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Dating on High Alert
Ilja Abbattista
19 episodes
5 days ago
Send us a text For many of us with trauma and neurodivergence, telling the difference between intuition and hyper-vigilance isn’t simple. The body reacts before the mind can make sense of what’s happening, and what looks like “overthinking” from the outside often began as protection, not anxiety. In this episode, I explore how intuition feels in a regulated body, how hyper-vigilance shows up through the body and in our body language, and why the line between the two can become blurred, especi...
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Send us a text For many of us with trauma and neurodivergence, telling the difference between intuition and hyper-vigilance isn’t simple. The body reacts before the mind can make sense of what’s happening, and what looks like “overthinking” from the outside often began as protection, not anxiety. In this episode, I explore how intuition feels in a regulated body, how hyper-vigilance shows up through the body and in our body language, and why the line between the two can become blurred, especi...
Show more...
Relationships
Society & Culture
Episodes (19/19)
Dating on High Alert
Intuition or Hypervigilance? Understanding the Difference in a Trauma-Shaped, Neurodivergent Nervous System
Send us a text For many of us with trauma and neurodivergence, telling the difference between intuition and hyper-vigilance isn’t simple. The body reacts before the mind can make sense of what’s happening, and what looks like “overthinking” from the outside often began as protection, not anxiety. In this episode, I explore how intuition feels in a regulated body, how hyper-vigilance shows up through the body and in our body language, and why the line between the two can become blurred, especi...
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5 days ago
17 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Dating on High Alert: When Trauma Is the Lens
Send us a text This episode marks a quiet but important moment in Dating on High Alert. After sixteen episodes exploring dating, attachment, intensity, and patterns, I’m naming the lens that’s always been there, trauma. In this episode, I share why I was born neurodivergent but didn’t recognise ADHD and autism until later in life, how trauma shaped my nervous system long before I had language for it, and why masking wasn’t a flaw, it was survival. Dating was never the real topic. It was...
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1 week ago
17 minutes

Dating on High Alert
How We Self-Soothe When We Don’t Know Where We Stand
Send us a text There’s a stage of dating that doesn’t get talked about enough. You’re not single. You’re not secure. And you don’t quite know where you stand. For many of us, especially neurodivergent, trauma-aware women, that uncertainty isn’t just emotional. It’s physical. We feel it in our bodies, and until we have some sense of orientation, our nervous system stays unsettled. In this episode, I explore: why ambiguity in dating can feel so dis-regulatingwhy the need fo...
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2 weeks ago
22 minutes

Dating on High Alert
I Was Ready… And Then Everything Stopped
Send us a text Why does one plan hijack your whole day? Why can’t you start anything else? Why does a cancellation send you straight into freeze? In this episode, I break down the AuDHD nervous-system pattern of anticipation, mobilisation, and shutdown — through my own lived experience. We talk about: • why your body prepares hours before your mind • why waiting feels like pressure or pain • why time becomes distorted • why you can’t “just pivot” • and why freeze is a ...
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3 weeks ago
50 minutes

Dating on High Alert
I Wasn’t Addicted to You - I Was Addicted to the Feeling
Send us a text This episode isn’t about a person. It’s about the feeling your nervous system learned to depend on, and how that same pattern shows up at the beginning of relationships, at the end of relationships, and in the way we hyper-focus on passions, projects and ideas. Inside this episode, we explore: why early connection can feel like oxygenwhy endings feel like withdrawal, even when you chose to leavewhy your body doesn’t “get the memo” when your mind has moved onhow hyper-focus can ...
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1 month ago
43 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Impulsive, Reckless & Wired: The Risks We Don't Talk About
Send us a text This is the episode women whisper about but never get to hear. Today, we’re talking openly about impulsive behaviour in neurodivergent women, the fast yeses, the risky sex, the quiet “no” we can’t say, the adrenaline-soaked moments, the times we travelled too soon, trusted too quickly, or ended up in situations we never planned but somehow found ourselves in. We go into: • sexual impulsivity • sex in risky places • sex clubs • alcohol and dopamine ...
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1 month ago
30 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Why does calm feel so uncomfortable when all you’ve ever known is chaos?
Send us a text If you live with ADHD, autism, trauma, or the full neurospicy trio, peace isn’t always peaceful at first. Sometimes it feels suspicious. Sometimes it feels empty. Sometimes it feels like something must be wrong — because nothing is wrong. In this episode, I’m talking about the strange, uncomfortable, beautiful journey of learning to trust peace when your nervous system only trusts intensity. We dive into: • why “calm” can feel unsafe • how ADHD, autism & trauma all...
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1 month ago
33 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Overthinking, Over giving, and Over feeling - Why We Do It (and How to Stop Spiralling)
Ever catch yourself replaying a text, analysing a look, or scanning for shifts in someone’s tone, and suddenly, you’re spiralling? This one’s for you. In this episode, we dive deep into why so many of us with ADHD, autism, and trauma overthink, over give, and over feel in relationships, and how those patterns are rooted in survival, not weakness. I talk about the pull to notice every tiny change, how pattern recognition can turn from a gift into a trigger, and what it really means to st...
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1 month ago
35 minutes

Dating on High Alert
When Rejection Feels Like Love
There’s a moment after chaos when everything goes quiet, and you realise you’re different. The rush, the spark, the drama that used to feel like connection doesn’t hit the same. You start to wonder if calm can really be love. In this episode, Ilja dives deep into rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), the intense emotional pain that comes when we perceive rejection or disconnection. Drawing from her lived experience with ADHD, autism, and complex trauma, she explores what happens ...
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2 months ago
20 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Rebuilding Desire, Connection & Intimacy After Chaos
When you’ve only ever known love that burns, calm can feel like danger. But safety - real, grounded, slow safety - is where desire begins to grow again. There was a time I thought I knew what intimacy felt like - the pull, the craving, the chaos. But I didn’t. I only knew how to perform love, chase it, or earn it. In this episode, I’m talking about what happens after the chaos ends, when you stop spiralling for love and start slowly, clumsily, beautifully learning how to receive it. We’ll exp...
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2 months ago
21 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Why You Keep Falling for the Wrong Ones (and How to Stop)
You know that kind of relationship that feels like a rollercoaster? The butterflies, the intensity, the late-night spirals — we call it “chemistry,” but what if it’s actually chaos? In this episode, Ilja Abbattista unpacks why we keep falling for the wrong people — especially if you’re living with ADHD, trauma, or both. From trauma bonds and emotional addiction to the ADHD dopamine trap, this episode explores why calm can feel boring, why emotionally unavailable people feel addictive, and how...
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5 months ago
1 hour 25 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Sex, ADHD & Trauma: What No One Talks About
Sex is supposed to feel good — safe, connected, playful… right? But what happens when ADHD and trauma are in the room too? In this episode, I get raw and real about how distraction, impulsivity, hyperfocus, and body memories shape our experience of intimacy — and how healing isn’t always linear, even when we’ve come a long way. 💥 I share personal truths, including a recent trigger that caught me off guard 🌀 We explore why you might crave sex and shut down at the same time 😂 And we...
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6 months ago
43 minutes

Dating on High Alert
ADHD & Dating: Why We Fall Fast (and Hard)
Ever fallen in love in a week? Named your future kids on date three? Felt like you were spiraling before they even texted back? Same. This episode dives into why those of us with ADHD and trauma tend to fall fast—and fall hard. We explore the brain science behind intense attachment, how trauma responses play a role, and what it means to date while constantly questioning your worth. Ilja shares deeply personal stories of past heartbreaks, boundary violations, emotional crashes—and the healing ...
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6 months ago
36 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Boundaries - The Lines That Holds Us.
In this episode of Dating on High Alert, host Ilja Abbattista dives deep into a topic that’s essential for anyone navigating love, trauma, and the journey back to themselves: Boundaries. Boundaries aren’t just about saying no or keeping people out — they’re about creating space for safety, intimacy, and self-respect. Ilja shares how trauma, ADHD, and rejection sensitivity can make setting boundaries feel almost impossible, and she offers real-world strategies and stories to help you find your...
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7 months ago
4 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Overgiving Isn’t Love — It’s Self-Abandonment in Disguise
Overgiving Isn’t Love — It’s Self-Abandonment in Disguise This episode explores how trauma can make us overgive in relationships — and how to stop. Ilja shares honest stories of self-abandonment, intimacy, and learning to receive love without losing yourself. Plus, how to steady your mind, hold boundaries, and recognise your worth beyond how much you do. 👉 Visit iljaabbattista.co.uk to read the full blog, join Truth Notes, or message Ilja directly. Until next spiral. 🎧 Subscribe, ...
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7 months ago
17 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Overthinking Everything? Why Your Brain Won’t Let You Rest
Are you spiralling over a text? Rethinking your last date? Replaying conversations in your head? In this episode, I share raw truths and real stories about overthinking, self-sabotage, and how we can learn to wait, breathe, and respond with clarity - not anxiety. This one’s for you if your brain feels like it’s stuck on “What did they mean by that?” 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbatt...
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7 months ago
15 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Spiralling: When Your Brain Won't Let You play Cool
Ever spiralled after sending a message? You're not crazy - you're wired for survival. In episode 2 of Dating On High Alert, I unpack the chaotic truth about overthinking, rejection sensitivity and the brain drama no one warned us about. You'll laugh, you might cry, But you'll definitely be seen! 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk Let’s keep this messy, magical conversation...
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7 months ago
10 minutes

Dating on High Alert
I'm Not Too Much - I Was Just Never Met Fully
In this first episode, Ilja cracks open the myth of being “too much.” ADHD, trauma, emotional chaos — what if it was never about being wrong, but being unmet? A voice-note style truth-drop to start unmasking the way we love. 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk Let’s keep this messy, magical conversation going: 📩 Get updates: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-pod...
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8 months ago
7 minutes

Dating on High Alert
Dating On High Alert Trailer
Meet Ilja Abbattista and discover why dating with ADHD and trauma feels like emotional whiplash. This podcast is your truth-telling space to unravel it all. 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk Let’s keep this messy, magical conversation going: 📩 Get updates: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or topic: https://iljaabbattista.co...
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8 months ago
1 minute

Dating on High Alert
Send us a text For many of us with trauma and neurodivergence, telling the difference between intuition and hyper-vigilance isn’t simple. The body reacts before the mind can make sense of what’s happening, and what looks like “overthinking” from the outside often began as protection, not anxiety. In this episode, I explore how intuition feels in a regulated body, how hyper-vigilance shows up through the body and in our body language, and why the line between the two can become blurred, especi...