On Today’s Show:



Tim kicks off Thanksgiving week by revisiting his dark past as an AOL “please don’t cancel” ghoul, then dives headfirst into the rancid online worlds of dog-abusing TikTok goblins, neo-Nazi child recruiters, and Jeffrey Epstein’s inbox cosplay. Plus: highway exhibitionism, old-school DV prank calls, and why Tim’s eyeballs sometimes decide to go rogue on camera.



On today’s show:




* Tim remembers his stint in AOL’s cancellation department, the shady “free months” retention scam, and how every job he’s ever had has been a bait-and-switch (including pushing carts in the rain at Walmart instead of playing with electronics).



* Meet Rachel: a filthy, rage-filled TikTok/OnlyFans “star” who lets her dogs piss and shit all over the apartment, saves the evidence in bags, admits to kicking one of them, and even smears dog feces all over her own face on stream—while insisting she’s the victim.



* Animal control, cops, eviction, and a “housing crisis” all collide as Rachel explains why her dogs never go outside, why her floor is a biohazard, and why what she really needs is “a big juicy dick” instead of mental health care.



* Local news discovers (20 years late) that neo-Nazis are using video chat sites to target kids: Tim riffs on a Chatroulette-style white-supremacist creep harassing children of color, recruiting white boys, and screaming slurs in public with his GDL buddies and “mud shark” signs.



* From the Midwest: an Iowa man stands on the shoulder of two different interstates flashing his junk at morning and afternoon commuters because his life felt “blah” and he wanted “a little excitement.”



* Tech hell: Jmail, a cursed web project that recreates Gmail so you can log in as Jeffrey Epstein and search thousands of scanned emails—including that now-viral message about Trump, Putin, and “photos of Trump blowing Bubba.”



* Listener texts & voicemails: lazy-eye questions, ancient DV prank calls from the Real Talk era, devil-worshipper phone listings, and a breakdown of how Charlie Kirk’s Turning Point machine was quietly rewiring conservative youth politics before he died.




Housekeeping & holiday stuff:




* Thanksgiving schedule: no show on Thursday, but there will be a Sideshow-exclusive show on Black Friday.



* Black Friday membership deals are coming—Tim begs you to hold off and snag the super-cheap Sideshow offers later this week.



* The once-a-year Distorted View Store is about to open: limited-time DV merch run with shirts, hoodies, mugs, magnets, desk pads, “Tim Henson face jizz rags,” and more nonsense before it all disappears again until next holiday season.



* Support the show: sponsor an episode for $25 (PayPal: show@distortedview.com), or pledge on Patreon at patreon.com/distortedview for perks including a special voicemail line.




Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH-GOD)Text line: 4-HAIRY-CUNT (and 206-666-4463)



00:00:00 Introduction02:10:03 America Online Customer Service Scam07:24:01 Tiktard Lets Dog Pee And Poop In The House23:45:07 Nazi’s Recruiting Children On Video Chat Sites/Apps28:50:23 Racist Vs Pedestrian IRL30:51:22 Support Distorted View Daily33:35:10 Wagging Your Dick For All Those On Their Morning Commute36:36:15 Log In To Jeffrey Epsteins Email Account39:06:23Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Texts / Ending







Promo Code: ...

On Today’s Show:




* 🎄 Holiday Horniness with Adam & EveTim kicks things off by reminding freaks to cram those stockings (and other orifices) with toys from AdamAndEve.com using promo code FREAK for 50% off, free gifts, and free shipping. Extra attention paid to the deeply red, very Christmassy PDX Elite Suckgasm Masturbator and its 25 suction/vibration combos.



* 🍑 Bung Lusch & Pretty Hole: The Alpha Ass-Care EmpireTim updates listeners on his booming cosmetics “startup”:

* Bung Lusch Hemorrhoid Concealer – “not makeup,” just ultra-masculine assberry camo for hardcore bros.



* Pretty Hole Brand Power Bottom Enhancing Bussy Cream – the same product, just gayer branding for femboys and power bottoms.All proudly under the Scraud Domestic Healthcare Worldwide umbrella.





* 🔊 Groove Thing: The Internal Butthole BoomboxA new Kickstarter toy called Groove Thing promises a “concert in your vagina” or bass-heavy beats in your butthole:

* Essentially a music-playing butt plug / internal speaker with pussy and clit attachments.



* Raised over $513,000 on a $10k goal; units expected to ship in January.



* Tim imagines freaks blasting Distorted View and Linda Finkel Hall of Fame audio inside themselves and reading testimonials like, “like a subwoofer in my pussy.”





* 🇺🇸 Operation Family Fuck for FreedomTim dissects a deeply wrong porno scenario where a stepdad convinces his stepdaughter to “help mommy” and “save America” by sexually servicing him on camera for supposed terrorists / mobsters:

* Threats of mom being killed, Mount Rushmore being blown up, and the World Trade Center “again” all used as emotional blackmail.



* The girl acts way younger than 18, making the whole “it’s just stepdad porn, so it’s fine” loophole feel extra gross.



* Tim riffs on “Operation Family Fuck for Freedom” and the idea of the President awarding a purple heart for dick sucking.





* 🧸 AI Teddy Bear Wants to Talk Kink with Your KidA Singapore company’s AI teddy bear Kuma (powered by GPT-style tech) is pulled from shelves after testers discover:

* It happily explains fetishes, bondage, bukkake, teacher–student roleplay, and how to find knives and light matches.



* Always-on mic and data collection raise huge privacy red flags.Tim performs an Insensitive Reenactment of a lonely kid bonding with a foul-mouthed, predatory teddy bear that quickly pivots to child porn vibes, murder plots, and “Teddy Fuckspin” energy. Moral: maybe don’t buy AI toys for your children this Christmas.





* 🏔️ Mountain Karen on a $50K Snowy MeltdownA rich guy on a guided mountain climb freaks out in a blizzard because he paid tens of thousands of dollars and isn’t going to summit:

* Screaming about being “so stressed I can’t even shit.”



* Whining about money while locals try not to die in an ice storm.Tim and another climber in the clip basically label him Mountain Karen and mock the entitlement.





* 🎃 Halloween Karen vs. Tall BetsyA Christian woman addresses her local council to complain about a Halloween block party:

* Outraged at “brothel” costumes, visible cleavage, bare legs, and adults dressed like monsters.



* Furious about a local Halloween folklore character, Tall Betsy, whom she describes as an occult idol that must be removed from the town square.



* Calls for churches to “unite” and take the event down.Tim explains who Tall Betsy is, mocks her pearl-clutching over candy and costumes...

🎙️ On Today’s Show:



Tim returns for a Wednesday packed with fragile masculinity, cursed cosmetics, Disney cultists, and a Florida threesome meltdown. AdamAndEve.com is wrapping up their DV sponsorship, so Tim urges you to snag your discounted sex toys with promo code FREAK.



MEN’S “NOT MAKEUP” MAKEUPTim reviews a social media ad for KLYR, a $60 “concealing cream for men” that insists it’s absolutely NOT makeup. The ad features dudes blending foundation with black “manly” sponges, trying desperately to hide redness without sounding gay. Tim decides he’s finally going to start wearing concealer—but the 97-cent kind.



INTRODUCING: BUNG LUSH HEMORRHOID CONCEALERTim unveils his own revolutionary cosmetic: Bung Lush, concealer for hemorrhoids. Fake ad spot includes an “active asshole,” pre-butt-play preparation, and shades like Protein Powder Vanilla, Road Rash Red, and Smoky Starfish. The story ends with a disastrous finger-in-the-butthole incident, but at least the hemis were beautifully blended.



THE CURSED WORLD OF TACTICAL PRODUCTSTim dives into hyper-masculine junk like Bell & Howell “TAC” gear—tactical flashlights, shavers, and the infamous Tac Pen that doubles as a strobe light, window breaker, screwdriver, and emergency whistle to summon your wife. All branded as “military grade” for guys who think they’ll someday need to escape a glass coffin in the desert.



THE TIKTOK JEWELER LOOPA jeweler’s diamond appraisal videos reveal the same “What’s up, dude?” guy appearing again and again, creating a surreal loop where two men seem trapped greeting each other for eternity over a possibly stolen $70k stone.



GAS STATION & PARKING LOT RACISM CIRCUSTim plays clips of a black woman ranting about a “weird Indian bitch” at a convenience store, insisting she “can’t be racist.” Then there’s a heated roadside fight between a black woman and a Hispanic woman arguing over who caused a near-accident. Tim notes both sides are exhausting and the argument lasted far longer than the non-accident deserved.



SHAMWOW VINCE RETURNS AS A CULTURE WARRIORInfomercial legend Vince (ShamWow/Slap Chop) has gone full right-wing with a new music video, “Wokebusters.” It features bad trans caricatures, DEI jokes, and even exposes actual children to a bare-assed actor—ironically more graphic than the “woke threats” he’s fear-mongering about. Dedicated to Charlie Kirk, naturally.



DISNEY ADULTS ANTHEM FROM HELLTim suffers through a new anthem for Disney Adults—possibly AI, possibly real humans with no shame—celebrating parade choreography, monorails, and spending half their yearly income on park tickets. Tim calls for Disney Adult deprogramming camps.



NEGRO CONNECTION RETURNS (SORT OF)Show sponsor Mr. Miller requests the infamous Mrs. Miller “Negro Connection” parody. Tim explains the original bit, why it existed, and why that era of racial satire mostly stays retired—even though he still stands by the intent.



FLORIDA THREESOME IMPLOSIONA Florida woman named Angel Lynn Curl was arrested after a planned threesome with her boyfriend and another woman collapsed. Curl allegedly punched her boyfriend repeatedly, then denied everything despite a witness watching. Tim theorizes the boyfriend immediately focused on the new pussy and all hell broke loose.



SELF-CHECKOUT MELTDOWN AT KROGERA Houston man erupts at a black woman at self-checkout. Tim rants about the universal misery of self-checkout lines and proposes a Self-Checkout Certification Test to prevent slow, confused customers from clogging the machines.



SUPPORT DVTim plugs the Sideshow, Patreon, $25 episode sponsorships,

On Today’s Show:



On today’s show:




* “6–7” is Satanic NowTim dives into the extremely online Christian meltdown over kids chanting “6-7” from a dumb TikTok meme. Somehow this turns into a conspiracy web involving Greek gods, vaccines, Trump, homosexuality, slot machines, 666 vs 777, ICE, and the usual “won’t someone think of the children” panic.



* Mead Skelton: From Pretty Boy to Lesbian AuntMead posts “How Being on the Internet Since Young Adulthood Destroyed My Life,” blames self-promo message-board shenanigans for tanking his career, insists he’s probably on the Epstein list, and casually drops that “minors were after” him. Tim fact-checks the fantasy, mocks his old-lady glasses, and immortalizes the line: “I look like a lesbian.”



* Tonetta’s Force-Fed StoryBeloved weirdo Tonetta recalls being “force-fed” cock until he had to swallow… then admits it actually tasted pretty good. Tim tries to balance the horrific assault description with the fact that Tonetta is clearly still very into cum.



* Stacey Kennison vs Sandra Bullock & Diane LaneOur favorite unstable queen returns, now claiming Diane Lane is blaspheming her Holy Spirit on her “bare genitalium,” orchestrating rape and immolation plots to secure peace in the Middle East, and risking an ex parte order if she doesn’t knock it off. Tim helpfully notes we’ve basically heard this exact script before—just swap in Sandra Bullock.



* “We Are All Abusers” (and Also Terrible at Songwriting)Tim spotlights Ava Via Music, who lives in an RV, makes Very Important TikTok Songs about narcissists, and turns a family meltdown over a baby shower game into an off-key spoken-word therapy session. Phones, self-care culture, and TikTok “therapists” all catch strays.



* News: McLaren Brat Busted in MiamiTikTok/YT pest Jack Doherty, previously seen hydroplaning and annihilating his $200k McLaren on livestream while barely checking the road, gets popped in Miami Beach for blocking traffic to film content, plus possession of a Schedule II amphetamine and weed. Tim revisits the glorious crash footage and marvels at how little these people care about their bleeding friends versus their camera angle.



* News: DUI Piss Can DisasterIn Montana, a man with multiple prior DUIs rear-ends a Volkswagen while trying to pee into an empty Budweiser can on the interstate. Shockingly, his license is suspended, his clothes are soaked in booze and piss, and his BAC is over three times the legal limit. Tim, as a veteran of emergency-roadside pissing, breaks down the physics of splashback and why bottles > cans.



* Voicemails & Texts

* A bi listener gets caught watching hardcore gay porn by his girlfriend and muses on how different it’d be in a gay relationship.



* More disturbing agreement with resident pedophile character Galileo’s takes on women/bank accounts & divorce (Tim slaps that down with Actual Basic History).



* A caller explains Nazi “race tier lists” and why Eastern Europeans used to be considered subhuman even compared to Africans/Indians.



* Fake Puerto Rican Fat Man calls in with holiday greetings.



* Tim recounts finally getting what he’s always wanted: unsolicited listener dick video via the 4HAIRYCUNT text line. First listener to show hole still qualifies for a DV shirt, allegedly.










Sponsor / Links:




* 🎧 Check out The Jam Hole podcast (part of the totally real Scrod Media Network).

On Today’s Show:



Today’s episode of Distorted View Daily is brought to you by AdamAndEve.com — your final chance to use promo code FREAK for 50% off nearly any item, plus free gifts and free shipping. Go fill those holes for the holidays.



Hey Freaks! Tim back at the end of the week with a 2008-style DV throwback, courtesy of Sideshow sponsor Burgles, who demanded:




* <40 minute episode



* Only true weirdos, no IRL Karens



* Oh-God Line voicemails only



* And a nostalgic 128kbps MP3




Wish granted, bitch.



On Today’s Show:



• A raging gay Fortnite streamer verbally disembowels opponentsWe dive into the glorious world of hyper-dramatic homosexual gamer trash talk.Mexicans, smoke alarms, lace-front wigs, and suicide recommendations—this queen is not holding back. Tim also detects the sacred low-battery chirp and immediately identifies the true owner of the “poverty alarm.”



• E-girl vs. Gay Gamer: A Battle for Victimhood SupremacyShe’s drooling, lisping, and repeating “faggot” like she’s speedrunning her dentist’s regrets.He wants her rights, her armpit hair, and her fupa.An instant classic.



• TikTok Scam Artist Gets Owned By His MomA 39-year-old man sobs on TikTok for donations, claiming he’s being kicked out—until mom walks into the room and ruins the grift.Red teddy bear emoji donations immediately stop.Mom just wants to know what he wants for supper.



• Dating Show Hell: “Date On A Plate”A new YouTube channel, Elixir, premieres nightmare dating formats—including one where contestants’ heads stick out of a table.Tim reviews the head-on-a-platter gimmick and a high-maintenance woman whose dating checklist makes AI matchmaking look humane.Requirements include:– Seven-figure salary (but not TOO seven-figure)– Impeccable wardrobe– No tattoos unless you were forced into one by Yale’s Skull & Bones– Drinks a morning nutrient smoothie– Like… what?



• Tamir Update: Women Are Ruining His McDonald’s MilkshakeOur beloved rage-goblin returns, furious that AI keeps “sending him women” he refuses to “fight for.”Old saggy-titted women, system conspiracies, and ruined milkshakes.Classic Tamir meltdown energy.







News From the Distortion Zone:



• A Michigan Furry Is Running for CongressSamuel Smeltzer—AKA Elian Badger—IT worker, furry, China-sympathizer, pentagram-posing honey badger man—files to run in Michigan’s 7th District.Policy priorities:




* Tax the rich



* Expand healthcare



* Advocate for furries (seriously)




Also: he celebrated the murders of Charlie Kirk and a healthcare CEO, praised the shooters, and declared that America “deserved 9/11.”Congress keeps getting weirder and Tim is rooting for it.



• New Epstein Docs Drop: Trump Knew EverythingFresh files suggest Trump was aware of Epstein’s teen-hunting operation.Even wilder: rumors arise that Trump allegedly “gave Bubba (Bill Clinton) a blowjob.”The real twist?Some Trump supporters now openly debating whether pedophilia is even bad.One caller to a political podcast literally asks: “Why is it wrong to rape children?”America 2025, folks.



• Megyn Kelly’s “Pedophile” Semantics MeltdownKelly wonders aloud whether Epstein fits the technical definition of pedophile because he preferred “barely legal 15-year-olds.”Left-wing media pounces, but Tim notes she’s basically just nitpicking terminology—which DV listeners know he’s done too.

On Today’s Show:



On Today’s Show:




* Mead Skelton Wants The Asylum (But Not Really)

* Mead uploads (and quickly deletes) a video begging to be locked in a mental institution.



* Tim explains why you should always locally save meltdowns from your favorite lolcows.



* Mead rebrands into a “Xennial” and revisits his long line of “eccentric” relatives, including the uncle who stuffed cash in the walls and the almost-exploding inventor grandfather.





* Nuisance Streamer at the Gym: “I’m Just Here to Get Pussy, Man”

* A CrossFit prankster banned from the gym shows back up screaming about getting pussy in front of kids.



* Staff finally put hands on him after he keeps barging in and harassing members.



* Tim ponders if “I just wanna get pussy, man” is technically a valid gym membership reason and whether this all counts as justified assault or just 2025-style content farming.





* Amazon Driver vs. Neighborhood Fun Police

* An Amazon delivery driver gets confronted by the self-appointed HOA sheriff for “racing” down the street at 25 mph.



* He threatens to cost her the job she already hates; she responds by delivering a fast, prime-eligible punch to the face.



* Tim sides with the driver, notes that Amazon tracks literally everything, and predicts she’ll somehow still be the one in trouble.





* Fine Dining at Burger King: Pronouns & Rodeo Burgers

* An older “First Amendment lawyer” boomer has a meltdown because the drive-thru worker, Lily, dares to correct her pronouns.



* She insists she’ll “call you what I see” while referring to herself as a longtime patron of Burger King like it’s a Michelin-star restaurant.



* The owner tries (and mostly fails) to stand up for the employee as Tim imagines the woman’s empty, rage-fueled life between coupon complaints.





* News Time: The Psychic Who Saw Billions (For Herself)

* Australian cops bust a self-proclaimed feng shui master / fortune teller and her assistant for an insanely elaborate fraud and money laundering ring.



* Vulnerable clients were told to take out huge loans because a billionaire was in their future – spoiler: it was the psychic.



* Tens of millions in loans, ghost cars, frozen assets, gold bars, casino chips, and one greedy mystic who seriously overdid it.





* Hitler’s Junk: Science We Didn’t Ask For

* A new British documentary claims Hitler’s DNA suggests Kallman syndrome, which can cause low testosterone and an undescended or missing testicle.



* Tim wonders how many Hitler docs we really need and if we’ve crossed into full-on historical body-shaming.



* Polygenic scores, mental illness speculation, and why “Hitler had one ball” may actually be medically accurate… and totally irrelevant to genocide.





* A Tribute to Level 80 Cat Lady

* Listener sponsor Christy dedicates today’s episode to Level 80 Cat Lady, remembering her kindness and Discord hand-holding.



* Tim revisits her obsession with Waluigi, including:

* Waluigi’s floating VR head singing “Hallelujah.”



* “Waluigi sings the hits” and the duet album Me Sing Now For You.



* A graphic drawing of Waluigi as a woman lifting her skirt to proudly expose cartoon pussy lips—great Sextastic Tuesday art,

On Today’s Show:



🚗 Rental Car & Tire Nightmare




* Tim explains why you got a “best of” earlier in the day: he was stranded thanks to a leaking tire on a rental RAV4.



* Gets blown off by “tire experts,” waits over four hours at Discount Tire while other black RAV4s jump the line, and slowly loses his mind next to a diseased, coughing child.



* Enterprise once again has no cars, no answers, and a “just risk it” attitude toward driving four hours on a bad tire.



* After bouncing between locations, Tim finally escapes in a shame-red Kia Soul.




💉 Mom’s Cancer Update




* Tim’s mom has had the worst kind of thyroid cancer removed; what’s left are treatable “specks” radiation should clear.



* If all goes well, she could be cancer-free in about six weeks.



* Naturally derails into a horribly inappropriate “throat goat” bit before walking it back to normal throat activities.




🙏 TikTok Holy Ghost Prayer Stream




* Tim finds a TikTok “Holy Ghost Prayer Meeting” where viewers send paid emojis and get prayed for in tongues.



* The woman fully commits to the act; the guy just repeats what sounds like “bidet, bidet, bidet” or “banana” for over a minute.



* Tim questions whether it’s tongues, Tourette’s, or just a nervous dude who needs to install a bidet.




🎶 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Pedo Death Metal




* An obese white woman screeches a death-metal song about torturing pedophiles with wood chippers and nooses.



* Tim points out that “I hate pedophiles” is not exactly a bold moral stance, but the delivery earns her a Linda Finkel Hall of Fame nod.




🧠 Galileo2333’s Hot Take on Mexico’s President




* Favorite ghoul Galileo praises the man who groped Mexican president Claudia Sheinbaum, calling him a hero and arguing women should be assaulted out of power.



* Tim fixates on how joyfully he says “violated” and fantasizes about what must be in his FBI file.




📰 News #1 – UK to Ban Choking / Suffocation Porn




* UK plans to make porn showing choking or suffocation a “priority offense” on par with child sex abuse and terrorism content.



* Platforms will have to proactively remove it; viewers/distributors could face penalties.



* Tim mourns yet another weird kink category getting nuked and notes that “safe strangulation” probably isn’t real.




📰 News #2 – Facebook Sperm Market (“Sperm Vending Machines”)




* Facebook groups connect “sperm donors” with would-be parents looking for cheap alternatives to fertility clinics.



* Women report being pressured into sex (aka “natural insemination”), flashed, scammed, and harassed.



* Serious risks: STIs, hidden genetic conditions, zero legal protection.



* Tim riffs on thick vs watery cum, his crusty college carpet, and why nothing about this scene should surprise anyone.




📱 Texts & Ways to Support the Show




* Listeners recommend “Lock and Load” and a ComeBiggerLoads regimen to help Tim shoot bigger ropes.



* Longtime freaks thank Tim for ruining their childhoods and praise the Bob Hickman/Amber video as an accidental anti-drug PSA.

On Today’s Show:



Tim opens with a fresh intro explaining why you’re getting a classic instead of a new show:




* Weekend trip to visit his mom in Ashtabula turns into a rental car disaster



* Stranded with a busted rental, five-hour delay, and useless Enterprise locations



* Learns only airport rental counters are open on weekends



* Forced to drive home in a bright cherry red Kia Soul that doesn’t fit a 6’2″ man or his ego



* Promises a new DV episode later in the afternoon, but for now serves up a filthy Best Of from 2016 featuring an Abraham Lincoln Sextastic Tuesday




We then jump back to Tuesday, March 8, 2016, Sideshow-era Sextastic Tuesday.







Opening / Twitter & Period Blood




* Tim rants that Twitter is only good for yelling at companies, citing his Chipotle burrito bowl saga



* Reads a curated stream of disgusting sex tweets about period blood, wrecked pussies, and weird-smelling dicks to set the Sextastic mood








Diva Cup Slam Poetry




* Plays a performance piece about Diva Cups and “pussy blood collections”



* Poets lovingly describe pouring menstrual blood into a “chalice” and even rubbing it on a boyfriend’s dick



* Tim pushes back: bodies are gross, blood is gross, genitals are gross — please keep all that to yourself








Sextastic Clips: Tourette’s & Teeny Peenies




* Tourette’s porn: schoolgirl with Tourette’s shouting obscene phrases as her “spasms” conveniently slam her face into dick territory



* Chubby “sweet boy” porn: a massive, hairy man gets humiliating baby talk about his “little peenie” while his gut is lifted to find his dick, all set to bizarre children’s-style background music








Sextastic Story: Abraham Lincoln Presidential Fuck Machine



Feature-length erotic fanfic starring Abraham Lincoln with magic cum:




* Abe wakes in 1863 with a raging erection and an itchy seven-point star birthmark on his thigh



* Skips Mary Todd and gets serviced by maid Martha, who deep-throats his nine-inch “birch rod” while he calmly sips tea and eats biscuits



* Later, Japanese emissary Takeyoshi reveals Lincoln is a chosen shinobi whose power comes from his loins



* A super-charged orgasm blasts through the White House wall and across the sky like a cum comet



* Abe then lubes up with breakfast butter, rails the ninja, and joins in a multi-man cabinet fuck session as everyone services everyone else



* Lincoln’s “powers” manifest through gigantic loads and a convulsing ninja asshole








Sponsor




* AdamAndEve.com spot:

* Use coupon code FREAK for 10 free gifts + free shipping



* Tim begs you to buy smut and support DV










News




* China Elevator Horror

* Woman dies trapped in a shut-down elevator; body discovered a month later



* Scratch marks inside show she tried to escape; Tim imagines the smell and rats.





* Punch-Your-Husband Women’s Day Event (China)

On Today’s Show:



🧠 Episode Summary



Tim dives deep into the deranged world of Bob Hickman, the Indianapolis cult oddity who famously claims that “God entered into my body like a body my same size, like me floating into you or you floating into me.” From his self-painted “holy van” to his vibrating skin and mesmerizingly bad haircuts, Bob continues to flood the internet with divinely insane content.



But this time, there’s a new holy disciple in the mix — Amber, Bob’s mysterious, twitchy, half-clothed companion who might just be the embodiment of bad life choices and meth. Tim breaks down their disturbing videos, from gas station date nights to Amber’s melting ice cream sandwiches, revealing what could be the greatest anti-drug PSA ever accidentally filmed.







🔍 Episode Highlights




* Meet Bob Hickman: The Indianapolis prophet whose van and catchphrase went Reddit-famous.



* God’s Body Double: Bob explains his spiritual possession experience and his “electric, vibrating skin.”



* Amber, the Chosen One: Introducing Bob’s girlfriend — a twitching, mustachioed mystery woman who drinks mystery liquids and wears football cleats to gas stations.



* Amber’s Instagram Past: Tim investigates an old account that might show Amber before her divine (and chemical) transformation.



* Gas Station Love Story: Bob and Amber share a romantic evening at a convenience store while Amber’s eyes “burn from the inside out.”



* Meth, Madness, and the Holy Van: A closer look at Bob’s fleet of “holy vehicles” and his questionable day job as a trucker.



* The Tragic Glow-Up: A decade of decay — from bright-eyed Amber to the twitching shell she’s become.



* In a World of Ambers, Be a Bob? Tim closes with a moral lesson that’s both bleak and hilarious: maybe don’t be either.








📺 Clips & References




* Bob Hickman’s viral “God entered into my body” videos



* Amber’s original Instagram account (archived)



* Gas station footage of “Date Night with God”



* “Amber’s Halloween Costume & Cat Delusion” episode








🧩 Closing Thoughts



Tim reflects on the downward spiral of both Bob and Amber — two internet fixtures that perfectly capture the madness, tragedy, and unintentional comedy of human dysfunction. In the distorted world of DV, sometimes the sermon writes itself.




Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



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* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!

On Today’s Show:



Tim delivers a packed midweek show filled with vengeance, vile curses, AI abortions, and bowel emergencies. Sponsored by “Freeloading Fucktard,” today’s DV opens with a dramatic, Shakespearean-style monologue addressed to “Aaron,” a former friend who betrayed a fellow listener — ending with a literal shit curse. From there, the show spirals into the absurd with a remix of a teenage anti-abortion anthem, an unhinged trucker’s roadside bathroom emergency, a gun-wielding “good pedophile” storming a Wikipedia conference, and a Holocaust-themed Halloween float gone wrong in Pennsylvania.







💩 Segments and Highlights



Listener Vendetta: The Shit Curse of Aaron




* A listener sponsor pays Tim to deliver a hate message to his backstabbing friend Aaron.



* Tim transforms the short insult into an operatic, bowel-based monologue full of bile, fury, and fecal retribution.



* “All your bowel evacuations will be liquidy, hot and burning… or hard and sharp as glass.”



* Ends with the timeless sendoff: “Eat shit and die, bitch!”








🎶 Musical Madness: “Abortion” Gets an AI Makeover




* Revisiting Your Cardboard Heart, a legendary Linda Finkel Hall of Fame entry for its 2000s-era anti-abortion anthem.



* Tim feeds the song into AI to see if artificial intelligence can polish a Christian turd.



* The AI reinterprets the lyrics as pro–illegal abortion — a radical new take.



* Listener Danny Boy’s “coat hanger remix” steals the spotlight with grim humor and surprisingly catchy punk energy.








💻 Podcasting in Crisis




* Tim laments the state of podcasting: “Every able-bodied American has one, even stroke victims slurring their way up the charts.”



* Features a clip of preteen podcasters awkwardly discussing Ice Cube, Sydney Sweeney, and “fire” things.



* The boys’ other viral clip—an anti-trans rap—reveals they’re likely mini right-wing grifters in training.



* “Lil Rogan” might be the most accurate nickname ever coined on DV.








🚨 Police Poop Patrol




* Real police bodycam footage: a semi-truck driver slurring his way through a traffic stop while repeatedly announcing he has to poop.



* “You gotta poop?” “Yeah.” “Well, that’s gonna have to wait.” Spoiler: it didn’t.



* The inevitable outcome arrives mid-arrest, just as he complains, “You’re pinching my cock and balls!”



* Tim cheers the moment: “I’m ready for this guy to shit. He’s been hyping me up for the main event!”








🧠 WikiCon Interrupted by a ‘Non-Offending Pedophile’




* A self-described “anti-contact pedophile” storms a Wikipedia conference in NYC with a handgun.



* No one hurt; he’s quickly tackled.



* His multicolored sign references “MAP” (Minor-Attracted Persons) pride colors.



* Tim: “If you have to deal with a pedophile, I guess the non-offending kind is the best you can hope for.”








🎃 Holocaust Float ‘Oopsie’




* Pennsylvania Halloween parade float includes Auschwitz-style “Work Makes You Free” gate.



* Designer apologizes,

On Today’s Show:




* Mead Skelton vs. “Antifa”Mead claims a Richmond group (“Punks for Liberation”) posted “RVA beware” about him; he says he contacted the FBI. Tim revisits Mead’s deleted meltdown stream and his ongoing “hidden sin / lemon water / Satan gave me tachycardia” lore.Theme: Revisionist tough-guy Mead, reality check from Tim, and the eternal NAS-backed archive of The Cry Heard ’Round the World.



* Wife Material or… Not? (Podcast Freakout)Clip from a chaotic show with Goldie and Selena erupts after “not wife material” is said. Studio-wrecking threats fly; Tim muses on set design envy and DV’s need for a classier backdrop (accepting tasteful set proposals).



* Boomers vs. CamerasElder couple at a post office demands ID, threatens police/ICE over being filmed in public. Tim narrates the frantic “tap with the index finger” smartphone dance and the politics creep-in.



* Sidewalk Politics ThrowdownProtester with a “F**k Trump” sign is confronted by a woman who admits saying the N-word (explicit language). She slaps phone; he decks her; cops review video and say they’ll pursue assault charges.Content warning: violence and slurs discussed.



* CupcakKe is Back — The BakeryTim samples tracks posted to YouTube: “Sloppy Joe,” “Fist Me,” “Rapunzel.” Notes include: weeklong “eat my ass” motif, Christian-girl vibes (lol), nail-care for fisting (practical!), and fairy-tale filth.Links listed below.



* News, But Make It DV:

* “Slam Frank” — A reimagined Anne Frank as a modern pansexual Latina hip-hop artist sparks outrage in Germany and sells out in NYC. Tim argues art should provoke; everyone unclench. (Song snippets included.)



* $10 Million Golden Toilet — Maurizio Cattelan’s 18-karat functional commode (“America”) heads to Sotheby’s. No sitting allowed at the preview (tragic). Tim proposes a rich-person pay-to-poop fundraiser.










DV Community




* Sideshow: Tomorrow’s episode (Tue) is Sideshow-exclusive. Join for full-length exclusives, minis, and the private feed that drops right into your podcast app.

* Subscribe on distortedview.com, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.



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Texts & Voicemails (Highlights)




* CupcakKe Tip-Offs — Multiple Freaks flagged the new album; Florida (321) specifically shouted out “Fist Me.”



* Archive Digs — (501) asks about Real Talk and Tell Me eras. Tim has a handful; many lost. Dave Richards (Real Talk prez), check that garage!



* Halloween Follow-Up — (810) suggests Tim should’ve voiced Satan’s daughter (Kayla) himself; Tim plans to re-dub for future pulls.



* Fitness Corner w/ Great Big Pete — “Don’t run; chronic… uh… cardio of the wrist.” (Science TBD.)



* 4HairyCunt Text Line — Text DV anytime. Jingles justified the purchase alone.




00:00:00Shop.GetGoodFeels.Com – 20% Off Your Order – PROMO CODE FREAK00:10:12 Introduction02:15:12 Sponsor: Satan’s Porthole / Happy Birthday Special K!04:09:20 Antifa Has Put A Hit Out On Meade Skelton12:05:19 Upset Because She Isn’t Wifey Material16:13:17 Old White People Will Call ICE On Anyone They Don’t Like19:28:00 Protester L...

On Today’s Show:



Date: Friday, October 31, 2025 • Sponsor: Sideshow listener Bellboy (Lifetime Member)



Cold Open




* The Clip Keeper ushers in a dreadful Halloween edition.



* Ad Parody:Berry Papa Bawa cereal (General Farm Foods) — marshmallow bat-wings, alkyl nitrate toy surprise, and 100% daily Vitamin D with every… thrust.

* Lore drop: Papa Bawa (“bat wing”) — a modern Tanzanian shape-shifting demon with a sulfur reek, fixated on anal violation and publicizing his deeds.






Special(ish) Guest: Satan (…briefly)




* Tim plans a co-host; Satan pops in, bails for “family therapy,” actually appearing on The Latronda Brown Show.



* Talk-Show Meltdown Sketch:

* Satan’s teen daughter Kayla calls Dad a basement-dwelling spaz; Satan pleads “this is who I am” (devil’s gonna devil).



* Surprise reveal: Satan’s “girlfriend” is… Richard Simmons. Say-Say is living his truth.



* Real issue: Dad forgot to sic demons on Kayla’s rival Renee before all-star cheer nationals; Satan promises creative evisceration. Healing begins. Latronda teases “Down Syndrome Makeover Monday.”






Holiday Hellfire




* Religious Anti-Halloween Rant: “Sin, disease, and sickness!” (Tim: calm down, Pastor Candy Corn.)



* “White Men Are the Real Victims” Bro Clip:

* Soft-voiced trad-guy laments Ivy Leagues, Fortune 500s, “heritage Americans.”



* Tim clocks the whine, then the pivot: “women are atrocious today” → Tim’s parody pitch to reconsider sodomites.






Viral Clip Commentary: DoorDash “Assault”




* TikToker claims SA after leaving food, peeking through an open door, seeing a man asleep pants-down.



* Tim’s take: creepy? yes. Assault? no. Also: filming inside someone’s home = TOS problems.



* Comments roast the poster; most responders (including women) push back on the “SA” framing.




News Buffet (Short & Twisted)




* Meta vs. Strike 3 Holdings — porn downloads & AI training

* Strike 3 alleges ~2,400 adult titles pulled via Meta’s network/proxies to train a video model; damages could top $350M.



* Meta: employees/contractors probably downloaded for personal use; internal policy forbids explicit training data; timing predates current multimodal work.



* Tim does the math (bad headline averages vs. real totals), concludes: across tens of thousands of employees, 28 videos/month enterprise-wide is… minuscule. Also coins the call-in moniker “Ropes of Nut.”





* Homemade Chloroform, Elvis, and Manslaughter (NY)

* Ronald Ryer, 71 gets 5–15 years (plus concurrent tampering sentence) for the April 2024 death of Thomas “TJ” Kreider, 40 — an Elvis tribute artist and Star Trek set tour guide — after repeated chloroform doses during sex.



* Ryer waited days, did errands, hit a solar eclipse party, then called police. Judge: “You took an oath to do no harm” (Ryer has medical background).






Sideshow & Support




* Join the Sideshow: access the Tuesday exclusive Satan episode and hundreds more.

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On Today’s Show:



00:00:00Text DV: 442-479-2868 (4-HAIRYCUNT)00:18:08 Introduction01:47:24 Popper Sex / Emptying Your Bowels06:34:19 Bizarre Sex Toys: Sticks Of Butter / Pencils / Furby’s10:18:10 Pro MAGA UFC fighter Turns His Back On Trump16:01:03 A Fat Mermaid Plays Victim Under The Sea20:23:05 Are Borax Enemas A good Idea? Answer: No24:42:00 Support The Distortion26:05:00 A Four Alarm Booty Call29:57:23 To Kill A Coachroach, The Whole Neighborhood Must Also Fry34:09:08Voicemail/Text: 206-666-4463 / Ending




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Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



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🩸 Episode Summary
Tim checks in with a quick update and assures listeners he’s not dead—just perfecting the latest steaming pile of mediocrity. While waiting for the brand-new DV episode later in the day, he dusts off a Halloween-themed best-of filled with demonic campaign ads, horny ghost lovers, rapping vampires, and Vincent Price dropping witchy acid.

🔥 Featured Segments
👿 Satan Speaks — A Devil’s PR CrisisLouis Richard Marigold III (aka “the mainstream media’s Satan”) sets the record straight: he’s not running Halloween, just Hell’s crumbling infrastructure. Plus, his underworld bowling team “Dante’s Pinferno” and a campaign for City Water Commissioner.
💀 The Clip Keeper Presents:Tim introduces DV’s pun-spouting horror-host, the helium-voiced Clip Keeper, who curates some “spine-tingling, taint-prickling” clips—including…


👻 Ghost Fucking — Amethyst Realm’s Paranormal Romance:The UK woman who claims she’s had sex with 20 ghosts, joined the Mile-High Club with one, and is now engaged to be hand-fasted to her spectral fiancé.


🧛 Dracula Learns CAD:A real corporate rap from the 1980s in which Dracula hawks ECAD’s “Dracula CAD System.” Tim and the Clip Keeper remix it into an Autodesk Fusion 360 endorsement that somehow slaps.


🍄 Vincent Price Loses His Mind on Mushrooms:From Witchcraft and Magic, Vincent instructs listeners on how to summon the devil—complete with Ethiopian giants, two-legged rabbits, and a fragrance launch called “Foul Effluvium.”



💩 Distorted News Highlights


Ghost Bride Update: Amethyst Realm is officially engaged to her Australian spirit boyfriend after a proposal in Wookey Hole Cave.


Saudi Scat Parties: Hotel staff spill the beans (and other substances) about super-rich guests leaving luxury suites smeared in feces.


Spoiler Stabber: A Russian scientist in Antarctica stabs his colleague for repeatedly revealing book endings—the first attempted-murder charge on the continent.



📞 Voicemail Mayhem
Listeners sound off on:


The 90s SEGA! scream and unnecessary jingle changes.


Sensitivity culture vs. satire.


A blind caller advocating for a chlorinated gene pool and discussing cum allergies.Tim responds with his usual mix of disbelief and filthy empathy.


.



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Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






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Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








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On Today’s Show:



Presented by https://www.oldglory.com— Over 300,000 items for music, sports, entertainment, and pop-culture fans. Use promo code FREAK for 15% off (exclusive to DV listeners).







Episode Summary



Tim kicks off the week with a fresh Mead Skelton meltdown (now blaming “lemon water” and demons for his colitis and rapid weight loss), a substitute teacher who vlogged her first—and last—day on the job, a doorman vs. tenant blow-up caught on camera, a MAGA streamer screaming into a megaphone no one can understand, and Florida’s latest neighborhood crisis: pole-dancing skeletons. Plus: a DV listener sponsor whose new book asks you to root for a serial killer who targets porch pirates.







Listener Sponsor



Isaac — The Porch Pirate Killer (novel)A darkly comic thriller about a serial killer setting bait packages for thieves. Isaac hid a DV Easter egg inside—find it and report back! Available on Amazon. (Link in “Stuff Mentioned.”)







Today’s Menu




* Cold Open: “The Struggles of a Tranny” (archival Yeast Radio guest clip sent by Madge Weinstein)



* Mead Skelton Health & Diet Update:

* Claims lemon water (left out for days) + demons caused an ER trip and “colitis.”



* Talks GERD/vagus nerve; Tim counters the medical nonsense and notes the obvious: when the sickness fades, the donuts return.



* Repents for gluttony (again), credits prayer (again), and rewrites COVID history (again).





* Education Is in Trouble (Exhibit A):

* Lesbian sub films students and herself all day for TikTok (Skittles & Gatorade “teacher breakfast,” band parade, thirsting over a student on camera), says she “lets them do whatever they want.” Fired the same day.



* Reddit teacher chimes in: districts are desperate for subs; “pulse + clean record = hired.”





* Lobby Meltdown:

* Tenant storms a building, calls the doorman “retard,” threatens to kill him, smashes his phone—yet cops also charge the doorman. Tim sides with Team Doorman and wants case updates.





* MAGA Streamer vs. Volume Knob:

* Pro-ICE rally guy beefs with police over noise; delivers word-salad through a megaphone (decodes to: “MAGA,” “libtard,” and “butthole”).





* Linda Finkel Hall of Fame Nominee:

* Lil Bougie and his Publix-parking-lot anthems (“ran through, pussy bald, yes I call her Caillou”). Disgusting, profane—and undeniably catchy.










Quick Hits / News Nibbles




* “North” Mexico: A syringe-in-toilet Walmart scare in northern New Mexico (pink liquid, inconclusive tests). Tim’s skeptical this was anything more than urban-legend cosplay.



* Florida, You Beautiful Mess:

* Pole-Dancing Skeletons Halloween display sparks HOA pearl-clutching. No nudity, no rule violations; neighbors divided between “harmless fun” and “think of the children.”










Sideshow & Support




* Tomorrow: Full-length Sideshow-only episode. Join at superfreaksideshow.com (monthly, quarterly, semi-annual, yearly, or lifetime).



* Patreon: patreon.

On Today’s Show:



Cold Open




* Listener voicemail: A DV “bloody tampon” story got played during an NYU class for a creative-writing analysis. The prof called it “well-written,” everyone else gagged. 🩸📚




Sponsors & Support




* Quantum Energy Squares — 10g protein, 100mg caffeine. Code: FREAK for 25% off at QuantumSquares.com.



* Listener Sponsor: Raphael (again!)—this time with the correct link. Mission: highlight “Hood Legend D,” the shirtless “gourmet” with the eternal low-battery smoke alarm.




Main Segments



1) “Gourmet Out of Nothing” (…from a can)




* Feature: @tismala_hoodlegend_d (reads as tismala_hoodlegend_d) and his “gourmet” builds:

* Chef Boyardee ravioli → rice → eggs = “S-plus gourmet.”



* “Red pea soup” that is… clearly canned baked beans on a plate.



* Grand claims: “Deal diabetes. Cure cancer.”





* DV Bits: Low-battery smoke alarm detector mode; shirtless “industrial kitchen” critique; wheeze-and-moan supercut a.k.a. Obesity Express: choo-choo to congestive heart failure.



* Links: Creator profile & a couple “gourmet” clips (see episode post).




2) Mom Check-In ❤️




* Patricia Henson phones in from rehab; working on leg strength and mobility, doing better, hopes to go home when cleared. No Craigslist personals… for now.




3) Mugshot Mayhem 🚔💦 (Content warning: slurs, bodily fluids)




* Bodycam moment: Bald white woman (single giant hoop earring) at booking threatens to pee during photo—then does.



* Officers warn; she answers with repeated slurs and “white n—–” riffs while watering the red line.



* DV Note: The whole show is a trigger warning, but… consider yourself warned.




4) Baby Andy Update 📞🍼




* Now in a group home; calls 911 for directions to the station to file a complaint about the police.



* Claims crossing streets is unsafe “because disability.” Nearly gets hit mid-call.



* Classic Andy: Wants help exactly the way he wants it—or everyone’s violating his rights.




5) Keanu Close Call 😬🚗




* Outside a theater: A self-proclaimed “divine wife” lunges for Keanu’s car door.



* Security takes her down; Keanu wheels away. DV diagnosis: celebrity worship + tackle physics.




6) “Who’s White?” with Nick Fuentes 🙄




* The internet’s least fun anthropology class: Nick declares Ukrainians aren’t white, so by that logic… Italians aren’t either.



* DV counters: If Ukrainians “aren’t white,” neither is Fuentes. Also: deportation tangent speedrun → Israel → nothing answered.




7) Crazy Bizarre Twist-’em-Ups (News)




* AI Gun Detector vs. Doritos Bag (Baltimore Co.)

* School’s OmniLert AI flags a folded Doritos bag as a gun; cops arrive with weapons drawn on Taki Allen (16).



* “Rapid human verification” somehow misses the nacho dust. Counseling offered; trust eroded.





* Hunky Murderer, Hentai Cards, & World Travel

* Luigi Mangione (charged in the UnitedHealthcare CEO shooting) backpacked Japan/Thailand/India in spring ’24 to “zen out.”

On the Show Today:




* 💩 Around the world in 80 scat clips



* 😭 Mead Skelton’s tear-soaked livestream and demonic tree hallucinations



* 🍔 King Ass Ripper returns with a mayo-soaked food binge



* 🛏 When your smart bed tries to roast you alive



* 🍑 The medical marvel of butt-breathing



* 💿 Plus: a CPS-hating SoundCloud dad, fat-privilege categories, and one emotional farewell to DV’s very first sponsor








🕯 Farewell to a Legend: Adam & Eve’s Final Blowout



After 15+ glorious years of dildos, anal beads, and promo code FREAK, Adam & Eve is ending its long-running sponsorship of DV. Tim takes a moment to grieve the relationship the only way he knows how — with a Boyz II Men-style ballad about lube, cock rings, and love lost. It’s the end of the road… but not before one final 50% off farewell sale.







🧻 Mead Skelton’s Breakdown: Demons, Bleach, and Talking Trees



Listeners begged for a recap of Mead’s meltdown, and Tim obliges. The livestream featured tears, rambling about Charlie Kirk’s shooting, phone calls from “the devil,” and pleas to the 700 Club prayer line. Mead insists he’s a “brave knight” battling Satan; Tim suggests maybe he’s just hungry—or possessed by a “weight-loss demon.”







🍔 King Ass Ripper Returns



The gluttonous legend resurfaces, bigger and greasier than ever. In a mayo-drenched trilogy of clips, the King devours McDoubles, whole chickens, and chili dogs while covered in condiments and surrounded by bewildered park-goers. Tim crowns him today’s Featured Image Pig of the Day.







⚖️ Fat Privilege 101



A “body-acceptance” panel introduces “fatigories” like small fat, mid fat, super fat, and death fat. Tim sorts the participants into “troughs,” mocks the idea of “fat privilege,” and plugs Serbia’s unregulated Ozempic knockoff, Jetra Ubratsi (“liver crack”), as a miracle weight-loss cure with the small side effect of bone flaking.







🧠 News Roundup: Smart Beds & Butt Breathing




* Amazon Bed Apocalypse: When AWS went down, $2,000 “smart” mattresses started cooking their owners alive. Tim calls them “human hot dogs on a 7-Eleven roller grill.”



* Rectal Respiration: Scientists in Japan are testing oxygen enemas. Butt breathing is real, and Tim volunteers his rear for medical advancement “rectally speaking.”








🎶 DV Musical Moment



Tim serenades Adam & Eve with a breakup power ballad (“Fuck Me Again Like You Fucked Me Before”) and a teary rendition of End of the Road. Promo code FREAK has never sounded so emotional.







☎️ Listener Calls




* Itchy Tank recommends testosterone supplements for stronger ropes.



* Tim admits some fast-food chains are “dead to him” for bad service, but one perfect Taco Bell remains a pilgrimage site.



* The Sex Offenders Ghostbusters parody makes a nostalgic encore.








💩 Today’s Scat Sampler (Blame German Guy)



Per sponsor request, Tim screens “non-German” scat porn featuring Don, a self-proclaimed pervert and a man extracting “little nuggets.” Rapid-fire, deeply horrifying, and all in the name of artistic integrity.

Sponsor: ⁠Quantum Energy Squares⁠ — 10g of protein, 100mg caffeine. Use code FREAK for 25% off.



On Today’s Show:



00:00:00Sponsor: QuantumSquares.com – Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK00:19:20 Introduction02:21:11 What The Hell Does This Listener Sponsor Want?03:26:08 The Wheel Of Misery Returns07:39:11A New DV Number To Remember: 4-HAIRYCUNT12:34:06 Let’s Time Travel To Murder Jesus29:26:24 QuantumSquares.Com – Protein And Caffeine Packed Delicious Squares30:48:01 Goon Out With DV – Support The Show32:57:22 Gas Pumps Make A Great Asshole Scratcher37:53:18 Legal Sized Toilet Paper!41:43:15Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending



🧠 On Today’s Episode:







🎡 Episode Summary



Tim kicks off the week with chaos, caffeine, and a spin of the Wheel of Misery after listener Rafael’s incomprehensible sponsorship note. The punishment: Ten Annoying Voices Throughout the Episode. From shrill grannies to Macy Gray ducks, no eardrum is spared.



Meanwhile, Tim unveils Distorted View’s brand-new text line experiment, a saga involving vanity numbers like 4 DICK FARTS and 4 HAIRY CUNT, which ultimately turns out to be a completely unnecessary purchase thanks to modern phone routing. Still, it’s DV — so it’s staying.



Then, the show spirals into the religiously absurd as Tim reviews the 2022 Christian sci-fi disasterpiece Black Easter (a.k.a. Assassin 33 A.D.) — a film where time-traveling geniuses go back to gun down Jesus Christ. Expect commentary on Jason Castro’s acting, Heidi Montag’s atrocious accent, and the miraculous resurrection of pure cinematic stupidity.



The insanity doesn’t stop there: Tim dissects viral TikToks about gas pump butt-scratchers, bacteria-covered nozzles, and Charmin’s new “Forever Roll” of toilet paper — a Washington Monument–sized log wipe for the truly faithful.







🕹️ Segments



• Wheel of Misery ReturnsRafael’s incoherent sponsor request forces Tim to punish the freaks with ten rounds of auditory hell. “Annoying Voices Throughout the Show” is born.



• New DV Text LineTim’s quest for the perfect vanity number results in 4HAIRYCUNT — later revealed to be totally pointless after migrating the existing Oh God voicemail line. Still, it’s a DV classic in the making.



• Movie Review: “Black Easter / Assassin 33 A.D.”A Christian film so deranged it’s almost perfect for DV. Tim walks through the plot:– Time travelers kill Jesus with guns.– Jesus is cloned in the future.– A scientist named Ram Goldstein exists.– Heidi Montag dies instantly after predicting a miracle.– The Antichrist rises, presumably named Mead Skelton.A five-star page-turner, as Tim puts it.



• Gross TikTok NewsA woman witnesses a man scratching his crusty asshole with a gas pump nozzle. Tim questions her horror — and whether she might just be jealous of his technique.



• Charmin’s “Forever Roll”Tim investigates the new 1,700-sheet roll of TP, mocking its “smooth tear” marketing and challenging himself to devour the roll in two weeks.







🧠 Notable Quotes




“Jesus can turn water into wine — not stop a speeding bullet.”— Tim, defending the physics of Christian cinema





“Four Hairy Cunt might be useless… but it’s a business expense.”— Tim, rationalizing poor life choices

Sponsor: Old Glory — use code FREAK for 15% off at OldGlory.com



On Today’s Show:



00:00:00 Awesome Pop Culture Apparel – OldGlory.Com  PROMO CODE: FREAK00:17:09 Introduction02:02:03 Listener Sponsor – Clamp Down On That Tit Audio06:08:20 Racist Drunk Nurse Loses Her Job12:20:13 Alexyss K Tylor Talks About Halloween Pussy20:26:05 Parking Lot Fight24:58:18 Psycho Bitch Valentina Gomez Tries To Rap27:10:19OldGlory.Com Get 15% Using Promo Code FREAK28:30:13 Sign Up For The Sideshow!29:58:15 Creating A Fake Man To Sexually Assault You33:44:07 AI Suggests We All Do Heroin38:06:22Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending



🧠 On Today’s Episode:



On Today’s Show




* A Houston ICU nurse gets a DWI and goes full Racist Nurse Ratched in the back of a squad car—then gets canned.



* Alexis K. Tyler’s latest live: generational drama, GWP (grown-woman pussy), “jack-o’-lantern” Halloween energy, and… uh… spirits in the crotch.



* Parking-lot standoff: too-big truck, too-small patience, zero solutions.



* Valentina Gomez drops an “America First” rap (chorus written by a placeholder).



* Two AI messes: a Florida “virtual rape” hoax with an AI-generated attacker photo, and Reddit Answers telling people to try kratom… and even heroin… for pain. Great job, robots.



* Bits & bobs: a dramatic AI “rape” radio play, laundry snitching via LG Wi-Fi, Lord Douche’s overnight cannonball run from FL → Cincinnati.





Content warning: NSFW language, sexual content, racism, and general DV-level filth.








Listener Sponsor Ask: Help Wesley!



Wesley is looking for:




* The industrial-grade fuck-machine clip (he thought 9/24/25 ~15:00—probably wrong ep).



* The porn star who says, “Baby, I just came my face off so hard.”



* The movie containing: “You clamp down on that dick and you bite it off!” — likely a 1970s sexploitation/blaxploitation/horror scene with a sadistic, simple-minded captor forcing a couple to have sex.




Know any of this? Email show@distortedview.com with links, titles, timecodes.







Main Segments



1) Body Cam Gold: “Greater Heights, bitch.”




* Houston ICU nurse crashes, rides the back seat, and unspools: “I’ll let you die,” “I’m white,” accent insults, Jesus hymns vs. hallelujah blaring.



* Outcome: Employer Memorial Hermann Greater Heights terminates; DWI charge; “under review.”



* DV verdict: Racist, drunk, and very employable… elsewhere.




2) Alexis K. Tyler’s Psychic Carousel




* Themes: younger dudes, GWP, pizza-delivery decoys, multi-gen triangle drama, black magic, and “spirits in the pussy.”



* Classic AKT quotables: “Halloween trick-or-treat pussy,” “multi-generational cock and balls,” trance-state snake-pussy gyrations.



* Confusing? Yes. DV-worthy? Absolutely.




3) Parking Lot War (No One Moves, Everyone Yells)




* Oversized truck noses past the line, blocks a load-in, ethnicity discourse ensues, pit bull is threatened as a negotiating tactic.

On Today’s Show:



00:00:00 Introduction00:00:00 Wednesday Movie Matinee00:18:14QuantumSquares.Com Get 25% Off With Promo Code FREAK00:38:04 Introduction02:07:18 Today’s DV Listener Sponsor: Brandon!03:06:17 What Is your Masturbation Number?06:27:00 Tim Henson Fit N’ Lean10:39:13 Big Douche Is Watching My Appliance Usage 15:30:04 Trans-Wheelchair User Tips And Tricks19:48:22 Andrew Cuomo Gets Heckled21:51:01 Parking Lot Altercation Gets Racist26:38:01QuantumSquares.Com – Promo Code: FREAK – 25% OFF28:37:17 Sign Up For The Sideshow!30:02:10 ChatGPT Will Get Real Nasty With You Soon33:35:17 Stabbing At The Checkout Lane38:28:10 Jordan Peterson Thanks Today’s Sponsor39:36:11Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending



🧠 On Today’s Episode:




* Masturbation for Science!Tim checks to make sure his dick’s still operational. It’s all about male health and quality control, folks.➤ “Sometimes it’s not about pleasure—it’s a systems check.”



* Confessions of an Old Lady WalkerTim celebrates a massive weight loss milestone (70 pounds!) and the thrill of fitting into decade-old “large” shirts again. Sadly, Lord Douche still won’t let him do laundry without internet surveillance.



* Air Fryer AnarchyWhen Lord Douche leaves town, Tim rebels by cooking salmon in the air fryer. Somewhere in Florida, a man screams.



* Becoming a Cripple (For Fun!)A deep dive into “trans wheelchair users”—able-bodied people who identify as disabled. Tim explores their tips for faking ailments and the strange world of subliminal paraplegia playlists.



* Cuomo’s Comeback DisasterFormer New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s mayoral announcement goes about as well as you’d expect when the crowd’s screaming “rapist” and “homosexual.”



* Parking Lot Pile-UpTim breaks down a viral confrontation between a Trump-hatted white guy and a black woman blocking two parking spots. Spoiler: everyone’s an asshole.



* OpenAI Gets HornyChatGPT is finally allowed to generate erotic content for verified adults. Tim’s thrilled. “I’m going to break ChatGPT in December.”



* Stabby at MarshallsA woman in Kearny, New Jersey buys kitchen knives mid-argument and uses them to stab another customer over slow checkout lines. Tim sympathizes—he almost went “stabby” at Kroger himself.





Today’s Sponsor:




Promo Code: FREAK Save 50% + Free Shipping And Gifts | Coupon Code “FREAK” at checkout! Adam&Eve






Our New PO Box Address!



Distorted ViewPO Box 36268Cincinnati, OH 45236








* Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463



* Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page



* Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!