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Standing Nowhere
Jacob Buehler
26 episodes
3 days ago
At 19, I climbed Reaper Mountain in Marine Corps boot camp with hairline fractures in both feet. At 42, I'm trying to get back in shape after three years of failure. This episode is about what it means to keep showing up when you know you might fail. I tell three stories about broken feet: Story 1: The Crucible, 2003. Sleep-deprived, starving, both metatarsal bones fractured. Looking up at an impossibly steep mountain. A drill instructor offering me an out: "Get in the truck." My choice, an...
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Spirituality
Education,
Religion & Spirituality,
Society & Culture,
Philosophy,
Self-Improvement
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At 19, I climbed Reaper Mountain in Marine Corps boot camp with hairline fractures in both feet. At 42, I'm trying to get back in shape after three years of failure. This episode is about what it means to keep showing up when you know you might fail. I tell three stories about broken feet: Story 1: The Crucible, 2003. Sleep-deprived, starving, both metatarsal bones fractured. Looking up at an impossibly steep mountain. A drill instructor offering me an out: "Get in the truck." My choice, an...
Show more...
Spirituality
Education,
Religion & Spirituality,
Society & Culture,
Philosophy,
Self-Improvement
Episodes (20/26)
Standing Nowhere
Keep On Keeping On: Broken Feet, Failed Discipline, and Trying Again
At 19, I climbed Reaper Mountain in Marine Corps boot camp with hairline fractures in both feet. At 42, I'm trying to get back in shape after three years of failure. This episode is about what it means to keep showing up when you know you might fail. I tell three stories about broken feet: Story 1: The Crucible, 2003. Sleep-deprived, starving, both metatarsal bones fractured. Looking up at an impossibly steep mountain. A drill instructor offering me an out: "Get in the truck." My choice, an...
Show more...
3 days ago
48 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Being Present Through Loss and Loneliness: What I'd Tell My Younger Self
What does it actually look like to stay present when you're driving 10–12 hours a day, feeling lonely in your car, grieving lost friends, and still trying to create? For this milestone episode, I tried something different—I asked Claude to generate 6 spontaneous topics about my life that I'd never seen before, then hit record and responded from the heart with zero preparation. What emerged was a raw conversation about staying mindful through exhausting work, creative expression as survival, w...
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1 week ago
44 minutes

Standing Nowhere
The Ornament I Forgot: On Gratitude, Regret, and Waking Up to What Matters
This week, I couldn't lock in a guest—and honestly, I've been struggling to lock in much of anything lately. Backsliding on habits, drowning in self-blame, stuck in the gap between where I am and where I want to be. Then, while decorating the Christmas tree, I realized I'd completely forgotten one of my son's ornaments. The one he made at five years old. The one with his tiny handprint pressed into paint. He's 19 now. He's moved out. That time is gone. In this solo episode, I explore: The cru...
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2 weeks ago
31 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Dying to Yourself: A Late-Night Conversation on Trauma, Fear, and Letting Go
This one is more raw, intense, and emotionally unfiltered than usual — because real healing rarely looks clean. A late-night conversation between two brothers doing their best to stay present in the middle of real life. It wasn’t planned. It started as a late-night hangout with my younger brother Jeremy and turned into one of the most honest conversations we’ve ever recorded. Jeremy has lived through more than most people twice his age—eight car accidents, addiction, financial collapse,...
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3 weeks ago
53 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Losing a Brother, Finding Purpose: A 30-Year Friendship with Artist Raphael Rozenberg
What do we do with grief, synchronicity, and the strange ways love keeps showing up? In this episode, I sit down with one of my oldest and closest friends, Raphael “Rafi” Rozenberg. We met in 1997 and have lived through almost everything together—high-school chaos, fatherhood, marriages, losses, and all the weird twists of life in between. Rafi opens up about growing up in an Orthodox Jewish home, the accident that changed his father forever, the years of miscarriages he and his wife endured,...
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1 month ago
1 hour 21 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Understanding Ego: The Illusion of the Separate Self
You've been defending this "you" your whole life—getting offended when criticized, proud when praised, anxious about what others think. But what if the self you're protecting doesn't actually exist? This episode explores ego and the illusion of the separate self. Not as abstract philosophy, but as something you can observe right now. Watch your thoughts arise. Did you decide to think that? Or did the thought just appear? If you didn't choose it, who's the "you" that claims ownership of it? Th...
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1 month ago
32 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Why Rest Isn't Optional: Finding Peace When You Can't Afford to Stop Working
I can't afford to take time off. But I also can't afford not to take time off. That's the bind I've been in—and maybe you're there too. This week, I hit rock bottom. Burnt out, behind on bills, working 50-60 hours a week and still sinking. My body finally said: Stop. Now. So I took an unscheduled week of rest, even though I couldn't afford it. And that forced pause revealed something I'd been missing: rest isn't the pit stop before getting back to work—it's the finish line. Drawing from the H...
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1 month ago
30 minutes

Standing Nowhere
From Loneliness to Solitude: Finding Yourself When All Your Friends Are Gone
In your twenties, it’s easy to feel like you’ll always belong somewhere — a friend group, a workplace, a Saturday night ritual that feels like home. But what happens when those circles fade, and you suddenly find yourself everywhere in the city… yet belonging nowhere? In this deeply personal episode, Jacob shares the story of poker nights and found-family friendships, the sudden loss of someone who helped anchor his world, and the quiet isolation of gig work that left him feeling like a ghost...
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1 month ago
47 minutes

Standing Nowhere
How Laughing at Scorpions and Mosquitoes Saved My Spiritual Life
Three years ago I was broke, sharing an apartment with scorpions, and couldn't see a way forward. Then I discovered that laughter—the real, spontaneous kind—can be a powerful spiritual practice. In this episode we explore why ego and humor can't coexist, and how laughing at yourself transforms everything from meditation to life's hardest moments. What we cover: The scorpion story and the spiritual breakthrough that followedWhy heaviness is "spiritual death" and lightness is lifeHow to spot th...
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1 month ago
36 minutes

Standing Nowhere
What to Do When Fear Is Paralyzing You (A Practical Guide from Rock Bottom)
Working 63-hour weeks with no AC in my car, behind on bills, applying for IT jobs I'm not sure I'm qualified for, and terrified every podcast episode isn't good enough. That's where I've been the last two weeks—and that's what this episode is really about. This isn't a theoretical discussion about fear. It's me working through financial anxiety, self-doubt, and the paralysis that comes when you're drowning but still have to show up every day. I share the spiritual practices that actually help...
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2 months ago
27 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Why You Can't Stop Wanting Things (And How to Finally Be Free)
I've quit alcohol and cannabis. Kicked my energy drink habit that was costing me $150-200 a month. But I still can't stop buying ice cream at the end of brutal work days. And I'm obsessed with making this podcast perfect, going back to edit old episodes when I should just let them be. This episode is about attachment, desire, and why we can't stop wanting things even when we know they're not making us happy. It's not about becoming a monk or renouncing everything—it's about nothing owning you...
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2 months ago
36 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Why Your Spirituality Might Just Be Ego in Disguise (Spiritual Materialism Explained)
Kill the Buddha? In this episode I unpack the famous Zen koan to expose spiritual materialism—the way ego hijacks spirituality and turns it into another identity. I explore the subtle traps: virtue signaling on Instagram, treating meditation like a badge, weaponizing scripture, and using "awakeness" to feel superior. We look at how to ground practice in real life—on the cushion, in traffic, in hard conversations. The simple moves that bring you back: breath, honesty, humility, and beginner's ...
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2 months ago
45 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Why Smart, Strong People Stay in Abusive Relationships (ft. Therapist & Author Kate Mageau)
"Why didn't you just leave?" It's the question everyone asks about domestic violence - until they hear Kate Mageau's story and realize how trauma bonds, gaslighting, and the cycle of violence make leaving the most dangerous moment of all. Kate is a licensed therapist (LMHC, ADHD-CCSP), author, and toxic relationship survivor. In this conversation, we explore her memoir Rose Colored Glasses and unpack the psychology behind why smart, strong people stay in abusive relationships. We discuss the ...
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2 months ago
53 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Stop Overthinking and Just Move: Why Analysis Paralysis Is Killing Your Dreams
I delayed launching this podcast for almost a year. I was prepared after six months, but I kept researching, planning, perfecting—until my 42nd birthday forced me to face the truth: I was wobbling. Analysis paralysis had me stuck in a living death, and I wasn't actually living my life. This episode is about hesitation, fear, and what Zen calls "wobbling"—standing in two places, never fully present, paralyzed by uncertainty about outcomes. We explore why overthinking is worse than imperfect ac...
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3 months ago
49 minutes

Standing Nowhere
How My Mom Survived 11 Years of Abuse, Raised 5 Kids Alone, and Found Faith in the Fire
My first podcast guest is my mom, Diane Buehler—and this conversation goes places I never expected. She shares stories I'd never heard in detail: growing up on five acres in Indiana eating the pigs she raised for 4-H, hitchhiking as a teenager in California, joining a traveling Christian theater group that performed in San Quentin, and meeting my dad at Bible college over joints and parties that led to 11 years of domestic violence. This is a raw, honest conversation about survival. Mom share...
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3 months ago
1 hour 11 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Why I Flipped Off a Driver 45 Minutes After Meditating (And What Anger Actually Is)
Forty-five minutes after meditating, feeling centered and peaceful, I flipped off a driver who cut me off on the freeway—with my kids in the car. He slammed on his brakes. I almost rear-ended him. I flipped him off again. He braked harder. The guy who was floating on a meditation cushion that morning was now blind with rage, endangering his own children over getting cut off in traffic. This episode is about anger—the fire that burns the house you live in while you wave your fists at the neigh...
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3 months ago
48 minutes

Standing Nowhere
The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets: Effort, Striving & Letting Go
This is episode 10—a milestone that's making me nervous as hell right now. I get the heebie-jeebies every time I sit down to record. I turn into a motor mouth. I overthink every word. And that's exactly what this episode is about: the harder you try, the worse it gets. Forty-five minutes after meditating, I flipped off a driver and almost caused an accident. When I practice meditation too tightly, thoughts flood in more intensely. When I force myself to win at Overwatch, I choke under pressur...
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3 months ago
1 hour

Standing Nowhere
The Silence You're Afraid to Face: Why Daily Practice Isn't Optional Anymore
I was outlining this episode on a Friday night during a pickup at a noisy sushi bar, surrounded by laughter and music, quietly drafting notes about stillness. The irony wasn't lost on me—but that's exactly when the teaching comes, in the chaos before you learn to find the silence within. This episode is about why daily spiritual practice isn't optional anymore. Not because it's virtuous or enlightened, but because I was cracked open. I hit rock bottom thinking "it would be easier not to exist...
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4 months ago
36 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Reverence to Be: Finding Gratitude When Life Feels Like a Failure
I was carrying a 40-pack of water up three flights of stairs in 115-degree Arizona heat, sweating through my shirt, for a customer who barely tipped—and I felt grateful. Not sarcastically. Actually grateful. Because this is my life right now: a gig worker in my 40s, forced to accept 70% of all orders or get no work at all, making $20,000 less than last year while working more hours, taking orders that feel humiliating. And somewhere in those stairs, I chose reverence instead of resentment. Th...
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4 months ago
50 minutes

Standing Nowhere
Life Is But a Dream: Finding Your True Self in Art, Loss, and Letting Go
This isn't a music review—it's a spiritual reflection on a piece of art that changed how I see life and death. Avenged Sevenfold's Life Is But a Dream is a meditation on losing yourself, dissolving the ego, and discovering you were never separate from the cosmic dance. If you've never heard the band or this album, you'll still get everything from this episode. But if you listen while I walk you through it, bring tissues—especially for track 5. We explore the album as a journey: "Game Over" (l...
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4 months ago
35 minutes

Standing Nowhere
At 19, I climbed Reaper Mountain in Marine Corps boot camp with hairline fractures in both feet. At 42, I'm trying to get back in shape after three years of failure. This episode is about what it means to keep showing up when you know you might fail. I tell three stories about broken feet: Story 1: The Crucible, 2003. Sleep-deprived, starving, both metatarsal bones fractured. Looking up at an impossibly steep mountain. A drill instructor offering me an out: "Get in the truck." My choice, an...