Episode Title: Simply Katie — Unfolding, Unapologetic & Unfinished Series Theme: A Paradox to Positive, Peaceful Living Guest: Katie (aka Katie B, Katie W, Katie U) Sobriety Date: September 23, 2005  Episode Summary This week, we sit with a woman whose story doesn’t just echo through the rooms—it roars through the silence most people are too afraid to face. Katie has lived many lives under many names, but today, she’s stripped it all down. She’s simply Katie. Nearly 20 years sober, Katie’s journey is one of chaos, clarity, and courage. From childhood trauma and addiction by age 15 to a suicide attempt at 20, her path to recovery began with a single act of surrender. She found refuge in Oxford House and rebuilt her life—one breath, one breakdown, one truth at a time. Katie’s recovery is layered and lived. She’s a sponsor, treasurer, and servant leader in the rooms. She’s helped the very friend who gave her her first drink find sobriety years later. Her story is full-circle. Full of grit. Full of grace. She’s known redemption: a career in finance, homeownership, and financial freedom. And reckoning—spending a night in jail sober after 19 years, facing demons she thought were buried. Her life is proof that recovery isn’t a finish line—it’s a daily choice. Katie finds peace in meditation, nature, and the power of pen and paper. The Big Book isn’t just something she reads—it’s something she breathes. She’s never cured. Always becoming. Her family is the tribe she’s found in recovery. Her soul rests best by the ocean or a mountain river. She’s danced, cried, created, and sat in the stillness of early morning coffee with nothing but gratitude and grit. This episode isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. It’s about what happens when you lose control of the life you thought you wanted… and find the one you were born to live.

Welcome back to The Lose Control Podcast—the space where surrender becomes strength and unraveling is sacred.

Submergence is not our end—it's how we begin again. On The Lose Control Podcast, we explore what happens when we stop clutching for control... and start trusting the pull. Because life doesn’t just ask us to let go—it pulls us under. Into grief. Into love. Into silence. Into seasons that don’t make sense on paper but are perfectly designed to shape our becoming. Submergence is the paradox: we sink in order to rise.We dissolve in order to become whole. The invitation isn’t to drown. It’s to surrender.To be undone. Unnamed. Unraveled.Because underneath the surface is where transformation gets real.It’s dark there. Pressurized. Sacred.But that’s the birthplace of peace—not the manufactured kind, but the raw, rooted kind. The kind that breathes under weight. Lose control—not as defeat, but as initiation.Because what if peace isn’t found in holding it all together…But in letting yourself fall apart on purpose? On this show, we don’t glorify drowning. We honor the dive.We talk about the courage it takes to fall beneath the ego. To be still. To be stripped.And to rise—not perfect, but honest. Not untouched, but transformed. If you’re feeling like you’re sinking, good.Maybe that’s exactly where your freedom begins.Not above. But beneath.Where control is surrenderedAnd the real you gets born.  

Resentment is a slow poison—one that corrodes the spirit, erodes peace, and traps you in a cycle of stagnation. It festers, feeding off unspoken wounds and unfinished battles, making you more bitter, more disconnected, more imprisoned in your own mind. And the truth is, no one else suffers as much as you do when resentment takes hold. It rots from the inside out.The antidote? Honest, fearless communication—with yourself first. Because if you can’t be real with yourself, every other relationship suffers. You can’t truly function at your highest level, process emotions with clarity, or connect deeply with others. Growth begins when you stop running from your own thoughts and instead build a working relationship with them—when you sit with your feelings, acknowledge them without judgment, and decide to move forward with clarity.Find a tribe that lives in a way that resonates with you. Watch how they move, how they carry themselves, how they navigate adversity. Align yourself with people who don’t just talk about change—but live it. And when you find that, lean into it. Adapt, evolve, follow in their footsteps until you carve your own way.Believe in something greater than yourself—a Higher Calm, a bigger purpose, a guiding force that keeps you steady when life gets chaotic. Trust that even when things feel uncertain, there’s a plan unfolding. You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Give yourself grace. Allow room for mistakes, for missteps, for imperfection. Because here’s the reality—there are no do-overs. We get one shot at this life. And the only way to truly live it is to accept that we are all figuring it out as we go.So drop the weight of resentment. Be brutally honest with yourself. Move toward people who elevate you. Trust in something bigger. And give yourself the grace to grow.

”I am the creator of my world, so I better make choices that align with my dreams,”

SEASON 2 THE BURDEN OF REALITY When the burden of reality becomes too heavy to bear and the fear of the unknown fades, transformation begins. It’s when we can no longer stand being stuck in our current state and the call of unfulfilled potential becomes too loud to ignore that change becomes the only option. In this mix of despair and hope, we find the strength to overcome our fears and embrace the chance for a new beginning.

I must be willing to do whatever “anything” looks like to help another alcoholic. This means offering unwavering friendship and fellowship, and assuring him that if he genuinely desires to get well, I will do anything to support him on his journey. The bond we create is founded on trust, empathy, and shared experience.  Pg 95 You can have what we have, no strings attached. However, this comes with the need for brutal honesty with oneself. You must be willing to change every pattern in your life and be consistent. Consistency is not about doing the same thing over and over, but about doing what needs to be done next. Implementing discipline is essential, and through this process, we transform each other by creating an intimate and supportive relationship. We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable: This fundamental acknowledgment is the first step towards healing. Recognizing our powerlessness over alcohol and the chaos it brings into our lives opens the door to seeking help and change. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity: Embracing the belief in a higher power—whether it be a spiritual presence, a supportive community, or another source of strength—brings hope and guidance. This belief fosters a sense of purpose and direction in the recovery process. Made a conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him: This step is about surrendering control and trusting in the higher power identified in Step 2. It involves making a profound commitment to follow a new path, allowing this higher power to guide our actions and decisions. Through these steps, we embark on a journey of profound personal transformation, supporting each other and embracing the possibility of a better future. This process not only fosters individual growth but also strengthens the bonds of fellowship and shared recovery.  

Margery Bailey's life is a gripping saga of resilience and profound transformation. Born in Sacramento, CA, she approaches her 50th birthday with a story that speaks to the depths of human struggle and the triumph of spirit. Raised in a turbulent alcoholic Irish Catholic household with two sisters, including an identical twin, Margery's early years were steeped in chaos. Her father, a Vietnam veteran, battled severe depression and PTSD, profoundly shaping her understanding of the world. Yet, his playful moments—enjoying George Carlin, Belushi on SNL, and dancing to Motown records—etched endearing memories that stayed with her. Margery's deeply religious mother remained steadfastly connected to her Catholic church, offering a stark contrast to the disorder at home. Margery's talent and drive earned her acceptance into an Arts Magnet High School, where she thrived in voice and acting, directed plays, and toured military bases, senior facilities, and Japan with a high school jazz choir. But after high school, the protective bubble burst. Moving out of her restrictive and religious home, Margery faced the harsh realities of juggling university, work, and independence in San Francisco. The pressure led to a breakdown and a return to Sacramento. Determined, she completed her education while working three jobs, saving money for a move to Los Angeles, where she spent three years as a producer before relocating to New York. In New York City, the chaos intensified. Within just four months, the Twin Towers fell, and Margery's drinking spiraled out of control. Seeking solace, she returned to California, immersed herself in hot yoga, and became a realtor just as the dot-com bubble burst, causing her to lose everything. By 2007, despite becoming a hot yoga teacher and mentoring under a powerful yogi, her alcohol consumption, depression, and sadness grew worse. Motherhood at nearly 40 triggered early menopause, pushing Margery into researching and writing about healing. Observing that some in yoga found healing while others remained stuck, she began writing "Thinking About Chakra." However, its esoteric nature seemed out of reach for many. She realized that true healing required inner work, focusing on breath work and surrender rather than just physical postures. 2024 marked a pivotal turning point. A month before her 49th birthday, Margery decided to stop drinking. Her health had deteriorated after the Johnson & Johnson vaccine in 2021, and a move to South Carolina exacerbated her symptoms. The accumulated grief finally demanded her attention. As a single mom, she had justified her wine nights but came to see that alcohol was detrimental during menopause. Margery spent this year crafting a workbook/journal for peri-menopausal and menopausal women, filled with tools she wished she had known a decade ago. Ready to self-publish, she aims to share her insights with women in need. Margery's transformation from a chaotic upbringing to a spiritually enriched life is a testament to her resilience and commitment to personal growth. Now, she stands poised to inspire and support other women facing similar challenges, guiding them out of darkness and into the light of self-discovery and healing.

This week’s special guest is Matthew Parsley. Born in Long Beach, Long Island, and raised in Dillon, South Carolina, by his grandmother and great-grandmother from the age of six, Matthew's early life was deeply influenced by a religious and spiritual household. Church provided solace, but his childhood was also marked by the trauma of being molested by a favorite cousin, a secret that cast a long shadow over his formative years. Unlike other boys, Matthew felt different, gravitating towards girls and finding comfort in their company. His grandmother introduced him to baseball, but another hidden, darker world beckoned, fueled by his father's stash of VHS tapes and DVDs. Pornography, masturbation, and eventually promiscuity became secret addictions that led him to unimaginable places. College in Daytona Beach, Florida, brought new experiences and vices. Introduced to weed by his best friend, who passed away in 2010, Matthew became a weekend warrior. Transient sexual relations and pornography addiction escalated, leading to missed classes and lost opportunities. Despite graduating, he didn't earn a degree, having lost his band scholarship due to poor attendance. In 2016, Matthew moved to New York City, where the grip of sex and drugs tightened around his life. Methamphetamine became his new demon, intensifying his sex addiction and leading him down the path of intravenous drug use. Soon, he found himself ostracized after testing HIV positive. His family feared for his safety as he vanished into the city's underbelly. The stroke his father suffered only deepened Matthew's resentment and fueled his desire to escape through drugs, leaving his mother to care for his ailing father alone. This period marked a profound descent into darkness, where the weight of his choices and the pain of his reality collided. By 2022, Matthew had reached the lowest point in his life. Suicidal and broken, he found himself in the back of a sheriff's car on the way to detox. His first meeting at Primary Purpose in Myrtle Beach was a pivotal moment, marking the start of his transformation. It was there that Matthew came to understand his spiritual sickness. Today, Matthew is a new man, rebuilt by the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous and the fellowship of the spirit. He passionately says, “Staying stopped… getting high… that’s the small part. It’s what’s inside that needs reparations.” Matthew's presence today is a testament to his choice to be present, living one day at a time. Matthew's spiritual relationship with God and others is now the cornerstone of his life. Embracing life's terms and focusing on the journey rather than the outcome, he greets each day with profound gratitude and purpose. His entry into Oaks Recovery on his mother's birthday, June 25, symbolizes his rebirth and unwavering commitment to a brighter future. Matthew dedicates himself to helping other addicts, working diligently, and forgiving himself for past mistakes. His journey is a profound testament to the boundless possibility of change and the unbreakable resilience of the human spirit.  

Hype's story is one of unimaginable pain and redemption. Born in prison, he faced a life of hardship from the very beginning. At 11, he witnessed his mother's death, and by 12, he endured relentless physical abuse. In a desperate act of self-defense, Hype set his abuser on fire, leading to a sentence of juvenile life. He was released at 19, only to face more turmoil. In 2001, Hype's twin brother was deployed overseas, but Hype was denied the chance to join him because of his criminal record. In a fit of rage and despair, in January 2002, he stormed a federal courthouse with pipe bombs and assault rifles, resulting in a conviction for domestic terrorism and a 480-month sentence in a high-security prison. The loss of his twin to suicide, driven by PTSD from military service, only deepened Hype's anguish. While incarcerated, Hype's anger led him to assault another inmate, leaving the man to die of hypothermia in a prison freezer. This act sent Hype to the A.D.X. Supermax security prison, all before he turned 25. Tragedy continued to follow Hype. He accidentally killed his wife and her son in a car wreck, leaving him lost and alone, feeling destined to live in hell on earth. In his despair, Hype found himself drawn to a supremacist group, seeking a sense of belonging in a dark place. But amidst the darkness, a glimmer of hope emerged. Hype was saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, shed for humanity on Calvary. God pulled him from the depths of hell, showing him a path to redemption. Hype learned to love himself and others after years of becoming calloused. He fell in love once again and began to start a new life, a new soul with a gift from God—a soulmate. However, Hype endured yet another loss. Despite finding redemption and growth, his girlfriend relapsed and committed suicide. Hype found himself in such despair, feeling destined only to experience grief, pain, and heartache, he thoughts led to one final answer to stop the pain. It was then that God revealed to Hype his true purpose: to help save other young boys from the same trauma he endured. To help others escape the shackles of self-loathing and self-destruction. Through his faith and newfound mission, Hype transformed his life, dedicating himself to guiding others out of the darkness and into the light.

Introducing our special guests this week: Ashleigh and Lance Cline – “This is the life I prayed for.” Ashleigh and Lance's story began in 2019 when they connected through the Any Length Recovery Facebook page. At that time, Ashleigh was just four months out of prison, starting to rebuild her life, while Lance was emerging from his own prison, the trap houses of W. Baltimore. Both were early in their recovery journeys, with Lance seeking convenience rather than a relationship. Ashleigh made it clear she wasn't interested in casual encounters, and they decided to take it slow—a new experience for both. They spent a month talking on the phone, getting to know each other. Once Ashleigh regained her license, she drove to Sumter to visit Lance, living at a men's recovery home, working full-time, and learning how to navigate life as an honest, responsible person. She drove every chance she got and began to fall in love. Initially, Lance viewed their connection as short-term and superficial. Despite their differences, they found solace, peace, and understanding in each other, creating an unshakeable foundation. Those weekend visits became a cherished routine. Not long after, Lance experienced a new season of true love. He got a car, and together they maximized their time, traveling back and forth. Trust came naturally despite the distance. The power of a Higher Calm unveiled true love and brought them closer. Ashleigh fell in love with Lance's passion and commitment to recovery—his very essence. Lance fell in love with Ashleigh’s smile, goofy energy, and zeal for life. On June 18, 2022, Ashleigh and Lance got married. Over the years, these two unlikely personalities have grown immensely together. Their love story is like a fairytale written by the Coen Brothers, transforming from hell to heaven on earth—a metamorphosis from a worm to a beautiful butterfly. They have learned to take responsibility and build their lives side by side, brick by brick. Honest and raw communication has been the cornerstone of their marriage, preventing real trials and tribulations. Navigating life as sober individuals, they continuously help others along the way. Lance and Ashleigh are best friends and steadfast supporters in all areas of life. They are deeply in love with the concept of family and are committed to being a part of it. They understand the importance of giving advice when needed and practicing reflective listening to truly connect with each other's souls and thoughts. Their journey together is a testament to growth, love, and mutual support.    

Chris Lane, 35, was born in the small town of Rumford, Maine.  At the age of five, he moved with his parents to the rural parts of Columbia and Lexington, South Carolina. Growing up, Chris witnessed most of his family either battling addiction or navigating recovery. Following this difficult family legacy, he began drinking at 14. Like many, his relationship with alcohol saw peaks and valleys, his daily life revolving around his next drink. In 2020, as the world spiraled out of control, so did Chris's drinking. It became a constant companion, making work and everyday activities impossible to face sober. It wasn’t until 2023 that Chris finally entered a recovery program, a journey marked by multiple relapses. Only at Oaks Recovery, where he found true enlightenment and a profound spiritual shift, did Chris realize he needed no reservations—just trust in the process. By surrendering control and embracing his Higher Power, he discovered that recovery is real. Today, Chris’s story is one of resilience and transformation.  Embracing self-awareness with tenderness has allowed him to grow and heal, turning his vulnerabilities into strengths.  This vulnerability creates a space for honest connection, allowing him and his fellows to truly understand and support each other. Chris's journey proves that even in the face of adversity, there is hope and a path forward.

Ashleigh Cline is a certified peer support specialist at Westview Behavioral Health. After a turbulent road filled with addiction, trauma, and significant personal loss her story has transformed dramatically from one of despair to one of resilience and post-traumatic growth. Her twelve-year battle with addiction marked the beginning of a profound journey of self-discovery, leading her to the threshold of recovery. On January 26, 2025, Ashleigh will celebrate seven years of sobriety. Her recovery journey now centers around sharing her experiences of addiction, loss, 17 months of incarceration, and eventual recovery. Refusing to be haunted by her past, Ashleigh chose to turn her suffering into a source of courage and support for others. By actively participating in the recovery community, she has witnessed how resilience can transform lives-not just her own, but also those she has had the honor to help. Each shared story becomes a beacon of hope, demonstrating that overcoming hardship and finding meaning beyond addiction is possible. In March 2023, at 43 years old, Ashleigh returned to college at Limestone University to pursue her bachelor's degree in social work. Maintaining a 4.0 GPA, she is on track to graduate in December 2024. Her academic journey has been challenging yet incredibly rewarding, reaffirming her commitment to helping others. With a blend of personal experience and professional training, Ashleigh plans to begin working as an addiction and substance use counselor in December. Her journey through recovery has provided her with a unique perspective and deep empathy for those facing similar struggles. Ashleigh is dedicated to positively impacting the lives of individuals battling addiction, guiding them toward their own paths to recovery, just as she found hers.    

This week’s conversation is with a small group of people interested in understanding my design for living. The conversation is raw and honest, and not everyone may be receptive to it. This is the beauty of choice. We no longer have to live our lives concerned about others’ opinions and expectations of us. Find your tribe, seek out mentors—more than one if possible. Love yourself, continue to grow, and aim to be 1% better every day. We stay focused on the solution, always striving to be better than we were yesterday. True transformation doesn’t come from mere contemplation; it requires action. You can’t think your way into right thinking; you have to act your way into it. Embrace self-love and recognize that your Higher Power is always present, waiting for you to open that channel. Detach your ego and eliminate reactive behaviors. Take criticism not as a setback but as an opportunity for growth. Objectively assess its validity and calmly evaluate the feedback. This enhances our ability to navigate challenging personalities and situations with grace. The ability to differentiate between the mountains of criticism and negativity we face daily and the opportunities they present is vital for personal and professional growth. Using criticism to focus on our present emotional intellect helps us stay mentally and emotionally in the moment. This is a pivotal skill for avoiding the darkness that comes with resentment and defensiveness. Prioritize intellect over emotion (I over E). By focusing on these principles, we can cultivate a life of continuous improvement and resilience. It’s about embracing the journey, learning from every experience, and finding strength in our connections and self-love Enjoy the conversation.

Lance Cline hails from the heart of Maryland. His childhood was shaped within the nurturing yet challenging environment of Recovery, as both of his parents have been steadfast in their Recovery journey for over 40 years. This unique upbringing instilled in Lance a deep understanding of the struggles and triumphs that come with addiction and recovery. In 2017, Lance’s world was shattered when he lost his brother to a fentanyl overdose. The grief and despair that followed were overwhelming, plunging Lance into a dark abyss of hopelessness and self-doubt. This profound loss became the catalyst for his own battle with addiction, leading Lance down a harrowing path that left him homeless on the unforgiving streets of Baltimore. Lance’s journey to recovery was anything but straightforward. It took the relentless pursuit of healing through 20 treatment centers before he finally found solace in surrender and acceptance. This pivotal moment marked the beginning of Lance’s transformation. Today, Lance stands proud, having been sober for six years. His unwavering belief in the 12 steps and the transformative power of service to others has been the cornerstone of Lance’s recovery. This commitment to helping others has not only fortified his own sobriety but has also given Lance a life, profound in meaning and purpose. Every day, Lance strives to live in the solution, embracing the challenges and joys that come with a life dedicated to recovery. Lance’s mission is to guide others towards the light of recovery, offering hope and support to those still struggling. Through Lance’s journey, he has learned that even in our darkest moments, there is always a path to redemption and a chance to rebuild our lives with love, compassion, and unwavering determination.

Jamar’s journey is a vivid illustration of the human spirit’s capacity to endure and triumph. It speaks to the courage needed to face one’s demons, the unwavering determination to reclaim one’s life, and the rediscovery of hope and purpose that fuels the path to recovery. His transformation is a beacon for others, illuminating the way forward and proving that with relentless effort and unwavering support, recovery is not just a possibility but a profound reality. Today, Jamar stands as a radiant beacon of hope, a living testament to the profound possibility of recovery and the arduous journey it demands. No longer shackled by the chains of a self-imposed prison, he now embraces life with the profound gratitude and vigor of one who has emerged from the darkest depths of addiction. His story is not just a narrative of survival but a powerful testament to the indomitable strength and resilience required to conquer the relentless grip of addiction.  

Jamar’s odyssey to recovery commenced on March 17th, 2018, a date etched in his memory as the beginning of a profound transformation. His narrative is a harrowing tapestry woven with threads of deep-seated depression, excruciating pain, and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and worthlessness. These emotions, intertwined with unmanageability, selfishness, and self-seeking behaviors, propelled him into an abyss of darkness. Jamar’s struggle with addiction was punctuated by harrowing episodes of suicidal ideation, seething rage, and a relentless cycle of denial and justification. Jamar’s descent into substance use began at the tender age of 13 or 14. The very first encounter with a substance was a revelation, an intoxicating escape from a reality he found unbearable. Drugs, and any other means of obliterating his consciousness, swiftly became his paramount obsession. Despite not being overtly rebellious, Jamar was a soul in turmoil, grappling with the scars of abandonment and other personal demons. He fulfilled his obligations, such as attending school, but the hours after school became a sanctuary for his substance use. Marijuana was his initial refuge, but as his addiction spiraled, he resorted to any substance he could procure. Today, Jamar stands as a beacon of hope, a living testament to the possibility of recovery and the relentless journey it entails. No longer confined to a self-imposed prison, he embraces life with the gratitude of a recovering addict. His story is a powerful testament to the indomitable strength and resilience required to conquer addiction and rediscover hope and purpose in recovery.

Stoicism and the12 principles

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Seth Vallett’s life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, a symphony of triumphs and struggles. Born in the heart of Macon, Georgia, he emerged from a close-knit family—a tapestry woven with love and resilience. As a teenager, Seth danced on the edge of existence, drawn to mind-altering substances like a moth to a flame. These choices led him down a treacherous path, where addiction wrapped its tendrils around his soul, threatening to extinguish his light. The future seemed uncertain, a foggy landscape where hope flickered like a distant star. But in the midst of this darkness, Seth found unwavering support. His wife and family stood by his side, warriors in the battle against addiction. Together, they weathered storms, fought demons, and held onto the fragile thread of hope. Rehabilitation centers became Seth’s battlegrounds, and he faced more than ten overdose incidents—each a near miss, a second chance. Yet it was a seemingly ordinary six-day detox that altered the course of his life forever. In those quiet moments, Seth encountered Jesus Christ—a revelation that transformed his pain into purpose. Faith became the cornerstone of his recovery, a lighthouse guiding him through the tempest. Today, Seth stands as a testament to resilience. He wears honesty like armor, love like a warm embrace. In his community, he is more than a name; he is a beacon—a devoted father, a successful business owner, a friend, a role model. His scars tell stories of battles fought and won, etched into his skin like chapters of a gripping novel. Beyond personal growth, Seth finds solace in the wild. Hunting and fishing are his cathedrals, where he connects with nature and himself. But it doesn’t end there. Seth’s heart spills over with compassion—he gives back through service work, a ripple of kindness in a troubled world. He whispers to others in their darkest hours: “There is hope.” Seth believes that every twist of fate, every stumble, happens for a reason. His recovery journey, spanning nearly two years, is a testament to resilience, faith, and the power of redemption. So, remember Seth Vallett—a survivor, a warrior, a man who turned brokenness into beauty. His story echoes through time, a melody of hope for those who listen