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we are NOT the SAME
Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph
58 episodes
6 days ago
Send us a text A loaf of sourdough, a misplaced Princess Bride quote, and a very real question: if marriage isn’t about survival anymore, what makes it worth choosing? We pull on that thread and follow it through a century of norms and numbers, from the 1920s peak to the long decline since the 1970s—and the cultural shifts that explain it. Along the way, we weigh what changes when you marry in your 20s versus your 40s, how women’s financial independence reframed commitment, and why cohabitati...
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Comedy
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All content for we are NOT the SAME is the property of Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
Send us a text A loaf of sourdough, a misplaced Princess Bride quote, and a very real question: if marriage isn’t about survival anymore, what makes it worth choosing? We pull on that thread and follow it through a century of norms and numbers, from the 1920s peak to the long decline since the 1970s—and the cultural shifts that explain it. Along the way, we weigh what changes when you marry in your 20s versus your 40s, how women’s financial independence reframed commitment, and why cohabitati...
Show more...
Comedy
Episodes (20/58)
we are NOT the SAME
Common Law, Common Chaos, And Why Your Sourdough Has Better Boundaries Than Your Ex
Send us a text A loaf of sourdough, a misplaced Princess Bride quote, and a very real question: if marriage isn’t about survival anymore, what makes it worth choosing? We pull on that thread and follow it through a century of norms and numbers, from the 1920s peak to the long decline since the 1970s—and the cultural shifts that explain it. Along the way, we weigh what changes when you marry in your 20s versus your 40s, how women’s financial independence reframed commitment, and why cohabitati...
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6 days ago
57 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
A Delivery Driver Cheats Death On An Icy Driveway And Finds Humanity In A Stranger’s Living Room
Send us a text A wave that hits back. A driveway made of glass. A blizzard saved mid-air like it’s the last precious thing on earth. Today we let the chaos breathe and trace the thin line between comedy and catastrophe—from cult-movie tangents to the debut of The Driver Chronicles, where gig work, winter roads, and human kindness collide. We start with taste: why some “bad” movies are beautifully honest while others just miss. That opens the door to something more vulnerable—a back that won’...
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1 week ago
56 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Modern Traditional: Choosing Monogamy In A Mix-And-Match Dating World
Send us a text Dating today can feel like a grab bag: monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, friends with benefits, even lavender marriages. We’ve sampled the spectrum, lived through some wild chapters, and come out choosing “modern traditional”—a partnership built on exclusivity, clear roles, and mutual respect, without giving up autonomy, careers, or a voice at home. Think: you cook, I’ll do the dishes; you fix the car, I’ll pack the lunch; we both show up, and we both have a say. We ope...
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2 weeks ago
46 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
ENCORE: Shelf Titties, Googly Eyes, And Other Cautionary Tales
Send us a text ENCORE EPISODE RECORDED 1/12/21 Start with a laugh, stay for the honesty. We take a candid tour through the world of boobs—how asymmetry is normal, why fitness often shrinks volume, and what actually happens when you choose implants. From puberty hopes and pregnancy curveballs to post-baby realities, we unpack the expectations that shape how women feel in their skin. Then we get practical about surgery: choosing a qualified surgeon over a bargain, sizing with restraint, underst...
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3 weeks ago
1 hour 3 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Crunch, Play, Repeat
Send us a text Ever wonder what your year in music says about your actual life? We dive into our stats and instantly hit a fork in the road: one of us is a pop punk lifer (Alkaline Trio, Sum 41, Paramore), the other a card-carrying rave kid with a soft spot for hip hop and a surprisingly cozy country streak thanks to car rides with the kids. Along the way, sourdough crunch ASMR makes a cameo, and so does the most honest truth of all: your platform and your day-to-day routines decide what real...
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3 weeks ago
45 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Society Peaked In the 90s
Send us a text The brighter the colors, the bigger the smile—remember when fast food had mascots, Taco Bell had a talking chihuahua, and McDonald’s seats looked like fries? We dive into why the 90s felt alive and playful, and why today’s beige minimalism leaves so many of us craving the loud, weird energy of that decade. From TGIF and Blockbuster pizza nights to candy stores and sleepovers, we map the rituals that made Friday feel safe and special. We also pull apart the media shift: local n...
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1 month ago
40 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
I Tried To Sleep In Silence And My Brain Said NOPE
Send us a text Silence isn’t silent for everyone. We open with the weird whoosh of tinnitus and how a quiet bedroom can feel louder than a city street, then work our way through sleep debt, anxiety, and the hopeful promise of habits that actually stick. One of us lives by a structured wind-down and eight-hour average; the other battles insomnia, racing thoughts, and the urge to clear every notification before bed. That contrast fuels a practical, funny, and unfiltered look at what real rest t...
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1 month ago
46 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
If Trauma Had A Delete Button, My Ex Would Be First In Line
Send us a text What would you trade for peace of mind—a full year of your memory, a single person who did damage, or nothing at all? We crack open a messy, honest thought experiment and chase it through the real costs: identity, relationships, and the lessons that only hard seasons can teach. The premise sounds merciful—wipe the worst twelve months, skip the grief, dodge the chaos—but the ripple effects are ruthless. If those months built your boundaries and instincts, deleting them might als...
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1 month ago
59 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
My GPS Said “Two Minutes Away” Then “Fourteen” And Honestly Same
Send us a text Ever been “two minutes away,” then suddenly fourteen, then two again? We start with the comedy of autopilot driving and glitchy GPS, then follow the tangents to where life actually happens: cheer season’s hidden workload, why counting beats matters more than people think, and how left versus right becomes chaos when stage directions flip. It’s the gap between what we assume kids know and what they’re rarely taught—timing, rhythm, body awareness—and why those basics can be the d...
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1 month ago
44 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Mega Aries, Minor Chaos, Major Healing
Send us a text What happens when the scary card isn’t scary at all? We pull “death,” talk through what real endings look like, and watch it open a door to rebirth, revival, and a softer self that finally gets to breathe. Along the way we get honest about the weird panic that arrives when life improves—how fight‑or‑flight lingers, how self‑sabotage masquerades as realism, and how steady communication in a new relationship can feel suspicious when you’re used to chaos. The spread reaches beyon...
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2 months ago
42 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Luck, Letting Go, And The Ego Trap
Send us a text Luck is knocking, but only after you put down the picture in your head. We kick off with a collective reading that hits on three themes—release, pride, and timing—then step right into a raw, unguarded session where life’s chaos collides with real tools for steadier days. Think tech meltdowns, car issues, and a live credit card breach caught mid-chat, all reframed through a lens that blends tarot clarity, astrology timing, and grounded self-awareness. With Janessa back at the t...
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2 months ago
54 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
My Brain Needs A Manager, Not Another Pill
Send us a text What if the story you’ve been told about depression and anxiety is too small for what you’re actually living? We dive straight into the messy middle—where SSRIs’ origin stories meet the placebo effect, where side effects complicate recovery, and where the medical system often manages instead of heals. Along the way, we unpack why ketamine therapy feels different for treatment‑resistant depression, how neural remapping can loosen trauma’s grip, and what “feeling better” looks li...
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2 months ago
57 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Two best friends try to record a structured show, accidentally make it therapy, and end up solving nothing—but laughing at everything
Send us a text Ever notice how a “quick catch-up” turns into the real show? We slide under a mountain of blankets, confess the latest ADHD detours, and admit that structure doesn’t stand a chance when life is shifting—work, weather, relationships, and energy. The good news: there’s wisdom in the wobble. We talk through fan love, being watched online, and choosing a quiet season when you need it. We unpack an 18-month friendship break we repaired with accountability, then share the tiny script...
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2 months ago
50 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Love Languages, Without the Fluff
Send us a text Ever wonder why some gestures land and others miss by a mile? We went beyond the memes and took a full love language quiz—yes, we even paid for the results—then held the mirror up to our past relationships, boundaries, and blind spots. The numbers were revealing: acts of service and quality time rose to the top for both of us, receiving gifts carried quiet power as thoughtfulness, and words of affirmation got messy when trust had been broken. From oil changes and fixed deadbolt...
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3 months ago
45 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Eeyore & Tigger Energy
Send us a text The mic caught us on a hard day—and we kept it rolling. Lacey names a depressive episode with no clear trigger, and we talk through what sadness feels like when it’s lodged in the body, why masking becomes second nature, and how a simple ritual—cranking music right after you “skip feeling”—can help release what you swallowed. No gloss, no edits, just the practice of showing up when you’d rather hide. From there, we let joy elbow its way in: book-club onesies, our Eeyore-and-Ti...
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3 months ago
56 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Men Had No Idea Women Did These Things
Send us a text Ever wondered what goes through a man's mind when he first discovers your collection of hair ties scattered throughout the house? Or the moment he realizes those cute jeans you're wearing don't have real pockets? In this laugh-out-loud episode, we dive into the world of male enlightenment that happens when men enter relationships with women. From the shocking revelation that women use substantially more toilet paper (not just for shaking dry, gentlemen!) to the baffling ...
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3 months ago
54 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
We Have No Idea When Someone Is Flirting With Us
Send us a text Ever found yourself completely clueless about whether someone is flirting with you? You're not alone! We're diving headfirst into the complicated world of flirtation, armed with hilarious dating app screenshots and our own awkward experiences. From finger-in-mouth disasters to decoding the subtle art of eye contact, we explore why 72% of people can't tell when someone's interested in them. We take a personality quiz that reveals our flirting styles (physical, playful, polite, ...
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3 months ago
1 hour 1 minute

we are NOT the SAME
Unveiling Pretty Privilege
Send us a text The concept of pretty privilege might seem straightforward, but as our candid conversation reveals, it's anything but simple. We're diving deep into how physical appearance shapes our daily interactions, opportunities, and treatment from others—often in ways that those with the privilege don't even recognize. "That, my dear, is pretty privilege," one host points out when discussing how her co-host regularly receives gifts and attention from men without requesting them. Meanwhi...
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3 months ago
57 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
The Recycling Game: Love, Dating and Colorado Hookups
Send us a text Heather and Lacey reunite with newfound energy as they catch up on life's recent adventures. Heather triumphantly shares her MaxFit competition win that capped off her rookie pro season, while detailing her subsequent celebration in Florida complete with mouthwatering key lime pie and a life-changing pistachio cream waffle. Meanwhile, Lacey's Colorado trip reveals more than just mountain views when she admits to "recycling" a former flame. The conversation evolves into a maste...
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4 months ago
1 hour 1 minute

we are NOT the SAME
Two Friends, Six Dogs, and a Bowl of Happiness
Send us a text When the world feels overwhelming and negativity threatens to take over, sometimes the most radical act is pausing to recognize what's good. In this heartfelt conversation, we dive deep into the transformative power of gratitude during life's hardest moments. We share personal stories about how our children became powerful motivators for growth and self-improvement, pushing us to pursue education, careers, and healthier lifestyles we might never have achieved otherwise. For on...
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4 months ago
42 minutes

we are NOT the SAME
Send us a text A loaf of sourdough, a misplaced Princess Bride quote, and a very real question: if marriage isn’t about survival anymore, what makes it worth choosing? We pull on that thread and follow it through a century of norms and numbers, from the 1920s peak to the long decline since the 1970s—and the cultural shifts that explain it. Along the way, we weigh what changes when you marry in your 20s versus your 40s, how women’s financial independence reframed commitment, and why cohabitati...