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In this video, I explore attachment styles, how to identify a secure partner, and the dynamics of trauma bonding.
► Links and Resources:
Fear of Commitment Video:
https://youtu.be/SUECZtfGkEM?si=mKymbK-Sh2jeFVD1
Chaotic Attachment Video:
https://youtu.be/-BFW7lVd8Yk?si=asZKMwEpWoPtradm
Trauma Bonding Article:
https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/
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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:13 Dating With CPTSD
10:09 Dating With An Avoidant Attachment Style
13:40 Dating With An Anxious Attachment Style
16:17 Dating With A Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
18:43 Trauma Bondings In CPTSD Dating
21:19 Why Secure Love Feels Boring
24:05 Dating with a Secure Attachment Style
27:01 How To Find a Secure Partner
27:30 Step 1: Start To Reclaim Your Own Sense Of Self First
30:15 Step 2: Continuously Shed A Light And Question Your Triggers
31:39 Step 3: Start To Become A More Securely Attached Person Yourself
34:08 Step 4: Date Like A Secure Person Would
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
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There is a way to crush you pink glasses for someone now.
But let me warn you up front: This way is not good advice, neither will it end your romantic obsession problems long term.
Still, it works if you want to stop intrusive thought about someone instantly.
The solution is: Get more options!
Get another or even better - more surfaces for your projections of your fantasies aka limerent objects
► Links and Resources:
Limerence While in a Relationship:
ChatGPT as Therapist Video:
https://youtu.be/JRo6PgSiB3w?si=jX8TGEKH1q0LSFE_
Detachment & Letting Go Video: https://youtu.be/WUJu3dVIUZ0?si=WhQ51parSClkzTSD
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Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
02:18 Way 5: Truly Want (Decide) To Move On
07:50 Way 4: Use AI-Tools As A Neutral Mirror
13:58 Way 3: Accept What It Means To Be Over Your L.O.
16:11: Way 2: Understand What Your Inner Child Truly Needs (And Never Got)
19:30 Way 1: Be Prepared To Sit On A 3-Legged Chair (Get A Life)
20:56 Pillars Of Stability/Leg 1: Health
22:02 Leg 2: Wealth/Work
22:42 Leg 3: Social Life
24:00 Leg 4: Options
25:13 Leg 5: Self-Worth
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
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You might believe that being in a happy marriage or relationship makes you immune to limerence.
But still, I’ve read the following story about limerence while in a relationship in one or another version hundreds of times online.
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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:21 Limerence While In A Relationship
03:37 The Perspective Of The Partner
05:42 Why Was She Risking Her Marriage?
08:17 How Limerence Forms While In A Relationship
13:31 What To Do?
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
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What is at the root of limerence, aka romantic obsession, aka love addiction?
Ladies & Gentlemen, it is NOT just loneliness or a quirky crush.
Therefore, today I’m taking you on a deep dive through the 10 layers beneath the surface down to the dark root of limerence.
► Links and Resources:
Self-Soothing Through Fantasies: https://youtu.be/ozIbtcDmNVA?si=yN_lWce2OJ57hmka
Anxious Attachment Style Episode: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=PZijKMhWOOJiL2Tf
Love Addiction Article:
https://greymattersjournal.org/love-addiction/
Basic Needs:
https://blanchethouse.org/5-levels-of-human-needs/
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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:30 Level 1: The Obsessive Crush
04:26 Level 2: Mixed Dating Signals
06:54 Level 3: Dopamine Addiction & OCD
08:46 Level 4: Unmet Emotional Needs
11:41 Level 5: Projection: The Idealized Fantasy
16:49 Level 6: Fear Of Rejection/Intimacy
19:43 Level 7: Attachment Wounds
21:28 Level 8: Childhood Trauma/Neglect
23:19 Level 9: Low Self-Worth/Shame
25:07 Level 10: Nervous System Dysregulation
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
► Links and Resources:
Hypervigilance Episode: https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=PDm6Sk9WuPx6Rjp4
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:25 What Does It Mean If You Don’t Feel Seen?
04:00 Introspective Perception
08:40 Extrospective Perception
10:00 Society & Culture
11:30 Childhood & Relationships
13:00 Love Languages
19:00 How To Feel More Seen
21:50 How To See Others More
Final Thoughts
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 10 signs it’s a trauma bond and not real love.
But I won’t just throw these signs at you, I want you to truly understand the background psychology of a trauma bond.
This is why I take you into the roller coaster relationship of Mary.
We will see how a trauma-bonded relationship forms, how it builds up, and then slowly but gradually crashes into emotional suffering, codependency and addiction - sign by sign.
Plus, in the end, we will also explore what real love actually might look like.
► Links and Resources:
Limerence Episode:
https://youtu.be/mmNjDwdPwOA?si=kSFn2nNBgBf6Mx3k
Trauma Bond Article: https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/
Codependency Series by Tim Fletcher:
https://youtu.be/yesXC_ibRKE?si=r4JO6JGdscfuJU0c
People Pleasing and Healthy Conflict Video: https://youtu.be/ZhExIeU3Bys?si=6pxiypHRDxaAldEW
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
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Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:48 What Is A Trauma Bond?
04:40 Sign 1: The Honeymoon Phase (Love Bombing)
06:44 Sign 2: Unwritten Rules
08:52 Sign 3: Honesty Is Dangerous
13:17 Sign 4: Gaslighting
14:37 Sign 5: Double Standards
15:46 Sign 6: Enmeshment And Codependency
19:34 Sign 7: Cause For Pain, Source For Healing
21:44 Sign 8: Emotional Responsibility
24:00 Sign 9: Abuse Escalation
29:15 Sign 10: Addiction (The Crash)
31:19 What Is Love?
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
In this video I show you a live roleplay where I simulate a conflict with my “wife” and try to resolve it using Nonviolent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. I’m sharing this with you not because I’m so good in conflict resolution, but because I’m so bad in it. I was avoidant my whole life and I’m lacking this skill the most. I’m scared as hell of conflict and currently learning this skill
I think this is one of the most important skills for relationships to learn.So maybe it saves your relationship or marriage and you don’t have to run away anymore.
► Links and Resources:
Nonviolent Communication Book (Ad): https://amzn.to/4ohDQIh
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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
02:00 Why DOESN’T Conflict Resolution Always Work Out Easily?
04:10 How Relationship Fight Resolution Looks Like In Real Life
05:45 Nonviolent Communication
09:30 Live Roleplay
18:40 Learnings From The Roleplay
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode!
Here’s the thing: We all hate conflict in our relationships.
And it’s these days when we fight with the person we love most, that hurt us and make us suffer the most.
But what if there is a way to stop fighting in our relationships?
Even prevent fights before they happen?
In this episode, I will introduce you to an often forgotten approach to achieve exactly that: A relationship with less fighting & conflict.
Plus, as a bonus, in the end of the video, I demonstrate this solution in a live roleplay with a Custom GPT I built.
► Links and Resources:
Video People Pleasing and How Conflict Heals Relationships: https://youtu.be/ZhExIeU3Bys?si=tU5VgGUQz2SaQJIK
Article Michael Lukas Moeller: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Lukas_Moeller
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Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:56 Why We’re Fighting
04:00 The Toxic Fighting Cycle
08:49 How A Healthy Relationship Looks Like
13:15 Where The Disconnection Happens
15:39 The Real, Mutual Talk
17:41 “Zwiegespräch” Dialogue
20:50 Nonviolent Communication
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about a surprisingly simple technique to resolve conflict like a secure person.
We explore why we fight and how our attachment style is linked to that.
But more importantly, I’ll show you a simple technique that works to handle conflict like a secure person.
And I demonstrate this solution in a live roleplay with a Custom GPT I built.
► Links and Resources:
Nonviolent Communication Book:
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:14 Why We Fight
03:58 Conflict and Insecure Attachment
11:55 Escalation Scale
16:28 About The Technique
16:44 Nonviolent Communication
21:22 Live Roleplay
30:46 Live Roleplay Results
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 10 Signs That Immediately Tell You Someone Is a Covert Narcissist.
Grandiose narcissists are often more obvious to spot, but there is another type that is more hidden.
We talk about what covert narcissism is,
10 signs how you can spot one that I ranked from most obvious to least obvious, and what to do if you identify one.
► Links and Resources:
HSP and Narcissists Episode:
https://youtu.be/4iVbi9euL3k?si=TVaaPCU44ay8JH6F
Narcissism Phenotypes Paper: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/40679663_Pathological_Narcissism_and_Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder
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Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:12 Covert Narcissism Vs. “Regular” Narcissism
04:43 Sign 1: They Are Hypersensitive To Any Kind Of Criticism
06:27 Sign 2: They Are Chronic Neurotics
07:44 Sign 3: They Are Anti-Social
09:53 Sign 4: They Don’t Want Others To Succeed
11:08 Sign 5: They Are Far Up On The Spectrum Of Judging
12:39 Sign 6: Aggression Comes Out Of The Backdoor
14:56 Sign 7: The Play The Moral Victim
17:09 Sign 8: They Strut Around But Don’t Take The Risks
19:24: Sign 9: Grandiosity Comes Out Of The Backdoor
20:47 Sign 10: They Weaponize Your Insecurity
23:02 What To Do, If You’re In A Relationship With A Covert Narcissist?
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 8 life areas to declutter to calm chaos & overwhelm and release emotional baggage
In the beginning we discuss the controversial if trauma is responsible for a lot of the clutter in our life
And we explore in depth all of the 8 areas and come up with solutions to declutter
► Links and Resources:
Traumatic and stressful life events in hoarding article: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8312593/
Hoarding and Trauma article: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2211364917301793
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
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https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:46 Clutter And Trauma
10:32 Household Clutter
13:58 Time/Capacity Clutter
16:23 Career Clutter
19:04 Financial Clutter
21:56 Physical Health Clutter
25:16 Relationship Clutter
28:24 Emotional Clutter
36:05 Mental Clutter
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
While working with 4 different therapists in the past years, I’ve learned a ton of powerful self-care habits.
Here are my top 7, ranked from least to most impact, to reclaim self-worth.
But surprisingly, habits 6 and 7 are the simplest effective at the same time.
► Links and Resources:
Toxic Shame Episode:
https://youtu.be/qqDURsvDZmM?si=iQdhxHnDYiQ_o4GS
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:33 Habit 1: Wordless Mirror-Work
2:53 Habit 2: Re-Regulation Tools & Resources
06:01 Habit 3: Express Needs
08:31 Habit 4: Wear Clothes That Feel Like You
09:59 Habit 5: Daily Boundary Check-In
11:43 Habit 6: Use A Grounding Reminder App
13:31 Habit 7: Set A Reminder For Your Sense Of Self
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
If your relationships look like this: One moment you're deeply connected — the next, you're pulling away and don't want any contact with that person.
Or you have the feeling that you are somehow addicted and dependent on another person.
This isn’t just drama.
But it’s the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding — a pattern that’s especially common if you grew up with chaos, neglect, or emotional unpredictability.
In this video, we’ll explore why love can feel like a roller coaster
How all this is linked to an anxious, avoidant or disorganized attachment style
Which role narcissistic abuse plays in all of that
and how to finally break free from the chaos… to master real, secure connection — even if you never saw that growing up.
► Links and Resources:
10 Signs of a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: https://youtu.be/V5Nn_XOHFX8?si=Hakj_BVayQasc134
Intermittent Reinforcement Article: https://www.catharticspacecounseling.com/blog/stuck-in-a-toxic-cycle-this-psychological-pattern-might-be-why
Trauma Bonding Video By Tim Fletcher: https://www.youtube.com/live/xIf4uJ94r3o?si=4C1KYflrBZs_dxtM
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
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Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:02 What is Trauma Bonding?
04:33 How Childhood Trauma Creates This Pattern
07:06 The Role of The Narcissist
09:47 Challenges in Breaking Free
11:48 How To Rebuild Healthy Relationships After a Chaotic Childhood
12:00 Step 1: Clarity For The Trauma-Bond
13:05 Step 2: Get Away From Any Toxic Relationship
13:53 Step 3: Understand What A "Healthy" Partner Is
15:07 Step 4: Find The Right People For You Healing
16:00 Step 5: Dance The Connection/Autonomy Dance
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
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If you're on social media these days, everyone tells you the same thing: 'Just listen to your gut feeling.'
But I want to say the opposite is true.
Because what if your strongest intuition — your so-called gut feeling — is actually coming out of a past wound?
This is true for everyone who experienced childhood trauma.
In this video, I’ll reveal to you 7 clear signs that it’s trauma — not your intuition — speaking.
My goal is that after this video you can tell for sure if it's your gut instinct speaking, or a past trauma reaction.
Plus, I’ll share some of the best tools, techniques, and strategies I’ve learned over four years of therapy to help you reconnect with your true gut instinct.
► Links and Resources:
Commitment Issues Video:
https://youtu.be/SUECZtfGkEM?si=0NIn5fjYfkHL1SAN
Somatic Symptoms Video:
https://youtu.be/lwhrWvjcOq0?si=gEKaF2NUR899j1mL
Hypervigilance Video:
https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=B07c4KL8NprA8B-S
Neuroception Article: https://khironclinics.com/blog/polyvagal-theory-neuroception-the-fundament-of-feeling/
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:00 Personal Story
02:47 Real Gut Feeling: Location & Sensation Breakdown
05:28 Why You Can’t Trust Your Gut Feeling
08:14 Sign 1: You Overthink And Expect The Worst, Even When Things Are Calm
09:16 Sign 2: You Struggle To Trust People, Even If They've Never Hurt You
10:52 Sign 3: You're Afraid They Might Leave, Even If Nothing's Wrong
11:55 Sign 4: You Overreact To Small Things, And It Feels Huge In The Moment
12:46 Sign 5: You're Always On Alert, Even When There's No Visible Threat
13:55 Sign 6: You Avoid People Or Places, And You're Not Sure Why
15:44 Sign 7: You Feel Uneasy When Things Are Actually Calm
17:16 How To Reconnect With Your Real Intuition
19:32 Tools, Skills & Resources For Regulating Trauma Responses
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial: https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Are you in this situation right now, where you desperately wish nothing more, than that a specific person in your life would change?Maybe your partner who keeps shutting down emotionally?Your dad who’s slowly destroying himself with unhealthy habits?Or Your daughter making decisions that feel absolutely impossible to watch?If you’re feeling the urge right now that’s it’s your job to fix them, to somehow save them — then this episode is for you.Because here’s the honest truth upfront:You can’t change them. And you shouldn’t try.I know that might feel like giving up.But you can do something instead - and this is what we’re talking about in this video.
► Links and Resources:
Between Stimulus and Response Lies Our Freedom Episode: https://youtu.be/XGJFXLEfdpc?si=zBO77fGiQViBEmTW
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:52 3 Saver Roles You Play, When Trying To Fix Someone You Love
05:20 Why It Was Never Your Job To “Fix” Them
06:47 Trying To Fix Someone? Try These 3 Steps!
13:19 Final Thoughts
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Sometimes our emotional world, feels like a battlefield.
So do you often feel like you’re fighting an invisible war inside your own body?
Like sounds, lights, and emotions are too much?
No one might see it, BUT you’re not alone.
This is sensory overload caused by complex trauma which causes you to be easily triggered, feeling overwhelm ed and burned out.
In this video, we’ll break down why your nervous system feels like a battlefield,
what the causes behind your overwhelm and shutdown are
and a ton of resources I collected during years of therapy that can help you surviving and calm you down.
► Links and Resources:
Hypervigilance Episode:
HSP vs. ASD Episode:
https://youtu.be/sib1ok3a6-w?si=E2gIexDhZedOh9VN
Sensory Overload and PTSD Paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9720153
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00
00:52 Personal Story
02:09 Understanding CPTSD And Sensory Overload
04:50 CPTSD Vs. Neurodivergence Vs. Sensory Sensitivity
08:25 Identifying Your Unique Triggers
10:32 Re-Regulation & Grounding Techniques
10:53 Technique 1: The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique
11:17 Technique 2: Movement Skills
11:58 Technique 3: Shower Technique
12:55 Technique 4: Emergency Exit Technique
13:33 Sensory Overwhelm Self-Care Routines
14:05 Routine 1: Create A Low-Stimulation Environment
15:23 Routine 2: Nervous System Hygiene = Daily Self-Care
16:58 Routine 3: Communicate Your Sensory Needs & Set Boundaries
18:24 Long Term Healing
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
There is one reason, why so many of us are feeling not good enough.
No matter how much you achieve or how many people tell you otherwise, you still sometimes just want to disappear, because you're feeling so degraded and thinskinned.
But the thing is: That voice inside you that keeps saying, ‘You’re not enough’… it didn’t start with you.
You weren’t born believing that. It was planted there — and it’s been shaping the way you see yourself ever since.
And in today's video, we’re going to look at where that belief really comes from, what toxic shame actually is, how it can quietly control every area of your life without you even realizing it… and most importantly, what you can do to finally break free from it.
► Links and Resources:
Toxic Shame Episode:
https://youtu.be/9XpiOkHSpjI?si=Ndp7XgXXWlqMazoN
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:05 Where “I’m Not Good Enough” Comes From
03:48 Toxic Shame: The Root Of It All
10:04 Why You Keep Ending Up In The Same Pain
11:33 How To Stop Feeling “Not Good Enough”
12:17 Step 1: Realize: It Was Never Your Fault!
13:01 Step 2: Replace Self-Criticism With Compassion
14:33 Step 3: Train Yourself To Interrupt The Cycle As Often As Possible
15:25 Step 4 : Create New Relationship Experiences
16:30 Step 5: Use Re-Regulation-Tools And Resources
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
What if your constant battle with shame, burnout, or the feeling that something’s wrong with you… isn’t actually about you? But what if it’s about your childhood?
In this video, we’re unmasking one of the most important studies on trauma ever conducted (interestingly enough I’ve never talked about it here on the channel before) — the famous ACE Study — Adverse Childhood Experiences.
We’ll uncover what it reveals about how your childhood silently rewired your brain, your body, and your entire sense of self.
How this is affecting nearly every area of your adult life
And most importantly: what you can do to break free from the patterns from your past and stop passing the trauma to the next young generation.
► Links and Resources:
Physical Symptoms Episode:
https://youtu.be/lwhrWvjcOq0?si=jIcStaNgfG5zNu2-
Hypervigilance Episode:
https://youtu.be/Mhoa6_53StI?si=EFEcJAmUOYVA1Mj-
ACE Study Full Paper: https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/s0749-3797(98)00017-8/pdf
Dr. Vincent J. Felitti:
ACE Study CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html
ACE Study Results CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.html
Canadian ACE:
https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/85-002-x/2022001/article/00016-eng.htm
ACE and Cancer:
https://www.nature.com/articles/s44184-025-00138-6
ACE and Depression: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032724001484
ACE and Suicidality: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6220625/
ACE and Life Outcomes:
https://therapyinanutshell.com/ace-study/
Trauma and Brain Change: https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-024-06306-w
ACE Quiz:
https://americanspcc.org/take-the-aces-quiz/
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music:
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:55 Why The ACE Study Mattered So Much
02:38 The 10 ACE’s
04:21 ACE Study Findings: Trauma is way more common than we think
05:44 How ACE’s Drastically Sabotage Your Adult Life
08:44 What Trauma Does To The Brain And Body
10:42 Not All Adversity Is Bad
11:58 Healing From The Consequences Of ACEs
12:06 Step 1: Awareness & Re-Connection With Yourself
13:42 Step 2: Relearning Safety Through Relationships
14:43 Step 3: Rebuild The Skills You Were Never Taught
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
Today we’re talking about: 10 Things People with Trauma Do Without Realizing.
► Links and Resources:
Attachment Style Episode: https://youtu.be/1S-YK065XLA?si=cnxWk5WsT8GveNk8
Social Anxiety Episode: https://youtu.be/h17cBx7b5UQ?si=wASNhO_rR6nXNsRP
High Tension Episode: https://youtu.be/J5Ys0iYRitg?si=zVsAWD08GAbHssfq
Somatic Symptoms Episode: https://youtu.be/lwhrWvjcOq0?si=Bc-e28H4xMfai2Dd
Trauma vs. ADHD Episode: https://youtu.be/limKlx4h_F4?si=lOol2BfEfFZhXyUd
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 What You Will Learn
02:10 1) To Them Closeness Feels Like A Threat
04:16 2) They Need A Lot Of Alone Time
07:07 3) They Are Highly Successful
10:46 4) They Travel A Lot
13:21 5) They Don’t Ask For Help
17:32 6) They’re Always Tensioned / On High Alert
21:00 7) They Feel Guilty For Everything At Any Time
25:05 8) They Have Unexplainable Physical Symptoms
28:06 9) They Appear To Have It All Together
30:55 10) They Appear Off / Inattentive
33:30 The Link With The Nervous System (Poly Vagal Theory)
37:00 Healing Trauma Symptoms
42:50 Outro
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.
► Start Our Premium Course Trial:
https://understandable.net/ (Ad)
► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques:
https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad)
In the past 5 years, I’ve worked with 4 therapists on my childhood trauma, which was hijacking my relationships and causing constant anxiety.
But while therapy helped me making a lot of progress and becoming a more confident and self-aware person, it didn’t completely fixed my trauma symptoms.
I always felt like there is some puzzle piece missing.
But after spending nearly 4.000 $ on therapy, I had to try something new.
And surprisingly, while doing that, I finally found it.
The missing piece!
What I finally learned, what my 4 therapists couldn’t teach me, I will share with you in today’s video.
► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform!
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905
Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable
► Episode Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:58 My Healing Journey So Far
04:09 Lesson 1: Re-Connecting With Yourself
06:06 Lesson 2: Stop Masking, Express Your Emotions
07:45 Lesson 3: Communicating Needs
08:36 Lesson 4: Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
09:42 The Missing Puzzle Piece That “Fixed” Me
13:35 Final Thoughts
► Reach Out To Me :)
E-Mail: info@understandable.net
► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory.
My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :)
► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education.
I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.