**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion. What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the par...
All content for Hurt Meets Healer Podcast is the property of Kim Capps and is served directly from their servers
with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion. What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the par...
**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion. What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the par...
“When you choose you, you lose me” is a hard sentence to hear—and a necessary one to explore. We unpack how selfish patterns, secrecy, and transactional bargains corrode love after betrayal, and why safety-focused boundaries are not punishment but the first scaffolding of repair. From raw personal stories to faith-grounded principles, we trace the slow work of rebuilding trust day by day, drop by drop. We dig into the difference between self-care and self-centeredness, especially in the wake...
A single sentence—“When you choose you, you lose me”—can crack open the truth about why relationships crumble after betrayal. We take you inside that reality with a candid look at selfishness versus self-care, what safety actually feels like in the body, and how boundaries function as bridges instead of walls. From the first minute, we name the hard parts: gaslighting that reframes feelings as attacks, entitlement that calls harm “fairness,” and the slow burn of repeated deception that turns ...
Kim and John wrap up Season 1 by reflecting on their personal and relational growth through recovery from sexual addiction and infidelity. They explore how significant life changes—like Kim's 50-pound weight loss journey—mirror the emotional healing process that requires patience, consistency, and professional help. • Kim shares her longing for "safety, peace, stability, and consistency" after years in survival mode • John discusses learning to lead with love and stability despite his own wo...
Forgiveness after betrayal isn't simply about saying "sorry"—it demands fundamental change that many struggling couples never achieve. This raw, unfiltered conversation pulls back the curtain on what true reconciliation requires after sexual betrayal tears a relationship apart. Kim introduces a powerful concept that cuts through empty apologies: "Sorry stops." Genuine repentance means the harmful behavior completely ends, not just gets temporarily paused or hidden better. For betrayed spouse...
Navigating the treacherous waters of forgiveness after intimate betrayal requires more than just hearing "I'm sorry." In this second installment of our forgiveness series, we dive deep into what true forgiveness looks like when trust has been shattered. Using a powerful analogy of John's recent foot injury, we explore how emotional wounds, like physical ones, cannot heal properly when ignored or covered up. Just as his injured toe required examination, cleaning, and proper treatment, the pai...
What does genuine forgiveness actually look like when you've been deeply wounded? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, we tackle the misconception that forgiveness simply means saying "I'm sorry" and moving on. Instead, we explore the painful, messy reality of what true forgiveness demands. The journey begins with debunking common myths - most notably that "forgive and forget" appears nowhere in scripture. Biblical forgiveness involves cancelling a debt, not developing amnesia about what ha...
The fog of betrayal can be suffocating. After discovering sexual infidelity, many partners find themselves gasping for air, desperately trying to make sense of their new reality while constantly being pulled back into chaos by ongoing deception. This powerful episode explores the lifeline of healthy detachment - a misunderstood concept that proves essential for survival and healing. Kim shares her personal journey of needing to create space from John's persistent lies and manipulation, not a...
What does healing look like after decades of sexual addiction and betrayal? In this raw and vulnerable episode, we pull back the curtain on our own marriage journey, sharing our "State of the Union" after 36+ years together. The transformation we've experienced in just the past few months feels almost miraculous. We recently took two international trips that would have previously been minefields of triggers and conflict. Instead, we discovered a level of emotional intimacy we'd never known b...
Sexual betrayal shatters the sacred covenant of marriage, creating complex decisions about whether to stay or leave after such devastating violations of trust and commitment. We examine seven critical indicators that signal when leaving might be necessary while offering practical guidance for those navigating this painful journey. • Ongoing or unrepentant infidelity makes relationships unsustainable, especially when the unfaithful spouse refuses to take responsibility • Sexual betrayal often...
Making the difficult decision to leave a relationship is one of life's most challenging crossroads, especially when betrayal, chronic disrespect, or ongoing harmful behaviors are involved. • Seven key indicators that it might be time to consider leaving: persistent harm/abuse, unrepentant behavior without accountability, fundamental incompatibility, stagnation/loss of self, one-sided effort, violation of non-negotiable boundaries, and enabling harm • Forgiveness doesn't equal reconciliation ...
Assumptions can silently erode even the strongest relationships. In this eye-opening continuation of our "Million Dollar Three-Letter Word" series, we dive deep into the personality traits that lead people to assume rather than ask. Have you ever wondered why some people seem hardwired to make assumptions? We reveal eight distinct personality profiles that struggle with asking direct questions. From the overconfident person who trusts their intuition over seeking input, to the conflict-avoid...
The Ask vs. Assume Dilemma: How Your Communication Style Affects Trust Could your communication style be silently eroding the foundation of your relationships? Dive into the fascinating world of asking versus assuming with us as we explore this deceptively simple yet profound dichotomy that shapes how we connect with others. The fundamental difference between asking and assuming reveals itself in powerful ways: asking serves as an invitation, welcoming others into meaningful dialogue and sha...
Follow-through turns the theory of solving problems into practical reality in relationships, serving as the critical component that transforms intentions into actions and maintains trust. We explore why consistent follow-through demonstrates reliability and respect—two essential elements for any relationship to thrive, especially those recovering from betrayal trauma. • Understanding follow-through as "pressing on in an activity to a conclusion" rather than just making promises • Examining h...
The journey from betrayal to healing isn't about quick fixes—it's about deep, transformative solutions that address root causes. In this heartfelt conversation, John and Kim continue their exploration of "solving versus fixing" by presenting six biblical principles that can guide couples through the aftermath of infidelity and betrayal trauma. Through personal anecdotes, biblical wisdom, and practical application, John and Kim demonstrate that solving relationship problems requires more than ...
Perhaps most powerfully, we challenge the notion that broken relationships should be "restored" to their previous state. Instead, we advocate for building something entirely new - a relationship founded on honesty, transparency and authentic connection rather than attempting to recreate what was fundamentally flawed. This episode offers hope through realism - acknowledging the difficulty of relationship repair while providing practical insights on working together through issues that may nev...
When it comes to healing from betrayal trauma and addiction, are you trying to fix a problem or solve it? There's a profound difference, and it could determine whether your recovery lasts or fails. Fixing applies a temporary patch to immediate symptoms. Like vacuuming only the visible parts of a room while ignoring what's under the furniture, it creates an illusion of completeness when crucial work remains undone. Solving, however, addresses root causes and creates sustainable change through...
When does a negative thought pattern cross the line from protection to poison? Kim and John Capps tackle the thorny subject of resentment after betrayal, exploring the subtle difference between setting boundaries and harboring bitterness. Drawing from both research and raw personal experience, they break down the eight key factors that transform everyday hurts into hardened resentment: unresolved conflict, fixating on others' faults, communication breakdowns, feeling overlooked, repeated dec...
In this reflective episode of Hurt Meets Healer, we dive deep into the challenges and turbulence of repairing relationships impacted by betrayal. By navigating through the intricate, emotional landscapes of sexual addiction and infidelity, we offer insights and encouragement aimed at those in search of healing and understanding. Together, we confront the mess that betrayal creates and explore practical pathways to repair and restoration. The conversation takes us through the various emotiona...
What if the journey to healing from sexual addiction and infidelity could unlock deeper, more authentic connections in your life? We explore the heart-wrenching yet transformative process of making amends in relationships shattered by betrayal. Our discussion draws on the expertise of John Gottman, Carol Sheets, and Leslie Vernick to illuminate the vital role of empathy and understanding. We confront the challenges of acknowledging and repairing emotional breaches, emphasizing that genuine re...
**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion. What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the par...
