The boys try vigorously to give a damn about the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, and speculate the future of a monarchy which really has no power. Then, Harriet Tubman gets a new legacy with a new moniker, conjured up by the brilliant, Red Scare. Serena Williams is another queen which, this week, was laid to rest. Eli Manning has more super bowl rings than the guys' beloved Bears. Then, Teddy and Scotch solve all of California's important issues.
Listen up, you tubby tubs of tub-scum!
Teddy stumbles out of the gate with some annoying technical issues, but runs with it anyway. The boys lay the groundwork for what to never expect from the Scare, in the future. They discuss what it might take to be sad enough to sit in the audience of a prime time game show. Then, Scotch tickles Teddy's tits by reviewing some of the most ridiculous names from young, up and coming rappers.
Listen up, syzurp swallowers!
The boys give lukewarm explanations as to why they've been recently absent. Current affairs aren't cutting it anymore, so Teddy and Scotch devise a new plan for America, that will offset the taxes they're about regurgitate over Biden's college debt forgiveness program. It also might just be the best damn game show anyone's ever thought of.
Listen up, content vampires!
Scotch reveals that he's going to be touching down on the east coast, for the time, and plans to dip his icy big toe into the Atlantic, like it's a double shot of Kessler whiskey. The boys discuss why Brittany Griner might never set foot on American soil again, right after admitting to not giving a damn. Then, fittingly, they pay a tribute to a Boston legend. No, not Larry Bird, but, Bill Burr.
Listen up, lesbian liver lickers!!
After a slight summer vacation, the boys get the band together for a brief little jam session, to kick the cobwebs off before making their triumphant return.
Listen up, groupies!
The boys pay their respects to one of the greatest movies ever made, Goodfellas, and narrowly mention the passing of Ray Liotta. Although he's filled with hate and crap, Teddy details the importance of respecting one's opponent. Scotch gives us a healthy dose of riveting sports trivia, as they pay an obligatory tribute to Tom Brady. Then, the guys have fun with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.
Listen up, you careless whisperers!
The guys throw their weight around regarding their expertise about being rotund individuals, and whether or not fat men gain penis, while losing weight. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue infuriates Teddy, but Scotch was too busy getting screwed in the drive-thru, he forgot that he's large because he loves flavor, not substance. Speaking of no substance;
Listen up, FUPA fruits!
The boys plunge wrist deep into the annals of history by addressing the misconceptions Americans have about Cinco de Mayo. Teddy regales us with a summary of the greatest impromptu comedy lineup ever assembled, which included, Chris Rock, Leslie Jones, Jimmy Carr, Dave Attell, Jeff Ross and Dave Chappelle. Scotch almost cracked his own skull while trying to make an omelet. The guys discuss the rules of bathroom etiquette, in regards to being a good partner to their respective ladies. Elon Musk is one step closer to taking over the world.
Listen up, wet wipes!
As Johnny Depp uses his defamation court case against his ex-wife, Amber Heard, to promote his band, The Hollywood Vampires, and his cinematic catalog, Axel Rose continues to look more and more like Danny Devito's Mama, after she got thrown from the train. Teddy's Hebrew sensibilities get saucy, with a debate about au jus. Mike Tyson gets punchy when he got poked by a dip. A boy, born with two penises, gets handed a blueprint for eternal disappointment, as Scotch gives a compelling argument for the practice of punching people in the face, to help with character development.
Listen up, limp-sticks!
The guys discuss the various types of humor people display, while on the job, and what constitutes a prank versus a write-up. As they discuss the nuance of adding truffles to their dining experiences, the boys decide to throw a bone to the working poor. Scotch questions why Biden foretold that he'd only nominate a black woman to the Supreme Court, as Teddy wonders why we've gone back to calling non-whites, "People of color," as Ketanji Brown Jackson finally gets confirmed to ascend to the nation's high court.
Listen up, liver lickers!
After over 20 years of riding dirty, Teddy shares the various treasures he found in his recently sold Jeep, one of which has sentimental value to his partner. The guys discuss the tragic existence of having to "suffer from alopecia," then delve into the nuances of Will Smith slapping the hell out of Chris Rock at the Oscar's Academy Awards. They both agree that any the next time there's an award show looking for a host, the default setting should be, Ricky Gervais. Scotch reveals the latest developments with his son's embryonic football career.
Listen up, you little participation trophies!
Teddy reveals he's got the attention span of a goldfish, as he continuously counts the leaves outside of his apartment window. Scotch gives Putin credit for curing COVID, just as the invasion of Ukraine ramps up. John Cena has no balls, or maybe he does, but China's carrying them in it's purse. One of the guys admits that he might have a "thing," for an unspecified "Doja Cat," as Scotch stumbles on the perfect solution to get gas prices down to pre-1970s levels.
Listen up, you greasy, grease-balls!
With gas prices increasing at a record pace, the guy discuss the best ways to navigate Los Angeles traffic, and prove that Saturday Night Live was spot-on depicting the "Californians". Teddy praises McDonald's for getting back to their burger-slinging nature, and embracing menu hacks by promoting the Land, Sea and Air burger. Then, Scotch gets hungry and spends the rest of the show, dreaming of the perfect burger.
Listen up, lard-asses!!
The guys discuss the heartbreaking misery they feel when their respective ladies experience health problems. Scotch’s son a bona-fide bus on the football field. Although he's convinced his sense of comedy is intact, Teddy hates when people try to tell him unsolicited jokes. Then, the dips dish about the gossip of celebrity's uncommon eating habits.
Listen up, liver lickers!
Scotch details the latest developments with his adversary, Meth-a-Rella, as she's taken liberty to invite a new friend to the party. He then tiptoes on the edge of stardom and goes to scout the open night comedy club, where he plans to make his big break. Teddy describes his motivation for leaving the house is to just find a new place to park his boney ass, then gives his rotund partner an award for being Father of the Year.
Listen up, lap dogs!!
Coach Scotch straps his clipboard to his ass and tries not to crap himself as he coaches his son's youth football team. Teddy goes to NASCAR and is pleasantly surprised with all the people's die hard support for a guy named Brandon, then encourages Scotch to delve deep into the soulful sounds of Mary J. Blige, as they anticipate a kick ass Super Bowl halftime show with Dr. Dre, Snoop and Eminem. The boys then discuss their respective aspirations to get into stand of comedy, but don't have the balls to do it. Then Teddy makes an interesting observation between the correlation of the idea of wearing masks and getting an abortion.
Listen up, you little coat hangar failures!!
The boys discuss whether or not someone's work ethic is a choice or an inherent trait. They then choose to discuss the matter of Whoopi Goldberg's opinions, for some reason. You'll then be regaled with a dynamic conversation involving two morons arguing over nothing.
Listen up, or don't (who really cares)!!
Scotch shares his medical expertise and explains how his heightened immune system, from battling psoriasis, is a key factor for why he hasn't contracted covid. Teddy falls off his coastal, liberal, quasi-intellectual pedestal and divulges his new found interest and devotion for the reality show, Love Island. Then the big fruits bear-out until Teddy gets exhausted and falls asleep.
Listen up, lib-tards!!
Teddy is over the moon, happy, since KFC launched their version of Beyond chicken, and he can, once again, tap back into his inherent fat-boy sensibilities. He then gets a brief tutorial from Scotch about determining the attributes of crack heads and meth addicts, as Scotch has a bombshell of a run-in with his down-and-out neighbor. The guys then determine that it's bad form to disparage someone's kid, directly to their face, but if you Jeopardy your insult, and phrase it in the form of a question, you might just get a free pass.
Listen up, you short-bus, glass lickers!
The boys reunite for the first show of 2022, with Scotch at the genesis of fresh employment, and Teddy riddled with a fresh case of Covid. They discuss what made the show work at it's onset, 15 years ago, and how it's going work going forward, into the future.
On the one year anniversary of one of the United States' most notorious mutinies, the guys discuss the state of the country, as it currently presides. Of course, things go awry and the dips trail off on tangents regarding Kessler, bro-culture and, of all things, kindness.
Welcome back, dip-tards!