Struggling to feel like things are truly fair in your relationship? Wondering why 50/50 never works out the way you imagined? In this episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, writer and habit coach Chris Loper invites us to challenge one of the most popular relationship myths — and rethink what healthy partnership really looks like.
Together, we explore how the mindset of fairness can lead to frustration, how habits shape the emotional tone of your connection, and what it really takes to thrive — not just survive — in long-term love, parenting, and personal growth.
🎄 Released in the reflective run-up to the New Year, this is the perfect listen if you’re ready to ditch scorekeeping and build better habits for 2026 — at home and at work.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 – Intro
02:00 – What’s wrong with 50/50 relationships?
06:30 – Keeping score: the silent killer
10:10 – The 100/100 mindset shift
14:45 – Why habits are relationship tools
19:30 – From burnout to better balance
24:00 – Modelling healthy habits for your kids
30:20 – Emotional labour and the unseen weight
35:00 – Chris’s journey through sobriety
41:00 – The ROI of tiny changes
44:45 – Final takeaway: “You’re annoying too.”
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Chris Loper
– Website: https://www.becomingbetter.org
– Article: Why 50/50 Relationships Don’t Work (https://becomingbetter.org/why-50-50-relationships-dont-work/)
– Course: Parenting for AcademicSuccess (https://www.nwtutoring.com/parenting-for-academic-success/)
– LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-loper-690292124/
📍 Explore More from The 4 Habits
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Guest suggestions: hello@the4habits.com
#RelationshipHabits #FairnessInRelationships#50/50Myth #ChrisLoper #HealthyPartnerships #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod #SelfCareInMarriage#ParentingSupport #HolidayStress #NewYearHabits #HabitCoach #EmotionalLabor #RelationshipBurnout
Struggling with intimacy in your relationship — especially during the holidays? You’re not alone. For many couples, emotional disconnection, stress, and mismatched desire feel more intense this time of year. That’s why psychosexual therapist Emma Waring joins us with practical, compassionate insight into how to reconnect, restore emotional safety, and reignite closeness in any season of life or love.
In this episode, we explore the changing nature of intimacy, why sexual challenges are often relational, and how to move from shame or silence into meaningful connection. Whether you’re navigating a dry season in marriage, coping with stress from Christmas and family gatherings, or just want to feel close again — this conversation is full of powerful, grace-filled takeaways.
💡 What you’ll learn:
✔️ Why sex and intimacy go through “seasons” — and how to respond
✔️ The key mindset shift for dealing with desire mismatch
✔️ How to talk about sex without fear, shutdown, or shame
✔️ What stops couples from reconnecting — and how to move forward
✔️ The surprising role of touch, trust, and safety in reigniting intimacy
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Intro – Why intimacy breakdowns are rarely about “just sex”
03:15 | Emma’s journey from cardiac nurse to sex therapist
06:40 | Seasons of intimacy – what they are and why they matter
10:20 | Why mismatched desire is normal (but still hard)
13:50 | How to talk about sex without triggering shutdown
17:30 | The real blocks to connection – and how to clear them
21:10 | Why emotional safety matters more than technique
25:45 | When to get help — and what therapy actually offers
30:00 | Navigating faith and intimacy in public conversations
34:20 | Emma’s advice for couples who’ve drifted apart
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Emma Waring
– Website: https://www.emmawaring.com
– Book: Seasons of Sex and Intimacy (https://www.emmawaring.com/the-book)
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-waring-a1095a53/
🎧 Explore More from The 4 Habits Podcast
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#StrugglingWithIntimacy #RelationshipIntimacy #EmotionalSafety #ReconnectWithYourPartner #MarriageSupport #ChristmasStress #HolidayRelationships #HealthyRelationships #The4HabitsPod #EmmaWaring
Ever feel misunderstood — like no one really sees you? You’re not necessarily difficult. You’re just wired differently. In this transformative episode, systems-thinker and leadership coach John ‘JR’ Rennie reveals how understanding your unique design can shift how you see yourself — and how others respond to you.
After decades leading a software business, JR hit burnout. That moment of crisis became a divine redirection — and led to the birth of BrushFires Ministry, where he now helps others uncover their God-given design and walk in clarity.
Through his Design Discovery Process and coaching tools like ReKindle and Ignite, JR empowers people to resolve deep rooted relational friction and finally feel fully seen, known, and understood.
🎧 If you’ve ever thought “Why don’t people get me?” — this episode is your roadmap to clarity, connection, and calling.
💡 What You’ll Learn:
✔️ Why you’re not being difficult — you’re designed that way
✔️ The difference between design and personality
✔️ How to understand and communicate your wiring
✔️ Tools to reduce conflict in marriages, ministries & teams
✔️ Why clarity in your design restores joy and purpose
✔️ A faith-based approach to identity, relationships & leadership
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Why don’t people get me?
03:08 | When the business fell apart — and JR hit reset
06:40 | Burnout, duty and the cost of ignoring design
10:50 | Joy is the outcome of alignment, not success
13:22 | Personality vs Design — what’s the real difference?
17:30 | What happens in a Design Discovery session?
21:10 | Writing your Purpose Statement
26:05 | How clarity restores struggling marriages and teams
29:37 | When people finally feel understood — for real
34:58 | JR’s legacy: helping people walk in alignment
✅ NEXT STEPS
A) Connect with JR
🌐 Website: https://www.brushfires-digital.com
📧 Email: JR@BrushFires.group
🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-j-rennie/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brushfires.ministry/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/430555434394373
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BrushFiresMinistry
B) For more episodes like this…
📺 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
🎧 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
C) Want to up your relationship game?
🧠 Take the FREE 5-min Relationship Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
📘 Get the Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
🎓 Enrol in the Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
#HealthyRelationships #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #RelationalIntelligence #The4HabitsPod #FeelingMisunderstood #KnowYourDesign #EmotionalResilience
Struggling to understand your partner, your boss… or even yourself? Human Development Engineer Jim Marshall unveils Septemics, a framework that reveals 7 levels shaping every relationship.
In this mind-expanding episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, Jim unpacks how behavioural patterns can be mapped, measured, and transformed — and why so many of us keep repeating the same conflicts without even realising it.
Drawing on over 50,000 hours of research, Jim introduces Septemics: a tool for navigating trust, conflict, leadership, and personal growth through 35 “scales” of human experience. Whether you’re a coach, team leader, or simply want to communicate better at home, this conversation will equip you to relate more intentionally — and grow with clarity.
💡 What you’ll learn:
✔️ Why people repeat the same unhealthy patterns (and how to break them)
✔️ The 7-level scale that governs every behaviour
✔️ Why trust, conflict, and communication all depend on perspective
✔️ How to “map” where someone is on a behavioural scale — and meet them there
✔️ How to resolve tension without blame
✔️ Why measuring potential can improve relationships
✔️ How to bring structure to complex emotional dynamics
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Meet Jim Marshall — polymath and human development engineer
01:30 | What exactly is Septemics?
04:15 | The 7-level behavioural scales — and why they matter
06:30 | Why we misjudge people’s intent and capacity
08:50 | Can relationships be “mapped” and measured?
11:00 | Using Septemics to resolve tension without blame
13:20 | Scales of Acceptance, Affinity, and Relationship
15:15 | Real-world case study: shifting a marriage dynamic
18:40 | The biggest mistake in self-growth work
20:20 | Why trying to “fix” others backfires
22:30 | Building emotional safety through awareness
24:00 | The relationship between responsibility and power
26:10 | How Septemics fits with The 4 Habits
29:00 | What Jim hopes future generations will do with this framework
32:00 | How to get started with Septemics today
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Jim Marshall
– Website: https://septemics.com
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jim-marshall-b10982205
– Book: Septemics: Hierarchies of Human Phenomena – available on Amazon and via his site
🎧 Explore More from The 4 Habits Podcast
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Online Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#HealthyRelationships #SelfAwareness #EmotionalSafety #Septemics #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #LeadershipHabits #MindsetShifts #The4HabitsPod #JimMarshall
Feeling emotionally drained or disconnected in your relationships? This powerful habit might be the missing link. In this week’s episode, Harvard-educated author Bracha Goetz shares how joy and gratitude helped her heal from addiction, rebuild trust, and transform relationships — from the inside out.
Bracha has written over 45 children’s books and a deeply honest memoir about overcoming inner emptiness. Her message is simple but life-changing: when we build habits of gratitude, we don’t just feel better — we relate better. We become more present, more connected, and more resilient.
💡 What you’ll learn:
✔️ Why early gratitude habits are the foundation of relational resilience
✔️ The neuroscience of joyful repetition (and how to use it!)
✔️ How to transform cynicism, pain, and disconnection into hope
✔️ Why The 4 Habits are all gratitude exercises in disguise
✔️ The power of playful parenting and boundaries that build trust
✔️ How to stay grounded in gratitude — even in a war zone
Whether you’re rebuilding your inner world or raising kids with healthy habits, this episode will inspire you to reconnect with joy, purpose and people.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 | Welcome to Bracha Goetz from Israel
00:28 | A Harvard-educated author with 45+ children’s books
02:10 | From Ivy League ambition to spiritual awakening
04:30 | Addiction as spiritual hunger — and the road to healing
07:30 | Why gratitude is the habit that changes everything
10:00 | “The Mother Who Always Said Yes” — setting joyful boundaries
13:20 | All 4 Habits are gratitude habits!
17:30 | The inner voice of lack — and how to silence it
20:50 | If they’re abusive, get out. But otherwise: express appreciation
23:40 | The orange analogy: Infinite gift in your hand
26:00 | Daily gratitude rituals from ancient wisdom
28:40 | The Pleasure Ladder — 5 levels of lasting joy
35:00 | Gratitude even in captivity: lessons from hostages
39:00 | From Harvard to healing: redefining success
43:00 | Forgiveness, compassion, and protecting your peace
45:00 | Final encouragement: “You were blind — now you can see”
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Bracha Goetz
– Website: https://www.growingimpactpublications.com
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brachagoetz
– Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brachagoetzbooks
– Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrachaGoetzBooks
🎧 Explore More from The 4 Habits Podcast
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Online Course:https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod
Struggling with intimacy in relationships or trying to rebuild trust after betrayal? In this powerful episode, certified sex therapist Karimah C. Stith introduces her Touch Talk Trust framework — a practical, compassionate approach to restoring connection, emotional safety, and sexual intimacy in committed relationships.
Whether you’re recovering from conflict, betrayal, or simply feeling disconnected, Karimah offers tools that go far deeper than surface advice. With over 20 years of experience in sex therapy and anger management, she helps couples heal from the inside out — with language, presence, and trust-building habits that last.
💡 What you’ll learn:
✔️ How to rebuild trust in relationships using the STEPS model
✔️ Why emotional safety is essential for sexual intimacy
✔️ The 5 Languages of Touch and how to discover your own
✔️ The real reason partners shut down — and how to reconnect
✔️ How faith and therapy can work together to foster healing
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or walking with couples in your work, this is a must-listen for anyone navigating the messy, beautiful journey of intimacy and trust.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Welcome & why intimacy breakdowns aren’t always what they seem
02:50 | Karimah’s backstory — and why she created the Touch-Talk-Trust model
06:30 | When trust is broken — what repair actually looks like
09:40 | Emotional safety before sexual intimacy — why it matters
13:20 | The 5 Languages of Touch — and how to find your own
16:10 | The real reason couples stop talking (and how to restart)
20:05 | STEPS Model for restoring trust after conflict
23:55 | Why so many intimacy issues are actually fear-based
27:45 | Navigating this work inside faith communities
33:00 | How to move from shutdown to reconnection
37:15 | Karimah’s best advice on lasting, resilient relationships
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Karimah C. Stith
– Website: https://www.anewreflectionforyou.com
– Book: Touch, Talk, Trust– Amazon https://a.co/d/6PqJq0m
– Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karimah.cornelius.stith
– Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anewreflectionforyou/?hl=en
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karimahreflects/
🎧 Explore More from The 4 Habits Podcast
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#RelationshipHealing #IntimacyIssues #TrustRecovery#TouchTalkTrust #HealthyRelationships #EmotionalSafety #MarriageHelp #FaithAndTherapy #The4HabitsPod #KarimahStith
Want better work relationships, stronger teams, and less burnout? Nature might hold the answers.
In this powerful episode, Agile coach and systems thinker Ines Garcia reveals what 3.8 billion years of evolution can teach us about building healthier, more collaborative work cultures. Drawing from her upcoming book Nature’s Blueprint for Business, Ines shares how biomimicry, ecosystems, and the “edge effect” can transform the way we lead, connect, and collaborate.
If you’re tired of broken communication, rigid hierarchies, or team dynamics that drain energy, this conversation offers fresh thinking rooted in nature’s most successful patterns.
🎧 Whether you lead a team, manage projects, or simply want better workplace relationships, this episode will challenge your assumptions and equip you with regenerative principles you can start using today.⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Welcome & why nature belongs in business
03:30 | What 3.8 billion years of R&D can teach your team
06:00 | What is the “Edge Effect”? And why it matters
08:45 | Triads over hierarchies: natural relationship systems
12:15 | How much energy are your systems wasting?
14:50 | Biomimicry 101: seeing with new eyes
18:00 | Redesigning structures using nature’s blueprint
22:20 | From silos to ecosystems — creating fluid teams
25:10 | Why connection isn’t a “soft skill”, it’s the system
30:00 | Regenerative leadership: shifting the success metric
36:00 | What thriving teams really look like
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Ines Garcia
– Website: https://www.inesgarcia.me
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/inesgarciaagile
– Book: Nature’s Blueprint for Business (Routledge, Sept 2025)
🎧 Listen to More from The 4 Habits:
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– Free Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Online Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Guest suggestions: hello@the4habits.com
#BetterWorkRelationships #TeamConnection #AgileLeadership #NatureInspiredBusiness #HealthyTeams #WorkplaceWellbeing #RelationshipIntelligence #Biomimicry#InesGarcia #The4HabitsPod
Can love survive betrayal? Can you truly rebuild trust, heal trauma, and find peace after infidelity, deception, or emotional wounds?
In this powerful episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, we dive deep into betrayal trauma recovery, emotional healing, rebuilding trust after infidelity, and restoring self‑worth in relationships. Our guest, Mr. Jay, a certified Betrayal Trauma Practitioner and Intrapersonal Relationship Coach, shares practical tools and hope‑filled insights for healing from broken trust, navigating emotional triggers, and repairing relationships after devastating betrayal.
Whether you’re struggling with relationship trust issues, learning to forgive after cheating, or trying to heal your nervous system and rebuild safety, this conversation will help you reconnect, recover, and rediscover your happily EVEN after.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Welcome — and the power of relationships that heal
02:40 | What is betrayal trauma? (And why it cuts so deep)
05:12 | Why most people “cope” instead of actually healing
08:45 | Triggers: what they are and how to respond
13:50 | The “Intrapersonal” work that must come before relational healing
17:15 | Can trust ever really be rebuilt?
21:05 | How to show up when your partner is in pain
24:40 | How long does healing really take?
27:50 | Mr. Jay’s journaling tool — From Tears to Transformation
30:15 | Creating a Happily EVEN After
33:40 | What children need when they witness brokenness
36:50 | The surprising gift inside the pain
41:05 | Why broken crayons still colour beautifully
✅ NEXT STEPS SECTION
📍 Connect with Mr. Jay
🎧 Listen to More from The 4 Habits:
#BetrayalTrauma #HealingRelationships #RebuildTrust #IntrapersonalHealing #TriggersAndTrust #The4HabitsPod #MrJay #EmotionalRecovery #HealthyRelationships #RelationshipTools #HappilyEvenAfter #FromTearsToTransformation
How do you heal after a toxic relationship?
How to trust again?
In this heartfelt and hope-filled episode, Heather Melville, Certified Relationship & Life Coach, joins Dr. Andrea and Jon Taylor-Cummings to explore how women can rebuild their confidence, self-worth, and joy after years of emotional or physical abuse.
Heather shares her own story — eight years in a toxic relationship that left her doubting her value — and how she turned pain into purpose, now helping women move from heartbreak to healing.
Discover how to spot the red flags, break the cycle of toxic love, and restore your relationship with yourself first.
If you’ve ever lost your voice in a relationship or wondered how to trust again, this episode will meet you where you are and help you find your way back to freedom, confidence, and real love.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | How to heal after a toxic relationship
01:25 | Meet Heather Melville – from engineer to relationship coach
03:18 | The passion behind her mission to help others heal
04:50 | When you don’t realise a relationship is toxic
07:10 | The turning point: a solo move to Germany
10:00 | Rebuilding self-trust and the power of decision-making
11:30 | Red flags we ignore — and why
14:20 | Healing the relationship with yourself first
17:40 | “Dream Again” – rediscovering who you are
21:30 | Why women often lose their voice in relationships
25:00 | The journey to self-worth and healthy boundaries
30:00 | The neurological side of toxic attachment
37:10 | How to spot manipulation and reclaim emotional safety
43:00 | Forgiveness, freedom, and finding yourself again
45:30 | Heather’s free tools and coaching for rebuilding trust
✅ NEXT STEPS SECTION
📍 Connect with Heather Melville
– Website: https://www.healthyrelationships.info
– Dream Again worksheet: https://www.healthyrelationships.info/services-4/life-after-toxic-love
– Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthyrelationships.coach
– Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558475200026
🎧 Listen to more from The 4 Habits:
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#ToxicRelationships #HealingJourney #HealthyBoundaries #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #RelationshipAdvice#EmotionalHealing #LifeCoaching #The4HabitsPod #HealthyRelationships
Wish you could say “no” without guilt — and without shutting down the relationship?
In this powerful episode, continuing our theme on handling conflict and anger well (see episodes #104, #105, #106 & #109, in case you missed them), we’re joined by Dr. Jen Fry — conflict literacy expert, TEDx speaker, and author of I Said No: How to Have a Backbone and Boundaries Without Being a Jerk.
Jen helps people navigate emotionally loaded situations — from the workplace to home — without blowing up, backing down, or burning bridges. Whether you’re facing a toxic boss, managing team tension, or trying to speak up without disconnecting from people you care about, this conversation is packed with tools to help you say what needs to be said, in a way that protects both your peace and the relationship.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Welcome & why this topic matters
01:42 | Jen’s book “I Said No” – the real story behind it
04:08 | Conflict as a mirror: what it shows us about ourselves
07:30 | The cost of avoiding hard conversations
10:15 | When someone explodes — or shuts down
14:55 | Power dynamics, emotional safety & silence
19:40 | Scripts for setting boundaries without shame
24:22 | Saying no without being a jerk
28:10 | “You’re too much”: how to respond with clarity
32:50 | Tough talks in leadership and friendship
38:15 | From rupture to repair: handling emotional friction
44:05 | Conflict vs. disconnection — there’s a difference
48:22 | Jen’s final word: courage, clarity & connection
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect with Dr. Jen Fry
– Website: https://jenfrytalks.com
– Book: https://jenfrytalks.com/book
– Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenfrytalks
– Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/jenfrytalks
– Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jenfrytalks
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jenfrytalks
🎧 Listen to More from The 4 Habits:
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Course:https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#SayNoWithoutGuilt #ConflictResolution #HealthyBoundaries#WorkplaceRelationships #EmotionalSafety #ToughConversations #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod #JenFry #HealthyRelationships
Wish you handled anger better? You’re not alone – and you’re not broken.
Learn how to transform anger into awareness. Dr. Mitch Abrams shares insights on emotional regulation, trauma, and emotional literacy.
In this powerful episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, Dr. Andrea & Jon sit down with Dr. Mitch Abrams, a clinical and forensic psychologist who has spent 20+ years helping people – from inmates to executives – transform how they understand and regulate anger.
Drawing from his bold book “I’m Not F*ing Angry!!!”, Mitch shares a radically compassionate take on anger management, emotional triggers, and what it really takes to build emotional control under pressure.
Whether you tend to explode or shut down, this episode unpacks:
– How anger can be a healthy response (if handled well)
– What trauma does to our emotional wiring
– How to press pause instead of reacting in regret
– Why most people don’t actually need “anger management” – they need emotional literacy
If you’re ready to build better relationships, lead under stress, or just stop saying things you regret – this one’s for you.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | The real story behind “I’m Not F***ing Angry!!!”
04:42 | Why prison taught Mitch more than his PhD
08:31 | Anger isn’t the problem – dysregulation is
11:58 | Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn: what’s your default?
15:36 | Men vs women: how we express anger differently
19:20 | “Emotional sobriety” – what it means and why it matters
24:05 | When high performers overheat: what to do
27:30 | How to press pause before you blow up
30:15 | Using anger as a force for healing
35:22 | Mitch’s personal journey with shame, burnout & rebuilding
39:40 | Final word: regulate, relate, respond
✅ NEXT STEPS
📍 Connect With Dr. Mitch Abrams:
– Book (I’m Not F*ing Angry!!!): https://drmitchabrams.com/books/im-not-fcking-angry/
– Website: https://www.drmitchabrams.com
– Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mitchabramspsyd/
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmitchabrams/
– X: https://x.com/MitchAbramsPsyD
🎧 For More from The 4 Habits:
– Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Listen Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– Check your RQ (Relational Intelligence – FREE Quiz): http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Learn The 4 Habits in your own time (Online course):https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Get the Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#AngerManagement #EmotionalRegulation #WishYouHandledAngerBetter #TraumaHealing #HighPerformers #EmotionalIntelligence #RelationshipsMatter#HealthyRelationships #The4HabitsPod #PersonalGrowth #DrMitchAbrams #ConflictResolution #SelfLeadership
Want to lead with confidence, influence others without control, and build trust at work? Learn how to spot leadership blind spots, develop emotional intelligence, and create psychologically safe teams.
In Episode 108 of The 4 Habits Podcast, Dr. Andrea and Jon Taylor-Cummings speak with Dr. Adeyinka Adewale, Associate Professor of Leadership and Entrepreneurship at Henley Business School. Together they explore how influence, integrity and self-awareness shape the quality of our relationships at work and in life.
You’ll learn how to recognise your own blind spots using the Johari Window model, and why the habit of observation without judgment instantly reduces defensiveness and builds trust. Discover how to “connect before you correct,” reclaim moral courage in the workplace, and lead with authentic influence instead of authority.
Key themes: ethical leadership, emotional intelligence, relationship habits for leaders, trust building, and values-based decision making.
🕒 EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 Why leadership starts with self-awareness and relationships
02:15 Adeyinka’s story – from community projects to global policy
08:49 Leadership is influence, not control
12:34 The Johari Window and blind spots
17:44 Connect before you correct – trust in action
22:58 Integrity at home vs at work
26:51 Doing things right vs doing the right thing
28:16 Courage to go against conformity
32:39 Truth vs euphemisms in work culture
44:15 Observation without evaluation – a game-changer
🔗 NEXT STEPS
For Dr. Andrea & Jon Episodes
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– Free Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– Course:https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Guest suggestions: hello@the4habits.com
Guest Links
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adeyinkaadewale/
– X (Twitter): https://twitter.com/yinkaadewale
– Book: The Wisdom of 40 Summers – Stories of Grace, Grit & Growth (Amazon)
#LeadershipDevelopment #IntegrityAtWork #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipBlindSpots #PsychologicalSafety #HealthyRelationships #TrustBuilding #CoachingSkills #ValuesBasedLeadership #The4HabitsPod #RelationshipHabits
Tired of conflict after divorce? Struggling to co-parent with someone who pushes all your buttons? This episode is your roadmap to co-parenting without conflict.
Family law expert Trina Nudson shares the tools, mindset shifts, and real-world systems that help separated parents stop fighting and start focusing on what matters most: their kids. Based in Kansas, Trina brings over 20 years of experience in family law, mediation, and social work, blending compassion with systems thinking.
As founder of The Layne Project, Trina has developed powerful conflict resolution tools like BeH2O®, a structured co parenting program, and BeAligned™, an AI-powered communication platform that helps parents manage emotional triggers and stay focused on their children.
You’ll learn:
– Why traditional court battles often deepen division
– How to shift from blame to strategic empathy
– The power of mindset in breaking high-conflict cycles
– Real stories of transformation using tech and trauma-informed support
– How to use co-parenting tools that actually work in high-stress situations
Whether you’re navigating a separation, supporting others through it, or working in family court reform, this episode is full of practical insights for creating calm, protecting childhoods, and fostering healthy relationships—without needing the courtroom.
⏱️ 4. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 Can co-parenting actually be peaceful after a breakup?
02:15 Trina’s “why”: protecting childhoods outside the courtroom
05:51 The real cost of courtroom battles
07:35 Why parents can’t “behave better” without mindset shifts
10:15 Strategic empathy: get curious, not combative
13:40 BeH2O® and BeAligned™ explained
17:55 The story of Philip & Jordan – healing through listening
23:20 AI + compassion = new tools for modern families
28:00 What every judge, lawyer, and parent needs to know
32:05 Trina’s legacy: changing systems, not just stories
🚀 5. NEXT STEPS
For Trina Nudson:
– Website: https://www.thelayneproject.com
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/trinanudson
For The 4 Habits:
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
– Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
– FREE Relationship Skills Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
– The 4 Habits Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
– Blueprint Course: https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
– Suggest a guest: hello@the4habits.com
#CoParenting #HighConflictParenting #HealthyRelationships#WorkLifeBalance #The4HabitsPod #BeH2O #ParentingAfterDivorce #PeacefulParenting #StrategicEmpathy #FamilyLawReform #MindsetShift
Toxic people draining your energy? Here’s how to set boundaries that stick and finally stop the drama.
In this follow-up to Episode 105 with Megan Hunter, co founder of the High Conflict Institute, we go deeper with her business partner Bill Eddy — the pioneer of the High Conflict Personality Theory.
Where Megan showed us the quick hacks (like BIFF responses and EAR Statements) to calm conflict in the moment, Bill reveals the deeper psychology and introduces step-by-step methods to create lasting change. With decades of experience as a therapist, lawyer, and mediator, he shares practical tools like the CARS Method (Connect, Analyse, Respond, Set Limits) and his new SLICK Solutions framework for setting limits and imposing consequences.
You’ll learn:
– Why some people thrive on conflict — and how to stop feeding it
– Four things you should never do with toxic people
– The BIFF response that instantly diffuses hostile emails
– How to set boundaries that actually hold, without endless arguments
– Real-world stories of leaders, parents, and partners transforming toxic dynamics
If you enjoyed E105 with Megan Hunter, this is the perfect “part two” — giving you the mindset, methods, and confidence to stay calm and thrive with high conflict people at work and at home.
4. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 Welcome back – building on Megan Hunter’s Episode (E105)
02:00 Bill Eddy’s path: therapist, lawyer, mediator
07:20 Why some people are “high conflict” and what that really means
10:30 Court vs mediation: lessons on looking forward, not back
15:20 The 4 traits of high conflict personalities
21:35 The four things NOT to do in conflict
25:40 The CARS Method explained
29:40 The BIFF response for hostile emails and texts
30:55 SLICK Solutions: setting limits and imposing consequences
38:50 How to manage upwards when your boss is the problem
42:00 Should leaders keep or fire toxic high performers?
47:00 Resources: High Conflict Institute, ConflictInfluencer.com, and It’sAll Your Fault podcast
5. NEXT STEPS
For Bill Eddy:
For The 4 Habits:
#HighConflict #ConflictResolution #ToxicPeople #WorkplaceWellbeing #LeadershipTools #HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod
Conflict resolution with toxic people at work or home doesn’t have to drain you. Learn the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) and EAR Statements (Empathy, Attention, Respect) — simple hacks to calm conflict and protect yourrelationships.
In this episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings sit down with Megan Hunter, CEO of High Conflict Institute and co-founder with Bill Eddy, to share practical tools for handling high-conflict personalities.
Known as The Conflict Influencer, Megan reveals science-backed methods that help leaders, parents, and partners reduce tension, set boundaries, and keep conversations productive.
We dive into:
– BIFF at Work: how to reply to hostile emails without fueling drama
– EAR Statements that instantly calm toxic behaviour
– Why trying to “hash it out” makes things worse with high-conflict people
– Boundaries that stick without escalating the situation
– What to do if you feel trapped in a high-conflict relationship
Megan’s work has trained thousands across 10 countries, giving hope that even the toughest relationships can be navigated with confidence.
🎧 Whether you’re managing difficult colleagues, co-parenting with conflict, or navigating tense family dynamics, this episode gives you the conflict resolution skills you need right now.
⏱️ EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 Welcome & Megan’s story – from justice system to Conflict Influencer
03:00 Why toxic behaviour is really a different operating system
07:00 The brain science: trauma, wiring, and defensiveness
10:00 First clue you’re dealing with high conflict (and not just you)
13:00 EAR Statements: empathy, attention, respect in action
18:00 Calm Before Think: CFO’s story of handling a toxic employee
24:00 BIFF at Work – how to reply to hostile emails without fueling them
30:00 Why apologies backfire and what to say instead
34:00 Hope & limits: when to calm and when to walk away
40:00 Where to get help: High Conflict Institute & ConflictInfluencer.com
46:00 Final thoughts: how everyone can build healthier conflict habits
🚀 NEXT STEPS
🔗 Connect with Megan Hunter:
– High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com
– Conflict Influencer: https://www.conflictinfluencer.com
– Podcast: It’s All Your Fault! (available on all major platforms)
– LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/meganhunter
🎥 Watch more from The 4 Habits:
– YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@The4Habits
🎧 Listen on Spotify:
– https://open.spotify.com/show/0fWvVbnNNhh9jodRYGG1O1
📘 Take the Free Quiz: http://the4habitsquiz.scoreapp.com
📖 Get the Book: https://the4habits.com/book/
🎓 Join the Course:https://learn.the4habits.com/courses/rq-blueprint-for-healthy-relationships
#HealthyRelationships #ConflictResolution #HighConflict #WorkplaceCulture #The4HabitsPod #BIFFMethod#EmotionalResilience #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #LeadershipSkills
How to stop conflict wrecking your relationships is one of the most searched questions in conflict resolution, marriage communication, and workplace disputes. In this episode, you’ll discover practical tools to handle conflict better, build stronger connections, and transform difficult conversations into opportunities for growth.
Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings sit down with Canadian lawyer, mediator, and author Jacinta Gallant to explore how to stop conflict from destroying connection at work and at home. After walking away from a successful but draining career in divorce litigation, Jacinta discovered Insight Mediation and a new way of approaching disputes.
She explains how moving from “knowing” to “noticing” creates space for curiosity, empathy, and real understanding — whether with a partner, a colleague, or a client. You’ll learn how to disrupt defensive patterns, use the “hope question” to calm tension, and bring curiosity into even the toughest conversations.
If you’ve ever wanted to stop repeating the same arguments, improve workplace communication, or build resilience in long term relationships, this episode is packed with strategies you can use today.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 Welcome and Jacinta’s bio introduction
02:00 Why she left the courtroom to pursue a better way
05:45 Becoming a “learn-it-all” instead of a “know-it-all”
07:15 The first step: noticing defensiveness in yourself
12:30 Disrupting the certainty of “I know” in relationships
16:30 How curiosity transforms long-term marriage patterns
19:40 The neuroscience of curiosity: calming self and others
27:00 From telling to wondering: practical language shifts
33:00 Redefining conflict as defending behaviours, not problems
43:30 Tools for couples: “We need to talk” and interpretation loops
47:30 Going Steady: building connection through discovery
NEXT STEPS
A) Make It Personal – Connect with Jacinta Gallant:
B) Stay Plugged In – Never Miss an Episode:
C) Continue Your Journey – Learn, Grow, Share:
#JacintaGallant #ConflictResolution #InsightMediation #HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod
Beat loneliness, build lasting adult friendships, and find your true “2AM friend”! 🌟 In this episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings sit down with Sheridan Voysey — author, broadcaster, and founder of Friendship Lab. Together, they explore why friendships are the overlooked superpower for wellbeing, how to move beyond loneliness, and the simple habits that create deeper, lasting connections.
Sheridan shares the personal wake-up call that inspired his mission, practical steps to cultivate your “2AM crew,” and evidence-based strategies to transform acquaintances into real friends. From check-ins and catch-ups to the four habits of lasting friendship — affection, generosity, vulnerability, and shared experiences — this episode is packed with tools to help you beat loneliness and build the friendships that matter most.
Whether you’re craving closer bonds, rebuilding after drift, or looking for more meaning in your relationships, this conversation will give you hope and a roadmap to friendships that last.
Episode Highlights (Timestamps)
00:00 The loneliness epidemic and why friendship is the antidote
02:30 Romance vs. friendship: the overlooked sibling
05:40 Sheridan’s wake-up call: “Who can you call at 2AM?”
09:57 The birth of Friendship Lab and its mission
13:15 Check-ins, catch-ups, and meet-ups: 3 habits to build deeper bonds
16:30 The 4 keys to real friendship: affection, generosity,vulnerability, shared experiences
21:44 How Gen Z and adults alike can start and sustain friendships
29:30 Overcoming shyness and awkward first meetings
34:25 Can men and women really be just friends?
42:00 Why senior leaders are the loneliest at work — and how to fix it
46:30 Friendships don’t break, they drift: how to stop theslide
NEXT STEPS
A) Make It Personal – Connect with Sheridan Voysey:
B) Stay Plugged In – Never Miss an Episode:
C) Continue Your Journey – Learn, Grow, Share:
#2AMFriend #BeatLoneliness #MakeGreatFriends #HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod
Leadership isn’t luck – it’s intentional.
In this powerful episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings sit down with Bianca D’Alessio – top-ranked NYC real estate broker, star of HBO Max’s Selling the Hamptons, and author of Mastering Intentions: 10 Practices to Amplify Your Power and Lead with Lasting Impact.Bianca manages a $10B real estate portfolio, leads one of the highest-performing sales teams in the U.S., and has become a trusted voice on leadership, resilience, and intentional growth. But her story didn’t start at the top – she opens up about earning just $11,000 in her first year, navigating failed partnerships, embracing vulnerability, and building deep trust along the way.This episode explores what it really takes to lead with purpose, why “teamship” beats competition, and how intentional practices can transform both careers and relationships. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a team leader, or someone striving to grow in influence, Bianca’s lessons on leadership, trust, and collaboration will inspire you to lead with clarity, courage, and lasting impact.
We explore:
Whether you’re leading a team, growing your career, ornavigating life transitions, this episode shows why intentionality is thedifference between fleeting wins and sustainable success.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 Why intentionality matters now
03:20 Childhood lessons and early resilience
05:50 From $11K first year to $10B portfolio
07:40 Saying yes to HBO’s Selling the Hamptons
09:44 Lessons from failed partnerships and red flags
12:00 “Teamship”: collaboration over competition
14:35 Building trust and loyalty in high-pressure markets
18:10 Daily practices for aligning with long-term vision
22:45 Leadership advice for the next generation
27:00 How Mastering Intentions is reshapingleadership
NEXT STEPS
A) Make It Personal – Connect with Bianca D’Alessio:
B) Stay Plugged In – Never Miss an Episode:
C) Continue Your Journey – Learn, Grow, Share:
#BiancaDAlessio #SellingTheHamptons #LeadershipLessons#NYCRealEstate #MasteringIntentions #HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod
Surviving divorce isn’t easy — especially in the spotlight. In this episode of The 4 Habits Podcast, Dr. Andrea & Jon sit down with Stacy D. Phillips, one of America’s top family law attorneys who has guided celebrities, athletes, executives, and public figures through high-profile divorces and custody battles for over four decades.
Stacy reveals the hidden lessons from high-stakes cases that apply to all of us:
This is a rare behind-the-scenes look at divorce, resilience, and the power of treating people with dignity through the hardest chapters of life.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS (TIMESTAMPS)
00:00 | Divorce in the spotlight – emotional toll of public scrutiny
02:30 | Stacy’s journey into family law and high-profile cases
06:10 | Celebrities vs. everyone else: surprising similarities
07:30 | When lawyers save marriages instead of ending them
10:20 | Gender, power, and control in divorce dynamics
13:40 | Why money, health, and children often drive couples apart
18:00 | Avoiding repeated mistakes after separation
22:00 | The role of values in long-term compatibility
27:10 | Co-parenting challenges and resilience after breakup
33:00 | Stacy’s advice to the next generation about love and family
NEXT STEPS
Connect with Stacy D. Phillips:
Explore more from The 4 Habits:
#DivorceSupport #CelebrityDivorce #Resilience #CoParenting #ControlAndCompassion #HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod
Celebrating 100 episodes of The 4 Habits Podcast! 🎉 Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share 100 lessons on building healthy relationships at home, work, and life – plus surprises, standout moments, and advice for aspiring podcasters.
In this special reflection episode, hosted by our “Podfather” Tolu Adebekun, we cover:
🙏 Thank you for being part of this journey — here’s to the next 100!
⏱ Chapters
[00:00] Welcome & milestone moment – Andrea opens, Jon reflects, and Tolu takes over as host.
[01:23] What’s surprised you most? – From unexpected wisdom to 78% male listeners!
[06:02] What’s the podcast all about? – The three pillars: Harmony at Home, Thrive at Work, Win at Life.
[08:40] How has the journey shaped you? – Market research in action, insights beyond our expertise,clarity through guest stories.
[22:36] Standout moments: Harmony at Home – Which guests made us rethink our own habits at home.
[29:51] Standout moments: Thrive at Work – How leaders are reframing love, listening, and leadership.
[33:05] Standout moments: Winat Life – Self-care, purpose, and dignity in everyday relationships.
[37:36] What’s next for the podcast? – Compassionate leadership, relationship-centred business, evenreal estate.
[42:07] Advice for aspiring podcasters – Know your WHY, build consistency, focus on value.
[43:55] Closing thanks – To Tolu, to our listeners, and to everyone who has been part of this milestone.
📢 Next Steps
As promised, here are the links to various episodes mentioned:
Harmony @ Home
Thrive @ Work
Win @ Life
Want to go deeper:
#HealthyRelationships #WorkLifeBalance #RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #The4HabitsPod #PodcastMilestone #LeadershipDevelopment #SelfCare #LoveAtWork