Are your childhood attachment wounds still shaping how you think, feel, and move through the world—often without you even realizing it.
If you’ve been living in a constant state of overthinking, perfectionism, or hypervigilance, this episode helps you understand why your body learned these patterns and how you can gently unwind them. You’ll see how trauma impacts your nervous system and discover simple practices that help you reconnect with your body so you can finally feel grounded and safe within yourself.
In this episode:
Learn how survival strategies like vigilance and disconnection formed—and how they can become pathways back to healing.
Discover grounding practices that calm your nervous system and help you rebuild a healthy connection with your body.
Gain practical tools to increase self-awareness, emotional regulation, and a deeper sense of inner safety.
Tune in now to explore simple, body-based practices that help you regulate your nervous system and begin reclaiming yourself from the inside out.
About the show:
This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.
New Episodes Every Week
Tune in every Monday for a full-length episode (solo or guest), and every Wednesday for your short Midweek Reframe—a quick skill, concept, or grounding tool to support your healing.
Work With Cindy
Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy, coaching, or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com
Connect With Me
Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted
What if the symptoms you’ve spent years blaming yourself for—hypervigilance, overthinking, guilt, emotional exhaustion—are not personality flaws at all, but signs of a trauma you were never given permission to name?
If you’ve ever felt “too sensitive,” “too reactive,” or “not enough,” this episode helps you understand why your nervous system responds the way it does. By finally naming the chronic, relational, often-invisible trauma that shaped you, you can begin untangling patterns that once kept you safe but now keep you stuck.
• A clear understanding of what Complex PTSD actually is—and how it differs from both Big T and little t trauma.
• Validation that your survival patterns (like people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional numbing, or hyper-independence) are adaptive responses, not personal shortcomings.
• Language, clarity, and compassion that help your nervous system soften so healing can finally begin.
Press play to learn the language, validation, and nervous-system insights that will help you finally understand yourself with clarity instead of self-blame.
About the show:
This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.
New Episodes Every Week Tune in every Monday for a full-length episode (solo or guest), and every Wednesday for your short Midweek Reframe—a quick skill, concept, or grounding tool to support your healing.
Work With Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy, coaching, or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com
Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted
Episode Summary
In this Midweek Mindset Shift, Cindy introduces a foundational DBT concept—Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind—and explains how these three states shape your reactions, patterns, and nervous system responses. This short, trauma-informed episode guides you in recognizing which mind state you're operating from and how to shift into Wise Mind, the centered place where intuition, clarity, and grounded decision-making meet.
This episode is especially supportive for women healing from childhood attachment wounds, people-pleasing patterns, chronic overthinking, and complex PTSD.
The difference between Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind
Why trauma and attachment wounds make emotional flooding and overthinking more common
How Wise Mind supports nervous system regulation and balanced decision-making
A practical DBT tool called S.T.O.P. for pausing and choosing a grounded response
How small shifts in awareness help you break old survival patterns
You are not your emotions or your thoughts. Observing them creates space for choice.
Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind each offer something valuable, but Wise Mind brings balance and clarity.
Wise Mind is a practice, not a destination. Consistent small pauses strengthen self-trust and emotional regulation.
"The body keeps the score, but the mind can learn to guide it." — Bessel van der Kolk
Website: cindypayne.com
Instagram: @cindypaynerooted
Work with Cindy to heal childhood attachment wounds, CPTSD, people-pleasing, and perfectionism, and to reconnect with your true Self.
Consider listening to Monday’s full-length episode for a deeper dive into healing attachment wounds, understanding trauma responses, and reclaiming your nervous system.
What if your trauma, people pleasing, and attachment style weren’t signs that something is wrong with you—what if they were the exact reasons Reclaiming Me needed to exist?
In this deeply personal rebrand episode, Cindy Payne shares why her own trauma history, lifelong people pleasing, and misunderstood attachment patterns inspired her to transform the podcast into Reclaiming Me. She reveals how her late-life CPTSD diagnosis finally gave language to the survival patterns that shaped her childhood, relationships, and identity—and why women deserve a trauma-informed space built specifically for their healing journey.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
• Why the shift to Reclaiming Me reflects a deeper mission to support women healing trauma, people pleasing, and attachment wounds
• How Cindy’s upbringing, CPTSD diagnosis, and nervous system journey shaped the heart of this new podcast direction
• What to expect from Reclaiming Me moving forward, including trauma tools, attachment insights, somatic practices, and weekly grounding episodes designed to help you reclaim your identity
Press play now to experience the story behind the Reclaiming Me rebrand and step into a trauma-informed space created to help you stop people pleasing, understand your attachment style, and finally reclaim who you’ve always been.
Work with Cindy:
Instagram: @CindyPayneRooted
Website: www.CindyPayne.com
Practice: Rooted Counseling & Wellness
Information on therapy and trauma-informed support: www.CindyPayne.com
Stay Connected:
Weekly episodes on trauma, attachment styles, nervous system healing, and people pleasing patterns.
Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational use only and does not replace therapy or mental health treatment.
Summary
In this episode of Unmasking, Cindy introduces a grounding practice called the 'pause and anchor check-in' designed to help individuals manage stress and reconnect with themselves. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in interrupting automatic stress responses, particularly for those with complex PTSD. The episode provides practical steps for implementing this practice in daily life, encouraging listeners to take a moment to assess their thoughts, bodily sensations, and actions to foster a sense of safety and choice.
Summary
In this conversation, Cindy Payne, Nikki Callaway, and Curtiss Callaway discuss their journeys through addiction, recovery, and the transformative power of storytelling. They share their experiences with treatment, the challenges of postpartum depression, and the importance of agency in recovery. The discussion highlights the significance of personal growth, the role of EMDR in healing, and the shift from enabling behaviors to empowering oneself and others. Ultimately, they emphasize the beauty of ordinary moments and the profound impact of sharing one's story in the recovery process.
Takeaways
Recovery is a journey that should not be walked alone.
Finding beauty in ordinary moments can lead to emotional change.
Postpartum depression can significantly impact a mother's ability to care for her child.
Navigating treatment centers can be challenging and requires persistence.
The Orchard provided a unique approach to recovery, emphasizing agency.
Storytelling plays a crucial role in healing and self-discovery.
Defining moments can lead to significant personal growth.
EMDR can help identify and address deep-seated beliefs and traumas.
The shift from enabling to empowering is essential in recovery relationships.
Transformation often comes with pain, but it is necessary for growth.
Summary
In this episode of Unmasking, Cindy Payne explores the themes of shame, perfectionism, and the journey towards self-trust and authenticity. She discusses the inner critic that many individuals face, particularly those with complex PTSD, and how it can silence their true selves. Through practical exercises, she encourages listeners to pause, ground themselves, and capture their authentic truths, emphasizing that healing comes from being real rather than perfect. The episode serves as a reminder that one's story is valuable, regardless of its polish, and that embracing vulnerability is a crucial step in the healing process.
Summary
In this episode of Unmasking, host Cindy Payne engages in a heartfelt conversation with Aaron and Nikki, co-founders of the Story of Self program. They explore the transformative power of storytelling in healing from trauma and addiction. The discussion highlights the significance of defining moments in shaping identity, the impact of community in recovery, and the importance of reframing pain into purpose. Aaron shares his personal journey and the origins of the Story of Self framework, while Nikki discusses her transition into leadership within the program. Together, they emphasize the critical role of understanding trauma, especially during formative years, and how individuals can reclaim their narratives through self-discovery and connection. In this conversation, Aaron, Cindy, and Nikki explore the transformative power of storytelling in personal growth and healing. They discuss the importance of guiding individuals through their stories, the journey from pain to purpose, and the courage required to embrace one's narrative. The discussion highlights the goal of sharing a million stories in five years, emphasizing the need for personal accountability and the grace to grow. Ultimately, they encourage listeners to honor their stories and recognize their worth in the journey of change.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to the Journey of Healing
03:49 The Birth of the Story of Self Program
14:10 Understanding the Unique Approach of Story of Self
16:39 Identifying Pain Points and False Beliefs
24:55 The Significance of Defining Moments in Life
28:10 Understanding Childhood Trauma and Its Impact
30:36 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Leadership
34:51 The Power of Partnership in Healing
38:48 The Courage to Own Your Story
43:46 A Vision for Change: One Million Stories in Five Years
45:46 The Power of Individual Choices
48:58 Transforming Stories and Cultures
50:49 Honoring Personal Stories
54:24 Grace and Permission for Growth
56:29 Embracing Pain for Transformation
59:00 Connecting and Collaborating for Change
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To learn more about the Story of Self program, visit: https://storyofself.com/
Keywords
trauma, healing, inner critic, self-trust, body compass, mindfulness, mental health, women empowerment, authentic self, childhood wounds
Summary
In this episode of Unmasking, host Cindy Payne explores the impact of the inner critic on self-trust and healing. She introduces a practical skill called the body compass check-in, which helps listeners connect with their bodies and recognize the sensations associated with their inner critic. Through this practice, listeners learn to invite their authentic selves back in and understand the importance of listening to their body's signals. The episode concludes with a preview of upcoming guests who will discuss the significance of owning and revising one's story.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Healing and Self-Trust
01:18 Understanding the Inner Critic
03:37 Practicing the Body Compass Check-In
07:19 Strengthening Your Body's Compass
08:39 Conclusion and Upcoming Guests
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Keywords
rest, connection, emotional health, sensory rest, social rest, spiritual rest, trauma-informed care, healing, self-compassion, belonging
Summary
In this episode, Cindy explores the concept of rest, emphasizing its importance in connection and healing. She discusses the four types of rest: sensory, emotional, social, and spiritual, and how each contributes to restoring one's capacity for connection and self-compassion. Through personal anecdotes and insights, she highlights the significance of nurturing relationships and the necessity of allowing oneself to rest without guilt or shame.
Chapters
00:00 The Essence of Rest and Connection
05:21 Exploring the Four Types of Rest
06:10 Sensory Rest: Finding Calm in Connection
09:16 Emotional Rest: The Safety to Feel
14:11 Social Rest: Nourishing Connections
16:50 Spiritual Rest: Belonging to Something Bigger
20:22 Recap and Key Takeaways
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Keywords:
rest, trauma, inner critic, mental health, self-care, creative rest, physical rest, emotional safety, mindfulness, neuroplasticity
Summary:
In this episode of Unmasking, Cindy discusses the importance of rest for trauma survivors, emphasizing that rest is not merely about sleep but about creating a sense of safety. She explores the inner critic that often prevents individuals from resting, detailing how it manifests in physical, mental, and creative rest. Cindy encourages listeners to engage with their inner critic compassionately and to recognize the value of rest as a necessary part of self-care and healing.
Takeaways:
Rest for trauma survivors is about safety, not just sleep.
The inner critic often sounds like discipline or motivation.
Physical rest is safety training for the nervous system.
Mental rest allows clarity and insight to return.
Creative rest is essential for emotional well-being.
Beauty is medicine for the soul, not a luxury.
Engaging with the inner critic with compassion is key.
You don't have to earn your moments of rest.
Choosing stillness teaches your nervous system a new truth.
Rest can be an act of courage.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Midweek Mind Shift
01:29 Understanding Physical Rest
03:47 Mental Rest and Clarity
05:42 Creative Rest as Medicine
07:38 Compassion for the Inner Critic
08:37 Conclusion and Invitation to Rest
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Keywords:
rest, healing, trauma, attachment wounds, self-care, mental health, physical rest, creative rest, mental rest, emotional well-being
Summary:
In this episode of Unmasking, Cindy Payne explores the concept of true rest, emphasizing that it goes beyond mere sleep. She discusses the importance of understanding different types of rest—physical, mental, and creative—and how they relate to healing from trauma and attachment wounds. Through personal anecdotes and insights, she highlights the significance of feeling safe enough to rest and the transformative power of allowing oneself to receive rest without guilt. The episode serves as a guide for listeners to reclaim their rest and prioritize self-care in their healing journey.
Takeaways:
Rest isn't just about sleep; it's about feeling safe.
True rest can look different depending on your needs.
Physical rest involves letting your body feel safe enough to soften.
Mental rest is about stopping the over-management of thoughts.
Creative rest allows us to receive beauty without the need to produce.
Trauma can make stillness feel threatening.
Practicing small acts of reparenting can help reclaim rest.
Choosing rest is an act of self-respect.
Each type of rest invites reconnection with safety, quiet, and beauty.
Healing begins when we allow our bodies to exhale.
Chapters:
00:00 The Essence of Rest
02:38 Understanding the Seven Types of Rest
03:38 Exploring Physical Rest
07:22 The Importance of Mental Rest
11:52 Rediscovering Creative Rest
15:40 The Journey to Self-Trust and Safety
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Keywords:
trauma, healing, codependency, self-discovery, relationships, personal growth, emotional awareness, childhood memories, self-validation, authenticity
Summary:
In this episode of Unmasking, Cindy delves into her personal journey of healing from childhood attachment issues and codependency. She shares insights from a transformational workshop that helped her uncover early relational patterns and recognize the impact of her past on her present relationships. Through storytelling, she emphasizes the importance of self-validation, choosing oneself, and the need for emotional awareness in breaking free from people-pleasing behaviors. The episode concludes with practical steps for listeners to apply in their own lives and a preview of upcoming topics.
Takeaways:
Recognize how early caregiver relationships shape current relational patterns.
Pause before reacting and consciously choose yourself.
Self-validation interrupts codependent cycles.
Small consistent steps of awareness and compassion can transform your relationships.
Notice your triggers and how they manifest in your body.
Practice pausing before responding to others' needs.
Acknowledge your feelings before offering compassion to others.
Choosing yourself does not reduce your love for others.
Engaging authentically comes from a place of strength.
Reflect on moments where you gave away your power and how to choose yourself instead.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Healing Childhood Wounds
00:48 Uncovering Codependency and Personal Stories
02:16 The Transformational Workshop Experience
05:27 Identifying Early Pain Points
11:53 Revisiting Happy Childhood Memories
14:11 Recognizing Patterns and Choosing Yourself
16:53 Practical Steps for Self-Validation
22:03 Transforming Relationships Through Awareness
25:54 Looking Ahead: Types of Rest and Future Topics
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Keywords
codependency, healing, motherhood, family dynamics, self-care, boundaries, mental health, emotional wellness, personal growth, self-awareness
Summary:
In this episode, Cindy explores the concept of codependency, sharing her personal journey from childhood through motherhood and the impact of family dynamics on her understanding of self. She discusses the generational aspects of codependency, the challenges faced in her role as a mother, and the importance of healing and setting boundaries. Through her experiences, she emphasizes the need for self-awareness and the ability to love without losing oneself, offering practical steps for listeners to begin their own healing journey.
Takeaways:
Codependency often comes from family patterns. It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to break it.
Helping becomes harmful when it costs you your values and your boundaries and your sense of self.
You can love someone without rescuing them. Healthy love allows both people to stand in their own power.
Healing starts with awareness. So notice where you're abandoning yourself.
Begin practicing boundaries and saying no without guilt.
Fear is at the epicenter of codependency, keeping the machine running.
Generational trauma can perpetuate codependent behaviors.
Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing codependent patterns.
It's important to allow loved ones to experience their own consequences.
Healing is a continuous journey, not a destination.
Chapters:
00:00 Understanding Codependency: A Personal Journey
08:00 The Impact of Family Dynamics on Codependency
14:55 Healing Through Awareness and Compassion
21:38 Navigating Codependency in Parenting
34:35 Tools for Breaking the Cycle of Codependency
Summary
In this conversation, Cindy and Ken Van Swearingen explore the complexities of men's mental health, emphasizing the unspoken pressures men face, the importance of vulnerability, and the role of connection in healing. They discuss the impact of toxic masculinity, the challenges of high achievement, and the necessity of friendships for emotional well-being. The dialogue highlights the journey of healing, the significance of addressing shame, and the hope that comes from transformation and meaningful conversations.
Takeaways
Men often carry unspoken pressures like perfectionism and self-reliance.
Connection is critical for emotional well-being.
True healing begins when men are given permission to struggle.
Openness, honesty, and vulnerability are essential for building trust.
The cost of high achievement can lead to emotional despair.
Shame can keep men stuck and prevent them from seeking help.
Friendships are vital for men's mental health and resilience.
Transformation often comes from meaningful conversations in therapy.
Healing requires addressing both past traumas and future goals.
There is hope after suffering and surrender, leading to new beginnings.
Sound bites
"Men often carry unspoken pressures."
"Healing has a past orientation."
"Men need friendships to thrive."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Ken Van Swearingen
04:22 Ken's Diverse Journey to Therapy
06:29 Connecting with High-Pressure Clients
09:48 Understanding Male Suicidality
13:16 Navigating Toxic Masculinity
17:57 The Role of Vulnerability in Therapy
19:19 Navigating Emotional Awareness in High Achievers
22:00 The Importance of Self-Discovery and Spirituality
24:50 Understanding Recovery and High Achievement
27:42 Healing, Change, and Acceptance
30:25 The Role of Shame in Emotional Expression
33:17 Building Connections Through Shared Activities
40:06 The Importance of Friendships and Identity
41:52 Competition vs. Collaboration in Relationships
43:56 Pushing Boundaries: The Role of Physical Challenges
46:47 Finding Hope in Difficult Times
49:32 Transformative Conversations: The Therapist's Perspective
50:07 Encouraging Action: Resources for Support
50:21 The Weight of Unspoken Pressures
51:42 The Importance of Connection and Vulnerability
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Summary:
In this episode, Cindy and her friend, Courtney, discuss the profound impact of losing a loved one to suicide. They explore the complexities of grief, the importance of community support, and the journey of healing over time. Courtney shares her personal story of loss, the challenges she faced, and the ways she has found hope and connection in the aftermath. The conversation emphasizes the need for understanding, compassion, and open dialogue about mental health and suicide, especially during Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.
Trigger Warning & Resources:
This episode discusses suicide and grief. If you’re listening and feel triggered or need support, please reach out — in the U.S., you can dial 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
If you found this conversation helpful, consider sharing it with someone who might benefit, subscribing to the podcast, and leaving a review to help others find these important discussions.
For more about Cindy’s work, you can follow her @cindypaynerooted and visit www.cindypayne.com
Summary
In this conversation, Cindy and Janelle Ault, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Teen Translation, discuss the challenges teens face during the transition from high school to adulthood, particularly regarding college applications and the pressures that come with it. They explore the role of parental support, the impact of social media, and the importance of communication within families. Janelle emphasizes the need for resilience, self-trust, and the understanding that it's okay for teens to be in process as they navigate their futures. The discussion also highlights the developmental aspects of adolescence and the importance of scaffolding support for teens as they grow.
Summary
In this episode, Cindy discusses her personal journey with social media, focusing on the impact it has on mental health, parenting, and friendships. She shares her decision to delete her personal Instagram account and the importance of setting boundaries around social media use. The conversation highlights the negative effects of social media, including comparison, consumer pressure, and the need for mindfulness. Cindy emphasizes the importance of intentional living and the benefits of simplifying social media interactions to foster mental clarity and creativity.
Summary
In this heartfelt episode, Cindy interviews her grandfather, who celebrates his 100th birthday. They discuss his life experiences, including his time as a World War II veteran, lessons learned about love and partnership, and the importance of resilience and mental health. The conversation highlights the significance of family, purpose, and the wisdom that comes with age, culminating in a celebration of a life well-lived.
Summary
In this episode of Unmasking, hosts Cindy and Sarah celebrate their one-year podcast anniversary while discussing the themes of courage, self-care, and the challenges faced by women today. They reflect on the importance of advocating for neurodivergent children, the pressures of societal expectations, and the need for empathy in education. The conversation emphasizes the significance of modeling self-care for children and the importance of choosing a supportive community. Ultimately, they encourage listeners to embrace their journeys with compassion and resilience.