation tools)  Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 🧠 Three Key Messages Labels limit: “Good/bad” thinking triggers confirmation bias, making us collect evidence to prove ourselves right and miss the full picture. Describe, don’t judge: Swap moral labels (“He’s aggressive”) for neutral, specific behaviour (“He shouted when asked to stop playing”). Curiosity beats certainty. Need behind behaviour: Most behaviours serve a function (survival, regulation, communication, control). When we meet the need, behaviour improves. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 — The “good vs bad” trap: why it feels neat but harms decisions 00:19 — 💙 Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:40 — Why black-and-white thinking shows up in care, education & home 02:21 — Spectrum thinking: people aren’t heroes or villains 03:14 — How labels drive prejudice, stigma & shame cultures 04:01 — Ignorance vs malice: why learning is non-negotiable in care 04:24 — Psychology 101: confirmation bias 05:10 — Fundamental attribution error in everyday life (and traffic!) 06:01 — Halo/horn effect: when looks & first impressions mislead us 07:14 — Moral lens vs needs lens: “What happened to you?” 08:21 — Practical reframes: replace labels with descriptive language 09:15 — Be a detective, not a judge: 3 context questions to ask 09:35 — The “benefit behind behaviour” (survival, regulation, communication, control) 10:20 — Create a balance sheet: record positives as diligently as incidents 11:14 — Notice & reinforce what you want to see more of 13:07 — Boundaries + understanding: compassion isn’t “excusing” 14:20 — Culture shift: stop cementing identities, start spotting strengths 15:01 — Your one-week challenge: swap judgment for curiosity 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? Actionable: Concrete language swaps & prompts you can use today. Evidence-informed: Social-psychology concepts made practical for parents, teachers, and carers. Relationship-first: A humane, trauma-informed path to better behaviour and trust. 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk If you found this helpful, please rate, review & share with a colleague or fellow parent/carer who’d benefit. Your support helps the show reach the people who need it most.

In this powerful episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker sits down with Ryan Kennedy, whose journey from being in care to becoming both a foster carer and social worker shines a light on resilience, reform, and real change. Ryan opens up about the reality of entering foster care, why language matters, and how lived experience can shape better practice for children today. With honesty and insight, Ryan challenges the system while offering hope for what truly works in supporting young people. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UKThis episode is sponsored by Carers Card UK — the UK’s #1 carers card offering recognition, discounts, and a supportive community for paid and unpaid carers. 👉 Explore the benefits: Carers Card UK  🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Carers Card UK – support, recognition & rewards for carers Able Hub – access exclusive courses, events & resources for carers Kennedy Framework – Ryan’s developing model for trauma-informed fostering (link to Ryan’s socials/website if available) The legacy of Victoria Climbié and reforms in children’s services Key concepts: trauma-informed care, ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences), family time vs. contact 🧠 Three Key Messages Language matters. Words like “placement” or “contact” may feel clinical to professionals but can deeply affect how children experience care. Lived experience is a superpower. Ryan’s perspective as someone who has been a child in care, a foster parent, and a social worker gives unique insights into what the system misses. Consistency builds trust. Beyond policies, what young people need most is a constant, safe adult who remains present—even after they “age out” of care. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – Intro & sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:42 – Ryan Kennedy’s story: from child in care to carer & social worker 02:36 – What social workers miss in those first “safe place” moments 05:40 – Wearing different hats: child, foster parent, social worker 09:14 – Reading files as someone who once was a file 12:20 – How AI could reshape social work language & empathy 13:33 – What training doesn’t tell you: system flaws & barriers 16:00 – Saying no as a foster parent & setting boundaries 19:00 – The difference between being cared for and being understood 25:00 – “Placement” vs. “home” and why language shapes belonging 30:00 – Biggest challenges: advocating within broken systems 42:00 – Education struggles & supporting excluded children 48:00 – Facing the “care cliff” and supporting beyond 18 54:00 – The Kennedy Framework: safe spaces, noticing the unspoken & developing trust 59:00 – Closing thoughts & staying connected 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? Hear the reality of care from someone who’s lived it on all sides Learn practical insights for carers, teachers & professionals working with children Understand how language and consistency can change a child’s sense of safety Be inspired by Ryan’s Kennedy Framework for trauma-informed care 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk 👉 If Ryan’s story resonated, please follow, rate & share so more carers, teachers and families can learn from this vital conversation.

In this solo episode, Andy Baker breaks down the early indicators of distress—the subtle “bottom of the rollercoaster” cues most of us miss before behaviour escalates. Whether you’re a parent, teacher or carer, you’ll learn how to recognise micro-signals, why early intervention is everything, and exactly what to say and do in those first crucial moments to prevent crisis, protect relationships, and build trust. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UKProudly sponsored by Carers Card UK Are you caring for someone, paid or unpaid? You could be missing out on thousands of pounds in discounts. Carers Card UK offers: ID card with emergency info access Exclusive discounts on gyms, days out, electrical goods, and more Access to a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, and mobile app All for less than the price of a box of chocolates per year. 🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned Carers Card UK – recognition, discounts & community Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge Think Bike campaign video – awareness analogy Andy references Key concepts: Polyvagal Theory, Window of Tolerance, Crisis Development Model, Co-regulation 🧠 Three Key Messages Early beats urgent. Escalation rarely comes “out of the blue.” Spot baseline deviations early (posture, tone, fidgeting) to intervene before the “click-click-click” climb. Respond, don’t react. Use calm tone, gentle noticing (“I see you tapping—are you okay?”) and small adjustments to redirect stress. Connection is the brake. Empathy, predictability and co-regulation calm faster than control or confrontation. ⏱️ Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – Hook: invisible escalation & the rollercoaster metaphor 00:28 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK 01:49 – Why “out of the blue” behaviour is a myth 02:10 – Escalation model: intervene before the climb 03:02 – Cinema story: how timing changes the outcome 04:32 – Why late intervention is harder (polyvagal & tolerance window) 06:28 – Knowing a person’s baseline to spot deviations 07:05 – Universal & individual micro-cues (fidgeting, eye contact, silence, self-soothing) 09:34 – Don’t “park” early signs—proactive saves time & safety 11:04 – Scripts: what to say without provoking 12:28 – Co-regulation & calming tools (breaks, activities, sensory adjustments) 13:52 – Awareness vs. “code white” autopilot 14:43 – Regulation as a skill, not defiance 15:30 – Challenge: spot your “bottom of the rollercoaster” cues 16:40 – Classroom example + Think Bike analogy 18:01 – Wrap up 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? Learn how to spot escalation before crisis Get scripts & strategies you can use right away at home, school, or care settings Protect relationships and trust while preventing harm 🔗 Connect with Us 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk 👉 If this episode resonated, please follow, rate & share so more carers, teachers and parents can benefit.

What if we stopped talking about neurodivergent children and started talking with them? In this powerful, practical conversation, dad–daughter duo Cliff Kilmister (host of the Parenting, Autism & ADHD podcast) and Eva (13) share real-world insights on autism/ADHD, school placements, EHCPs, praise that actually helps, and why listening to young people changes everything. Whether you’re a parent, teacher or carer, this episode gives you language, mindset shifts and everyday strategies to help neurodivergent children thrive. 💙 Sponsored by Carers Card UK Proudly supported by Carers Card UK — the UK’s #1 carers card. Get recognition, an ID card with emergency info, a wellbeing hub, Carers Circle tool, community access and discounts on everything from days out to glasses — for less than a box of chocolates per year.👉  🎟️ Order your card today 🔗 Resources Mentioned Parenting, Autism & ADHD Podcast (Cliff Kilmister) — search in your podcast app. Eva’s YouTube channel “INSPIRE” — short videos on topics like masking, stimming, and bullying. IPSEA (independent SEND law advice for families): https://www.ipsea.org.uk Gov.uk: EHCP guidance for parents and carers: https://www.gov.uk/children-with-special-educational-needs/education-health-and-care-plans Cliff's Book - What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop Talking" National Autistic Society (resources for home and school): https://www.autism.org.uk Andy’s book — Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge 🧠Three Key Messages Voice over labels: Neurodivergent young people don’t just need adults to speak for them — they need adults to listen to them. Voice, choice and collaboration reduce anxiety and build trust. Praise the process, not the person or the grade: Switch from “You’re so clever/10-out-of-10!” to “I noticed how you stuck with that and found a strategy that worked.” Process-based feedback supports resilience and reduces performance pressure. Regulation makes learning possible: Stimming, doodling/sketchbooks, movement and fidgets are tools, not defiance. When classrooms allow regulation, attention rises and behaviour improves. ⏱️Chapter Timestamps 00:00 — Opening: Why talk with neurodivergent children, not just about them 00:20 — Sponsor: Carers Card UK — recognition, community & discounts 01:41 — Meet Cliff & Eva: lived experience behind the mic 02:28 — Moving from mainstream to an SEN setting: confidence, belonging & hope 07:08 — Diagnosis journey: how long it took and what helped 09:07 — Eva on podcasting: sharing honestly to help other kids feel less alone 12:22 — “Look at me when I’m talking!”: why eye contact isn’t the measure of listening 14:02 — Sketchbooks, routines & self-regulation: doodling to focus 17:08 — EHCPs: what we wish we’d known sooner (and why persistence matters) 23:20 — Rethinking praise: process vs. person/outcome — examples for home & school 29:07 — Eva’s videos: masking, bullying, and making sense of school 32:20 — Hopes for the new school year: safety, acceptance and the right support 35:24 — Free/independent SEND advice & why to keep asking for help 39:07 — Guilt, labels & advocacy: you can adapt support before diagnosis 42:26 — What teachers/carers should know: one thing that changes the day 47:14 — Messages to parents and kids: you’re not alone; your needs are valid 49:02 — Has this journey brought the family closer? 51:09 — Eva’s tip: journaling to feel heard and remember what matters 51:53 — Outro & how to share the episode 🎯Why Listen to This Episode? Actionable for home & school: Concrete language swaps and classroom accommodations you can try tomorrow. Lived experience: Hear directly from a neurodivergent teen on what helps — and what harms. For the whole support circle: Parents, teachers and carers get aligned around